
Part Two: Things Get Worse
The Schmoedown degenerated quickly, but we were all too close to see it happening. That is, until it was too late. Kristian came to see me after the removal of JTE from the Patriots.
“Bibs,” said Harloff, “I need to talk to you.”
“Growl, growl,” I said, never out of character.
“Listen, I’m worried about this Dagnino thing. I’m nervous about exactly what he may be planning.”
Looking back, I wish I would have taken Kristian more seriously because he was the only one who was truly on track.
“I want you to face Sneider in his number one contender match. I think you are the one to save the Schmoedown.”
“Save the Schmoedown,” I joked. “That would make a great hashtag.”
Taking a deep, calming breath, Kristian continued, “Nonetheless, Dagnino and the Lion’s Den are a serious threat to the Schmoedown. Once he gets a taste of power…”
“Too late, Harloff.”
Tom Dagnino slithered into the room with Team Action, Ben Bateman and Andrew Ghai, following behind him closely.
“Your days of making decisions are thru,” said Dagnino.
“You’re an idiot,” said Harloff.
“Sorry, Beast, but I’ve already scheduled you for a match. Critically Acclaimed will be going against Team Action…so you are unavailable for a number one contenders match.”
Again, with hindsight, I shouldn’t have been so quick to accept this match. It would change my life forever.
“Growl, growl,” I said, looking at the smarmy Team Action. They were uncharacteristically quiet. It became clear immediately that Team Action knew there were bombshells left to detonate.
“I have scheduled you and your little buddy Ellis for your one-on-one match,” Dagnino boasted.
“We agreed to have a match if we reached 2500 patrons. We just reached 2100 yesterday,” said Kristian. “What’re trying to pull?”
“We’re at 2500,” said Dagnino. “You can check with Brianne if you don’t believe me.”
“That’s not possible,” said Kristian.
“I know some people down in San Diego… I reached out to them. And then I called Frank. Stallone. He owed me a favor.”
Kristian glared at Dagnino with a nervousness. He could feel there was more to this.
“And…since I am Commissioner during this match…I’m setting a stipulation to that match. Loser of that match will have to leave the Schmoedown for a year.”
“You can’t do that,” Kristian said.
“I believe I can. I remember it happening before,” said Dagnino
Dagnino’s bright used car salesman smile defined his position. He was in control and he knew it.
“OH, and Sneider will face Josh Macuga in that number one contender match and when Sneider wins, not only will he be number one contender, but I will be made the permanent commissioner.”
My blood ran cold.
Everything went downhill from there. Josh Macuga did his best, but someone had plied him with liquor, which only made him yell “Wildberries” more. Sneider won. Macuga sold some t-shirts. Dagnino became the official commissioner. Thadd Williams joined up with Dagnino as his personal lackey.
The Harloff-Ellis matchup did not take place. Both of the Schmoes refused to participate in the match and Dagnino suspended them both.
With Dagnino and Ken Napzok at the desk, Jeff Sneider became the new Schmoedown Movie Trivia Champion by defeating Samm Levine in a match that set the YouTube comment boards on fire. Cries of “fixed” were all over social media as the contest was anything but fair.
Dagnino did not care.
In my own match with Team Action, my partner Whitney Seibold no showed. I have not seen him since. I was forced into a handicap match. It had happened once before with Rachel Cushing and I felt for her then.
Unfortunately, I did not get to finish mine.
As I spun the wheel in round two, one of the slices from the wheel, Festival Darlings ironically, flew from the wheel and was embedded in my left eye (though I do look like a cool pirate with my new eye patch, growl, growl).
But worst of all, Dagnino started showing up less and less, and he was being replaced by….

To be continued:
Part Three: Rise of the Horsemen





#10. (2000) Erin Brockovich
#9. (2005) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
#8. (2006) Casino Royale
#7. (2003) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
#5. (2002) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
#4. (2001) Moulin Rogue
#3. (2008) The Wrestler
#2. (2004) Spider-man 2
#1. Zodiac
You know, like James Cameron, who wished that the movie going public would get “Avengers Fatigue” and stop going to these types of film. What an arrogant asshole comment that was. To wish someone else’s franchise failure because… what reasons could there be except for his own pitiful selfishness on how Black Panther has surpassed his own films domestically.
Of course, in his attack, he completely ignores things like trilogies. Do we have to re-introduce Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi as Luke’s father? Doesn’t Luke’s quest to redeem Vader stem from behavior “defined by the template set for them in other movies.” What about Frodo Baggins’s effort to get the ring of power to Mount Doom? Isn’t that set up in a previous film? How are we supposed to understand it? Are we expected to watch these previous films?
What Richard Brody fails to understand, despite mentioning it in the beginning of the article, is that the MCU is like a long form television/serialized story and this film is the season finale. We already know these characters. That is why they can pop up and act in ways that they have already established.
One of the things that hit me more the second time was the death of Spider-man. First time I saw it, I was not as emotional because I was thinking more about the fact that I knew this (and the Black Panther death) would not stick. Clearly, a sequel to Homecoming and Black Panther are coming so these characters are not going to remain dead. That was a thought in my head on the first viewing so it colored the ending of the film. The second time, I was able to put that out of my head and just watch it as a story and I found myself heart broken by the powerful performance of Tom Holland as he begged Tony Stark that “I don’t want to go.” Spider-man is a 15/16 year old kid who hasn’t lived his life. His response is perfectly reasonable and crushes you, if you allow yourself to not be thinking that it is only temporary.
Another complaint I have seen is the reaction of Peter Quill to discovering that Thanos had to kill Gamora and how that caused the plan on Titan to fail. Spider-man, Iron Man, Mantis, Drax, Dr. Strange had nearly removed the gauntlet from Thanos’s hand and it was Quill’s freak out that broke Mantis’s grasp on the Mad Titan and allowed him to snap back to reality. Why would Quill react that way? Because that is who Peter Quill is. In Guardians Vol. 2, he reacted the same way when Ego told him that he had given his mother cancer. He immediately attacked Ego despite the group not wanting him to. Star Lord is a hothead and does not always think things through. Here, it cost them huge.
There have been questions about the Asgardians. People wonder where Valkyrie was at the beginning of the film. I believe that she is on a ship with half of the Asgardians that Thanos allowed to live. Thor does say later in the film that Thanos killed half his people. It makes sense that she (and maybe Korg) got some away while Thor and Loki stayed behind. As for Loki, ah Tom Hiddleston, we love you. It was a sad moment when the Trickster God played his final trick, but it absolutely set the tone for who Thanos was and just what kind of a threat he would be. Tom Hiddleston is a treasure and I want to thank him for the years of his brilliance as Loki. Once more…”SAY MY NAME”- LOKI!!!!
I also should say goodbye to Heimdall (Idris Elba) who died in those first five minutes. Gamora dies in a tremendously emotional scene (although I kind of think that maybe she has a way back- could her soul be inside the Soul Stone?). And Vision dies…TWICE! Both Cap and Iron Man, heavily speculated that one or both would die here, survived. It looks like the original cast of Avengers all made it through for one final run before some die or head off to the retirement home.

#10. X-Men: Days of Future Past
#9. X2: X-Men United
#8. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
#7. Avengers: Age of Ultron
#6. Thor: Ragnarok
#5. The Dark Knight
#3. Captain America: Winter Soldier
#2. Logan
#1. Captain America: Civil War
Speaking of that not so goodness, I found out this past week that Starz has decided to cancel Ash vs. Evil Dead. What an epic failure in my book. This show has been one of my absolute favorite shows this season, just catching up on Netflix. Season three has been so great that the news caught me completely off guard. I can’t imagine why Starz would make this decision, but it certainly makes my decision to cancel my Starz subscription immediately after the series finale next week an easy choice. Ash is involved in a huge battle with the Dark Ones in next week’s series finale and it looks tremendous. This week was awesome as well as we saw the end of Ruby and everything falling into place for the big knockdown. I have also watched American Gods on Styarz, but I will not be watching that one live on Starz any longer because it made a mistake that I just will not forgive it for.
I started and finished Netflix’s new series Lost in Space over the last few weeks and this was a great reboot and some damn fine science fiction. The interpersonal relationships in the Robinsons were a lot of fun and remarkably deep, and I loved the new Don West played by former General Hospital villain Diego, Ignacio Serricchio. Don was the rapscallion of the crew and he was hugely charismatic and funny. And I was so ready for someone to
kill Dr. Smith, played with a ton of wicked gusto by Parker Posey. I was never a fan of the original series, but I found myself strangely tearing up when the robot first said the words, “Danger Will Robinson.” I am unsure the reason, but I was fully engaged in the series, which had a LOST flare to it as well. The 10-episodes featured several moments where it felt as if one of the main characters would be biting the dust. I have to say, after so many teases, I almost felt as if someone important should have died. It is worth a watch for sure.
I also finished the second season of Netflix’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. After the first few episodes, I was feeling as if this series might not be able to grip me as the original season had done, because it had too familiar feel to it. It desperately needed some adjusting and fortunately, that adjustment came in the being of Nathan Fillion, as Jacques Snicket. The set up of each episodes changed just a bit and the show was considerably better for it. In fact, I was extremely unhappy to come to the end of the 10th episode as the show left us on a desperate cliffhanger. Season three has been greenlit and will be a final season for the show which should allow a conclusion to the story and maybe even some kind of happy(?) ending for the Baudelaire orphans.
Season 8 of the Walking Dead came to a close ending the weakest season of the series’ run. The finale had the same feel as the confrontation between Rick and Negan had a distinct anticlimactic feel to it. I did enjoy the betrayal from Eugene with the exploding bullets, but I saw it coming a mile away. As soon as he handed Negan that gun to “test” it was obvious what Eugene had decided to do. And then the let’s imprison Negan storyline was not exactly the monumental final battle we thought we might get. I am not against keeping Negan alive, but the manner in which it was done felt like disrespect to Glenn and the other victims of Negan. We also saw Morgan leave to head to Fear the Walking Dead, which had its season premiere immediately after the Walking Dead finale.
Roseanne on ABC has had a pretty good couple of weeks worth of episodes including the return of Big Bang Theory star Johnny Galecki as David. There still seems to be some weirdness among the actors as some of their lines feel as if they are being delivered woodenly. It is as if they have forgotten how to act. I cringe much of the time when John Goodman and Laurie Metcalf are on screen and they should be the two best actors on the cast. Still, the writing has improved, story wise at least and the characters are coming into their own.
The WWE Network featured Wrestlemania 34, which was a solid show. The last hour or hour and a half was a bit lackluster. After the debut of Ronda Rousey with Kurt Angle vs. HHH and Stephanie, the rest of the card disappointed. However, the clear winner of match of the weekend went to NXT Takeover with Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa. That may be the Match of the Year leader at this point. Following these events, the WWE also had the nights after Wrestlemania, where a bunch of NXT stars debuted on the main roster (as well as Bobby Lashley returning) and then the following week they had the Superstar Shakeup, which moved performers between RAW and Smackdown. WWE has some momentum right now as they are preparing to have their next major show live from Saudi Arabia on Friday morning.
Agents of SHIELD is full blown crazy as the agents are trying desperately to prevent the future from happening that lead to the destruction of the earth. The young villain Ruby tried to combine herself with gravitonium but it only led to her death by the hands of Yo-Yo. Yo-Yo believes that she may have stopped the future, but it looks as if there may be more coming. Still, the scene where Ruby accidentally crushed the head of the young Strucker was another one of those unexpectedly disturbing SHIELD scenes.
HBO premiered the documentary on professional wrestler Andre the Giant last week and the documentary featured much about the life of the Eight Wonder of the World. It featured interviews with Andre as well as some important people in his life. We saw old footage from his early days, heard details about the life of Andre and focused on his Wrestlemania 3 match with Hulk Hogan. The end of the line for Andre the Giant turned out to be a sad one as he died alone in a hotel room in France. The people interviewed clearly had a strong love of the Giant, speaking of him in glowing and kind terms.
Designated Survivor has been picking up pace while finding ways to connect the fictional world of Tom Kirkman to today’s world. Recently, Kirkman has been having therapy sessions about the death of his wife and now those tapes are being leaked to the media, bringing into question the suitability of the President to carry out his office. Designated Survivor has been strong the last few weeks, and it looks as if next week will feature a bit of a betrayal of its own. It looks as if we have the fortunate luck to have Michael J. Fox on the cast of this show for the remainder of the season. Fox is a lawyer who is trying to determine whether or not President Kirkman is able to keep his job and avoid having the 25th Amendment enacted.
Scandal came to an end this week with a whimper. Instead of sending Olivia Pope and President Fitz to Vermont to live happily ever after and to give the happy ending to the Gladiators, Shonda killed off the last good character on the show, David Rosen, by Cyrus’s hand, and allowed Cyrus to escape with nothing more than a resignation of the VP role. It also brought Papa Pope out to speak to the Congressional hearing admitting to leading B613 and basically bragging about how a black man was making all the decisions the past thirty years. I guess that was not info that should come out because they offered up a scapegoat, Jake, as the leader of B613. I guess the theme of this show was that if you were a good person, your life was worthless and if you were a killing lowlife, you have a chance to life happily ever after. I was very unhappy with the end of the series that had never recovered from the kidnapping of Olivia Pope a few years ago. Even with the ending scene where some young black girls walk through the portraits of former presidents and stop at one of Olivia Pope (not sure if that was to mean that Olivia would become President in the future or what) and looked at it with inspiration, that felt flat since we knew all the horrid things that Olivia did in her time in Washington. Major disappointment.
Speaking of scandals, this time a real life variety, former FBI Director James Comey was making the rounds on the talk shows this week to promote his new book that seems to be causing President Trump a lot of tweet-storms. Comey had a one-on-one interview on ABC with George Stephanopoulos, appeared with Stephen Colbert on the Late Show and the View on ABC. He was also with Rachel Maddow on MSNBC this week (and I may have missed a few appearances). I must say though that Comey came off as intelligent, well-spoken, honest, and thoughtful. Prior to these interviews, I did not have near the positive thought of Comey as I did after seeing these.
Gotham may have finally answered the question about who exactly is the Joker, as suspect number one, Jerome, was killed on the show. Prior to his death, Jerome had sent some of his special Laugh-X gas to his twin brother, Jeremiah Valeska, who has become the Clown Prince of Crime. This twist is just one more way to show you that Gotham is really more about the villains than the heroes. The villains, from Riddler to Penguin, from Joker to Catwoman, from Grundy to Leigh, are the most interesting characters on the show. This week, Ra’s Al Ghoul made his return form the dead to reclaim his Death’s Head from Barbara.
I got a chance to see the most recent episode of Riverdale this week after missing several episodes in a row. It did not seem as if I missed much, outside of the departure of Betty’s new brother. This week’s episode seemingly saw the return of the Black Hood, who killed a girl, Midge, during the show’s play. Of course, it was not just any old play. It was Carrie the Musical. And the entire show was a musical. I guess the Black Hood, who had sent a message to the kids to replace Cheryl Blossom in the lead role, wanted to kill those who were bad singers. If that was the case, everyone on Riverdale is in danger. This was not the best TV musical episode ever… by far. I think that still goes to Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Once More With Feeling. It was a weird episode to return to, but the eerie murder at the end was pure Riverdale.
#10. 22 Jump Street.
#8. Ghostbusters 2
#6. Addams Family Values
#5. Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear
#4. Back to the Future II
#3. Toy Story 2
#1. The Muppets (2011)


Where do I start? How about the funny faces that the kids make when the demon possesses them? It is perhaps the most laugh-inducing thing of the whole film. It looks like a poor man’s Joker face. Come on, that isn’t creepy. It is just laughable.