What a difference a year makes.

If Monster Hunter would have come out in theaters a year ago (around that at least), I would have gone opening weekend.

however, then the pandemic struck and I had to wait on Monster Hunter. It popped up on streaming during that time and I looked at it, but, with the low Rotten Tomatoes score and critical question marks, I did not want to rent it for $19.99. I figured it could wait until the price dropped. Again, unlike prr-pandemic. Bad reviews did not keep me from attending the film in theaters, but the viewing at home was a different beast.

So the price on Monster Hunter finally dropped to a reasonable level this weekend and I decided that it was time to watch it.

Should have kept pushing it off.

Lt. Artemis (Milla Jovovich) and her loyal troops are somehow transported to a different world where gigantic monsters are out to kill and eat unimportant side characters. As her crew fall one by one, Artemis meets another person, a mysterious Hunter (Tony Jaa) in a struggle to survive and an attempt to find her way back home.

Just thought that the premise sounded somewhat like Land of the Lost, only more violent.

So many problems here. I couldn’t give two craps about any of the characters. The film does not give me any reason to care about them. It barely introduces them. These extra characters are here simply for slaughter. It is like a slasher movie. Because of that, I felt no concern for any of them when they were being eaten or stabbed or…whatever.

When Artemis and Hunter meet, they spend more time fighting and mistrusting one another and I am not allowed to see them as friends or any other type of relationship.

Ron Perlman is in this too. After appearing in a nonsensical cold open, he does not return until late into the film to provide some needed exposition so the audience understands what is happening. It is far too late for that as I had stopped caring about anything well before this.

There is the absolute minimal plot happening here. The dialogue is utterly terrible. When Hunter arrives and speaks a different language, the dialogue actually gets better.

To be fair, the CGI monsters do look cool. It could have been much worse but it was easily the best aspect of Monster Hunter.

Based off a video game series, Paul W.S. Anderson’s latest film is very much like the rest of his oeuvre. Loud and limited. Dumb. Do not waste your time on Monster Hunter, and if you do, shut off your brain and stuff your face full of popcorn.

1.25 stars