Category Archives: Daily Countdown

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #41

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#41

My Balogna

Title: “My Bologna”

Album: “Weird Al” Yankovic

Released: 1979

Parody: “My Sharona” by the Knack

Written: Berton Averre / Douglas Lars Fieger/Al Yankovic

Genre: Rock/Comedy

Topic: Bologna- satiring Oscar Meyer Bolognia of the 1970s fame.

Fact: Weird Al recorded this song in a bathroom at California Polytechnic State University. This became popular with the play on Dr. Demento’s show. The Knack helped get Weird Al his first record contract thanks to this song.

Lyrics

Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one
Open up a package of my bologna
Ooh, I think the toast is done, the toast is done
Top it with a little of my bologna

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I’ll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna

Spreadin’ on the mustard now, show me how
Spread it on a litle of this bologna
Hopin’ that we don’t run out, don’t run out
If we do I’m sure that I’ll miss bologna

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I’ll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna

Goin’ to the market now, market now
I’m the city’s biggest bologna buyer
Walkin’ down the shopping isles, shopping isles
Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I’ll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #42

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#42

Jurassic Park

Title: “Jurassic Park”

Written: Al Yankovic / Jimmy Webb

Album: Alapalooza

Release: 1993

Parody: “MacArthur’s Park” by Richard Harris

Topic: Jurassic park, the movie from Steven Spielberg

Fact: Al reached out to both Michael Crichton and Steven Spielberg for permission to parody the Jurassic Park film.

Weird Al has done many movie parodies in songs over the years including Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Spider-Man and Rocky. Jurassic park joined that list with this lead track from Alapalooza.

I remember when this album came out. I was at Wal-Mart, looking at CDs when I spotted this new Weird Al album. I had no idea it was coming out and it was such an awesome surprise.

Lyrics

I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes
And before long, they were cloning DNA
Now I’m being chased by some irate velociraptors
Well, believe me this has been one lousy day

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone shut the fence off in the rain
I admit it’s kinda eerie
But this proves my chaos theory
And I don’t think I’ll be coming back again, oh no!

I cannot approve of this attraction
‘Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer
Well, I suppose that proves they’re really not all bad

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T- Rex out of his pen
I’m afraid those things’ll harm me
‘Cause they sure don’t act like Barney
And they think that I’m their dinner, not their friend, oh no!

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
What a crummy weekend this has been
Well, this sure ain’t no e-ticket
Think I’ll tell them where to stick it
‘Cause I’m never coming back this way again, oh no, oh no!

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #43

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#43

Ode to a Superhero

Title: “Ode to a Superhero”

Album: Poodle Rock

Released: 2003

Parody: “Piano Man” by Billy Joel

Written: Billy Joel/Al Yankovic

Topic: Spider-Man movie

Genre: Classic Rock

Two in a row from Poodle Hat after not having a song for the whole run up until yesterday.

Lyrics

Peter Parker was pitiful
Couldn’t have been any shyer
Mary Jane still wouldn’t notice him
Even if his hair was on fire

But then one day he went to that science lab
That mutated spider came down
Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone’s walls
And he’s swingin’ all over town

La li la, li de da
La la, li le la da dumb

Sling us a web, you’re the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
‘Cause we’re all in the mood for a hero now
And there’s evil doers to fight

Now Harry the rich kid’s a friend of his
Who horns in on Mary Jane
But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys
Who can kiss upside down in the rain

“With great power comes great responsibility”
That’s the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben
If you missed it, don’t worry, they’ll say the line
Again and again and again

Oh, la la la, di de da
La la, di di da da dom

Now Norman’s a billionare scientist
Who never had time for his son
But then something went screw and before you knew he
Was trying to kill everyone

And he’s ridin’ around on that glider thing
And he’s throwin’ that weird pumpkin bomb
Yes, he’s wearin’ that dumb Power Rangers mask
But he’s scarier without it on

Sling us a web, you’re the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
‘Cause you’re brave and you’re strong and so limber now
But where’d you come up with those tights?

It’s a pretty sad day at the funeral
Norman Osborn has bitten the dust
And I heard Harry’s said he wants Spider-Man dead
Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust

Oh, and M.J. is all hot for Peter now
Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down
Mary Jane, don’t you cry, you can give it a try
Again when the sequal comes ’round

Oh, la la la, di de da
La la, di di da da dumb

Sling us a web, you’re the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
‘Cause we all sure could use us a hero now
And we think that you’ll do all right

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #44

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#44

A Complicated Song

Title: “A Complicated Song”

Written: Graham Edwards / Lauren Christy / Avril Ramona Lavigne / David Scott Alspach/Al Yankovic

Album: Poodle Hat

Release: 2003

Parody: “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne

Genre: Pop/Punk

Poodle Hat finally breaks through as the final Weird Al album represented in the Top 100 with A Complicated song, which breaks into three separate stories. Some of the stories are silly, but a lot of fun.

Lyrics

Uh huh… extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh… save a piece for me

Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
19 extra larges
What a shame
No one came

Just us eatin’ all alone
You said, “Take the pizza home”
“No sense lettin’ all this go to waste”
So then I faced

Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese ’round the clock
Is gettin’ me blocked
And I sure don’t care
For irregularity

Tell me
Why’d you have to go and make me so constipated?
‘Cause right now I’d do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom… I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated?
No no no

I was feelin’ pretty down
‘Till my girlfriend came around
We’re just so alike in every way
I gotta say

In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me

Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I’d suddely spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It’s just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with 11 toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I’d unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride
And the guide

Said not to stand
But that’s a demand
That I couldn’t meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see

Tell me
Why’d I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now… can’t eat, I can’t breathe, I can’t snore
I can’t belch or yodel anymore
Can’t spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh no
Why’d I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can’t blink, I can’t cough, I can’t sneeeze
But my neck is enjoyin’ a pleasant breeze now
Haven’t been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #45

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#45

Bedrock Anthem

Title: “Bedrock Anthem”

Album: Alapalooza

Release: 1993

Parody: “Under the Bridge” and “Give It Away” by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Written: Chad Smith / John Frusciante / Anthony Kiedis / Michael Balzary / Alfred Yankovic

Genre: Funk rock

This is another TV show that Al honors in song as this time it is the Flintstones. There are voice clips from the Flintstones on the song.

Lyrics

Sometimes, I feel like I need a vacation
Sometimes, I feel like I wanna go to the city of cavemen, the city of Bedrock
I’d be a Flintstone, now, I’ll tell you why

Oh
Oh
Oh!

Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a woman named, Wilma
Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a baby named Pebbles
Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a doggy named Dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino

Well, I’ve got a little buddy, Barney Rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of Barney Rubble
He’s a midget but, he makes a lot of trouble
Doesn’t like to shave, he got caveman stubble

Me and Barney, loyal order water buffalo
Lodge brothers, loyal order water buffalo
There’s a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand Poo-Bah always gotta run the whole show?

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric know-how

Betty and Barney got a baby, named, Bamm-Bamm
Little Pebbles is his number one fan
He’s the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off, if he’s shaking your hand

Got a car, gonna push it with my feet now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in can’t be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow

Wanna chill with a saber tooth tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first rolling stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Don’t know what it means, but I say it anyhow

Wilma, I’m home! Start serving dinner
And don’t spare the-
Oh, no, no, no! Don’t Dino, don’t!
Now take it easy, boy!

Lucky me, workin’ down in the gravel pit
Movin’ rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. Slate gets mad, and he throws a fit
Pull the birdie’s tail, everybody knows it’s time to quit

I realize I’m living in the Stone Age
No fax, no cellular phone-age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age
Liftin’ heavy boulders every day for my wage

Barney Rubble, laughin’ like a hyena
Barney Rubble, what a little wiener!
Where’s Wilma? Anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
(E-yabba-dabba-do)
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
(E-yabba-dabba-do)
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Now, that’s alright
Oh, boy!

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #46

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#46

Livin’ in the Fridge

Title: “Livin’ in the Fridge”

Album: Alapalooza

Released: 1993

Parody: “Livin’ on the Edge” by Aerosmith

Written: Joe Perry / Mark Hudson / Steven Tyler/Al Yankovic

Genre: Hard rock

Weird Al has been well known in his appreciation of food. He has said many tiomes that he loves food because it has kept him alive. This is the opposite of that as he describes that food that has spent too many days (weeks?) in the refrigerator and has become something akin to a science experiment. In the same vein as George Carlin’s “Icebox Man,” “Livin’ in the Fridge” had a special appearance on The Weird Al Show.

Lyrics

There’s somethin’ weird in the fridge today
I don’t know what it is
Food I can’t recognize
My roommate won’t throw a thing away
I guess it’s probably his
It looks like it’s alive

And livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge

There’s somethin’ gross in the fridge today
It’s green and growin’ hair
It’s been there since July
If you can name the object
In that baggie over there
Then mister, you’re a better man than I

It’s livin’ in the fridge
You can’t stop the mold from growin’
Livin’ in the fridge
Can’t tell what it is at all
Livin’ in the fridge
You can’t stop the mold from growin’
Livin’ in the fridge

Tell me, do you think it should be carbon-dated
Fumigated or cremated and buried at sea?
You try to save a little bit of your home cookin’
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin’ specimen
It always happens, my friend
Again & again & again & again

Somethin’ stinks in the fridge today
And it’s been rottin’ there all week
It could be liver cake or woolly mammoth steak
Well, maybe I should another peek

Livin’ in the fridge
(You can’t stop the mold from growin’)
Livin’ in the fridge
(Can’t tell what it is at all)
Livin’ in the fridge
(You can’t stop the mold from growin’)
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
(Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is)
Livin’ in the fridge
(Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is)
Livin’ in the fridge
Don’t know what it is at all
Livin’ in the fridge, yeah

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #47

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#47

Pretty Fly for a Rabbi

Title: “Pretty Fly for a Rabbi”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Written: Dexter Holland/Al Yankovic

Extra voices: Tress MacNeille (“How ya doin’ Bernie?”) and Mary Kay Bergman (“For a rabbi!”)

Parody: “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” by the Offspring

Genre: Pop Punk/Comedy

Oy Vey! Lots of Yiddish phrases used in this song, which may not have aged as well as some of Al’s other songs. Still, this is a well done parody and is very funny.

Lyrics

Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
And all the goyim say I’m pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple’s had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of’em were nudniks and none of’em would last
But our new guy’s real kosher, I think he’ll do the trick
I tell ya, he’s to die for, he really knows his shtick

So how’s by you? Have you seen this Jew?
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Working’ like a dog at the synagogue
He’s there all day, he’s there all day

Just say “Vay is mir!” and he’ll kick into gear
He’ll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer
Just grab your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
And all the goyim say I’m pretty fly (for a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will suffice
He has to find a bargain ’cause he won’t pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he’s hardly a schlemiel
But if you want to haggle, oy, he’ll make you such a deal!

People used to scoff, now they say “Mazel tov!”
He’s such a macher ’cause he works his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What’s not to like? What’s not to like?

Oh high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise
Put on your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

When he’s doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn’t miss
He’ll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say he’s got a lot of chutzpah, he’s really quite hip
The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip!

Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He’s doin’ well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he’s swell
Show up at his home, he says, “Shalom!”
And “Have some cake, you want some cake?”

Yeah he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I’m so ferklempt that I could plotz!
So grab your yarmulka
The one you got for Hanukah

Let’s put on our yarmulkas and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #48

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#48

Your Horoscope For Today

Title: “Your Horoscope For Today”

Written: Al Yankovic

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Genre: Ska Punk

Style Pastiche: Late 90s third-wave sks music like Reel Big Fish and The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

A good example of Al singing really fast. You haven’t seen anything yet though. This is a real gem off Running With Scissors and is one of the funnier originals on the album. KILL THEM!

Lyrics

Aquarius
There’s travel in your future
When your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life
By playing whack-a-mole 17 hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the dance
No matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless
When you find that 40 pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness
What you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you’ll wake up
Do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep

That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined
Once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble
When your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer, the position of Jupiter says that
You should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver’s test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt
And staple it to your bosses face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding
Then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent, except for you
Expect a big surprise today
When you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or rather very least a bit unlikely that
The relative position of the planets and the stars
Could have a special deep significance or meaning
That exclusively applies to only you

But, let me give you my assurance that
These forecasts and predictions are all based on
Solid, scientific, documented evidence
So you would have to be some kind of moron
Not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true

Where was I?

Libra
A big promotion is just around
The corner for someone much more talented than you
Laughter is the very best medicine
Remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio, get ready for an
Unexpected trip
When you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of
Ernest Borgnine, you’ve got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you’re an exciting and wonderful person
But, you know they’re lying
If I were you, I’d lock my doors and windows
And never, never, never, never, never leave my house again

That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today

That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (yay, yay, yay, yay, yay)
That’s your horoscope for today

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #49

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#49

CNR

Title: “CNR”

Written: Al Yankovic

Album: Alpocalypse

Released: 2011

Style Parody: The White Stripes

Genre: Punk Blues/Alternative Rock

I was always a fan of Charles Nelson Reilly, specifically from the Match Game. I remember niot knowing what the reference of CNR was when I first got Alpocalypse. This was one of my favorite videos released for these songs.

Lyrics

Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you’d never disrespect
He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses
And he had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal, and excreted diamonds everyday
He could throw you down a flight of stairs
But you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you’d love him anyway, oh

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France
With two flat tires and a missing chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry
I’m telling you the man was insane
He could rip out your beating heart
And show it to you right before you died
Everyday he’d make the host of Match Game
Give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene

The ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya

Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings
As a potent aphrodisiac
He ran a four minute mile blindfolded
With an engine block strapped to his back
He could eat more frozen waffles
Then any other man I know
Once he fell off the Chrysler building
And he barely even stubbed his toe
Had a tiny little scratch on his toe
Didn’t even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion
But he never ever told a soul
I’ve seen the man unhinge his jaw
And swallow a Volkswagen whole
He’d bash your face in with a shovel
If you didn’t treat him like a star
You could spit at the wind, or tug at Superman’s cape
But Lord knows you don’t mess around with CNR

No, no, no
Talkin’ about CNR

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #50

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#50

Handy

Title: “Handy”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Released: 2014

Written: Amethyst Amelia Kelly / Charlotte Emma Aitchison / George Astasio / Jason Andrew Pebworth / John Turner / Jonathan Christopher Shave / Kurtis Isaac Mckenzie /Al Yankovic

Parody: Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” (feat. Charli XCX)

We enter the top 50 of our countdown with this parody of “Fancy.” The video was one of the eight released daily for Mandatory Fun.

Lyrics

First things first, I’m a craftsman (craftsman)
Remodelling is my only passion (it’s my passion)
And I’m the greatest in the business
Want referrals, yo
My clientèle will bear you witness (right, right)
I can help when your door jamb sticks (heh?)
There is nothing in the world I can’t fix (yeah)
I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks
Call me, I’ll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks)
Where you go when your disposal is rusted (rusted)
Termite problem making you disgusted (yuck)
When your front window is busted (hey, hey, hey)
Just one name that’s always trusted

I’m so handy, you already know
I’ll fix your plumbing when your toilets overflow
I’m so handy, I’ll bring you up to code
When your dishwasher’s about to explode

Now you see that your furnace is needing some service
I’m fully bonded, no need to be nervous
Perhaps you would like a new counter Formica
Maybe I’ll hook up your dish washer combo dryer
But all your pipes are antique
Your water pressure’s too weak
You got an attic full of dry rot
Because your roof sprung a leak
Your fridge is starting to reek
Your hardwood floors really squeak
But don’t you worry I’ll just show you my amazing technique
Now let me glue that, glue that and screw that, screw that
Any random chore you got, well I can do that, do that
Or maybe I’ll just rewire your house for fun
I got 99 problems but a switch ain’t one

I’m so handy, everyone says so
I’ll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio
I’m so handy, I’m the guy to know
When your leaf blower doesn’t blow-oh-oh-oh

Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn
Make that phone call, I’ll install anything you want
Yeah, check my big staple gun, my socket wrenches are second to none
I won’t quit ’til I’m done, don’t even care if I hammer my thumb (ow)

Still rocking my screwdriver
Got the whole world thinking I’m MacGyver
Your heating bills are shocking
I can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking
Your house is a disaster, huh?
Need a guy whose a master with the plaster, huh?
Let me be your stripper
Taking off lacquer, no one does it quicker

I’m so handy, you already know
I’ll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low
I’m so handy, you should call this pro
I’m in the phone book and se habla español

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #51

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#51

Germs

Title: “Germs”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: Nine Inch Nails

Genre: Industrial Rock

Lyrics

Sometimes I really want to be alone
But that’s one state I’m never in
Because I know that I’ve got millions upon millions
Of tiny, one-celled organisms living on my skin

I rub and scrub until my flesh is raw and bleeding
(Germs) But they just come right back again
(Germs) I can’t even see’em,
but I know they’re up to something
Hey, don’t touch that – you don’t know where it’s been!

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me

I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

Now if I ever dare to go to sleep
That’s when they start their sneak attack
In the morning I wake up in utter horror
To find my teeth are covered with bacterial plaque

Can’t get those parasitic creatures off my face
(Germs) And there’s more comin’ every day
(Germs) I never said that they could camp out on my body
I wish they’d pack their tiny little bags and move away

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re creepin’ around my shorts
They’re under the bathroom sink
They’re ridin’ inside my car
They’re swimmin’ in every drink
They’re hidin’ between my toes
They’re lurkin’ in every kiss
I got’em way up my nose
In every orifice
I’m gonna show them who’s boss
I’m gonna get even yet
Just gimme some Lysol spray
Just hand me a moist towelette
Don’t tell me I’m paranoid
I know that they’re after me
Look under the microscope
See??

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re all over me
I can feel’em all over me
Over every part of me
Microscopic bacteria
I know they’re watching me
They’re always watching me
They’re coming after me
Microscopic bacteria
Won’t somebody help
Please somebody help me
You’ve got to believe me
They’re out to get me
They want to control me
They want to destroy me
They’re tryin’ to kill me
It kind of upsets me

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #52

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#52

Jerry Springer

Title: “Jerry Springer”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Parody: “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies

Written: Ed Robertson/Al Yankovic

Lyrics

It’s been one week since we got to see
Cheatin’ lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer

Holy cow, did you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all?
And Jerry’s in the middle tryin’ to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes Jerry’s next guest
And it’s a slugfest
‘Cause it’s her trailer trash brother

Nymphomaniac is back on crack, it’s like When Animals Attack
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit ’em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that’s how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver

They’re always swearin’, cursin’, kickin’ butt and pointin’ blame
On the air? They don’t care, they’ve got no shame
There was one guy who I’m sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

It’s been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven’t got the blood off the wall
It’s been three days since the bitter feud
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, it finally dawned on me
I’m spendin’ way too much time on that Jerry Springer

Baby, I’ve been sleepin’ with your sister
Oh, which one? All of ’em
Ah, well, I’ve been sleepin’ with your best friend Jake
Yeah? Well, me too, and, I’ve been sleepin’ with your dog Woofie
Woofie, you bi-, well I’m also sleepin’ with your pet goat
That goat doesn’t love you

Once you start watchin’, there’s just no stoppin’
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ’s droppin’
Jerry’s the king of confrontation
He’s a sensation, he puts the sin in syndication
It’s totally worthless, like a bad check
It’s like a train wreck
Don’t want to stare, but you can’t look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin’ higher every day

If you’ve seen the show, well then you know
It’s just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they’re lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon comes in the room and then it’s boom
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen

Well, it’s the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin’ hair, throwin’ chairs at their hubbies
Jerry, Jerry, now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can’t
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

It’s been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some losers wife said that she’s still dating twenty guys
Three days since he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer

Tired of wastin’ my time on that Jerry Springer
I’ve got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #53

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#53

Tacky

Title: “Tacky”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Release: 2014

Written: Pharrell L. Williams/Al Yankovic

Parody: “Happy” by Pharrell Williams

Genre: Pop

Video featured: Aisha Tyler, Margaret Cho, Eric Stonestreet, Jack Black, and Kristen Schaal

Lyrics

It might seem crazy, wearing stripes and plaid
I Instagram every meal I’ve had
All my used liquor bottles are on display
We can go to see a show but I’ll make you pay

Wear my belt with suspenders and sandals with my socks
(Because I’m tacky)
Got some new glitter Uggs and lovely pink sequined Crocs
(Because I’m tacky)
Never let you forget some favor I did for you
(Because I’m tacky)
If you’re okay with that, then, you might just be tacky, too

I meet some chick, ask her this and that
Like ‘Are you pregnant girl, or just really fat?’ (what?)
Well, now I’m dropping names almost constantly
That’s what Kanye West keeps telling me, here’s why

Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants
(Because I’m tacky)
Got my new resume it’s printed in Comic Sans
(Because I’m tacky)
Think it’s fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review
(Because I’m tacky)
If you think that’s just fine, then, you’re probably tacky, too

Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, I never know why
Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, I said
Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, it’s pointless to try
Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, I said

43 Bumper Stickers and a YOLO license plate
(Because I’m tacky)
Bring along my coupon book whenever I’m on a date
(Because I’m tacky)
Practice my twerking moves in line at the DMV
(Because I’m tacky)
Took the whole bowl of restaurant mints. Hey, it said they’re free
(Because I’m tacky)
I get drunk at the bank
And take off my shirt, at least
(Because I’m tacky)
I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased
(Because I’m tacky)
If I’m bit by a zombie, I’m probably not telling you
(Because I’m tacky)
If you don’t think that’s bad, guess what, then you’re tacky, too

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #54

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#54

Spy Hard

Title: “Spy Hard”

Written: Al Yankovic

Released: 1996

Genre: Orchestral Pop

Appeared: As the theme song for Leslie Nielson’s movie Spy Hard.

Album: Medium Rarities disc on Squeeze Box. Originally released as a B side single with “Gump”

The video of this song parodied the opening themes for James Bond movies.

Lyrics

A man of intrigue
He lives for the thrill
Always has places to go
And people to kill

Danger is the game he plays
And he holds every card
'Cause if you wanna win
You gotta spy hard

A man of the world
So suave and discreet
He trips over the women
Piled up at his feet

But evil's lurking
So he's always on his guard
Cause if your gonna spy
You better spy hard

He's always there
When the chips are beginning to fall
He wouldn't care if they kicked him and grabbed him
And shot him and stabbed him
And nailed both his ears to the wall

Facing death everyday
Is a tough job for any man
But his hours are flexible
And he's got a great dental plan

By the way if you walked in late
Allow me to reiterate
The name of this movie is Spy Hard

They call it Spy Hard
You're watching Spy Hard
It's the theme from Spy Hard!!!

Source: Weird Al Wiki

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #55

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#55

Polkarama!

Title: “Polkarama!”

Writer: Scott Storch / Ray Charles / Carl Allen Sturken / Curtis James Jackson / Chad Hugo / Pharrell Williams / Brandon Flowers / Brian Burton / Robert Hardy / Kanye West / Jaime Gomez / David Jolicoeur / Trevor Smith / Damon Albarn / Scott Weiland / Saul Hudson / Renald J. Richard / Rivers Cuomo / Ray Anthony / Eric Judy / Michael Fratantuno / Thomas Calloway / Terence Yoshiaki Graves / Vada J. Nobles / Dann Michael Gallucci / Christopher Anthony Martin / Nicholas Mccarthy / Ronnie Vannucci / Mark Stoermer / Paul Robert Thomson / Berryman Guy Rupert / Buckland Jonathan Mark / Alisha Quiona Brooks / Champion William / George Pajon Jr. / David G Kushner / Isaac K Brock / Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr. / Terry Rendal / Al Yankovic / Thomas Werner / Matthew William Sorum / Alexander Paul Kaprano Huntley / Alla Pineda / Christopher Jamie Hewlett / Dave Brent Flowers / Duff Rose Mckagen / Evan A. Rodgers

Album: Straight Outta Lynwood

Released: 2006

Style: Polka/Comedy

Songs: “The Chicken Dance,” “Let’s Get it Started,” “Take Me Out,” “Beverly Hills,” “Speed of Sound,” “Float On,” “Feel Good Inc.,” “Don’t Cha,” “Somebody Told Me,” “Slither,” “Candy Shop,” “Drop It Like It’s Hot,” “Pon de Replay,” “Gold Digger,” and “The Nina Bobina Polka.”

Lyrics

Let’s get it started! (Ha!)
Let’s get it started! (In here!)
Let’s get it started! (Ha!)
Let’s get it started! (In here!)
Let’s get it started! (Ha!)
Let’s get it started! (In here!)
And the bass keeps runnin’, runnin’
And runnin’, runnin’
And runnin’, runnin’,
And runnin’, runnin’,
I say, don’t you know
You say, you don’t know
I say…
Take me out!
I say, you don’t show
Don’t move, time is slow
I say… (gunshot)
Take me out!
Beverly Hills, that’s where I wanna be!
(Gimme! Gimme!)
Living in Beverly Hills
Beverly Hills, rollin’ like a celebrity
(Gimme! Gimme!)
Living in Beverly Hills
And birds go flying at the speed of sound
To show you how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it, then you’d understand
And we’ll all float on, okay
And we’ll all float on
All right already, we’ll all float on
Now don’t you worry, we’ll all float on
All right!
Feel good!
Feel good!
Feel good!
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha, don’t cha, don’t cha?
Somebody told me
You had a boyfriend
Who looked like a girlfriend
That I had in February of last year
It’s not confidential
Well, I got potential
A rushin’ and rushin’ around
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
I’ll take you to the candy shop
I’ll let you lick a lollipop
Go ‘head, girl, don’t you stop
Keep goin’ ’til you hit the spot
Whoa!
(We’ll take you to the candy shop) Yeah!
(For one taste o’ what we got) Uh-huh!
(We’ll have you spending all you got) Come on!
(Keep goin’ ’til you hit the spot) Whoa!
When the pimp’s in the crib, ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pimp’s gonna get at you
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Come, Mr. DJ, song pon de replay
(Come, Mr. DJ, won’t you turn the music up?)
All the gal pon the dance floor, wantin’ some more, what
(Come, Mr. DJ, won’t you turn the music up?)
Hey, mister
Please, Mr. DJ
Tell me if you hear me
Turn the music up!
She take my money
(She take my money)
When I’m in need
(When I’m in need)
Yes, she’s a triflin’ friend indeed (friend indeed)
Well, she’s a gold digger
Way over town (way over town)
That digs on me
Hey! Hey!
Now, I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger
But she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke
Now, I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger
But she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke
Get down, girl, go ‘head, get down (I gotta leave)
Get down, girl, go ‘head, get down (I gotta leave)
Get down, girl, go ‘head, get down (I gotta leave)
Get down, girl, go ‘head!
But I
ain’t
sayin’ she’s a
Gold, gold digger
Gold, gold digger
Gold, gold digger
Hey!

Source: Musixmatch