My Scientology Movie

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What a great documentary this was.

Louis Theroux created the documentary investigating the Church of Scientology and the infamous head of the organization David Miscavige.  Theroux and his deadpan reactions perfectly displays the craziness of the situations that he found himself in.

Is the Church of Scientology a real religion or a cult?  The jury is still out on that one, but this documentary certainly brings the idea to the front.

My Scientology Movie is extremely funny and shows members of the Church doing amazingly unbelievable things.  The denials for any sort of interview, the compound protected by flashing lights and wire fences and the use of Scientologists to “squirrel bust” the opposition.

Theroux brings several former Scientologists who have left the religion into the film to help explain the interior workings of the Church of Scientology.  Marty Rathbun was a high ranking member when he left the church and he was an amazing character in this film.  His reactions were compelling as you could see him struggle with the thoughts of what he went through as well as things that he may have done.

The documentary also cast two actors for “re-creations” of events that, according to Rathburn, happened.  The film cast an actor to play the role of David Miscavige as well as an actor to play Tom Cruise, the most famous of the Church of Scientology members.  The actor who played Miscavige was Andrew Perez and he had a couple of scenes set up by the documentary that were just transcendent.  Cruise was played by Rob Alter, but Cruise had less to do in the documentary than Miscavige.

The casting of these two actors was one of the most interesting parts of the film, as we see Marty explain to the actors exactly how these people would act by using old archival footage of Nightline with Ted Koppel as well as an interview with Tom Cruise.

The sessions of Scientology were extremely fascinating as well, seemingly as much as an acting course as anything else.  Or was it brainwashing?  Hard to say, but Marty certainly reacted in a dramatic way.

The relationship between Theroux and Marty was very telling as well.  Every time Theroux tried to go deeper and get Marty to look at things he may have done, Marty rejected it and fought back.

There is a great scene outside of the Church’s compound between Theroux and one of the Scientologists arguing about a road that had been closed and whether or not anyone had the right to be there.  It was funny and jaw dropping at the same time.  The fact that the Scientologist was also filming a documentary and had a camera pointing at Theroux every time they were confronting him was a little crazy.

Th documentary was very entertaining and made me wonder about a religion that I really knew little about.  I knew that science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard founded the religion and that Tom Cruise (and John Travolta, I believe) are among the members, but a lot of the rest of this was new information and very intriguing.

4.5 stars

 

The TV Week That Was

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Related imageRyan Murphy returned to TV this week with his next anthology series.  Feud: Bette and Joan premiered Sunday night, telling the story of how film icons Bette Davis and Joan Crawford came together to film the movie “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.”  Starring Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon, Feud pulled no punches in the display of this famous feud.  I was surprised at the level of language on display on the TV network, including several F-bombs and one very memorable use of the C-word.  Brilliant performances and an enthralling story.  Feud is the next great Ryan Murphy mini-series and this year’s People vs. OJ.

Legion Chapter 3 Episode PreviewFX’s Legion continues to be the most trippy, psychedelic and confusing hour of television anywhere.  And that is awesome.  This week, it seems that the “Devil with Yellow Eyes” may have been identified as the X-Men baddie The Shadow King.  Although they never specifically named him Shadow King, there are plenty of hints and suggestions to infer that the psychic villain is indeed the “parasite” that has taken up root in David’s brain.  The scene where the Devil With Yellow Eyes comes into the white room and stalks Syd was as frightening as it could possibly be.  This week’s Legion felt much like the episodes of Twin Peaks where Agent Cooper is running around inside the Black Lodge.  You could never tell what was real and what was not.  Legion definitely has that tone to it.  The first episode of Legion was underwhelming to me, but I have really begun to dig this out-of-your-mind trip.  Plus, a haunting version of the Rainbow Connection.  Episode 5 was masterful.

Image result for designated survivor premiere 2017Designated Survivor returned from a long hiatus to reveal the person who had been shot by the sniper’s bullet in the cliffhanger during the midseason finale.  Turned out that it was President Kirkman himself.  This was a bit of a letdown, considering that really took the question out about whether or not the assassin’s bullet would prove fatal.  Clearly Kiefer Sutherland was not leaving his own show.  However, the rest of the intrigue within the episode was spot on, especially with Kirkman finally coming face to face with Agent Hannah Wells.  Finally!  The treason of the Vice President is about to come out.

Image result for Jughead riverdale nightmareRiverdale was very solid this week as we had a Jughead-centric episode.  Jughead has become one of my personal favorite characters on Riverdale and I was happy to see more about him.  It featured a nightmare segment with Jughead picturing the crew like they are portrayed in the classic Archie comic books.  The all-American family, with Jughead sporting his comic alter ego’s iconic headgear as well.  The show quickly transformed back from this dream into the strange and bizarre show that it has become.  This is another show that hearkens back to Twin Peaks, with the central mystery of who murdered Jason Blossom adding in both Jughead and his father as suspects.

Image result for Scandal all bow downThe other murder mystery on television right now is over on Scandal as the “Who Killed President-Elect Frankie Vargas” got a big surprise this past Thursday.  The whole episode was making it seem as if Olivia’s one time squeeze Jake was the killer after all.  The gladiators had found possible evidence that Jake was behind the explosion that killed Vargas staffer Jenny, who had tipped off that Cyrus had been behind the assassination.  Jake took Olivia and drove her to a secluded spot.  The show was doing a tremendous job of making it seem as if Olivia may have made a fatal mistake getting in the car with Jake, but instead, we discover that Jenny the Tipster was not dead after all.  That Jake only made it look as if she was to fool Rowan, Daddy-Pope.  I did not see that coming.  I must say that I approve of this season of Scandal, as it has kept me on my toes and guessing who was actually behind the death of Vargas.  However, I might be disappointed if it turns out to be Rowan.

Next week will feature the dropping of Marvel’s Iron Fist on Netflix.  Early reviews indicate that the show might not be up to par with previous Marvel Netflix shows, but I am with holding my judgement until I binge it next weekend.

X-Men Movies

With last week’s release of Logan, the topic of X-Men and X-Men related movies is at the front of pop culture and everyone seems to be ranking these movies in order  Well, never let it be said that EYG isn’t willing to jump on a topic.  So here are my list of the X-Men movies in order.

Related image#1.  Logan.  Yup.  This one is a special film.  Full of emotion.  The best rendition of the character of Wolverine from any of the films.  If this is indeed Hugh Jackman’s farewell as Logan then he could not have asked for a better movie.

 

Image result for deadpool#2.  Deadpool.  Ryan Reynolds spent years trying to get this film made, and 2016 finally saw that road come to an end.  And what an end it was.  Hilarious and dramatic.  Full of unapologetic cursing and sexual situations.  A hard R film, but oh so worth it.  International Women’s Day will never be seen the same again.

 

Image result for x2 xmen united nightcrawler scene#3.  X2: X-Men United.  This featured one of the great beginning to any comic book movie, with Nightcrawler’s attack on the White House.  X2 was that rare film that the sequel exceeded the original.  This is still the best X-Men team movie of all time with one of the best non-super powered villains of the X-men canon.

Related image#4.  X-Men: Days of Future Past.  This one felt like it was trying to bite off more than it could chew.  Large cast and a huge comic storyline behind it, this had failure written all over it.  However, thankfully, Days became a massive hit.  It gave us Quicksilver (beating out the MCU Quicksilver from Avengers: Age of Ultron).  The Quicksilver scene in DOFP is one of the top X-Men scenes of all time.  It also helped remove some of the worst continuity in movie history with a mulligan.

Image result for x men first class cuba scene#5.  X-Men: First Class.  This was another failure waiting to happen.  After the previous X-men movies crapped the bed. a soft reboot of the series was called for.  Still set in the same world, the film looked at the beginnings of Charles Xavier and Magneto and the world of the 1960s.  Placing the mutants in the middle of historical incidents (such as the Cuban Missile Crisis) worked brilliantly, and First Class resurrected a franchise that had been barely holding on.  Plus, it gave us one of the greatest cameos of all time (not named Stan Lee) with Hugh Jackman’s Logan.

Image result for xmen original movie#6.  X-Men.  The original was so very important.  None of this comes if this film fails.  The world was ecstatic over the casting of Patrick Stewart as Professor X (though many were unhappy at the casting of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine… “Jackman is 6’4″  He’s way too tall to be Wolverine.  It’ll never work“)  X-Men helped chauffeur in the comic book movie genre and had everyone dressing in black leather instead of spandex.

Image result for the wolverine movie#7.  The Wolverine.  James Mansgold’s first film was really pretty good until the third act where it felt as if the studio may have jumped in and interfered in the creative process.  It is not like they haven’t done that before (hint… Fant4stic).  This started as a great samurai tale told in Japan and featured the greatest ever deleted scene as Wolverine opened a suitcase to see his yellow and blue costume inside.  Fanboys were overjoyed!  Little did we know that this would be as close as we ever would come to seeing that costume on Hugh Jackman.

Image result for x men apocalypse four horsemen#8.  X-Men: Apocalype.  Last year’s film that had some redeeming qualities, but also seemed to tank in the third act.  The early scene of Magneto seeing his wife killed before his eyes and then slaughtering the men who had killed her was worth the price of admission alone.  Unfortunately, Apocalypse and the Four Horsemen were lacking severely.  We got our second cool Quicksilver scene, though.

Image result for xmen last stand logan and jean#9.  X-Men: The Last Stand.  How do you mess up the Dark Phoenix Saga?  Seriously, this should have been such a home run, but it was one of the worst X-Men movies and one of the most disappointing comic book movies of the genre.  Brett Ratner took over for Bryan Singer (who went to work on Superman Returns, another flop super hero flick) and Ratner created one of the more despised X-Men films.

Related image#10.  X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  This is easily the worst X film ever.  They sewed Deadpool’s mouth shut.  The first ten to fifteen minutes of the film was pretty good, seeing the introduction of young James Howlett to the series and watching him grow up over the years in a cool montage.  Then the film started going downhill quickly.  Then, they sewed Deadpool’s mouth shut and gave him all kinds of weird mutant powers.  Then they shot Logan in the head with an adamantium bullet which made him forget everything.  If only that would work for us too.  X-Men Origins was only a success because the failure of it led to the desire to save the character of Deadpool, thus the great Deadpool movie occurs.  Without this travesty, that would never be.  So…thanks? I guess.

 

There they are… the top ten X-Men movies in order from 1-10.  What comes next?  Rumor has it that the next X-men movie will focus on the Dark Phoenix Saga once again.  Hopefully this time they can get it right.

The Shack

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I think that there was a story that had some potential in this film.  Unfortunately, it seemed to get lost among the sermonizing.

The Shack tells the story of Mac (Sam Worthington) and his family, who take a camping trip.  Mac’s wife Nan (Radha Mitchell) could not go along so it was just Mac and his three kids.  And everything seems to be going well.  The family had met several other families and were having a good time roasting marshmallows and canoeing on the lake.  However, when Mac’s attention is drawn away because of an accident on the lake, his youngest daughter Missy (Amélie Eve) is snatched by a man and kidnapped.

FBI agents were called in and they discovered a shack in the mountain where the bloody dress of little Missy found.  Struck with grief, Mac withdraws from himself and dives into depression.  A mysterious letter is found in his mail box, offering an invitation from “Papa” (the name that his wife used to refer to God) for Mac to return to the shack where his daughter died.

As I said, I think there could have been a story here that was worth telling, but the movie really gets bogged down when Mac heads back to the cabin and meets Papa (Octavia Spencer), Jesus (Aviv Alush) and Sarayu (Sumire Matsubara).  I think this film needed to be more mysterious or needed to allow the audience to determine what was going on.  Instead, every little bit is dropped right at the viewers’ feet and explained in the manner the film wanted you to think.  There is little room for interpretation or judgement here.  I did actually enjoy some of the philosophy presented almost like a new-age dogma, but I didn’t need it pounded over my head.

The acting was, at best, average.  The kid actors were not very good, in particular the young actor who played Mac as a kid.  They had him try to do more than he should in several early scenes which set a tone in the movie.  Worthington has seen better days.  The only standout was Octavia Spencer, who sold her character completely and was always entertaining no matter what was happening.  Aviv Alush was an interesting take on Jesus as well.  I could have enjoyed the character as one of the more original takes on Jesus, if the film didn’t feel the need to double down on message.

There is a distinct problem with these faith-based movies.  The problem is that the film makers are so determined to get their religious message across that they forget to tell an engaging and entertaining story.  The Shack had what could have been that story that pulled you into the movie, but it was overwhelmed with the takeaway.

The film even started off by setting up a seriously tragic backstory for Mac, involving an abusive and alcoholic father.  Unfortunately, that plotline is severely dropped and only touched upon later in the film.  Mac is made to do several things in this heavenly cabin in the woods that make little sense.  Maybe that is why they insist on telling us their message constantly.  The entire section with Alice Braga was ridiculous.

By the end of The Shack (which took forever- way too long of a film), I was tired of the film, which is a shame, because I truly think that there was something in the movie that could have been shaped into an entertaining film.  Unfortunately, the message seemed to overpower everything else.

2 stars

Kong: Skull Island

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Everyone’s favorite simian monster is back and he is now HUGE!

King Kong makes his way back to the big screen in Kong: Skull Island, the next step in creating a Monster Cinematic Universe to include Godzilla.  One of those future films is rumored to be a slugfest between Kong and Godzilla.  To make that a reasonable fight, Kong had to be bigger.  Now he is.

Kong: Skull Island serves as a re-introduction of King Kong to the world at large, while changing the ever familiar story of a doomed ape at the top of the Empire State Building.

This time, in the early 1970s in the final days of the Vietnam War, an expedition, led by Bill Randa (John Goodman), is formed to go an investigate the newly discovered Skull Island.  Randa recruits tracker James Conrad (Tom Hiddleston) to help make their way across the island.  Randa’s true goal is to discover proof that monsters exist.

Accompanying Randa is a military troop under the direction of Col. Preston Packard (Samuel L. Jackson), a man fresh off of a mission during the Vietnam War, who was unhappy that the US walked away.  Also joining the crew was war photographer Mason Weaver (Brie Larson).

The group fly their helicopters through the deadly storms that surround Skull Island, keeping it isolated from the world at large, and plan on dropping bombs on the island to gain seismic information.  Little did they know that their bombs would attract the island’s protector, Kong, who laid waste to the helicopters and many of the crew.  Packard became obsessed with killing Kong, despite the information provided by Hank Marlow (John C. Reilly), a soldier who was accidentally stranded on Skull Island in World War II and who had lived here since.  Marlow told the group that Kong was like the island’s God and he was there to protect the island from the lizard creatures that lurked below the surface.

Kong: Skull Island has its positives and negatives to it.  Unlike the new Godzilla movie, Kong is front and center in the film.  We are treated to multiple scenes throughout the movie of Kong fighting, crushing monsters and just being awesome.  This was in stark contrast to the Godzilla movie, which seemed to feature Godzilla’s conflicts off screen until the film’s finale.  More Kong is a good thing, as the look of the monster is simply amazing.  The CGI is impressive and does not disappoint.  The scene of Kong crushing the helicopters was remarkable and the Kong actions scenes following that one were very exciting and tension filled.

The film was beautiful to look at.  It certainly caught the feeling of Apocalypse Now, a film that was clearly an inspiration for the imagery and the marketing of Kong: Skull Island.  The shots of Kong standing before the setting sun are spectacular and the beauty of Skull Island was not lost on director Jordan Vogt-Roberts.

However, the film was lacking in several key aspects.  One, major problem with Kong: Skull Island was the humans were just cardboard cutouts that were nothing more than disposable characters.  Samuel L. Jackson’s character was reduced to the basic revenges-seeking military guy.  Tom Hiddleston’s tracker character was all over the place, being very inconsistent in his actions.  Brie Larson was there to snap pictures and try to connect with Kong because, I guess, Kong has always had a soft spot for pretty blondes.  The remainder of the army platoon that was led by Jackson hit every stereotypical army platoon character possible and were barely distinguishable from one another.  John Reilly’s character was better- with more of a story behind him, but he was so weird that it was hard to feel any sort of connection to him.  All of these characters were, at best, inconsistent.

Then, making it worse, some of the dialogue of the film was just terrible.  I don’t think human beings talk like these characters talked at all.  It was very noticeable several times and served to take me out of the film.

Finally, there were a couple of action set pieces (one in particular that takes place in a boneyard) that is so stupid in just about every aspect that it really damages this film.  It’s one thing to have a film with weak characters, but if those characters are now doing stupid things, well… then you  have some problems.

Still, there is no denying that there is a charm to this film because it knows what it is and does not try to be more than that.  This is a giant monster movie where your main monster is your quasi-heroic one and there is a lot of fun action nonsense.  The performances of the human actors were fine, though the characterization of what they were given was lacking.  Hiddleston and Larson are likeable actors so they are likeable on screen, despite not being much more than a two-dimension creation.

Don’t forget as well to sit through the credits because there is a post credit scene that was fun and hinted at what may be ahead for this franchise.

In the end, I enjoyed Kong: Skull Island.  It was not a great movie, but it was good, especially if you approach it with the idea that this was never going to compete for an Oscar.  This is a fun, popcorn movie that rebrands King Kong for a bright future.

3.6 stars

The TV Week That Was

spoilers

Welcome back to the TV Week that Was.

Image result for moonlight wins OscarThe week started off with one of the biggest controversies of all time, and the biggest Oscar mistake ever.  Sunday night, Jimmy Kimmel hosted the Academy Awards and did a bang up job.  He hit many, if not most, of his bits and the show was reasonably entertaining.  However, once the Best Picture Award was to be announced, the broadcast stepped into some kind of Bizarro world.  Presenters Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty were given the wrong envelope (Best Actress) so when Beatty opened it, he was understandably Image result for la la land producerconfused.  Everyone, including Dunaway, thought he was just messing around, keeping everyone in suspense.  He showed her the card and she saw La La Land and announced the musical as Best Picture.  The problem… it had not won.  Moonlight was the actual winner for Best Picture, and what followed next was as surreal of a scene as you will ever see.  Apparently, there is always two envelopes available depending on which direction of the stage the presenters enter from and the side where Beatty and Dunaway entered from had not gotten rid of the duplicate envelope.  Hence, the most amazing Oscar moment was born.  La La Land producer Jordan Horowitz took charge of the chaos and made sure that the Moonlight people knew that it was not a joke.  Horowitz was rightfully commended by everyone for his actions on the stage in what had to be one of the worst moments of his professional career.  This was an Oscar broadcast that will never be forgotten.

Also this week, Jon Stewart made another surprise appearance on his old friend Stephen Colbert’s Late Show.  Stewart came back again to speak on Donald Trump and the media.

Jon Stewart’s distinct, intelligent and original voice has been missed terribly during this uncertain time with the Tweeter in Chief.  I cannot imagine what Stewart would say if he were still on television regularly.

Image result for flash gorilla city invasionFlash completed its two part Gorilla City story arc Tuesday night and the second part was quite a letdown.  The invasion of the gorillas led by Gorilla Grodd should have been an epic encounter that Flash, Kid Flash and the crew had to struggle against, forever changing them.  Instead, it took like 5 minutes and one moment of planning.  Most of the episode was given to the Kid Flash/Jesse Quick relationship and the weird performances of Tim Cavanagh.  I found the CGI to be just terrible, even by TV standards.  Especially with the gorillas.  After a pretty fun (though campy) part one episodes, I expected much more form Flash, but this was well below expectations for this series.

Image result for bates motel season 5 episode 2Bates Motel is just full boar fun.  Seeing Norman dressed to the nines as Norma while talking to the frozen corpse of his mom in the cellar…well, Bates Motel has gone places where few TV shows have been willing to go.  Your main protagonist is completely certifiable and you just love him for it.

I personally cannot wait for Norman’s half brother Dylan to find out that Norma is dead and that Norman never told him.  Dylan’s father (uncle) Caleb discovered Norman’s secret this week, but I get the definitive impression that Caleb may not be much longer for this world.

 

Image result for rocha mantz IIIOn Screen Junkies Plus, Movie Fights have begun their March Madness programming.  The first major event they held was billed as Rocha-Mantz III.  John Rocha and Scott Mantz are both movie pundits that work in Hollywood, but they have had some contentious moments on the debate show as well as the Movie Trivia Schmoedown on Collider.   Movie Fights brought the pair in to do a special one-on-one fight this past Thursday on the streaming network.  Judge Andy Signore moderated the debate that included such geek-tacular arguments such as Star Wars vs. Star Trek, Moonlight vs. La La Land and what was the best performance from Bill Paxton.  The two plus hour show came up at a dead heat for the final speed round question which was won by Scott Mantz.  Mantz will now go into a special #1 contenders battle to see who will earn a title shot at reigning Movie Fights champion Dan Murrell.

Image result for kate mckinnon as sessions as gumpSaturday Night Live returned from break and hit the cold opening hard with Kate McKinnon playing Jeff Sessions as Forrest Gump.  The opening scene was just tremendously funny, taking advantage of the Sessions-Russian rumors that have been flying around Washington this week.  However, I felt that the remainder of SNL (excluding Weekend Update) was lackluster.  Considering the amount of crazy that had happened during SNL’s break, I expected way more than I got.  The video tribute to the Republican who stood up to Trump- TBD was funny, but there was so much more that could have been mocked.

Sunday night looks to be full of TV as we have The Walking Dead, the return of Once Upon a Time, the debut of Feud: Bette and Joan, and WWE Fastlane PPV.

Have a good week of viewing.

Before I Fall

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This is what it would be like if Groundhog’s Day were a teen angst drama set in high school  rather than a comedy.

Based on a successful YA novel, Before I Fall had a few moments, but they were few and far between as I saw a screen full of unlikable characters who I was constantly told about instead of seeing for myself.

The story itself made little sense and the characters made even less.

Sam (Zoey Deutch) was stuck.  She found herself repeating the same day again and again, a day that ended in tragedy no matter what she would do.  Whether it the car crash that she and her BFFs get into or the suicide of bullied victim Juliet (Elena Kampouris), the day ended terribly.  Sam tried to do whatever she could to see that the day would stop repeating.

As she went along, she came to the belief that she was not the best of person and that she is as responsible as anyone for the tragedy that goes on around her.

The film’s overuse of exposition to explain the behaviors of Sam, Juliet and, especially Sam’s friend and biggest asshole in the film Lindsay (Halston Sage). I’m not sure if Lindsay was supposed to be some one the audience rooted for, but I just found myself calling her all kinds of names. I am still not sure that Lindsay learned any kind of lesson in the movie or made any sort of character progression.  Apparently some bed wetting incident when she was in 5th grade lead to the formation of who she would become.  They had made mention of this 5th grade incident earlier in the film and I thought they were building it up to something powerful.  Instead, it was urination.

Yes, I know there was more than that, but none of it excuses Lindsay’s poor behavior and nor does it explain why Sam, who was also tormented by Lindsay during that fateful 5th grade year, becomes her closest friend.  None of the motivation made any sense.

I could see Juliet getting to a place where she was suicidal, because it looked as if she had been picked on and verbally abused for years.  However, the movie went out of its way to make Juliet look like an oddball, someone who you could expect top be picked on.  The problem with that is all kinds of girls are tormented by bullies in high school.  They do not have to be that different for it to happen.  I think the film made her into this weirdo looking girl allow the audience to understand why your main protagonist and her friends are so cruel to the helpless girl.  It provided a very surface reason and that is a very negative message to be sending.  If Juliet wasn’t portrayed as a crazy teen, then the bullying would have been considerably more powerful.  Of course, then you could not cheer for our attractive lead characters.

I have to say, I was also distracted through the film any time Sam’s little sister was on screen because she looked so much like Jacob Tremblay from Room.  I actually had to look closely to make sure that it wasn’t Jacob with his long hair again.  I found out later that this was actually Jacob’s sister Erica (who was also in the Bye Bye Man).

Coming back to the movie, we had every conceivable teen angst plot here and none of them felt like they mattered at all.  I did not believe that someone like Sam would participate in the bullying or would even like Lindsay.  I did not believe the day when Sam went all dark and emo because it did not matter.  I did not believe her relationship with the popular kid (Kian Lawley).  There was a random lesbian plot point with Liv Hewson (who is excellent in Santa Clarita Diet) that had nothing to do with the story at all.

And there were plot holes galore.  One big one that involved the suicide of Juliet that truly made no sense.

Plus, there was no reason why Sam was the person going through this day.  They tried to show her as a problem child, but I didn’t believe that at all either.

Then we kept hearing about all these past events that shaped these characters, but all that was talk.  None of them felt important enough for them to show us so I dismissed all of them.

This was very disposable and dull, taking an important subject matter (harassment/bullying) and downplaying it.  None of the character motivations made any sense and there were few characters worth rooting for.  This idea worked so much better when it was a comedy starring Bill Murray.  It did not work at all as a drama featuring rotten teenagers.

2 stars

From the Ashes (to Ashes)

The two young men walked out from the shadows.  They were dressed in long, rich robes, each with a hood covering their faces.  Turning ahead, the two dropped back the hoods revealing the two identical faces, the shaggy blonde hair looking as if they both desperately needing a haircut.

“Good evening, my name is Westley Grimm,” he said, doing his very best Alfred Hitchcock voice.  “And this is my brother, Nigel.”

“Hey,” Nigel said, saluting to the camera.

“Welcome to the first ever Brothers Geek Stories of the Myth,” Westley said.

“Today’s myth takes us to the British isles, to the golden city… Camelot.  And our title is…

From the Ashes (to Ashes)”

 

Westley stepped in front of his brother and said, “Camelot, five years prior, was spanning across the land of Britain under the rule of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.  Prosperity covered the land.  People were happy.  Arthur was beloved and his friendship with his magical father figure, Merlin, was strengthening.  Everything was going perfectly well.”

“Dude… lots of exposition goin’ on here, bro.  Let’s get moving,” said Nigel.

“Exposition is an important part of the plot, Nigel,” said Westley.  “Leave me alone.”

“Whatever,” snidely snapped Nigel.

“As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Westley said, glaring toward Nigel who shrugged, “The country of England was in a golden age… but that would not last.”

“Oh…” said Nigel, sarcastically, “What happened next.”

Westley snarled toward Nigel, but the smart-aleck comments were not going to prevent the young geek from continuing to weave his tale.

“I’m glad you asked, bro.  Merlin was becoming too arrogant, too cocky.  He was taking risks with the world of magic that were not worth the dangers.”

“He certainly was no Dr. Strange,” said Nigel.

“Or Dr. Fate either,” continued Westley.  “Merlin opened a portal… a portal to the Underworld and the Roman God of the Underworld, Pluto stepped through.”
“Not Hades?” asked Nigel.

“Nope.  Pluto,” said Westley.

“Why?”

“It’s just Pluto…ok?  Geez, Nigel.  You’re not helping here.”

“Sorry,” Nigel said, but it was clear that he was having a good time twisting the figurative knife in his brother.  “Go on.”

“Pluto brought the power of the Underworld into the Golden City, but the knights and King Arthur held him off.  However, Pluto had more up his sleeve.”

“Pluto had long sleeves?” Nigel asked, stifling a snicker..

“It’s a figure of speech, jerk.”

“I think the name calling is unnecessary,” Nigel snipped.

“Pluto had some help.  He knew that a Pantheon of Death gods would be unstoppable and he had just the crew in mind.  He bopped around the world…”

“Bopped?” interrupted Nigel.  “Pluto bopped?”

“Pluto bopped around the world,” continued Westley, ignoring the latest snarky remark, “heading first to Egypt where he brought Osiris into the mix.  He found himself in Scandinavia at the gates of the afterlife to see the female death goddess, Hel.”

“Don’t you mean Hela?” asked Nigel.

“This is not the Marvel Comics version from the Thor comics.  This is the real version of the myth.”

“ ‘Real’ version,” laughed Nigel.

“Then, after Hel,” Westley said, emphasizing the name, “Pluto traveled to Central America where he brought in the Aztec god of lightning and death, Xolotl.”

“Did you pronounce that correctly, bro?”

“Yes, I did,” said Westley confidently.  “You pronounce it ‘sho lo till’… read a book once, Nigel.  Following Xolotl, Pluto snagged the voodoo dark god Baron La Croix and finally, the fallen angel, Lucifer.”

“Lucifer?  You mean…”

“Yup.  That Lucifer.”

“Oooooh, that is quite the lineup,” said Nigel.

“The Death Gods came down on Camelot like a hammer, a blitzkrieg of evil that collapsed the golden city, crushing the noble Knights of the Round Table beneath its massive might of muscle.”

“Alliteration,” said Nigel.  “Nice.”

“King Arthur was driven from the land and Merlin was sent spiraling into the depth of the void.  Once the opposition was gone, the Death God Pantheon forced the Britons to kneel before them.  The Golden City was clearly tainted with the darkness of their evil.”

“Gold. No. More,” said Nigel.

“This is where our story begins,” said Westley.

“It’s just starting now?”

“Yes, just now….”

“Are we going away now?” asked Nigel.

“We’ll be around,” Westley said, smiling the smile of an unreliable narrator.  “They call us the chorus.”
“I ain’t singing, bro,” said Nigel.

“And we are all very grateful for that,” Westley quipped.

“Burned!”

“The chorus means we are like the narrators of the story,” Westley retorted.
“Our story moves to Norway where our heroic but deposed king is in search of an ally.”

“Who?” asked Nigel.

“You’ll see,” Westley said., turning away with a hand wave gesture.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Arthur battled through the elements, wind and snow berating the true king of England as he struggled with each step.  The snow madding within the blonde beard of Arthur.  He had not shaved since the fall of Camelot and the beard was dangling halfway down his torso.  The sweat froze to his forehead and he desperately hoped that this was the correct place.  He had been searching for someone…anyone to help him return to reclaim his throne.  It was not just about the throne though.  Arthur had night terrors thinking about the pain and the suffering his loyal subjects were currently surviving.  The typical night for the once and future king did not involve many hours of sleep.

Seeing the cave through the snow ahead of him, King Arthur pushed himself through the exhaustion that threatened to overwhelm him.  This current quest was nearing its end.  Arthur prayed to his lord that this trek would end with a success, unlike most of the last five years.

Staggering through the cave entrance, Arthur’s body gave way, collapsing to the cold ground.  The slow breathing of Arthur signified that he had reached the end of his journey.  A moment of failure flashed across his mind’s eye when he realized that a shadowy figure stood, towering over his fallen frame.

“Aye, who doth cross the barrier of mine secluded home?” the man said, reaching down and easily snatching Arthur up onto his fur-covered shoulder.

 

Westley and Nigel stepped from the shadows as the mighty figure carried Arthur like a sack of potatoes over his brawny shoulder..

“Who was that?” asked Nigel.

“You haven’t guessed, my dear brother?”

“Would I ask you if I had?” Nigel barked.

“We are in the home of the epic Scandinavian hero known as Beowulf.”

“Cool!” said Nigel, following the massive man hauling the fallen king deeper into the darkness of the cavern.

 

A few hours later, Arthur started to slowly stir, the feeling of warmth a surprising sensation.  Sitting up suddenly, Arthur realized that the fire that warmed the cave and dried his frozen face had been carefully built before him.  The glow from the campfire felt wonderful upon his chilled body and he almost found himself lost in the fantasy of the warm glow.

“Why are you here, stranger?”

Arthur sprung to his feet, reaching for his sword Excalibur, only to realize that it did not reside in his scabbard.

“Ye be looking for this?” Beowulf said, holding the iconic blade before him.  Arthur tentatively stared at the sword, calculating how he could retrieve the blade without engaging this titanic hero.  Beowulf did not wait for Arthur to do anything as he flipped the sword down toward the ground at Arthur’s feet.  The blade’s tip buried itself into the ground, the handle pointed at its owner.  Had the moment not been such an uncertain one, Arthur would have laughed.  The first time Arthur saw Excalibur, it was buried in a stone and only he could pull it free.  That signified that he was the future king of England.

Arthur did not pull it out of the cavern’s floor yet.  He did not want to appear as a threat to this dominant Scandanavian that waited for him to grab the sword.

“I am here to ask for your aid, sir,” said Arthur, holding both hands in the air.  “I am not here for a fight.”

“And whom do you think you are, little man?” Beowulf laughed.

“I am Arthur Pendragon, the once and future king of England,” said Arthur.  The words clearly had an effect on the heroic Beowulf, the unexpected news of this stranger’s identity froze the hero.

“Pendragon?  You are Arthur Pendragon?” stuttered Beowulf.  “And what exactly are you doing standing before me, Arthur Pendragon?”

“I am looking for a hero.  Someone who will help me reclaim the throne of England and bring this Pantheon of Doom to its knees.  I have been looking for you for years.  I knew that only you, the mighty Beowulf, could help me save my people.”

“You have wasted your time then, Arthur Pendragon.  I have no reason to aid you in tilting at this windmill.  The death gods of Camelot is not a battle that can be won,” he said.  “I am not a fool.”

Arthur had been preparing for this moment for several years.  As he was searching for Beowulf, Arthur was preparing for how to handle a rejection from this arrogant man.

“I thought you were the hero who showed no fear of the demonic Grendal, a monstrous creature that was feared by all, and the creature’s vicious mother.  In a situation that should have been a no-win situation, you fought to the end and slayed each of those monsters.  Little did I know that this was nothing more than a tall tale… a myth.”

“What?” Beowulf began shaking with anger.  “You dare to doubt my sincerity?  You question the epicness of my battle?”

“With the evidence presented me, what else am I do?  The man who I thought was a warrior of the most legendary stature is afraid to challenge the Pantheon of Doom.  I apologize for wasting your time, but you must excuse me because I must find someone real to help me with my challenge.  I need a legitimate warrior.”

With a reddened face, Beowulf ripped Excalibur from the ground and thrust it at Arthur.

“Here, take your blade, your majesty.  You have found your warrior!  Let us return to the land of your birth and I will show you that the hype is not misleading.”

Arthur smiled.  His manipulation had worked.  He had his ally.  But the nagging concern still grew inside his head… was this enough?

 

As the new alliance departed from the cave, the Grimm boys reappeared from the shadows.

“You know what Westley,” said Nigel, “I just don’t think that King Arthur and Beowulf, no matter how awesome that team-up would be, have enough power to take on six death gods.  I mean… it never works in God of War.”

“You’re terrible at that game,” said Westley.

“Come on!”

“You are not wrong though, Nigel.  Beowulf and Arthur are certainly facing what seems to be a suicide mission by themselves.  The thing is….they will not be on their own.”

“Ooooh, cool segue,” said Nigel.

 

Camelot.  It seemed as if the sun never shone on the once and former Golden City. The shine was officially off the rose.  The men and women of Camelot trudged through their days in a haze of suffering and depression.  They all feared to think for even a moment of the dawning a new day in Camelot, worrying that a stray prayer might find the ear of the wrong god.  Life in Camelot was not the same and the fears of the populace was that it never would be again.

The architect of this angst, Pluto, found himself bored.  He spent every day in deep reflection over his choices.  He was always isolated as the ruler of the Underworld.  Even the lovely Persephone’s presence was hardly a counter-balance to his despair.  He knew she only married him because he gave her no choice.  And the six months when she returned to the earth was as painful a time as the god could imagine.  He had hoped replacing the Underworld with somewhere on the earth’s surface would do wonders for his countenance. He realized the folly of his enterprise.  Now, five years later he felt as alone as ever.

Pluto would find his way to the location of his greatest victory every day.  The chamber of Merlin.  Five years prior, Pluto, along with the Pantheon he had constructed vanquished the wizard into the depth of the void, essentially killing the magic user.

“Ah Merlin,” monologued Pluto, “if I had this to do again, I would keep you around.  Surely you would have realized the error of your resistance and taken up your rightful place at my hand.  Together, no one would ever challenge my power.”

Though there were no current challenges to the Pantheon, combining six death gods did not make for the most trustworthy of alliances.  Pluto had to keep a close eye on his allies because you never knew when one of the death gods might desire more than what they had already gained.  Baron La Croix was a known trickster and the story of Lucifer’s fall was based around his desire to rule Heaven.  Would being one of six be enough for these gods?  So far there had not been an issue, but Pluto could almost guarantee that the status quo would not last forever.  Sooner or later he would have to deal with an uprising among the Pantheon.  When that happened, a wizard with the power of Merlin, subservient and loyal, would have been extremely welcome.

“Ah, why do I lament what has gone before?” asked Hades.  “There will never be a return from the darkness for you, Merlin.  I must look forward instead of constantly looking back.  I will prove my worth to my brother, once and for all.”

Pluto’s brother, Jupiter (aka Zeus) ruled the Olympians from atop Mount Olympus and had always looked to Pluto with scorn.  Even with the fall of Camelot, Jupiter was unimpressed.  At some point, in Pluto’s perfect world, he would see his brother cowering at his feet in defeat.  Planning was underway.

Pluto turned away, looking once more back at the chamber of Merlin.

“Ah, what could have been,” he lamented once again.

As the death god departed, the darkness filled the room.  A few moments after the tyrant left the room, the darkness was broken with the glimmer of a golden glow, spreading in the center of the room.  As soon as it started, the fiery glow was gone.

 

“What was that?” asked Nigel.

“That is our deus ex machina for the story,” replied Westley.

“That’s just lazy writing,” said Nigel.

“You know, I can relate to Pluto.  He is just a lonely man with a pain in the butt brother.  I know how he feels.”

“Ha ha ha.  Now you’re a comedian,” snipped Nigel.

 

Outside the walls of Camelot, Arthur and Beowulf approached cautiously.  Even with the bravado of Beowulf and the power of Excalibur, the pair knew the odds of what they were preparing to attempt.  A full frontal assault on Camelot, the home of six death gods was not a plan that encouraged a long life.  Still, Arthur knew they had no other option.  The time was ripe.

“Warriors, if I may make a suggestion,” the voice said coming from behind the two comrades, startling them.  They both drew their swords and turned to face the visage of the person who had managed to sneak up on them.

It was Hel, Norse goddess of the Underworld.

Beowulf’s face revealed his conflict.  He knew Hel had been involved in the Pantheon of Doom, but he had not hoped to come face to face with her so soon.  He lowered his sword and bowed to her.

“Get up, Beowulf,” said Arthur nervously.  He envisioned the loss of his only ally and a quick defeat.

“Rise, noble warrior,” said Hel.  “You need not bow to me, though I do appreciate the respect.  Lower your weapon Arthur of Pendragon.  I am not a threat to you.”

“Why are you here?” asked Arthur, keeping Excalibur at the ready.

“I have determined that Pluto’s days are numbered.  He plans on mounting an assault on Olympus and his brother Jupiter.  This is not something that I signed up for.  Expanding to Camelot was one thing, but all out war with other gods was not what I wanted.  My duty is to see that the warriors have their proper afterlife, whether it be in Valhalla or within my own realm.  I do not desire the power Pluto does.”

“What does this mean?” asked Arthur.

“I am here to help,” she said, the sly smile sent a chill down the spine of both heroes.

 

With one of the death gods at their back, Arthur and Beowulf told themselves, in stark contrast to the goosebumps that were rising on their skin, that they had swung the pendulum of fate back to their side.  Could Hel sway other members of the Pantheon of Doom to their behalf?  Were there others who could turn from Pluto and aid Arthur in saving Camelot from the grip of evil?  What cost would have to be paid?

Hel lead the two heroes through a recently built, hidden tunnel that lead into the heart of the city.  Hel said that this tunnel was built in secret to prepare for the eventuality of having to bring Pluto down.

Still unconvinced, Arthur whispered to Beowulf,”Can we trust her?”

Before the heroic Beowulf could respond, the three of them stepped from the tunnel to see the other five death gods encircling them.  A trap.

“That’s a no, I guess,” said Arthur.

Beowulf spun around to look at the Norse Death Goddess.  Hel stood behind them with a Cheshire cat grin on her frightening face, the betrayal obvious to all.

“My apologies, boys, but you cannot be allowed to wreck our new home.  A war with the gods will bring epic tales of warriors and heroes fallen, and nothing makes me more excited than a good story,” Hel said, barely excusing her traitorous turn.  She did not care what they thought.  She only cared for what was best for her.  Arthur cursed himself silently for trusting this woman.  Beowulf looked as if the dagger had been driven through his chest.

“So,” said Pluto, “the little bird has returned to the nest.  It is a shame that you need to be snuffed out.”

“How did you know?” asked Beowulf.

“Fool.  We are gods.  We are omnipotent.  We know the thoughts and desires of the weak humans,” said Pluto.

“Hel did nothing but bring us face to face with those we must defeat, so I thank you.  You have facilitated the battle that was predestined,” Arthur said.

“Have at thee!” exclaimed Beowulf, prepared to go down fighting in an epic encounter to be spoken by children and storytellers for ages.

 

Behind them in the tunnel, the Brothers Geek stood, Nigel with his mouth a gape.

“How are they going to get out of this?” Nigel asked, completely enthralled by the events unfolding before him.

“Do you remember that deus ex machina I mentioned earlier?” said Westley, ominously.

 

In the distance, the glow from the chamber of Merlin increased, blazing like a sun rising from the morning horizon. The light was so bright that the assembled death gods had to cover their eyes.  Strangely, Arthur had no trouble staring at the fireball.  The fireball shot into the air, crashing through the confines of Merlin’s home and into the air over the sky of Camelot.

“By Odin’s Beard!” exclaimed Beowulf, unable to understand the fireworks that were showing in front of his eyes.

The fireball arrived overhead of the confrontation and seemed to veer directly south, picking up velocity as it plummeted toward the ground.  The death gods scattered from the incoming projectile, but Arthur stood confidentially, and did not give ground.  Despite not being possible, it was as if he knew what was about to happen.

The fireball crashed into the ground, scattering the flames in an explosion of energy and light.  Standing in the site of the crash was a lone figure, draped in a dark blue cloak and a pointed hat covering his long white hair.

“Merlin!” Arthur said, overjoyed at the resurrection of his friend and mentor.

The flames encircled Merlin at his feet, and the fires began to rise from the ground.  The flames began to take shape into a corporal form, a form of a bird.

“By Odin’s beard,” a dumbfounded Beowulf uttered again, “a phoenix!”

The bird of life, the bird that rises from the ashes of death, a phoenix was here, and it flew around Merlin as they, magician and the bird, were one.

“Attack!” screamed Arthur as he and Beowulf launched themselves into the battle, a renewed vigor in their hearts.  Suddenly the suicide mission did not seem so impossible.  As Beowulf engaged the battle with Osiris, the flames exploding from the beak of the phoenix, and the magic bolts from the wizard, Arthur approached Pluto with Excalibur drawn and at the ready.

“You should wait for your more powerful allies, little man,” said Pluto, still taunting Arthur, “because you are still just human and I am a God!”

“You’re not my God, Pluto!” Arthur exclaimed, clashing the blade of Excalibur across the hide of the God of the Underworld.  Arthur surprised himself with how brutal, how bloodthirsty he felt.  Pluto had usurped the throne of Camelot and brought the city of gold to the brink of ruin.  The rage swelled within his breast and he pounded away at Pluto with a might unseen by human history.  Pluto’s allies were being driven back by the bravery of Beowulf and the unexpected amalgam of Merlin and phoenix.  The Pantheon had begun to retreat.  Baron LaCroix was the first to depart, not being known for his courage.  Xotlol found his lightning to be no match for the reborn flames of the phoenix and he quickly opened a portal to escape back to his Aztec world.  Lucifer, as well, was more of a manipulator than a fighter and he realized quickly that the tides had turned.

“I will always have my place in the hearts of man,” Lucifer thought to himself as he slipped away.

Hel was already gone.  She deserted the sinking ship just after LaCroix had.  She knew when it was worth a fight and when a losing battle was due.

Osiris had succumb to the blows of Beowulf and used his last bit of energy to escape the dimension.

Leaving only Pluto.

King Arthur pounded away on the god with his fabled sword, blow after blow taking its toll.  Pluto was down on the ground, cowering beneath the onslaught of the once and future king of England.  Arthur continued to pummel the god.  Beowulf placed his hand upon the shoulder of his comrade.

“It is over, friend Pendragon.”

Arthur placed the tip of Excalibur at the throat of Pluto.  The intensity in the eyes of Arthur told everyone that he was ready to pass judgement on the tyrant.  Pluto glared at Arthur in defiance.  King Arthur eased back on the sword, stepping back to take a moment.

“I will not kill you,” said Arthur, “despite you fully deserving it.  This is done.  Your coup is finally over.”

A bright flash blazed beside Arthur and a dominating and positively regal presence appeared before him.

“Jupiter,” mumbled Pluto, the venom in the word obvious to everyone.

“Arthur Pendragon,” said Jupiter, “Thank you for sparing the life of my wayward brother.  I know it is not easy considering how much trouble he has caused for you and your kingdom.  I have come to ask you to release him into my custody.  I promise that he shall never bother you again.”

“Thank you, your majesty.  I would appreciate that.”

“Come brother,” said Jupiter, “We shall have words.”

Jupiter and Pluto disappeared into nothingness.

Arthur looked around at the end of the battle and he took a deep breath.  It was finally over.  Now came the hard part of bringing Camelot back to its heyday.

 

“I have to give it to you bro,” said Nigel.  “That was pretty cool.”

“Thanks,” Westley said surprised.

“I sure didn’t expect it,” Nigel laughed.

“Jerk.”

“What happened next?”

“King Arthur reclaimed the throne of England and the people began to live their lives once again.  It took time, but Camelot would thrive once again.  And Jupiter was good to his word and Pluto was never seen on earth again.”

“Awesometacular,” said Nigel.

“Thank you for the premiere edition of The Brothers Geek Stories of the Myths.  For Nigel, I am Westley Grimm…good night.”

Table 19

Image result for Table 19 movie poster

Anna Kendrick heads to the wedding of her ex-boyfriend’s sister in the new film Table 19.  She finds herself assigned to the worst table at the reception with a crew of misfits and unwanted guests.

Craig Robinson and Lisa Kudrow are a married couple having relationship troubles.  June Squibb played an old nanny of the bride who cannot believe that she was placed on the bad table.  Stephen Merchant was a “successful” businessman who was allowed to come to the wedding from the halfway house and Tony Revolori is a high schooler looking for love at the wedding.

I found this to be funny.  I liked the actors involved in the film, but , yes, there was nothing really new here.  The six guests sit at this table and interact with one another.  Anna Kendrick’s character was meant to be our main protagonist but she was kind of unlikable for much of the film.   However, we discover the reason why she is so unlikable and it made a lot of sense to me.

There was a lot of childish activity going on here too.  There are a lot of mean spirited moments in the film, but I found the humor enjoyable and that helps.

I don’t have much else to say about this. Table 19 is a disposable film that was a good time passer.  I liked it enough.

3.3 stars

Rock Dog

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Okay, let me be honest. The only reason that I watched this movie was because I was waiting to see Logan and this fit the time frame perfectly.  I was not going to watch it otherwise.

It was okay.

Bodi (Luke Wilson) wants to be a musician, but his father (JK Simmons) wants him to follow in his footsteps as a guard dog protecting the sheep village from the wolves.  Taking his chance to become a musician, Bodi meets famous rock star Angus Scattergood (Eddie Izzard) who is having trouble creating a new song and Bodi becomes his muse.

There is nothing special about Rock Dog, but it was an okay film.  It is a solid little family movie.  It is predictable, for sure.  The writing is pretty basic.  The characters are okay.  I liked Angus, though he is pretty cliche.

The voice acting was decent.  JK Simmons is always great.  Luke Wilson is good.  Eddie Izzard does a great job as the rocking cat.  Lewis Black is always good and this is no exception as he played one of the head wolves.  Plus, Jorge Garcia is in here!  Jorge, Hurley from LOST, is one of my favorite people and he is always a wonderful person.

The music was okay.  I did not hate anything involved in this movie.  It just is not anything special.

The thing is… I really thought this was going to be bad, and it was acceptable.  I don’t have much else to say about it.  If you have kids, Rock Dog is a good film to pass the time with, which is exactly what I did.

2.7 stars

 

Logan

Image result for Logan movie poster

I’m not crying…I’m not crying.

I am going to my very best to not spoil anything from this brilliant, epic movie.  I went into Logan with sky high expectations and no foreknowledge of what was going to happen.  I had seen the trailers (which were brilliant, in particular the piece of ART that the Johnny Cash “Hurt” trailer was) but I did not know what would happen.  I had some suspicions, but nothing had been confirmed.  And you should do anything you can to avoid spoilers.  Logan is worth it.  This film exceeded every expectation I had and then some.  It is the best film I have seen so far in 2017 and I might even go as far as to say it is the best X-Men movie ever.  It is certainly the Wolverine movie that we have always wanted.

That’s to say that it is violent, bloody, full of curse words and full of emotion and heart and moments that proves the joys of being alive.  It is an exceptionally human story about a few mutants facing challenges of a world that still is not sure how to handle them.  And so much amazing action.

You know from the trailers that Logan (Hugh Jackman) and Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) meet up with a young girl named Laura (Dafne Keen) and they go on the run to avoid a group of mercenaries named the Reavers, led by Donald Pierce (Boyd Holbrook).  And that is all you need to know about the plot.

Logan takes the comic book movie genre and turns it on its head.  Honestly, this is more of a western than a comic book movie.

I cannot come up with enough superlatives to express my opinions on Hugh Jackman’s performance as Logan.  If this is truly his final appearance as Logan, then he absolutely could not have gone out with a better film.  He was utterly brilliant throughout this entire film.  I would venture to say that this is Hugh Jackman’s greatest performance, not just as Logan, but in his entire career.  The pain and humanity and loss shown by Jackman in every scene was balanced only by the people who Logan clearly cared for.

The relationships of this movie were perfectly done.  Logan and Charles.  Logan and Caliban (Stephen Merchant).  Logan and Laura.  Laura and Charles.  Every one of these relationships were special, bringing life to each character.  We see our old favorites in completely different light and the new characters were wonderful as well.

Young Dafne Keen does such an amazing job in this movie, with the few lines of dialogue that she has, in revealing the thoughts and feelings of X-23.  The expressions of this girl told as much as any line of dialogue and she delivered an excellent performance here.  You probably just seen the “I See Child Actor” Award winner for the year end awards with Keen.  If there is a better performance this year then its is going to have to be one hell of a performance.

Patrick Stewart has never given a better performance either.  Stewart has announced that he is retiring from the role of Professor Charles Xavier and I can understand why.  There is no way that he will ever get a juicier script for this character than the Logan script.  Despite the age, the pain and the tribulations of Charles Xavier, he brought the wisdom and the emotion to this character, providing the initial connective tissue between Laura and Logan.

And Stephen Merchant’s Caliban was great as well.

I keep using the word emotion, and that is one of the major keys to this amazing movie.  You feel for these people and you care about the pain that they are clearly suffering.  There are such stakes in this film, more so than many comic book movies.

As I mentioned before, Logan is a violent and brutal movie that deserves its R rating.  However, despite all the blood and the numerous F-bombs that are dropped, none of that felt shoehorned in.  The film felt as if it deserved every drop of blood and every curse word.  They earned those with the story.  The movie creators did not say, “Okay, so it is rated R so lets throw a swear word in here.”  Every curse word fit the story that was being told.  There was purpose to everything that was done.

James Mangold directed Logan which is his second film involving this character (The Wolverine being the first).  He delivered a beautiful tone and feel for this movie.  I worried that the first trailer (the Johnny Cash “Hurt” one) was giving us a tone that I really wanted, but they would suddenly bring us garbage like Deadpool with his mouth sewn shut.  That did not happen.  The tone of this movie fit perfectly with that first trailer.

This is also a wonderful example how a super hero movie can be dark and moody without sacrificing the humor and the fun.  Logan had several moments of true laughter in it, despite the drastic circumstances that the characters found themselves in.  These moments of humor were just one more layer of humanity brought by this brilliant film.

Plus, there is no post-credit scene, but there is a pre-movie scene.  Yes, you heard me.  There is a scene, an absolutely unbelievable scene, before the Logan movie begins.  It was epic.  You 100% do not want to be late arriving for Logan because there is a major treat for the audience before Logan starts.

Logan feels like a small, independent movie and it has so many emotions behind it that I can hardly believe how great this film was.  I loved it so much.  I cannot wait to see it again.

5 stars

The TV Week That Was

spoilers

Welcome back to the TV Week that Was.  Tonight is a big night on television as the Academy Awards are to be presented on ABC.  I will be watching the Oscars tonight on ABC, while live streaming the crew from Screen Junkies.  I did that last year and it was quite enjoyable so I have been excited about it since they announced that they were doing it again.

Image result for bill paxton judge wapnerImage result for bill paxton judge wapnerWe had double sad news in the world of television today.  Bill Paxton (who may be more well known from his movie roles, but I will always remember as John Garrett on ABC’s Agents of SHIELD) and Judge Joseph Wapner from The People’s Court died today.  RIP to these legendary men.

Image result for bates motel season 5This week in TV started off strong with the return of Bates Motel.  And we see that Vera Farmiga is going to still be a huge presence on the show despite her character of Norma Bates being killed in the penultimate episode of season 4.  The “spirit/delusion” that hung out in the house was great, chastising Norman for going out and leaving her alone.  The final season of Bates Motel is off to a great start.

Related imageSpeaking of Agents of SHIELD, it ended its storyline arc of the LMD with the most insane episode that I have ever seen.  There were remarkable emotional moments throughtout, barely giving you a chance to process what was going on.  The confrontation between LMD Fitz and Simmons, Simmons and Daisy finding each other, the confrontation between LMD May and LMD Coulson, the fight between Daisy and LMD Mace, the use of Daisy’s powers to take out Mac and Coulson, the reveal that Fitz not Daisy was the LMD, the murder of Radcliffe by Aida and, of course, the unbelievable scenes inside the Framework where our minds were blown!  Ward?  Simmons dead?  May in Hydra?  What?  Agents of Shield does not return until April and that feels like way too long of a wait.

Related imageI have not been watching The Flash as much this season as I have in the past, but I found myself back on the viewership of the show as Flash and his friends headed to Earth Two to save Harrison from Gorilla City.  Gorilla Grodd has always been one of my favorite villains in DC and the draw of this episode had me searching out the CW for Flash.  It being a two-parter did not hurt either.  Next week’s episode looks tremendous so I expect to be watching it next week as well.

 

Image result for walking dead carol and daryl reunionThe standout moment from last week’s The Walking Dead was definitely the reunion of Daryl and Carol in her little house just outside of the Kingdom.  I’m not sure how I feel about Daryl lying to Carol about the Saviors.  I understand why he did it, but hiding the fact that Glenn and Abraham were killed by Negan might be worse later than now.  Sure, Carol had said that if anyone else of their people suffered, she would go kill everyone and lose herself, but lies have a tendency to come out.  Will that affect their sweet friendship?  I hope not.   By the way, it was fun to see how Daryl and Shiva the tiger were seeming to bond.  I see a scene down the road where a rampaging tiger may save everybody’s favorite redneck.

Image result for garbage pile walker zombieOh, there was also this….Winslow the spiked zombie…

Rick held him off by letting one of those spikes get driven through his hand.  Ouch.  Comic readers wondered if this would lead to Rick losing that hand like he has done in the comics.  That is a “we’ll wait and see” item.

 

Image result for htgawm finale season 3We know know who killed Wes on How to Get Away with Murder after its two hour season finale on Thursday.  I must say that the reveal of the killer, a friend of Laurel’s, hired by her father, was a bit anticlimactic to me, although what led up to that reveal was tremendous.  Connor being “kidnapped” by the DA who was revealed to be working against Annalise was quite the twist.  For a while, I thought he was going to be the killer.  Peter Nowalk (Connor) and Conrad Ricamora (Oliver) delivered knockout performances.  It was also nice to see Annalise get her groove back, if only partially.  Viola Davis is tremendous in this role and I am cheering for her tonight at the Oscars for the Supporting Role she had in Fences.

Image result for match game abc season twoI have really enjoyed the new version of The Match Game, starring Alec Baldwin.  I did not expect to like it much, despite how much I loved the original version with Gene Rayburn.  However, the show is funny, just as risque as the original and shows how much fun you can have with celebrities and liquor.  I would kind of like to have a couple of regulars among the rotating celebrity cast like the original had with Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Sommers, but when the show gets a cast like last week’s, where they clearly enjoy being together, it can really make magic.  This is a perfect replacement series for the summer or during hiatus.  I hope Match Game has a long life on ABC.

This past Friday was the 28th anniversary of Agent Dale Cooper entering Twin Peaks and in honor of the amazing news, Showtime released two posters promoting the upcoming series revival.  The show will kick off with a two parter on May 21st on Showtime.

Can’t wait for this!!!!

Have a great week and happy viewing.

 

Collide

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So this past Wednesday, I was on my phone, checking the showtimes for the movies coming out this weekend on my Cinemark app.  I saw a film called Collide, and I had no idea what it was.  I had never seen or heard of it before.

I immediately assumed it was one of the foreign language films that Cinemark shows, but I noticed that Nicholas Hoult (Beast from the X-Men movies) was in it, so that blew the “it’s from India” theory.

I investigated further.  This is when I saw that Anthony Hopkins was also listed as a star.  What?  Anthony Hopkins is a huge star.  Why hadn’t I heard of this movie.  With all the movies that I see in a year, I see a ton of trailers before the film and I had never even once seen one for Collide.  The trailer was on the app so I clicked on it, curious.  And then, who did I see?  Sir Ben Kingsley!  By the time I realize that Rogue One star Felicity Jones was also in this film, I was already confused as can be.

The next day, i am watching Collioder Movie Talk and they are doing their “Opening this Week” segment and Collide comes up.  Panelist and director Jon Schnepp joked about how that was the very first time that he had heard about the film and that Collider had done more to promote the film with that very segment than the entire movie company had done.

So I knew it wasn’t just me.  This was a bad sign.  Because usually when a movie company thinks thye have got a great film, they are anxious for people to see it.  Marvel released to critics and special screenings Captain America: Civil War months before the movie was scheduled to be released because they knew word of mouth would be tremendous.

On the flip side, FOX refused to screen Fantastic Four until just before the release date despite a hunger for the film.  It gives a bad message when the studios try to hide the film from critics.  It means they do not have any confidence in the film.Of course, with Fant4stic, I did see plenty of trailers for the movie.  Collide…not a one.

What did that mean?  The film had what should have been a great cast, but there was zero marketing for it.  It made me think that this one would not be any good.

Guess what?  I know now why they did not promote this film.  It was awful.

Collide was meant to be a love story between Casey (Nicholas Hoult) and Juliette (Felicity Jones), who meet in a club. Problem… Casey works for a criminal stealing cars.  The criminal was Ben Kinsley, as over-the-top as he has ever been.  I have no idea what he was going for with this characterization.  Anyway, back to Casey and Juliette, it turned out that Casey left the criminal life behind him for her, but she had some kind of nondescript kidney disease that was going to kill her.  Casey got back into the life of crime in order to pay for an operation for Juliette.  The job?  Hijack a truck from Anthony Hopkins that was filled with cocaine inside golf balls and a lot of money.

From there, the film got stupid.

There were so many problems with this movie.  Casey is shot at so many times, but is never hit with any bullet (maybe grazed once…) that it was Stormtroopers level of incompetence.  Hopkins’ thugs seemed to be able to arrive immediately wherever Casey was no matter how fast he had driven.  Remember the last Fast and the Furious movie where Jason Statham was always arriving no matter where in the world Vin Diesel was?  This is just like that only with less star power.

The chemistry between Casey and Juliette was non-existent and the acting was atrocious.  Felicity Jones is a much better actress than this performance indicates.  She was way better not only in Rogue One, but also A Monster Calls.  What happened here?

And Anthony Hopkins is about as unwatchable as I have ever seen him.  I hope he got a really nice fat paycheck for this role, because this was horrible.

The film was a short 99 minutes, but it felt like an eternity.  It is nothing but shaky car chase scenes or Nicholas Hoult running through gunfire.  It made me wonder if this one was connected to Unbreakable as well.  It is nice though that not one bystander was hurt in all of the hail of bullets or flipping cars.

The dialogue was just laughable at times.  Anthony Hopkins was legitimately rambling several times.

Enough about this stinker.  Word had it that this had been sitting on a shelf somewhere for a couple of years.  The biggest crime is that it did not stay there.  Who wanted this released?  It couldn’t have been the studio, because they did not give even one iota of care for promoting it.  I can’t believe that any of the actors wanted this to see the light of day because they look terrible in it.  And the audiences won’t care about it, as there were three others in the theater I saw it in on Saturday at 2 PM.

0.9 stars

Get Out

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Jordan Peele, from the sketch comedy team of Key and Peele, makes his directorial debut in this horror film, and the debut is an impressive one.  With the exception of Split, horror movies have not had a great start to 2017 after an outstanding 2016, but perhaps this is a film that can reverse that trend.

In Get Out, African-American Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) and his Caucasian girlfriend Rose (Allison Williams) are on their way to visit her parents, but Chris is nervous because she has not told her parents about Chris being black.  Despite her insistence that her parents would not have a problem with Chris, he is still worried about it.  When they arrive, Chris immediately starts feeling uneasy and uncomfortable with her father Dean (Bradley Whitford) and mother Missy (Catherine Keener) and that did not change when Missy offers to hypnotize Chris to help him stop smoking.

After a weird encounter with Missy one late night, Chris believes that she had, indeed, hypnotized him.  Things only got weirder as the Armitages throw a party with a crew of white people, making Chris even more on edge.  The appearance of another African-American at the party (Lakeith Stanfield) does nothing to assuage his concerns as the man acted extremely off-kilter.

As he starts to put the solution together on what was happening here, Chris begins to discover that there are way more sinister things going on with the Armitages than he ever would have guessed.

This film was extremely creepy and created a tone of suspense that carried throughout the film.  Some of the scenes were cringe-worthy, in a good way, as I found myself squirming in my seat once or twice.  There was one scene in particular that reminded me of a “nightmare juice” scene from Agents of SHIELD that was really difficult to watch.

Despite the uncomfortable moments, Get Out had its share of very funny scenes as well.  Jordan Peele showed his comedic side for years in his partnership with Keegan-Michael Key, and that side shone through several times in Get Out.  Now, some of the humor in the film felt a little forced, as if it did not fit and it was being shoehorned into the movie, however, the scenes with Chris’s friend Rob (“Lil Rel” Howery), a TSA security guard who is house sitting for Chris, were some of the best examples of humor in the film.

There were, as well, several moments of subtle satire in the film, dealing with the racial implications of the story.  The subtlety of these scenes were very solid, and I found myself laughing several times (though others in my theater did not seem to be finding it as funny as I did).  Peele wrapped the satire of the film within the social commentary that is in effect in Get Out.  They fit together seamlessly.

The performances were all excellent.  Daniel Kaluuya was just exceptional as Chris.  We see his entire gamut of emotions, from fear to confusion to anger.  You relate to him immediately, and you cannot help but root for him.  Allison Williams is great as Rose too.  They have a strong chemistry that helped carry the film for much of the early run.  Chris and Rose appeared to be a perfect couple and you wanted them to work out.  Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener were amazingly creepy and kept you off balance for much of the film.  Another standout performance was from Betty Gabriel, who played the “housekeeper” Georgina.  You could never tell what was going on with this woman and she had some of the best facial acting from the film.  Because of these performances, you as an audience member felt that tension, almost a paranoia, about what exactly was going on there.

The ending of the film was surprisingly effective, and I thought it was heading one way when it took a different path.  I appreciated the end of the film, but I might have liked something more.

There were some initial pacing issues, as the first part of the film did move kind of slowly, and not all of the humor fit.  Despite that, there was a ton to enjoy here.  Jordan Peele showed himself a skillful director and certainly told an original and creative story, something that we could use more of in Hollywood today.

4.4 stars

The TV Week That Was

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Hey, this is the second week for the new column here at EYG focusing on the past week in television.  We are definitely in a golden age right now so there is a ton to talk about.

Related imageI want to start off with Santa Clarita Diet.  This was a new show on Netflix starring Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant.  Now it did not drop this past week, but this was the week that I was able to get around to binging it.  There were ten episodes about a half hour each and I found this laugh out loud funny.  Drew Barrymore was the wife of Timothy Olyphant, and Barrymore, for some reason, winds up vomiting everywhere (in one of those really gross scenes), dies and becomes a zombie.  However, she retained her personality, her feelings and much of her characteristics.  She does start to hunger for human flesh and has to start to do some really drastic things to stay as she was.  Olyphant was just tremendously funny, with a real dry wit and fantastic dialogue, and he had amazing chemistry with Barrymore.  There was also a daughter on the show played by Liv Hewson, who had a sweet relationship with neighbor and top notch geek, played by Skyler Gisondo.  I really have loved the sweetness of these two young actors.  The show is a hoot and I can’t wait for more of it.  Now, I will admit that the show can be pretty graphic at times, so take that into consideration.  But it was well worth it.

Image result for bray wyatt wwe championSunday night, the WWE had their latest pay per view on the WWE Network, The Elimination Chamber.  And there was big news coming out of the event as they crowned a new WWE Champion.  Bray Wyatt won the WWE title inside the Elimination Chamber after a brutal match with five other competitors.  While in the chamber, Wyatt pinned the champion John Cena and former champion AJ Styles.  This was Bray Wyatt’s first time holding any kind of title in the WWE, and signified a big change heading towards Wrestlemania.  He then wound up pinning John Cena again on the following Tuesday’s episode of Smackdown Live.  Word was that Cena insisted on putting Wyatt over.  Good for John if that story is true.

Related imageAlso on Sunday night, The Walking Dead returned with its mid-season premiere and we saw Rick and his group meeting up with King Ezekiel at the Kingdom.  Honestly, that meeting was fine (yes, it was awesome when Rick’s group saw Shiva, the tiger, for the first time), but the best part of the episode was the epic mass zombie kill pulled off by Rick and Michonne later in the episode.  This was one of the greatest scenes in the seven year run of the show and made everything else on this episode pale by comparison.

Image result for lmd replacements on Agents of ShieldAgents of SHIELD found that robots are never a good thing.  All of the team members who went on a mission to save Director Mace from the Inhuman hating Superior of the Watchdogs wound up being captured and replaced by LMD (Life Model Decoys).  That included Mace, Coulson, Mack and Daisy.  The first thing the newly minted LMD crew did was to reactivate the LMD May as well.  In fact, only Fitz and Simmons remained as humans, a fact which our ever lovable scientific duo have discovered.  The upcoming episode on Tuesday will be the final Agents of SHIELD episode until April and has been rumored to be bringing the LMD storyline to a climax.

Related imageRiverdale has returned to goodness, after last week’s weaker episode, with a focus this week on the music teacher, Mrs. Grundy.  We found out that this was not her real name, and that she was supposedly hiding out from an abusive former relationship (though I am unsure if I believe that).  However, when the secret of her tryst with underage Archie Andrews came to light, Mrs. Grundy was forced out of Riverdale.  We also got quite a bit about Jughead as he tried to save the destruction of the drive-in theater– because that was where the now homeless Jughead was living, as we discovered.  Riverdale picked up the pace this week after last week’s odd episode and became once again a show not to miss.

Image result for cyrus scandal in prisonScandal also has been on fire this season as the mystery of who assassinated Frankie Vargas was filled with twists and turns.  This week we discovered that Cyrus and Tom were not behind it, despite Cyrus spending the entire episode in prison.  His trials in the prison were full of dramatic moments and you really found yourself hurting for Cyrus, despite the horrible things he has done over the years.  The twist that Tom admitted that he had not killed Vargas was unexpected and really brought home an extremely strong and entertaining hour of television.  Scandal has really been firing on all cylinders this season after a couple of down years recently.

Image result for connor give wes cprAnother murder mystery is getting ready to end as How to Get Away With Murder will broadcast a two-hour finale this coming Thursday.  We found out this past TGIT that Connor had a bit of a secret when it came to Wes’s death.  In a flashback, we saw Connor, who had been all up about Annalise being possibly guilty, trying to revive Wes with CPR.  The shocking final scene was shown to us after Oliver found some evidence on Annalise’s phone that proved Connor was at her house on the fateful night.  Could Connor be the killer of Wes?  Did he set the house on fire to cover his tracks?  That seems unlikely to me as this feels like one final misdirection that HTGAWM is known for.  Still, I believe Connor has some ‘splainin’ to do.

On Friday, the latest match in the Movie Trivia Schmoedown was released, and what a match it was.  We saw a new Movie Trivia Schmoedown champion crowned as “The Outlaw” John Rocha completed his unlikely journey back from the Bespin edge to defeat “Dangerous” Dan Murrell.  Murrell, the Movie Fights and TV Fights Champion, could not answer the final question,  “Who directed the ‘Burbs?” (Joe Dante, by the way), and was defeated by one point.  Rocha nearly broke down in tears when the announcement was made.  I will admit that, although I have always liked John Rocha, I was cheering for Dan Murrell.  However, it is always awesome when someone reacts the way Rocha did when achieving a goal.  Clearly Rocha was happy to win the title and he showed it with his emotional response.  Congrats to “The Outlaw” on his well deserved victory.

Image result for trump press conferenceSaturday Night Live turned out to be a rerun this week, which disappointed many viewers considering the President Trump press conference on Thursday was wild and ripe for parody.  The press conference was just one of the week’s worth of chaos (fake news I guess) surrounding the Trump administration.  It started on last Sunday’s morning talk shows with Trump surrogate Stephen Miller said, in his best henchman voice, that “…our opponents, the media, and the whole world will soon see, as we begin to take further actions that the powers of the President to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned” and ended this past Saturday with Trump stating during a campaign-style rally in Florida that there were terrible goings on in Sweden, a fact that was a surprise to the Swedish officials.  Next week’s SNL could literally fill the entire 90 minutes with Trump items.

We also found out this week that American Horror Story’s seventh season will focus on the 2016 Presidential Election.  Maybe Trump does = ratings after all.

Happy Presidents’ Day everyone.  Happy Birthday to Abraham Lincoln and George Washington.

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