#61
The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota
Title: “The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota”
Written: Al Yankovic
Album: UHF
Released: 1989
Genre: Folk Rock
Style Parody: Harry Chapin, Gordon Lightfoot
The epic song shows that Al can be a storyteller like Chapin’s 30,000 Pounds of Bananas or Gordon Lightfoot’s Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald.
I was unaware when the song came out that the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota was a legitimate location. Places listed in the song such as Elvis-A-Rama, the Tupperware Museum, the Boll Weevil Monument, Cranberry World, the Shuffleboard Hall of Fame, and Poodle Dog Rock are all actual attractions.
My friend and co-EYG brother Darin used the phrase “albino squirrels” from this song as his fantasy baseball team name for years.
Lyrics
Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After workin’ all year down at Big Roy’s Heating and Plumbing
So one night, when my family and I were gathered ’round the dinner table
I said, “Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world now
Wwhere’d you like to go to?”
They said, “Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota”
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
So the very next day we loaded up the car
With potato skins and pickled weiners
Crossword puzzles, Spiderman comics
And mama’s homemade rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway
And the neighbors, they all waved goodbye
And so began our three-day journey
We picked up a guy holdin’ a sign
That said “Twine Ball or Bust”
He smelled real bad, and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape
My wife put on a brand new hair net
The kids were in the back seat jumpin’ up and down
Yellin’, “Are we there yet?”
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding Interstate in our ’53 DeSota
We’re gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We’re headin’ for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, we couldn’t wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty
Boy, I wish the kids could’ve seen it
But you can’t see out of the side of the car
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals from all the places where we’ve already been
Like Elvis-a-Rama, the Tupperware Museum
The Boll Weevil Monument, and Cranberry World
The Shuffleboard Hall of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock
And the Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We’ve been to ghost towns, steam parks, wax museums
And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
Seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches
But there’s still one thing we’ve gotta see
Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw the sign that said “Twine Ball exit, 50 miles”
Oh, the kids were so happy, they started singing
“99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” for the 27th time that day
So we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We’re gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Finally at 7:37 early Wednesday evening
As the sun was setting in the Minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon
It appeared to me like a vision before my unbelieving eyes
We parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence
Toward that glorious, huge, majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity
I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds
Open ten to eight on weekdays
In a little shrine under a makeshift pagoda
There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I tell you, it’s the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, what on Earth would make a man
Decide to do that kind of thing?
Oh, windin’ up 21, 140 pounds of string
What was he tryin’ to prove?
Who was he tryin’ to impress?
Why did he build it? How did he do it?
It’s anybody’s guess
Where did he get the twine?
What was goin’ through his mind?
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time?
Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids
“Now you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason”
I said, “Maybe if you’re good, I’ll tie it to the back of our car
And we can take it home, ” but I was only teasin’
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
Bought a souvenir miniature ball of twine
Some window decals, and anything else they’d sell us
And I bought a couple postcards
“Greetings from the Twine Ball, wish you were here”
Won’t the folks back home be jealous?
I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball
And we all gathered around and said, “Cheese!”
Then Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic
But at least we’ve got our memories
So we all just stared at the ball for a while
And my eyes got moist, but I said with a smile
“Kids, this here’s what America’s all about”
Then I started feelin’ kinda gooey inside
And I fell on my knees and I cried and cried
And that’s when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unraveled that sucker
It’d roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota
‘Cause it’s the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I’m talkin’ ’bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we didn’t really wanna leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, “Folks, I can tell you’re all sad to go”
Then I winked my eye and I said, “You know
I got a funny kinda feeling we’ll be coming back again next year”
‘Cause I’ve been all around this great big world
And I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather go to
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota
Source: Musixmatch
EYG- Embrace Your Geekness 