I dozed off during Iron Lung today, but I sure as heck wished I had dozed off during this new version of Bram Stoker’s classic Dracula. It would have made the film seem better than it was.

According to IMDB, “When a 15th-century prince denounces God after the loss of his wife he inherits an eternal curse: he becomes Dracula. Condemned to wander the centuries, he defies fate and death, guided by a single hope – to be reunited with his lost love.“

I found that there were a bunch of things about this version of Dracula that I did not like at all. Directed by Luc Besson, who I loved as the director of The Fifth Element, Dracula was just a waste of my time.

First of all, what is the exact tone of this thing? It bounced around between a horror movie and a comedy, almost slapstick-like. There were scenes where I was laughing at that I am not sure were intended to be funny. Or maybe it was and the scenes were more successful in the end. There was a scene with Matilda De Angelis’s Maria that seemed like it should have been in one of those horror movie parody films. It was easily the worst scene of the movie.

Then, Dracula had a bunch of stone gargoyle friends, like this was a Disney movie. The gargoyles did not speak like they did in Hunchback of Notre Dame, but they looked ridiculous and did not fit with the concept of this movie.

The look of the movie was terrible too. There were so many scenes where the CGI looked bad and that you could tell where the green screen was and there is no excuse in 2026 for your CGI to be this bad.

The whole love story at the center of the film was not believable to me either. Zoë Bleu felt like she was overacting in nearly every scene and I did not feel any chemistry between Zoë Bleu’s character and Dracula, who was played by Caleb Landry Jones. Jones was fine as Dracula, but that is about it. I do not think his performance will be remembered in the echelon of Dracula performances.

I found the ending to be really stupid too. How can you have a star like Christoph Waltz in your film but let him flounder as he did during this version of Dracula.

I just did not like this film much as I struggled to find much positive to say about it. There are a half dozen Dracula movies better than this one, at least, and I am not sure why anyone would choose this version of the film over some of those.

1.4 stars