Oof.

When the trailer for Sony’s Madame Web first came out, it looked like all kinds of hot garbage. Then, there was a lot of negative reviews for the flick. I saw it today and it was absolutely one of the worst movies of this year.

Sony keeps making these Spider-Man adjacent movies and none of them seem to be good. Let’s not forget Morbius from a few years ago. Of course, Morbius is a much better movie than Madame Web.

According to IMDB, “Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) is a New York metropolis paramedic who begins to demonstrate signs of clairvoyance. Forced to challenge revelations about her past, she needs to safeguard three young women from a deadly adversary who wants them destroyed.“

There are simply not much to say about this movie that is positive. I guess Adam Scott did the best he could with what he had. He played Ben Parker, who, I guess, was also a paramedic.

This movie has some of the worst, most wooden dialogue that I have ever heard in a big budget movie. In particular, the villain of this movie Ezekiel Sims, played by Tahar Rahim, had the absolute worst lines and delivery of the lines as I think I have ever seen. There was also a strange overdub of his dialogue in some scenes that did not synch up very well with his lips. Ezekiel Sims has to be considered near the top of the list for worst comic book villains of all time.

Dakota Johnson is a very great actor, but she does not look to give two craps about this. I do like the way the last scene with her in the movie (at least the way she looked).

There are so many things that are so stupid about this movie. Plot holes abound. Characters do things that do not make any sense.

So you know, there are no post credit scenes at all, so you can take off before the credits. I waited until the very end.

The three young actresses, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor, are implied in trailers to be spider-based super heroes and that is not true. We see them in costumes in a vision of the future, and that is all. The whole movie features these three girls as teenage girls without powers. It does feel like some false advertising.

This movie is very dull too. There is so much missing from this. All that this was for was to throw some poorly written Spider-Man Easter eggs and and a sad attempt to take advantage of the Spider-Man’s success. This is a terrible movie.

0.75 stars