Kidnap

We have a new entry into the film genre of “so bad it is good.”

Kidnap is an extremely stupid, completely implausible, and frustratingly silly movie that is actually quite fun to watch.  It’s not a good movie, but it appeals to the crowds who like a bad “B” movie that you can laugh at and wonder why these lame characters make the choices that they make.

Halle Berry plays Karla Dyson, a recently separated wife who takes her son Frankie (Sage Correa) to the park for some mother-son fun time, only to have him taken by two lowlifes.  Karla sees this, and, like a woman possessed, pursues the kidnappers relentlessly through the streets of New Orleans, bystanders be damned.

Nothing will satisfy the onslaught of the maternal instinct overwhelming Halle Berry in Kidnap, except for the immediate return of her son.  Honestly, I think that if this woman was in hot pursuit of me, I would have tossed the kid out and left to fight another day.

Halle Berry says in the film, “You took the wrong kid!” and that is without debate.

The action scenes in this film are edited terribly.  In these scenes, there are so many rapid cuts that it is almost impossible to tell what is going on.  There is one scene, in particular, in a tunnel that appears to be moving in slow motion.

Things happen in this film that can not possible happen.  Halle Berry is a great driver and her minivan has to be the most kick ass minivan ever constructed, because that thing takes so much punishment and just keeps on running.  Plus, she would be able to pull over, but then almost immediately find the kidnappers once again.  She was amazing in her trailing abilities.

Of course, I kept on wondering why she didn’t do certain things.  I don’t know how many times she had a weapon in her hands only to put it down for no apparent reason and never return to it.  These kidnappers also seemingly gave her ample opportunities to stop them, but she never took advantage of it.

At one point, the kidnappers had indicated that they had a knife at the throat of Frankie, and then a few minutes later as the car drove directly beside the minivan, held that same knife out of the window, exposing his entire arm.  One swerve would have crushed his arm and caused him to lose that knife easily.  Instead, she does not take that action.

Later Halle is in the kidnappers’ home with a shotgun, lays it down to call 9-1-1, and leaves it on the counter.  Um… don’t leave it there.  It was the kidnappers’ gun, they might be able to use it on you later.

There is also a situation where an attack dog chases Halle into the water, but then just kind of disappears.  The dog literally is never seen again after this.

And anyone who happens to get in the kidnappers’ or Halle’s way are either dying or having their car crushed.  There are so many innocent bystanders that pay the price here that it is amazing that the police aren’t out in full riot gear trying to stop both of these forces of nature.

Halle Berry is probably the best thing here, but she overacts throughout and the dialogue is laughable.  The action is poorly shot and edited.  There are so many times that I found myself thing… “why doesn’t she just do this?” that it became annoying.  This is another film that could be a great RiffTrax Live film, because, even though it is a terrible movie, it was kind of fun.

2 stars

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