Never in my wildest imagination did I believe that my life and the lives of all of us in the Collider orbit would be so drastically and tragically affected by five simple words.
“Let’s get ready to Schmoedown!”
Okay. Maybe ‘Schmoedown’ is not a simple word, but if you would have told me that it would lead to me, online critic William Bibbiani, traveling through time in an attempt to put right what had gone wrong, then I would have said you were crazy. At least, somewhat off-balanced.
As “The Beast,” I am familiar with the term. Schmoedown was a movie trivia competition that was all the rage on YouTube and at Collider Video and I was a proud competitor. Everything seemed to be moving in a successful direction for all…until… everything came off the rails.
And it was my fault.
Growl, growl.
Everything started on the night I battled “The Godfather” Drew McWeeny. He’s kind of scary…have you ever seen that guy? So I decided that my typical grand entrances would not be sufficient. I needed to pop out there. Long story short… I exploded through the chest of former champion Mark Reilly, who was at the desk, accidentally killing him. It didn’t help either since I lost to McWeeny anyway. A few weeks later, Reilly was back, nary a scratch. He made a reference to his Superman coat, saying that heroes always come back.
I did not know that the answer was more sinister than that.
Growl, growl.
Let me fast forward through this vital, yet impractical exposition to the night where everything turned. It was a title fight for the team championships between the Patriots, Jeff “The Insneider” Sneider and “Little Evil” JTE and Above the Line, the aforementioned “Godfather” Drew McWeeny and the Movie Trivia Schmoedown Champion of the Wooooooooooooooooooorld, “The Inglorious One” Samm Levine.
This is the kind of match that I loved watching from the crowd and the entire studio was buzzing with anticipation. The previous classic match-up between the teams found the Patriots pulling off a one point victory. The rematch was intense.
Right up to the 5-point question in round five, the outcome was fully in doubt. Kristian Harloff and Mark Ellis, collectively known as the Schmoes, the creators of this game, were at the announce desk and had built the tension through their unique brand of one liners and comedy.
“So here is the situation,” said Harloff, the former commissioner, whose power and authority had been usurped by Thadd Williams. “The score is tied. The Patriots have their five point question. If they get this right, they have once again defended their team titles and remain undefeated. If they miss, we go into sudden death.”
Nervous whispers filled the crowd. I have been jotting down notes in my handy notebook. You never know when something might come in handy. Growl, growl.
“You chose question number 13… and that is,”Harloff paused for dramatic effect, “Sly & Arnie.”
A groan crossed the crowd. John Rocha yelled out an obscenity. The Patriots’ cohorts in the Lion’s Den, Ken Napzok and Mark Danica, high-fived each other. They all knew this was a strength of the Patriots, especially JTE, who was practically beaming brighter than the stage lights.
“In what film does Stallone say the quote, ‘I am the law?’”
Rocha nearly flipped his chair over. “You call that a five point question?” he exclaimed, ready to burst. And then it happened.
“That’s easy. It is Demolition Man,” said JTE, without a second thought.
“No, wait…” screamed Sneider, stumbling over his words.
“That is incorrect,” said Ellis. “The answer we were looking for was Judge Dredd.”
“And with that…we have sudden death!”
JTE had both hands plastered on his baseball cap, expressing the shock and shame over the quick answer. He couldn’t believe what he had done. Sneider bit through his remaining toothpick. The crowd was shell-shocked, but not nearly as much as JTE was. He has been an arrogant jerk ever since winning that team title, but even I felt a twinge of sorrow for him. He had blown it.
Sudden death rules were explained. Ellis detailed how this round would be much like the first round and each individual would write down the answer on their dry erase board and they would continue asking questions until one team had more points than the other.
“If everyone is ready, here we go with sudden death!” said Harloff. I looked over to JTE. He was gone. The look on his face was one of total failure. The thought in my head was the same thought that we all were thinking. This is it. After a year and a half title reign, the Patriots are finally going to be defeated.
“The category is…New Releases,” said Harloff. “In 2018’s Tully, who played Charlize Theron’s brother, Craig?”
Silence. You could cut the tension with a chainsaw. Samm Levine’s face is crumpled. He clearly had not seen it yet. Who had?
“5…4…3…2…1,” said Harloff. “Sneider?”
“Mark Duplass,” he replied.
“JTE?” said Harloff, not revealing whether or not anyone was correct. Damn that Harloff, trying to keep us all so tense.
“I don’t know,” JTE said showing his blank dry erase board. Oooooohs filled the studio.
“Samm?”
“I didn’t see this either,” dropping the board down on the table.
“Drew?” asked Harloff.
“Ron Livingston?” he said, uncertain.
“AND YOUR WINNERS….” Screamed the golden throat of Kristian Harloff, “AND… STILL… MOVIE TRIVIA TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!!! THE PATRIOTS!!!!”
Boos came from everywhere as Ken and Donica stormed the stage to congratulate the still champs. Jay Washington turned to me and said, “Man, who’s ever gonna beat those two?”
The crowd was so hectic that we had not seen “Miss Movies” Brianne Chandler make her way out to the stage with a microphone in hand. Something was up. Calling for attention, Miss Movies quickly quieted the crowd.
“I have a special announcement to make. The Patron has officially passed 2100 subscribers… and that means that we have a new Commissioner for a week… Tom Dagino!”
If you thought the boos were bad before, knowing that Tom Dagnino, the buffoon in charge of the Lion’s Den, was now going to get his dirty hands on the Schmoedown… well, I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach. Little did I know how this would turn out.
Taking the microphone, Tom said, “Thank you. Thank you.” Harloff was calling him an idiot, but nobody was ready for what he was going to do next.
“As my first official act as Commissioner, I am removing JTE from the Patriots.”
“What?” JTE exclaimed, still clutching to his team title. Sneider snatched the belt greedily from his shoulder.
“You nearly cost us this title!” Sneider yelled, pointing his finger directly at JTE. “How many times do I have to cover for you? You can’t pronounce anything. You drop words. You can’t spell! Japeto? We have been champions this long, despite you. I’m tired of carrying you. You’re out of here.”
“You can’t do this,” JTE said, lacking the normal bravado of “Little Evil.”
“Oh, we can,” said Dagnino. “And we did. And I have your replacement in the NEW Patriots. Ladies and gentlemen… Mark Reilly.”
“No!” cried out Harloff, standing to his feet. Mark Reilly walked out from behind the curtain with his normal Superman black leather jacket. He slowly unzipped the coat and threw it to the ground revealing his Lion’s Den shirt. The Lion’s Den members started to laugh as JTE slouched back in his chair. Sneider handed the team title to Reilly.
I have never seen the Schmoedown descend into chaos quicker than that moment. Harloff was screaming in Reilly’s face about betrayal and he demanded an explanation, but Reilly had nothing to say, completely ignoring him.
“Why, Reilly, Why?” a lone voice called out through the echoing chorus of boos from the back stage area and the crowd. Sadly, we would not get any answers on that night.
“And this is just the beginning!” Dagnino said ominously, laughing wickedly. He wasn’t exaggerating.
To Be Continued
Growl, growl.
#10. (2000) Erin Brockovich
#9. (2005) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
#8. (2006) Casino Royale
#7. (2003) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
#5. (2002) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
#4. (2001) Moulin Rogue
#3. (2008) The Wrestler
#2. (2004) Spider-man 2
#1. Zodiac
You know, like James Cameron, who wished that the movie going public would get “Avengers Fatigue” and stop going to these types of film. What an arrogant asshole comment that was. To wish someone else’s franchise failure because… what reasons could there be except for his own pitiful selfishness on how Black Panther has surpassed his own films domestically.
Of course, in his attack, he completely ignores things like trilogies. Do we have to re-introduce Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi as Luke’s father? Doesn’t Luke’s quest to redeem Vader stem from behavior “defined by the template set for them in other movies.” What about Frodo Baggins’s effort to get the ring of power to Mount Doom? Isn’t that set up in a previous film? How are we supposed to understand it? Are we expected to watch these previous films?
was written in 1991, decades before the current political landscape. With his lack of understanding, I can believe that these types of films do not appeal to him. I went quickly through his movie reviews at Rotten Tomatoes and, while I may have missed some, the only super hero movies that I could find was a rotten review of Spider-man: Homecoming and a fresh review of Wonder Woman. That was it. Again, this does not feel like the kind of guy the New Yorker should be turning to for their Infinity War review.
What Richard Brody fails to understand, despite mentioning it in the beginning of the article, is that the MCU is like a long form television/serialized story and this film is the season finale. We already know these characters. That is why they can pop up and act in ways that they have already established.
One of the things that hit me more the second time was the death of Spider-man. First time I saw it, I was not as emotional because I was thinking more about the fact that I knew this (and the Black Panther death) would not stick. Clearly, a sequel to Homecoming and Black Panther are coming so these characters are not going to remain dead. That was a thought in my head on the first viewing so it colored the ending of the film. The second time, I was able to put that out of my head and just watch it as a story and I found myself heart broken by the powerful performance of Tom Holland as he begged Tony Stark that “I don’t want to go.” Spider-man is a 15/16 year old kid who hasn’t lived his life. His response is perfectly reasonable and crushes you, if you allow yourself to not be thinking that it is only temporary.
Another complaint I have seen is the reaction of Peter Quill to discovering that Thanos had to kill Gamora and how that caused the plan on Titan to fail. Spider-man, Iron Man, Mantis, Drax, Dr. Strange had nearly removed the gauntlet from Thanos’s hand and it was Quill’s freak out that broke Mantis’s grasp on the Mad Titan and allowed him to snap back to reality. Why would Quill react that way? Because that is who Peter Quill is. In Guardians Vol. 2, he reacted the same way when Ego told him that he had given his mother cancer. He immediately attacked Ego despite the group not wanting him to. Star Lord is a hothead and does not always think things through. Here, it cost them huge.
There have been questions about the Asgardians. People wonder where Valkyrie was at the beginning of the film. I believe that she is on a ship with half of the Asgardians that Thanos allowed to live. Thor does say later in the film that Thanos killed half his people. It makes sense that she (and maybe Korg) got some away while Thor and Loki stayed behind. As for Loki, ah Tom Hiddleston, we love you. It was a sad moment when the Trickster God played his final trick, but it absolutely set the tone for who Thanos was and just what kind of a threat he would be. Tom Hiddleston is a treasure and I want to thank him for the years of his brilliance as Loki. Once more…”SAY MY NAME”- LOKI!!!!
I also should say goodbye to Heimdall (Idris Elba) who died in those first five minutes. Gamora dies in a tremendously emotional scene (although I kind of think that maybe she has a way back- could her soul be inside the Soul Stone?). And Vision dies…TWICE! Both Cap and Iron Man, heavily speculated that one or both would die here, survived. It looks like the original cast of Avengers all made it through for one final run before some die or head off to the retirement home.
The appearance of the Red Skull was brilliant and very welcome. In the opening night showing, my crowd applauded his appearance. Sure, he may not be returning to the MCU in a regular capacity any time soon, but just the knowledge that he is there is awesome. I also appreciated the unexpected cameo from the Collector (Benecio del Toro) here. I hope he was able to escape from Knowhere with his life, but I am afraid that the film hinted that he was killed by Thanos off-screen. I still want the Collector/Grandmaster road film through space. Del Toro and Jeff Goldblum would be amazing.
#10. X-Men: Days of Future Past
#9. X2: X-Men United
#8. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
#7. Avengers: Age of Ultron
#6. Thor: Ragnarok
#5. The Dark Knight
#4. Spider-man 2
#3. Captain America: Winter Soldier
#2. Logan
#1. Captain America: Civil War
Speaking of that not so goodness, I found out this past week that Starz has decided to cancel Ash vs. Evil Dead. What an epic failure in my book. This show has been one of my absolute favorite shows this season, just catching up on Netflix. Season three has been so great that the news caught me completely off guard. I can’t imagine why Starz would make this decision, but it certainly makes my decision to cancel my Starz subscription immediately after the series finale next week an easy choice. Ash is involved in a huge battle with the Dark Ones in next week’s series finale and it looks tremendous. This week was awesome as well as we saw the end of Ruby and everything falling into place for the big knockdown. I have also watched American Gods on Styarz, but I will not be watching that one live on Starz any longer because it made a mistake that I just will not forgive it for.
I started and finished Netflix’s new series Lost in Space over the last few weeks and this was a great reboot and some damn fine science fiction. The interpersonal relationships in the Robinsons were a lot of fun and remarkably deep, and I loved the new Don West played by former General Hospital villain Diego, Ignacio Serricchio. Don was the rapscallion of the crew and he was hugely charismatic and funny. And I was so ready for someone to 
kill Dr. Smith, played with a ton of wicked gusto by Parker Posey. I was never a fan of the original series, but I found myself strangely tearing up when the robot first said the words, “Danger Will Robinson.” I am unsure the reason, but I was fully engaged in the series, which had a LOST flare to it as well. The 10-episodes featured several moments where it felt as if one of the main characters would be biting the dust. I have to say, after so many teases, I almost felt as if someone important should have died. It is worth a watch for sure.
I also finished the second season of Netflix’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. After the first few episodes, I was feeling as if this series might not be able to grip me as the original season had done, because it had too familiar feel to it. It desperately needed some adjusting and fortunately, that adjustment came in the being of Nathan Fillion, as Jacques Snicket. The set up of each episodes changed just a bit and the show was considerably better for it. In fact, I was extremely unhappy to come to the end of the 10th episode as the show left us on a desperate cliffhanger. Season three has been greenlit and will be a final season for the show which should allow a conclusion to the story and maybe even some kind of happy(?) ending for the Baudelaire orphans.
Season 8 of the Walking Dead came to a close ending the weakest season of the series’ run. The finale had the same feel as the confrontation between Rick and Negan had a distinct anticlimactic feel to it. I did enjoy the betrayal from Eugene with the exploding bullets, but I saw it coming a mile away. As soon as he handed Negan that gun to “test” it was obvious what Eugene had decided to do. And then the let’s imprison Negan storyline was not exactly the monumental final battle we thought we might get. I am not against keeping Negan alive, but the manner in which it was done felt like disrespect to Glenn and the other victims of Negan. We also saw Morgan leave to head to Fear the Walking Dead, which had its season premiere immediately after the Walking Dead finale.
Roseanne on ABC has had a pretty good couple of weeks worth of episodes including the return of Big Bang Theory star Johnny Galecki as David. There still seems to be some weirdness among the actors as some of their lines feel as if they are being delivered woodenly. It is as if they have forgotten how to act. I cringe much of the time when John Goodman and Laurie Metcalf are on screen and they should be the two best actors on the cast. Still, the writing has improved, story wise at least and the characters are coming into their own.
The WWE Network featured Wrestlemania 34, which was a solid show. The last hour or hour and a half was a bit lackluster. After the debut of Ronda Rousey with Kurt Angle vs. HHH and Stephanie, the rest of the card disappointed. However, the clear winner of match of the weekend went to NXT Takeover with Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa. That may be the Match of the Year leader at this point. Following these events, the WWE also had the nights after Wrestlemania, where a bunch of NXT stars debuted on the main roster (as well as Bobby Lashley returning) and then the following week they had the Superstar Shakeup, which moved performers between RAW and Smackdown. WWE has some momentum right now as they are preparing to have their next major show live from Saudi Arabia on Friday morning.
Agents of SHIELD is full blown crazy as the agents are trying desperately to prevent the future from happening that lead to the destruction of the earth. The young villain Ruby tried to combine herself with gravitonium but it only led to her death by the hands of Yo-Yo. Yo-Yo believes that she may have stopped the future, but it looks as if there may be more coming. Still, the scene where Ruby accidentally crushed the head of the young Strucker was another one of those unexpectedly disturbing SHIELD scenes.
HBO premiered the documentary on professional wrestler Andre the Giant last week and the documentary featured much about the life of the Eight Wonder of the World. It featured interviews with Andre as well as some important people in his life. We saw old footage from his early days, heard details about the life of Andre and focused on his Wrestlemania 3 match with Hulk Hogan. The end of the line for Andre the Giant turned out to be a sad one as he died alone in a hotel room in France. The people interviewed clearly had a strong love of the Giant, speaking of him in glowing and kind terms.
Designated Survivor has been picking up pace while finding ways to connect the fictional world of Tom Kirkman to today’s world. Recently, Kirkman has been having therapy sessions about the death of his wife and now those tapes are being leaked to the media, bringing into question the suitability of the President to carry out his office. Designated Survivor has been strong the last few weeks, and it looks as if next week will feature a bit of a betrayal of its own. It looks as if we have the fortunate luck to have Michael J. Fox on the cast of this show for the remainder of the season. Fox is a lawyer who is trying to determine whether or not President Kirkman is able to keep his job and avoid having the 25th Amendment enacted.
Scandal came to an end this week with a whimper. Instead of sending Olivia Pope and President Fitz to Vermont to live happily ever after and to give the happy ending to the Gladiators, Shonda killed off the last good character on the show, David Rosen, by Cyrus’s hand, and allowed Cyrus to escape with nothing more than a resignation of the VP role. It also brought Papa Pope out to speak to the Congressional hearing admitting to leading B613 and basically bragging about how a black man was making all the decisions the past thirty years. I guess that was not info that should come out because they offered up a scapegoat, Jake, as the leader of B613. I guess the theme of this show was that if you were a good person, your life was worthless and if you were a killing lowlife, you have a chance to life happily ever after. I was very unhappy with the end of the series that had never recovered from the kidnapping of Olivia Pope a few years ago. Even with the ending scene where some young black girls walk through the portraits of former presidents and stop at one of Olivia Pope (not sure if that was to mean that Olivia would become President in the future or what) and looked at it with inspiration, that felt flat since we knew all the horrid things that Olivia did in her time in Washington. Major disappointment.
Speaking of scandals, this time a real life variety, former FBI Director James Comey was making the rounds on the talk shows this week to promote his new book that seems to be causing President Trump a lot of tweet-storms. Comey had a one-on-one interview on ABC with George Stephanopoulos, appeared with Stephen Colbert on the Late Show and the View on ABC. He was also with Rachel Maddow on MSNBC this week (and I may have missed a few appearances). I must say though that Comey came off as intelligent, well-spoken, honest, and thoughtful. Prior to these interviews, I did not have near the positive thought of Comey as I did after seeing these.
Gotham may have finally answered the question about who exactly is the Joker, as suspect number one, Jerome, was killed on the show. Prior to his death, Jerome had sent some of his special Laugh-X gas to his twin brother, Jeremiah Valeska, who has become the Clown Prince of Crime. This twist is just one more way to show you that Gotham is really more about the villains than the heroes. The villains, from Riddler to Penguin, from Joker to Catwoman, from Grundy to Leigh, are the most interesting characters on the show. This week, Ra’s Al Ghoul made his return form the dead to reclaim his Death’s Head from Barbara.
I got a chance to see the most recent episode of Riverdale this week after missing several episodes in a row. It did not seem as if I missed much, outside of the departure of Betty’s new brother. This week’s episode seemingly saw the return of the Black Hood, who killed a girl, Midge, during the show’s play. Of course, it was not just any old play. It was Carrie the Musical. And the entire show was a musical. I guess the Black Hood, who had sent a message to the kids to replace Cheryl Blossom in the lead role, wanted to kill those who were bad singers. If that was the case, everyone on Riverdale is in danger. This was not the best TV musical episode ever… by far. I think that still goes to Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Once More With Feeling. It was a weird episode to return to, but the eerie murder at the end was pure Riverdale.
#10. 22 Jump Street.
#9. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
#8. Ghostbusters 2
#6. Addams Family Values
#5. Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear
#4. Back to the Future II
#3. Toy Story 2
#1. The Muppets (2011)
Where do I start? How about the funny faces that the kids make when the demon possesses them? It is perhaps the most laugh-inducing thing of the whole film. It looks like a poor man’s Joker face. Come on, that isn’t creepy. It is just laughable.
EYG- Embrace Your Geekness 