F9: The Fast Saga

The Fast and the Furious franchise has taken realism as a suggestion for a long time now. For years, they did stunts that were implausible at the best, dragging heavy safes through the city streets, leaping cars from building to building, and redirecting submarine torpedoes with hands. However, the new film, F9: The Fast Saga, has moved so far past reality, it borders on satire.

In fact, part of what they do in F9 is take a bunch of the criticisms about the Fast & Furious franchise and make fun of them. Tyrese Gibson specifically was saying how the crew was actually indestructible. It was a running joke for the whole movie.

Dom (Vin Diesel) and the rest of the Fast family reunite to try and recover this film’s MacGuffin before Dom’s rotten little brother Jakob (John Cena) finds it. We see flashbacks of young Dom and young Jakob at the point where their relationship was severed (and it was truly a stupid assumption that causes years of anger). Their sister Mia (Jordana Brewster) shows up instead of her husband (Brian, aka Paul Walker, reduced to babysitting) and she turns out to be a great fighter and driver too. Who knew?

As the trailers have shown us, Han (Sung Kang), who died earlier in the series, returned from the dead. It was conveniently connected to the case they are working on right now.

F9 has left reality completely. They did not concern themselves with little thinks like Physics. Or the fact that people being caught from falling upon the hood of cars is not much better than landing on the ground, but they all seem to shake it off like it was nothing.

Dom was also like Superman here. He took blows to the head as if it were nothing. He pulled down the ceiling of a place with two chains. He rolled from the rolling vehicle without completely shattering every bone in his body. It was amazing.

Then the most eye rolling moment of all happened… once again trolling those people who would joke about sending these characters into space. They do it. Into orbit. In a car with a rocket on top. Not kidding.

The movie was way too long. You knew what was going to happen with Dom and Jakob. Charlize Theron showed up for a cup of coffee.

I have been finding these Fast & Furious movies to be getting worse for the last few, and this is the worst of the bunch. I could not even enjoy the use of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson because he was not in this film. John Cena is no replacement (sorry John). The story is bad. The characterization is severely lacking. Even the action had a lot of shaky shots, particularly when fighting in Han’s Tokyo apartment. This one is really bad.

They should just proclaim that these films are in a superhero universe because that is the only way that these characters could pull off what they pull off.

2 stars

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