Fifty Shades Freed

I debated with myself about going to this movie.  Last year, a friend of mine posted to my review on Facebook asking why I go to the movie when I knew I was going to hate it.  That was Fifty Shades Darker, of course, which I abhorred.  I responded with some platitude like “taking a bullet for my readers” or “you never know.”  I think I referenced how I hated the first Ouija movie but loved Ouija: The Origin of Evil.  The real answer is that I see myself as a movie critic and I want to review the movie.

However, after how much vile I had for Darker, I truly considered skipping the “climax” (ha ha…yeah, real funny marketing there) of the trilogy.  I knew I was going to hate it.  Why put myself through it?  Of course, I thought to myself, how could I honestly compile a list of worst movies of the year without having experienced the final chapter (thank god, by the way).

I was still torn when we had a snow day from school today, but the roads were not too bad.  This opened the day up and I made the final decision.  I would attend the final film.

And you know what… I did not come out of the film with the same self-loathing for seeing Fifty Shades Freed as I did seeing Darker.  I did not want to put a hot poker through my head like I wanted last Valentine’s Day.

The movie is still shit, mind you, but it was less obscene as Darker, so there is that.  Just sayin’.

There is not much of a plot here.  The movie is a soft-Rated R-porno with a plot just a little more developed.  Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and her hunky billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) get married at the very opening of the film.  Then, they have marital problems and there is a stalker (Eric Johnson).

That’s about it.

Of course, this relationship is meant  to be the heart of the film,but it is such a toxic relationship, it is really difficult to cheer them on.

The dialogue is atrocious.  The acting is below average.  I do think you can see the light in the eyes of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan as they know that their contracts are up and they do not have to be these characters any longer.  I think they are both, at the very least, competent actors, but the scripts that they are given are just so bad that it is bordering on funny.

I feel for these two.  How many years did it take for Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson to shake off the stink of Twilight, allowing people to see that they were solid actors?  Will Johnson and Dornan have the same time frame?

This was better than Fifty Shades Darker.  It had some decent moments of unintentional humor that helped entertain me.  It is a bad movie, but it is most likely not the worst movie of the year.

1.2 stars

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