Geostorm is a big ol’dumb disaster movie that is desperately predictable, has a plot full of massive holes, and has absolutely nothing new to bring to the disaster movie genre.
And yet, I did not hate it.
Don’t misunderstand me, this is a bad movie. There are so many things wrong with it that I would never recommend that you go see it. However, I did find myself somewhat entertained by the film, whether it was on purpose or accidentally.
And I have a feeling that after seeing the travesty that was The Snowman on Friday that this couldn’t help but be better.
Gerard Butler played Jake Lawson, one of the great scientists of the world, who created the space station known as Dutch Boy. Dutch Boy was put in place as an unprecedented step by the countries of the world in an attempt to save the world from the extreme weather that had swept the earth and was killing millions of people.
However, Jake was anything but a team player and his attitude got him replaced by his own brother, Max (Jim Sturgess). Three years later, someone sabotaged the Dutch Boy causing some of the drastic weather patterns to return that would require the assistance of Jake once again.
As Jake headed out to the space station, Max used his secret dalliance with Secret Service Agent Sarah Wilson (Abby Cornish) and a hacker friend (Adepero Oduye) to try and solve the mystery of who sabotaged the station.
By the way, this was the second movie in two days that I immediately picked the guilty person out as soon as that person walked onto the screen. No spoilers, but you really shouldn’t need any to figure it out.
Gerard Butler has never come across to me as a genius scientist. Maybe the dude who gave that genius scientist a swirly or a wedgie, but not the actual scientist. He played the role as an action hero who coincidentally had some important smart line to say. Of course, by this point, I had shut off my brain, so the lack of proper casting did not bother me.
I loved Secret Service Agent Sarah Wilson, who was both the most kick-ass and the absolute worst Secret Service agent of all time. She allowed her secret relationship with Max to completely taint her job and put the president at risk. Still, everything turned out fine so.. there is that.
The ending of this movie was so predictable, I bet I could have told it to you before the end of the first act of the film. Maybe earlier.
And yet, I found myself entertained by the film. Perhaps the fact that I went into this film expecting it to be nothing but a steaming pile of crap helped. The fact that the film was mildly above the steaming pile of crap status helped elevate it in my eyes. I never once enjoyed a trailer that I had seen for Geostorm and it was one that I was not looking forward to at all. I think that may have helped my acceptance of this movie.
Geostorm is never going to win any awards. It is a profoundly stupid movie that requires the audience to shut off their brains and hopes that they just keep shoving popcorn into their faces. Don’t expect to engage the grey matter in Geostorm. If you can do that, there is an unexpected amount of big and dumb explosive fun to be had. It’s not a good movie, but I had more fun that I ever thought that I would.