For the week ending July 24th.
It that time again. I need to review the week that was. I’m still waiting for the paychecks for the last couple of columns though. I really have to save my money.
Last week, I watched the Republican National Convention from Cleveland. Lots of hatred coming from it…I liked it. I have been called grumpy before and I felt right at home.
However, on Thursday night, Donald Jehoshaphat Trump took the stage.
OH MY GOD!
I had no idea that the United States was in such peril. I immediately barred the doors, got on Amazon and ordered as much duct tape as I could, and began hording gasoline. I got several containers full in my basement. I ain’t gonna be caught off guard when Mad Max comes a callin’.
I had no idea that the world was such a dystopian wasteland.
I have to say…I haven’t been this scared since Sarah Palin told me that Barack Obama was going to form death squads and kill me as a way around health care. I still got my eye on you , Mr. President.
Somehow, it seems that ONLY The Donald can fix these problems. And he said that it will be easy. I wasn’t sure how that was gonna work… did this make Trump our world’s Lord Humungus? You can’t have any of my gasoline, Donald!
Actually, Lord Humungus has the same orange tint to his skin as Trump has. And I ain’t never seen them together. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
Then, the signs of the apocalypse truly started to show as all the young people dressed up in their costumes and headed out west. San Diego, I believe . There were so many strange looking people roaming around San Diego that I started to believe that the end times were actually upon us.
And I still can’t get my Pokemon Go to work.
Maybe watching the Democratic National Convention this upcoming week will help calm me down. I am looking forward to the speech of that young whippersnapper who caused such a ruckus during the campaign… Bernie Sanders. I like his hair.
If the future doesn’t get brighter, the only thing I have left to do is corner the market on Booty-O’s. They make sure…you ain’t booty!