A few years ago, on Collider TV Talk, they did a bit where Sinead de Vries, one of the wonderful panelists on the show, admitted that she had never seen Game of Thrones before and they had her watch the season it was on (maybe six?) without watching any prior episodes. It was a great segment that they carried through the whole HBO season.
Well, I have never seen any episodes of Game of Thrones either and tonight begins their final season and it is a scant six episodes. So, I decided to steal the bit and do the same thing that Sinead did. Watch the final season through eyes that have never seen any GoT before. Let’s see what will occur. There are, of course, SPOILERS contain within, although I may not know what exactly I am spoiling.
Season 8 Episode 1
April 14, 2019
The final season countdown ends.
Previously on Game of Thrones.
There was a big dragon. The Night King has an army. Jon Snow is the true heir to the Iron Throne.
There is a little kid running through the snow covered land. He tiptoes through a small stream and come across a parade of soldiers returning. Kid climbed a tree for a better look.
With the marching soldiers were Jon Snow (who I know) and a blonde (almost white) haired woman on horse back. Lots of other people are on horse too.
We see a younger girl watching these people return. I guess the boy in the tree is not important.
Peter Dinklage is in a carriage with another guy and makes a balls joke. I guess the guy was a unic.
Jon Snow says that the people of Winterfall did not like outsiders but she brought two dragons. The dragons fly overhead and the little girl smiles slightly.
A red head- Jean Grey from X-Men movies- come now and meets Jon Snow. #DarkPhoenix Snow jumps off his horse and kisses the head of some kid in a wheelchair.
Jean Grey =Lady Stark.
Apparently the Night King has her dragon and the dead march South. #DeadWalking
Jon had a choice to make- give up his crown or protect the North and he chose the north. He said the Lannister Army was coming to join the cause. This caused unrest among the people.
Lady Stark worries about the food it will take to feed all these people plus two dragons.
Little bit later, there is an awkward moment between Lady Stark and Peter Dinklage. I guess they were married once. She fled from someone’s wedding. They don’t seem to be together any more. #Awkward
Peter Dinklage fears his sister. Lady Stark agrees and leaves. Peter Dinklage looks sad. I’ll have to find out what Peter Dinklage’s character name is.
Jon Snow stands in front of a white tree with closed eyes and what looks like blood running from it. The girl from the soldier’s parade arrives and hugs him. Asks him how he could not die from a blade to the heart. He said he couldn’t… must have been that time when Jon Snow was supposedly dead.
They compare swords. They indicate that they are family of some sort. Brother and sister?
Now we meet another red head, this one with shorter hair. She is told that the dead have broken through the wall and she responds, “Good.” #WrongResponse
Then there are ships. And on the ship there is a dirty woman tied to a post. The captain(?) talks to her. She asks why he did not just kill her. He would miss having someone to talk to because he has a crew of mutes. Now though he is going to go “and fuck the queen”
Soon, he is facing the short haired woman from earlier with a kid and another man. It is not the kid from the tree earlier… I checked. This kid is a king of a land who is bringing an army to fight. The kid leaves. The second man is Captain Strickland but he has no elephants. She is disappointed.
Strickland leaves. The other man (Captain?) indicates that he wanted to have sex with her, but she tells him to get a whore. I guess she changed her mind because he went with her after looking at her scary looking guards.
Then there is three women getting naked to have sex with this older guy. DENIED! #Cockblocker. Interrupted by this other old guy (who the naked women flirt with for a second) because the queen has a job for him. Kill her brothers. And here is a cool new crossbow to help.
Short haired queen must have been finished with her sex with Captain(?). He asks about sex with the fat king. He’s dead. I guess. He tells her he is going to put a prince in her belly. How romantic!
Back on the ship, arrows fly through the eyes of people on the ship. They all die immediately. Another man who looks important goes over and unties the dirty woman, who responds to him with a headbutt that knocked him down. Then she helps him up.
I guess she is a queen too. How many queens are there?
Her rescuer wants to go fight for the Starks. She sends him.
Seven Kingdoms. Does that mean seven queens? We see Jon and Daenerys (the blonde queen). Jon’s sister does not like her, but will she respect her? The dragons are barely eating.
Jon and Daenerys go to visit them. She gets on the back of one of the dragons and taunts Jon to do the same. Jon worries about dying. The dialogue of this scene was terrible. #Cringeworthy
Jon climbs on the dragon and they take off flying. Jon holds on desperately. They land somewhere isolated. “You’ve completely ruined horses for me” said Jon. LOL. Good line. Jon and Daenerys kiss and the dragons watch. Jon is nervous. Daenerys says “Don’t be afraid” but Jon keeps an eye on the dragon which is staring him down something fierce. #DragonEye
The little girl from earlier (Jon Snow’s sister, maybe) comes to a weapon maker. They have a history, I’m guessing. She does not want to be called Lady Stark. She wants a weapon. The one guy tells her she is a rich girl after all.
Jon Stark and Sansa (Jean Grey) Stark argue. #GetaRoom
Some guy arrives to Daenerys and thanks her. She tells him his father would not kneel before her so he died. His brother too. This guy starting to cry so he excuses himself. Not as thankful now. He meets up with the guy in the wheelchair and he tells this man that it was time that Jon knew the truth.
The man is apparently the one person Jon Snow trusts above all else. He sneaks in to see Jon and tells him that he is the rightful ruler of the 7 Kingdoms because Jon’s true father is Rhaeger Targaryen and not Stark as he thought. He was not a bastard. He was the true heir to the Iron Throne. He also tells Jon that Daenerys killed his father and brother because they would not kneel. Jon tells him he gave up his crown (he told that to a bunch of people this episode). Doesn’t matter. He is still the true king. Would Daenerys lay down her crown as well for the good of her people? My guess is no.
A group of men with swords drawn run into each other and they have blue eyes. Not sure why that was important. Code word maybe? Any way, they find the kid from before who was a king dead, stuck to the wall with weird crab leg design around him. It is a warning. Then the kid comes to life screaming. The set him on fire and the kid keeps screaming.
A hooded figure rides into town and gets off the horse. He spots Jon Snow’s bother in the wheelchair as dramatic music plays.
Episode looked great, but honestly some of the dialogue sounded terrible. Dragon stuff was cool, especially the first time I saw it in How to Train Your Dragon. I thought it was good otherwise, but I have no idea who some of these people are and who they are supposed to be connected to. Of course, I knew that would be the case so we’ll see if I can figure more out next week.