Assassin’s Creed

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One of these years there will be a movie based on a video game product that is good.  However, Assassin’s Creed is not that movie.

And it was a shame, because I really thought this could have been the one.  After Warcraft earlier this year was not very good, we turned our attention to Assassin’s Creed, starring the excellent Michael Fassbender.  Trailers looked entertaining.  The question about if this would be the movie that finally broke the trend of crappy video game movies was raised.

Then, we saw the film.

Assassin’s Creed was poorly written, boring, and wasted that opportunity to be a trend setting film to bring the genre of video game movies into respectability.

Cal Lynch (Michael Fassbender) was on death row and was executed for some crime involving a pimp (apparently).  However, he was brought back to life by a company led by Sofia (Marian Cotillard).  How did they do that?  Well, you know, by doing it.  That was a detail that was not important here.  Instead, what they wanted was to hook Cal up to a machine that could send him back into the past (15th Century Spain to be exact) where he would be inside an ancestor of his named Aguilar, a member of the group known as The Assassins.  Through Aguilar’s eyes, Cal would try and find a MacGuffin called the Apple of Eden.  The Apple apparently held the power to cure the human race of free will or some kind of crap.  Sofia was backed by the Templars, an organization that has always been fighting the Assassins and who wanted the Apple for their own nefarious and underdeveloped reasons.

Plus, when hooked up to the machine, not only did Cal get sent back into the body of Aguilar, but his present day body did all the same actions and movements of the body from the 15th Century.

Oh, and Jeremy Irons was here too.  He played Jeremy Irons as the father of Sofia.

I was sorry to be watching this movie ten minutes into it.  I was bored and wishing it was done almost immediately.  As soon as the movie showed us young Cal (Angus Brown) seeing his mother dead by his father’s hand, things began going downhill.

By the way, Christopher Columbus appears in this movie (played by Gabriel Andreu).

This film had a lot of potential but it squandered it away with a rotten and needlessly convoluted story, dull characters with muddied motivations, and some full out dumbness.  Even the action, which was okay, was hard to follow since the camera was constantly cutting form one scene to another.  It was impossible to see any of the potentially good action scenes.

The film was filled with cliches as well.  At one point, a runaway wagon pulled by horses rushed toward a cliff.  Seriously, haven’t we seen this a hundred times?

This film tried to be two different films and, by doing that, really damaged both.  It made little sense and was dull, dull, dull.

Assassin’s Creed, with its great cast, could have been the movie that made the video game movie genre not be the butt of the jokes any longer.  Unfortunately, this is not even close to being as good as Warcraft.  That is a really sad thing to say.

1 star

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