The Wicker Man (2006)

DailyView: Day 137, Movie 212

Um.

Okay. WTF.

Yes, I knew that The Wicker Man (2006) is considered one of the worst movies ever made, but it couldn’t be that bad, could it?

Yes, it could. Yes, it is.

I watched this on Apple TV but it was weird. The movie ended and I realized that the infamous scene of Nicolas Cage having a cage around his head with bees poured into it was not in the version I was watching. Did Apple TV edit the version of The Wicker Man? I had to go to YouTube and find the scene in order to see it. It was weird, but the dialogue of the scene was included in the Apple TV version, dubbed over top of the women carrying Cage to the giant wicker man. I thought it was odd when Nicolas Cage said “My legs!” as he was inside the bag being carried, but now it made sense. Too bad the rest of the movie did not make any sense.

There were so many things in this movie that had absolutely zero reason for being in the movie. One of the very first scenes, one that is repeated multiple times, is a scene where police officer Nic Cage pulled over a woman and her daughter alongside the road. I guess the girl had thrown her doll out the window and the cop stopped them to give it back to her. The car was then struck by a semi and exploded into flames. Nic Cage tried to get the girl out, but failed. This is apparently a massive, vital scene for the film…. no. It plays no part in the story. Nic Cage kept remembering it…dreaming about it…but it had no ties to the story.

The film is littered with examples like this. Nic Cage bought a self-help tape at the beginning and the movie went out of its way to show it, so, of course, it will play a role in the story later, right? Nope. There was a burned doll in a grave on this mysterious island so this is a prominent piece of storytelling, right? Forget it.

Nicolas Cage is doing his most Nicolas Cage performance in The Wicker Man, delivering these insane lines with such a ferocity that they are laughable. I loved it when Nic Cage just hauled off and punched the one woman right in the face. It was a laugh out loud moment. He then put on a giant bear costume and joined in with the rest of the crazy women. Nicolas Cage was dressed up as a bear. Not even kidding. There is so much unintentional humor in this movie that I laughed more with The Wicker Man than I did in the last couple of comedies I have seen (certainly more than Observe & Report).

I’ve skipped over the plot summary in this review because it does not matter. Nothing in the film makes any sense and the plot is just meant to give Nic Cage a reason to run around this island and yell out crazy things.

You owe yourself a chance to see this horrendous film, but do not go to Apple TV and their censors. I still can’t believe that the version I saw had the most infamous scene removed. This is a terrible movie, but still strangely entertaining.

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