Tremendously terrible.

This one falls into the category of totally horrible movies that entertain you with how bad they are.  I did not sit in the theater grumbling about how bad this movie was because I was too busy laughing at the unintentionally funny parts of it.

As a film, this thing is B…A..Double D… BADD.

An Treasury Agent teams up with a weatherman to try to stop a theft of $600 million dollars of old bills scheduled to be shredded.  Oh, and the theft was planned to take place during a hurricane.

Maggie Grace, Shannon from LOST and probably more well known as Liam Neeson’s oft kidnapped daughter from the Taken franchise, stars as the Treasury Agent Casey.  Grace is passable in the role though she seemed to be able to do way more than one would expect a Treasury Agent to be able to do.  She is, at least, a presence on the screen and is enjoyable to watch.

Toby Kebbell, however, as Will was saddled with having to perform a… I’m going to guess… Southern accent throughout the entire film that was much more distracting than anything else happening.  When he first started talking, I had to stifle a laugh.  I would not stifle many more as the film progressed.

Everything in here so so ridiculous.  The stunts, the physics, the dialogue…. just terrible.  The film started off in a flashback of young Will and his obnoxious brother Breeze out with their father as a hurricane approached.  They were desperately trying to get away, but their truck winds up off road and the boys have to take shelter in an empty house in the middle of nowhere.  As father started outside to try and get the truck freed, you knew what was going to happen.  The storm started bringing the house down and the father got crushed by a rolling water tower in a moment that should not have been as hilarious as it looked.  It reminded me again of LOST how so many people wound up getting killed by being hit by a bus.

Move to the future, the brothers are estranged for, you know, reasons, but Will is still trying to help his brother as another massive hurricane is forming and only Will can correctly identify it because of his sense.  But Breeze is a hard drinking loser who sits around his house in his underwear.  Any guesses if Breeze will find redemption in the third act?

When Casey and Will meet up and help each other out, since Will has a storm chasing vehicle he called the Dominator that can brave the storm. The pair of them go about keeping the bad guys at bay for much of the film.  One of the funniest and cringe-worthiest moments came when Will grabbed a bunch of hubcaps and started hurling them Captain America-like into the wind of the hurricane and one of them wound up buried into one of the villain’s chests.

Of course, Casey and Will were not always on the same page, despite them asking each other constantly, like Aladdin to Jasmine, “Do you trust me?”  Casey suggested, despite Will’s strong objections, that they make the Dominator into a car bomb, much like Timothy McVeigh.  We even go as far as seeing them grabbing bags of fertilizer.  Thing is, I did not see them actually pull it off.  Maybe I was dozing at the time…or perhaps it was a restroom break.  Either way, it felt like it was dropped.

Then, the final semi truck chase scene with a barrelling hurricane behind them is as stupid as you can imagine.  It felt like a Fast and the Furious movie with less sense or realism.

The film was really bad and there was little redeeming quality to it.  My mind immediately went to how great this film would be if it were being riffed by RiffTrax or covered by Mystery Science Theater 3000.  That is this film’s future.

0.8 stars

I had not seen the 1974 film Death Wish, starring Charles Bronson so I did not have that crutch coming into the new version directed by Eli Roth and starring Bruce Willis.  I do plan on watching this version late4r this afternoon, but it did not affect my viewpoint on the film.

I will say that I had very low expectations coming into the film.  I am not going to comment on the pulse of the nation after the most recent school shooting.  That should not go into the review.  Neither will my own personal opinion on guns and the ability to easily get them.

Bruce Willis plays a surgeon named Paul Kersey, whose wife gets killed and his daughter is put into a coma after a house robbery that turns deadly.  Frustrated that the police were getting nowhere with the case, Kersey winds up taking up a gun, putting on a hoodie and going onto the streets of Chicago looking for vigilante justice.  Dubbed “The Grim Reaper” by the press, Willis continues hi search for the men who murdered his wife.

The is nothing original here.  We have seen this revenge story countless times, and done in a considerably better way.  The Netflix Punisher series just recently was way better than this despite covering many of the same tropes and issues.  The film could have taken itself in several interesting ways dealing with loss or dealing with how grief can change a man, but it really only takes the most surface level of story.

And a surface level story is fine if you have other things with it.  Unfortunately, a second major drawback here is Bruce Willis.  I love Bruce Willis, but he has not had a great performance in a while (maybe since Looper).  Paul Kersey has zero development of character.  When we first see him, he is called from one surgery to head to E.R.  He walked into an operation room where a police officer had multiple gunshot wounds and was flatlining.  He put his fingers to the cop’s neck and pronounced him dead without doing anything to him.  Then, he went and told his partner that they did everything they could.  I immediately perked up because that was simply not true so I thought maybe this guy was damaged somehow.

However, we then see him at home where he has a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter who has just been accepted to a college in New York.  Willis looks to have a perfect life.  So why was he so unemotional at his job?  Is it just that he has seen so many gunshot wounds that he has become hardened to them?  You would think that we would then see that in the film, but it is never addressed again.

In fact, no one has a character arc in the story except for Kersey’s brother Frank (Vincent D’Onofrio), who changes his life after his sister-in-law is killed.  However, Frank is treated like crap by his brother.

There are some fun moments of violence that are put together like an old 1980s action film intended to gain an applause response from the crowd.  These are done fairly well.  There are some spots throughout that, if you turn off your brain, you can find entertaining.  However, there are also moments of extreme humor that is absolutely unintentional.  One of the robbers was going to tie up daughter Jordon (Camila Morrone) and he was searching through the kitchen cupboards.  He even stopped to say, “Where is the rope?”  I almost fell off the seat.

This was not as horrendous as I thought it was going to be, but it is not a good movie.  There is really no character arc at all, little plot, and only passably entertaining action.  Bruce Willis is a much better actor than he shows here.  There is zero subtlety in a story that could have had plenty.  Eli Roth is more interested in the in your face aspect than any kind of character study.  The rebooted Death Wish is not worth your time.

2 stars

Marvel Studios has been rumored to be planning a Black Widow stand alone film for their next phase of films.  However, despite what appears to be the case, that movie is not being released this weekend.  Instead, the film is called Red Sparrow, starring Jennifer Lawrence, instead of Scarlett Johansson.

To be fair, the trailer certainly makes this film feel like the Black widow movie that so many people have wanted Marvel to make, but after seeing it, there is not that much in common with the two characters.  A Marvel Studios’ Black Widow movie would be surely be awesome, while Red Sparrow…

Is not good.

That might even be kind.  I did not like Red Sparrow much at all.  The best part of the film was the number of excuses it found to have Jennifer Lawrence naked.

Jennifer Lawrence played Dominika, a Russian ballet dancer, who, after a terrible accident, cannot do what she loves and is recruited into the Red Sparrow program in order to save her ailing mother (Joely Richardson).  Once in the program, Dominika is trained as a spy, leaning heavily on the …let’s say… seduction of the job and she quickly becomes one of the top Sparrows around. 

She then crosses paths with CIA agent Joel Edgerton and they fall for each other.  Or do they?  Is it all just a trick to get the mission accomplished?  Who cares.

To be honest, I never once felt confused or uncertain about where the loyalties of Lawrence would be.  I won’t spoil where they fell, but I was not confused or taken in by anything that happened.

Red Sparrow was boring.  It was way too long and the story just dragged for most of the film.  The action was fine when it came around, but this film saw itself as a thinking person’s spy movie, but it fell real short.

There were a lot of exploitative scenes in the film that were there for shock value more than anything else.  There were several torture scenes and several sexually charged scenes that were unnecessarily brutal and makes one wonder why they would put this film out with these scenes in the climate of the world today.

Jennifer Lawrence and Joel Edgerton do not have much chemistry between them and it just does not work.  I did not buy how much the film expects you believe they were connected, and the film’s story depends on that relationship being an important aspect of the film.

The cast is fine, but there are no side characters that stand out at all in Red Sparrow, with the possible exception of Charlotte Rampling, who was the Matron of the Sparrow training camp and she was very over-the-top campy.  Had the film been more like that, or we got more of that character, I think things would have been better.

In the end, this is not a Black widow movie as it first seemed to be.  In fact, there is not much comparable between Natasha and Jennifer Lawrence’s Dominika.  Outside of the Russian connection, they are not similar.  So Marvel Studios, we are still waiting for you to knock it out of the park with Black Widow.  When we do see Black Widow, no one will remember Red Sparrow.  That is for sure.

2 stars

I’m torn on this.

Alex Garland’s next film film following his beloved sci-fi film Ex Machina is Annihilation, and I’m not sure what to think about it.

On one hand, the film has some really good pieces of science fiction and looks marvelous.  On the other hand, Annihilation has stretches of boredom and feel too long.  It has an interesting cast, but most of the characters do not receive ample development.  Either the dangling plot points are areas that are open to interpretation and discussion or plot holes that the film never properly addresses.

Lena (Natalie Portman) is a biologist whose husband Kane (Oscar Isaac) disappeared a year ago and she is trying to come to grips with the loss.  One night, her husband returns, but there is something wrong with him.  On the way to to the hospital, they are hijacked by government agents and taken to an isolated area.

Here, Lena discovered that her husband had volunteered to lead a mission into a strange place called the Shimmer.  It is an area in swamp land that is surrounded by a shimmering wall that blocks radio waves and attempts to searching within.  Every attempt to go inside the Shimmer lead to everyone dying…except for one man.

Lena joined with a group of women to head into the Shimmer to try and find answers to the puzzle.  The other women were played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tessa Thompson, Gina Rodriguez and Tuva Novotny.

Now the film starts off in the future with Lena telling Benedict Wong about what happened in the Shimmer.  I did not like this at all because she tells you in the first five minutes exactly what happens to the other women who went into the Shimmer and it tells you that nothing was going to happen to Lena.  I’m like SPOILERS, y’all.  I do believe that flashback format was a mistake in story telling.  Why am I going to get invested in any of these other characters if I know they are all doomed from the start?

The relationship between Oscar Isaac and Natalie Portman seemed sweet and loving…that is until it wasn’t.  Let’s just say that there was something tossed into the story that felt like it was added late that did not fit with what I was seeing and felt wrong for these characters.

When the women went into the Shimmer, the first part of this was fairly tense and dramatic.  There were some interesting creatures seen in the Shimmer and the scene flashing back to Oscar Isaac brandishing a knife was creepy as all get out.  However, the longer they were in the Shimmer, the less interested I was.

Then the ending seemed to fall flat.  It seemed as if it was painfully clear what had happened and the film just kept on dragging its feet.

Annihilation is very inconsistent.  Parts of the film were wonderfully done and it was certainly beautiful to look at, but there are other areas that were too long, boring and lacking development.  There will be plenty of people who find this film amazing and several others that think it is a disappointing step down after the great Ex Machina.  Me?  Drop me right in the middle.

2.9 stars

I had been looking forward to this film since I first saw the trailer.  I found that trailer to be very funny, but I will say that I approached it with trepidation because I was fearful that we saw everything really funny in said trailer.

Thankfully, that was not the case and Game Night is an extremely funny film that I enjoyed from beginning to end.  While not a perfect movie, Game Night was an enjoyable romp and a very funny movie, and humor will always help cover weaknesses.

Let’s look at what was great about this movie.  First off, Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams play the lead couple, Max and Annie.  Max and Annie were very competitive people who met, fell in love and got married.  As a couple, they continued to host “game nights” with their friends.  When Max’s jerk and much more successful brother Brooks (Kyle Chandler) comes to visit, things start being problematic.  Brooks sets up his own game night, setting up a live-kidnapping mystery.  Unfortunately for him, Brooks is in actual trouble with criminals and gets kidnapped for real.  However, none of the game night crew realized that the real kidnapping wasn’t the fake one.

All of the cast is wonderful here.  Kevin and Michelle (Lemorne Morris and Kylie Bunbury) are a fun couple with a secret that comes out during a round of “Never Have I Ever.”  Billy Magnussen was Ryan, a fairly dumb but lovable guy, who in order to prove that he did not just date the same type of blonde haired air heads, invited Sarah (Sharon Horgan) who was smart and witty and British– everything he usually did not go for.  Jesse Plemons plays Gary, Max and Annie’s neighbor, who used to be included in their game night when he was married to their better friend Debbie, but now is ostracized since his divorce.  Gary may be a police officer, but he is one weird person, fixated on game night.  Jesse Plemons (from Breaking Bad) was just amazing as this over-the-top cop who loved Sebastian, the cat.

The other big time winning aspect of this film is the writing.  The dialogue really pops in the film.  It was quick and sharp and funny.  I sat in the theater and marveled at how clever and entertaining the dialogue was, especially between Bateman and McAdams.  They became an easy couple to root for.

There were also a bunch of movie allusions and quotes that really helped make this a treat for me.  When Annie quoted Honey Bunny from Pulp Fiction, I nearly fell out of my seat.  Then, later, Max not only referenced “Tony Stark” but also “Jarvis.”  It was as funny because I am sure there were bunches of people who had no idea to what he was referring with that one.

Another winner here was the soundtrack, which featured some awesome songs that fit beautifully in the film.  The music was very eclectic and the sound of Queen was just a great surprise.

The film was pretty dark at times, but it really was entertaining.

Now, where the film almost lost me was it really started to become zany with some of the story.  I mean, there were some things that happened that were a REAL stretch of realism.  Credibility was strained to its limits several times.  However, just when I thought that the film was going to go too far and become too cartoonish, it pulled back and focused on the characters involved.  And of course, it was funny.  Most of the ridiculousness in this movie was really funny and that helped keep it from ruining the film.

Game Night had some lapses in logic, but a series of fun performances with extremely witty and clever banter that was simply funny, makes this film engaging and energetic.

3.85 stars

I saw the previews for this animated movie and I thought it looked terrible.  Then, I saw that it was at 81% on the Tomatometer and I thought that maybe this was going to be a great surprise, the way Ferdinand was last year.

Nope, hated it.

Within the first five minutes of this film, I was checked out, wishing that I had not bought this ticket.

I will say that I do like the claymation animation style that the film uses, so it is not the animation that I disliked.  That was fine.

This was such a stupid, predictable and dull tale of cavemen who survive the meteorite that killed the dinosaurs and these cavemen took up residence in the cavern remaining form the impact.  And they started playing football (aka to we Americans “soccer”) with the actual meteorite.  Yup, I did not mistype that.  They started playing football with the still hot meteorite.

As the years passed, the cavemen continued to live in their isolation in the “valley” and the world started to advance around it, arriving in the Bronze Age.  Men from the Bronze Age attacked and took over the cavemen’s valley and chased them away.

Led by weird little Dug (Eddie Redmayne). the cavemen wind up playing a game of football against the Bronze Age people (who, by the way, are experts in football) for the right to the valley.

Wanna guess who won?  No spoilers here, but I bet you can guess…

There were so many stupid puns and poor writing that these characters were nothing more than one dimensional creations.  I don’t know how many times I completed the sentence during the film and was absolutely right.

I fought with myself to keep me in the theater.  I was very close to leaving the theater several times.  I did get a short little nap in during the film which was the best part of the movie.

There is a great voice cast here including Redmayne, Tom Hiddleston, Maisie Williams, and Richard Ayoade.  That’s about all I can say.

I hated this film.

0.5 stars

There is a lot riding on the release of the newest Marvel Studio film, Black Panther.  Not only is this the last MCU film before the release of the massive 10-years-in-the-making Avengers: Infinity War, but the Black Panther has become a culturally significant tent pole film, kicking off the first MCU film with a black super hero as the lead.  That’s a lot of pressure, so Marvel apparently knew that they had to get this one right.

And they really got this one right.

Marvel loaded this cast with amazing African-American actors, starting with Chadwick Boseman as T’Challa, and Michael B. Jordan as Erik Killmonger.  Throw in an astounding supporting cast with such stars as Danai Gurira, Lupita Nyong’o, Daniel Kaluuya, Letitia Wright, Sterling K. Brown, Angela Bassett, Forest Whitaker, Martin Freeman and Andy Serkis.

Then, they gave the film to one of the hottest young filmmakers in Hollywood today.  Ryan Coogler has had two great films on his resume, Fruitville Station and Creed.  Black Panther would make his third great film.

Picking up after the events of Captain America: Civil War, we see T’Challa preparing to take his rightful place as the monarch of Wakanda, a country hidden in Africa that the world believed to be a third world nation, but, in reality, is a thriving, industrious, technologically advanced country built upon a mound of vibranium, a metal that landed in Africa upon a meteor.

Wakanda has hidden its advanced technology from the world for years.  However, the chance to capture the renegade villain Ulysses Klaw sent the Black Panther out of Wakanda and toward the world as a whole.

Klaw was not alone, though.  He was stealing antiques made of vibranium from a museum with Erik Killmonger.  Killmonger had a desire to get to Wakanda as a way to gain revenge for past deeds against him.  I don’t want to go into much detail here to avoid any spoilers.

The story is extremely amazing.  It is so full of depth and layers that it feels rich and developed.  It keeps you off balance and never feels predictable. These characters are fully realized and developed and you understand their motives.  Each character has their chance to shine.  This is a true ensemble film and this ensemble does a tremendous job.

Fact of the matter is this… the film is not just about Black Panther.  This film is about Wakanda.  The country itself is as much of a character as anyone in the film.  Coogler amazingly weaves the culture and history of Wakanda into the film and you feel the life.  The country feels lived in.  Even though this is a setting unlike any other in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you never feel like an outsider.  The film takes some time to introduce you to the five tribes that make up the Wakandan country and these intros pay off big time.

The cinematography is gorgeous and exploring this world of Wakanda and the after life involved in breathtaking in its loveliness.  The score of the film, along with the soundtrack, are another strength of this film.

The film may have started just a little slow, but it picked up the pace and, after the beginning, I absolutely did not feel as if I were sitting there for 141 minutes.

Michael B. Jordan’s Killmonger is one of the best Marvel Cinematic Universe villains we have had because we can see why he is doing the evil things that he does and we understand it.  In fact, there are probably many people who can completely justify the anger Killmonger rocks in this film.

The women of Black Panther are completely kick ass.  Oyoke, the general of the Dora Milaje, Black Panther’s female royal guard, is one of the great characters of the film and shows off her ability with a staff throughout the film.  Young Letitia Wright, who plays T’Challa’s sister Shuri, is a breath of fresh air and provides much of the film’s Marvel humor.  Shuri is a technological genius on the level of a Tony Stark, but she has not lost the wide eyed innocence of youth.  Lupita Nyong’o shines across the screen as the super spy Nakia, and a love interest for T’Challa.  These women really are as important to the film as Black Panther is and they step up their game fully.

I really do not have much in way of criticism for this movie outside of a couple of minor nitpicks.  The CGI in the third act had some moments where it did not look great.  It certainly did not live up to the rest of the film.  The other criticism I have would be a major SPOILER  SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER. The fact that both Killmonger and Klaw die in the film makes me unhappy.  Yes, I believe that Killmonger’s death scene was one of the most lovely and powerful moments of the film, but I really did not want Killmonger to die.  Both Klaw and Killmonger were remarkably entertaining and tremendous and losing them both in the film brought it down just a little bit.  END OF SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.

Black Panther is long overdue in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  It gives a section of the public a hero to look up to.  Someone who looks the same as they do.  This allows people of color a chance to see themselves in a super hero for the first time.  Sure, there was Blade, who is really the first African-American comic book movie, but Black Panther is first in the new age of comic book movies as a massive film genre.  There is an absolute audience built in as the box office will attest to (Black Panther made over 25 million on Thursday night alone).  It is one of the strongest introductions in the MCU and feels like something new and different for that decade spanning franchise.

4.85 stars

This is an amazing, real-life story told the most boring and unappealing manner.  Director Clint Eastwood made several choices here that I just do not understand.

Of course, the biggest and most apparent choice made by the Oscar winning director was taking the real-life heroes from this major news event and have them play themselves. Childhood friends Spencer Stone, Alek Skarlatos and Anthony Sadler star in this movie based on their heroism of one day on a train from Amsterdam to Paris.  On that train, the trio, along with a few train customers, stopped a terrorist from hijacking the train and most likely saved the lives of everyone on the train.

This portrayal of this heroic event took all of ten minutes to show and play out. These ten minutes at the end of the film were amazing and suspenseful.  Unfortunately, the previous 75 minutes of the film was filled with boredom, questionable narrative choices, truly awful writing and dialogue, and wooden delivery from the entire cast, not just the inexperienced men playing themselves.

The film starts by showing the three boys as children in school, which accomplishes nothing narratively, except, perhaps, to allow Eastwood to comment on his obvious dislike for the educational system.  We are shown that these three boys are constantly getting into trouble, although most of the time it is the teachers and the administrators who are to blame because of their unfair accusations toward the boys.  We are introduced to Anthony (young Anthony played by Paul-Mikél Williams) as a smart-mouthed troublemaker who appeal to the outcast boys Spencer(William Jennings) and Alek (Bryce Gheisar).  They become friends, do stuff together, until Anthony decides he is leaving the all-boy Christian school to get a girlfriend.  He does I guess.  Then, there is more trouble and Alek is sent to live with his father out of town.  This was apparently tough for Spencer,but we do not see it.  As soon as Alek is taken away, we flash forward to older Spencer, who is back with Anthony (sans girlfriend, oh well).

At this point, Spencer has made a decision to join the Air Force and texted Alek, who does not return that text, implying that there is some distance between them, though Spencer was confused by it.

None of the story with the children actors is ever dealt with or returned to, nor does it factor in to anything that the threesome decide to do in the second half of the film.  It is literally just a time filler.

We see Spencer fail in his attempt to earn the positions in the Air Force that he wanted, and to be asked to leave.  Again, though, none of that carried any stake for the remainder of the film.  It was just something that happened and is never mentioned again.

Just a few scenes after being tossed out from the Air Force, Spencer is convincing Anthony (who we know next to nothing about) to accompany him on a trip across Europe.  The pair engage on the “selfie-tour” across Europe, eventually meeting up with Alek in Germany because he wanted to spend time with a girl he had met (though, I believe he made her up since we never see her at all and he acts later as if he is completely free of a relationship).

During this whole trip, you cannot imagine how wooden and awkward the scenes with these three are.  There seemed to be very little acting skill on display, and even if they had great skills this dialogue was unlike that spoken by human beings.

There was only one scene in the entire movie, prior to the train sequence, that made me think it was important for later and that was when Spencer was learning some first aid in the Air Force.  Practically every other scene in the film could be tossed aside.

The train sequence was thrilling and very compelling.  I do not understand why the remainder of the film could not have been this interesting or could have built better to this ending scene.

I feel bad for Spencer Stone, Alek Skarlatos and Anthony Sadler because they are true heroes who put their lives on the line to help save people without a second thought for their own safety.  A film of this incident should have highlighted this more than this film did.  I do not know what Clint Eastwood was thinking through most of this film, but it was surely a shame.

1.2 stars

This was another film that I did not want to see.  The trailer made this film look so crappy that I had zero anticipation for it and almost skipped it.  But the chance of having the ultimate double feature (Fifty Shades Freed and Peter Rabbit) got me into the theater.  Plus, the Paddington trailers looked terrible as well and both of those movies are gold, so could the same thing happen for Peter Rabbit?

Eh.. not so much.  It was okay.

I will say that if you are 10 years old or under, this is probably going to be a great time at the theater, and in that case, it reaches what is its target audience and that should make it a success.  I would even say that the parents can sit through this with their kids without wanting to tear out their eyes.

This film is based on the children’s series by Beatrix Potter.  Peter Rabbit (James Corden) and his family of rascally rabbits are trying to steal vegetables from the garden of Old Mr. McGregor (Sam Neill), when the old man died of a heart attack.  A relative named Thomas (Domhnall Gleeson) takes over the garden and picks up in a rivalry with the clever creatures.  The neighbor Bea (Rose Byrne) loves the rabbits, tries unsuccessfully to paint, and falls for the new McGregor.  Peter became jealous of the attention Bea gives Thomas and swears that he must go.

So,yes, Peter Rabbit is a giant asshole.

The film is reasonably fun.  It has about three or four running jokes that they string together throughout the entire film that work, at least initially.  The CGI is extremely well done as these rabbit appear to be real creatures.

There is some good chemistry between Gleeson and Byrne and because of that, you want to root for Gleeson to turn away from his crazed ways and embrace the good side.  Of course, one could argue that Peter drove him to do everything that he does.

It did feel pretty long and the story was definitely paint by the numbers predictable, but that does not hurt when the target audience is in the single digits of age.  It moved from scene to scene quickly and had enough heart to be charming.

Yes, the running jokes were driven into the ground.  Yes, the main characters are both jerks.  Still there is enough for children here and it is not the worst time at the theater for an adult.  It certainly hit what it was intending to do. Paddington is still 100% better, but you could do way worse than Peter Rabbit.

3 stars

I debated with myself about going to this movie.  Last year, a friend of mine posted to my review on Facebook asking why I go to the movie when I knew I was going to hate it.  That was Fifty Shades Darker, of course, which I abhorred.  I responded with some platitude like “taking a bullet for my readers” or “you never know.”  I think I referenced how I hated the first Ouija movie but loved Ouija: The Origin of Evil.  The real answer is that I see myself as a movie critic and I want to review the movie.

However, after how much vile I had for Darker, I truly considered skipping the “climax” (ha ha…yeah, real funny marketing there) of the trilogy.  I knew I was going to hate it.  Why put myself through it?  Of course, I thought to myself, how could I honestly compile a list of worst movies of the year without having experienced the final chapter (thank god, by the way).

I was still torn when we had a snow day from school today, but the roads were not too bad.  This opened the day up and I made the final decision.  I would attend the final film.

And you know what… I did not come out of the film with the same self-loathing for seeing Fifty Shades Freed as I did seeing Darker.  I did not want to put a hot poker through my head like I wanted last Valentine’s Day.

The movie is still shit, mind you, but it was less obscene as Darker, so there is that.  Just sayin’.

There is not much of a plot here.  The movie is a soft-Rated R-porno with a plot just a little more developed.  Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and her hunky billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) get married at the very opening of the film.  Then, they have marital problems and there is a stalker (Eric Johnson).

That’s about it.

Of course, this relationship is meant  to be the heart of the film,but it is such a toxic relationship, it is really difficult to cheer them on.

The dialogue is atrocious.  The acting is below average.  I do think you can see the light in the eyes of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan as they know that their contracts are up and they do not have to be these characters any longer.  I think they are both, at the very least, competent actors, but the scripts that they are given are just so bad that it is bordering on funny.

I feel for these two.  How many years did it take for Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson to shake off the stink of Twilight, allowing people to see that they were solid actors?  Will Johnson and Dornan have the same time frame?

This was better than Fifty Shades Darker.  It had some decent moments of unintentional humor that helped entertain me.  It is a bad movie, but it is most likely not the worst movie of the year.

1.2 stars

I was watching the Super Bowl Sunday night and enjoying the release of the new movie trailers coming during the commercials. Then, there was a trailer for a new Cloverfield film on Netflix. Cool.  I didn’t know that Netflix was going to have a new Cloverfield movie, The Cloverfield Paradox.  I was a fan of the first two films so I was excited to see the new film whenever it would come out.  Then the news broke.  It was debuting on Netflix that night, as soon as the Super Bowl was over.

Absolutely brilliant.

As a marketing ploy, this idea was pure genius.  Tease a popular film franchise’s next entry in the series in front of the biggest viewing audience of the year, and then roll it out immediately afterward.  Just brilliant.

So I, like I am sure many people, at the end of the Super Bowl, made my way to Netflix to watch the movie.

It was okay.

Again, I am sure that this stunt brought way more eyes on The Cloverfield Paradox than ever would have seen it in any other way.  Certainly, if this film had been released in the theaters, there would be a much greater chance that it was going to fail.  Here, Netflix introduced a brand new way to present their material.  It was a monumental way to maximize the release.

The film was an okay, fairly unoriginal science fiction story that featured pieces from other science fiction movies that we have seen before such as Life and Event Horizon.  Much like 10 Cloverfield Lane, there is little connecting this movie to the original film until an image at the very end.  In fact, it could easily have been filmed as a completely different movie and made to fit the idea of Cloverfield after filming was over.

The crew of the Shepard i in orbit around earth in search of a new source of energy for a planet struggling to find energy and on the brink of war over it.  The crew has plenty of questions about each other, doubting the motives of crew members.  Lead by Hamilton (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), the crew ignited the controversial Shepard in an attempt to save the earth.  However, shockingly, when the space station stops, it seems as if the earth is gone.

The cast of this film is pretty strong.  Mbatha-Raw does a great job leading the cast as Hamilton.  We also get Daniel Brühl as Schmidt, David Oyelowo as Kiel, Chris O’Dowd as Mundy and John Ortiz as Monk.  Each of these actors bring a strength to the role that helps to elevate the material higher than it might have been with  lesser actors.

The story has some good elements to it.  I found myself compelled enough to stay up and watch it after the Super Bowl.  True, some of the science fiction elements are not explained much, but that did not bother me much.  In fact, much of the previous Cloverfield movies lacked some explanation so it did not bother me.  When a severed armed started writing on its own, I did not find it a problem.  I actually thought that was neat and had some of the funnier moments of the film.

I will admit that the film has a definite feel of a B movie, and not a film that you might see in the theaters.  It feels like it found an appropriate home on Netflix. I know that Netflix is wanting to move into more serious movies, and this one would be a step back from, say Mudbound.  However, if I found entertainment here, albeit, not a ton of depth.

In the end, as a fan of the previous Cloverfield movies, I have given this a pass.  Not only because I enjoyed watching it for the most part but also because the fact that Netflix may have changed the way business is done.

3 stars

“Inspired by true events.”

What exactly do these words mean?  In this case, the words indicated that there is a real house, in San Jose, California, like the one in the movie that Sarah Winchester was continuously adding on to during her life.  It has a reputation of being haunted.

That would be it.

Not that there is anything wrong with taking that bit of true events and fictionalizing it into a horror movie.  Heck, I would even go as far as to say that the concept itself is very solid.  The Winchester mansion has all kinds of weird rooms, with stairs leading nowhere and creepy atmosphere.  The lay out of the house indicates the possibility of the madness of the owner.

None of that is covered effectively.  This house, which should have been the most important character in the movie, was really neglected for cheap jump scares and cliched horror movie tropes.

Dr. Eric Price (Jason Clarke), a drug-addicted yet famous psychologist, is hired by the Winchester company to travel to see Winchester heiress Sarah (Helen Mirren) and to perform a psychological test on her.  Price has his own share of problems that he brings along with him to the haunted house.  Immediately, there are things that he hears and sees that he has a difficult time coming to grips with.  Meanwhile, obsessively controlling Sarah will only speak to him under certain specific circumstances.

Eventually, we discover that Sarah believes that the house is being haunted by the angry spirits of those victims of the Winchester gun, and she has been building this house to help contain or allow the ghosts to move on.

There could have been some real psychological horror here.  They had set up this woman to be completely mad and behind much of her own pain, and they have some real potential in the character of Dr. price, whose own demons could be used in this situation.  Neither of these are effectively used.

Both Helen Mirren and Jason Clarke are okay in these roles, but I really expected to see the acting elevate the material, especially int he case of the great Dame Mirren.  That did not happen here.  They were fine.  That’s about it.

The story itself was non-existent more much of the film and it was downright boring for a good chunk of it.  There are so any things that are tossed out there without any sufficient follow up that it felt like a patchwork of a story.  And because of that, the film neglected the story that it should have focused on.

Worst part yet was the film was all jump scares.  Honestly, jump scares are so easy and this film chose to use them instead of going into any expansive story elements.  And these jump scares were so ridiculously obvious that they lost a lot of their effectiveness.  There is one scene where Dr. Price is moving a little mirror back and forth and you knew something was going to show up and try to scare us.  It moved a couple of times before finally settling on the “scary” creature that made Dr. Price jump.  There were also the typical loud bursts of music meant to jolt the audience.  I actually appreciated those jolts as they snapped me back awake a couple of times.

This movie took all of the fascinating parts that could have created a new and different horror movie, and tossed them away to have a simple and repetitive haunted house movie like all the others we have seen so many times before.  And even worse, the film wasted a strong cast including an Academy Award winner in Helen Mirren.

I did not even go into the magic bullet of love.

1.5 stars

I do believe this is the final of the movies released in limited release for Oscar consideration, and it is the best one as well.

I loved The Shape of Water, finally getting to see it.  It would have found its way into the top 5 of 2017 had I been able to see it before.

Guillermo del Toro brings his style to this beautiful story into something magical and legendary.  In the secret facility, mute Elisa (Sally Hawkins) works as a cleaning woman but something unbelievable happens.  Government agent Richard Strickland (Michael Strickland) has brought something to the facility, some kind of Amphibian Man (Doug Jones) monster to be studied and researched.

Elisa found herself drawn to the Amphibian Man and she sneaks him eggs and plays him music.  Meanwhile, Strickland is getting anxious for answers and information and begins pushing for dissection.  That forces Elisa, along with a doctor at the facility (Michael Stuhlbarg), to try something desperate.

The Shape of Water is magic and you can feel the magic.  There have been few films that have this kind of tone/feel.  It is almost palpable.

Performances are top notch.  Not only from Sally Hawkins, who is remarkable, and Michael Shannon, who is scary intense, but also from Octavia Spencer and Richard Jenkins, who play secondary characters.  I would even go as far as to say that I loved the original and quirky Richard Jenkins as Giles, Elisa’s friend.

The design of the Amphibian Man is amazing and has so many little idiosyncrasies that you would probably notice different ones each time you see it.  Doug Jones does a great job as the monster, showing as much emotion as he could without the ability to speak.

This is, of course, a key connection between the two of them since neither of them can use words to speak.  The love story is the single most important aspect and it really does work.  I did not think it would, but it was wonderful.

The music of the film is as important as the cinematography and the acting.  The music plays a huge role in the connections between characters and the imagery of the film.  I will say, I am not convince that the “dance” song near the end worked or fit very well.  That might be my only criticism of the film.

The Shape of Water was well worth the wait.  This was an amazing and magical time at the movies.  It made you feel as if this was an old time story with the beautiful expertise of today’s world.  I loved it.

4.95 stars

The third and expected final movie in the Maze Runner trilogy was released this weekend after a troubled and difficult path.  The dangerous, but thankfully not fatal, accident that befell movie star Dylan O’Brien caused the film to be delayed, but the young actor looked great back on the screen.

In the third installment, Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) is desperately trying to find a way to save his friends and the world from the deadly disease known as “The Flare.”  Meanwhile, the forces of WCKD are trying to do the same thing, but in extremely different ways.  WCKD head Janson (Aidan Gillen) is trying to capture every immune child in the world so they can use them as lab rats to solve the disease.  Teresa (Kaya Scodelario), Thomas’s old love and betrayer, works in the lab hoping to find the cure.

So with Thomas’s close friend Minho (Ki Hong Lee) captured by WCKD, Thomas and the rebels look to save him from his future.

I kind of liked the first Maze Runner movie, but I really disliked the Scorch Trials film, so the third film could go in either direction.  Ironically, that is exactly what it did.

The first hour or so of The Death Cure was boring.  I was not engaged and I found myself wishing the film would get over.  I was not involved with the characters and the storyline felt flat and familiar.

Then, the last hour and a half or so, the film really picked up its pace, became exciting and engaging and really improved.

So the film was really split into two sections.  One good and one bad.  Once they got through the first section of the film, I did enjoy it much more.  The action was better and the characters became more important to me.   It was still predictable but it was considerably better than the first hour.

In the end, my decision with recommendation or not sticks with one major scene that stuck with me the remainder of the film.  And to talk about it, I need to mention that this section is SPOILERS

At one point, Thomas and Newt (Thomas Brodie-Sangster) undercover, escorting Teresa into WCKD in search of Minko.  They are in an elevator when Janson holds up the elevator and gets in and begins having a conversation with Teresa.  He had no idea who was standing directly behind him in the riot gear.  I immediately said to myself, “Shoot him in the head.”  Of course, Thomas does not do that, and not too longer after that Janson had figured it out. The opportunity was missed and I could not get past the fact that everything else wouldn’t have happened or could have been avoided with one easy pull of the trigger.  That plot hole made me question the rest of what happened.

I did like this better, much better, than the Scorch Trials, which was a serious misstep, but this did not reach the levels of number one.  The trilogy was reasonably finished , so let’s see if this is the end.

2.75 stars

I’ve been sick the last part of this week so I was not sure what I was going to be able to handle today.  However, I was feeling considerably better so I went off to see one of the wide releases of the weekend which was actually one of the movies released in December for Oscar consideration, Hostiles.

Since this was the new film from Scott Cooper, the director behind Crazy Heart, Black Mass, and Out of the Furnace, I could guess one thing.  The film was going to be dark, potentially depressing and slow moving.  Thing was, I really liked this movie and did not find these traits (which Hostiles definitely has) to be a drawback.

The year is 1892, and Captain Joe Blacker (Christian Bale) is a Union Calvary man nearing the end of his career.  He has been known as a brutally vicious soldier in battle, with a rep for killing Indians.  When ordered by Col. Abraham Biggs (Stephen Lang) to escort Chief Yellow Hawk (Wes Studi), a Cheyenne who was also a brutal killer, and his family from New Mexico back to their homelands in Montana, Joe balks.

Joe had a past with Chief Yellow Hawk, who slit the throats and scalped three of Joe’s close friends.  Joe refuses the order, threatening to take whatever punishment dealt to him.  After some struggle, Col. Biggs convinced Joe, who knew the paths and had experience in the area and was the only one who would be able lead this troop, that he had no choice.

As the group were on the trail to Montana, they came across a burned down home of Rosalie Quaid, who was mourning the death of her family at the hands of a particularly vicious group of Comanche.  Rosalie seemed to be in shock and appeared to be “broken.”  Still, she allows them to bury her family and she accompanies them on the trip.

But the hazards of 1892 wilderness was just getting started as we see continual horrors show up from all areas of the world.

I really enjoyed this movie.  I did not think it felt slow a I have heard some criticize it.  I enjoyed the early parts where we saw character interactions between Joe and Rosalie, Joe and Chief, as well as the interactions with the Cheyenne tribe members.  There were some interesting secondary characters who got all too little time to shine as well.

Both Christian Bale and Rosalind Pike are tremendous in their roles, and I really enjoyed what they gave to Wes Studi as well.  These three characters had to be the strongest of the group since these were easily the ones that the film was centered around.  In fact, one of the film’s weaknesses was that they did not develop the other secondary characters enough. Heck, Timothee Chalamet was in this movie for a hot second.

The fact that we did not get to know these characters better hurt the film.  There was one scene where someone dies and I did not know who it was.  I kept looking through the cast after the scene, trying to figure out who was gone.  Never figured it out.

The other problem I had with the film was it seemed as if Joe and the Chief changed perspectives on each other really quickly.  I understand that the necessity to team up was there, but Joe had protested so much earlier that it did not feel right and that made the ending feel as if it was not earned.

However, that was the only criticisms I had for the film.  In fact, the rest of the relationship between Joe and the Chief was great.  The idea that these two characters are the same character, just from different worlds was fascinating to me.  It wasn’t the theme of the white man persecuted the Native Americans and treated them horribly like so many films use.  It is also not that the Native Americans were savages and needed to be killed.It was both.  It was a theme that any man, depending on POV, can commits acts of good or evil.  You had Joe and the Chief both clearly solid, heroic men who had done many atrocities in their lives and they had to deal with what those acts made them.

Rosalind Pike’s arc was exceptional as well as she went from mourning widow to woman determined to continue.  We see different variations of other characters along this same arc, which is why it would be nice to have had more with those other characters than what we got.

The film was beautifully shot and the exterior scenes brought the audience right into the world with the characters.  There was an extended rain scene that was something else.  I kept wondering if that rain was ever going to stop.

Again, this film is not as much about the anger between white man and the Indians as it is the internal struggle of humans to decide what they are willing to do and how they can live with that decision.  The film was long but it never felt like it.  As I said, I was sick this week and have not slept well so I worried about dozing off in the middle of this one.  It did not happen, even once.  The film captivated me from the beginning and, with the few exceptions about wanting more form the characters, I did not have much to complain about.

4.2 stars