Written: Amethyst Amelia Kelly / Charlotte Emma Aitchison / George Astasio / Jason Andrew Pebworth / John Turner / Jonathan Christopher Shave / Kurtis Isaac Mckenzie /Al Yankovic
Parody: Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” (feat. Charli XCX)
We enter the top 50 of our countdown with this parody of “Fancy.” The video was one of the eight released daily for Mandatory Fun.
Lyrics
First things first, I’m a craftsman (craftsman) Remodelling is my only passion (it’s my passion) And I’m the greatest in the business Want referrals, yo My clientèle will bear you witness (right, right) I can help when your door jamb sticks (heh?) There is nothing in the world I can’t fix (yeah) I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks Call me, I’ll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks) Where you go when your disposal is rusted (rusted) Termite problem making you disgusted (yuck) When your front window is busted (hey, hey, hey) Just one name that’s always trusted
I’m so handy, you already know I’ll fix your plumbing when your toilets overflow I’m so handy, I’ll bring you up to code When your dishwasher’s about to explode
Now you see that your furnace is needing some service I’m fully bonded, no need to be nervous Perhaps you would like a new counter Formica Maybe I’ll hook up your dish washer combo dryer But all your pipes are antique Your water pressure’s too weak You got an attic full of dry rot Because your roof sprung a leak Your fridge is starting to reek Your hardwood floors really squeak But don’t you worry I’ll just show you my amazing technique Now let me glue that, glue that and screw that, screw that Any random chore you got, well I can do that, do that Or maybe I’ll just rewire your house for fun I got 99 problems but a switch ain’t one
I’m so handy, everyone says so I’ll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio I’m so handy, I’m the guy to know When your leaf blower doesn’t blow-oh-oh-oh
Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn Make that phone call, I’ll install anything you want Yeah, check my big staple gun, my socket wrenches are second to none I won’t quit ’til I’m done, don’t even care if I hammer my thumb (ow)
Still rocking my screwdriver Got the whole world thinking I’m MacGyver Your heating bills are shocking I can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking Your house is a disaster, huh? Need a guy whose a master with the plaster, huh? Let me be your stripper Taking off lacquer, no one does it quicker
I’m so handy, you already know I’ll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low I’m so handy, you should call this pro I’m in the phone book and se habla español
Sometimes I really want to be alone But that’s one state I’m never in Because I know that I’ve got millions upon millions Of tiny, one-celled organisms living on my skin
I rub and scrub until my flesh is raw and bleeding (Germs) But they just come right back again (Germs) I can’t even see’em, but I know they’re up to something Hey, don’t touch that – you don’t know where it’s been!
They’re all over me They’re inside of me Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria What do they want from me What’ll they do to me? There’s no escape for me I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria
Now if I ever dare to go to sleep That’s when they start their sneak attack In the morning I wake up in utter horror To find my teeth are covered with bacterial plaque
Can’t get those parasitic creatures off my face (Germs) And there’s more comin’ every day (Germs) I never said that they could camp out on my body I wish they’d pack their tiny little bags and move away
They’re all over me They’re inside of me Can’t get’em off a me I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria What do they want from me What’ll they do to me? There’s no escape for me I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria
They’re creepin’ around my shorts They’re under the bathroom sink They’re ridin’ inside my car They’re swimmin’ in every drink They’re hidin’ between my toes They’re lurkin’ in every kiss I got’em way up my nose In every orifice I’m gonna show them who’s boss I’m gonna get even yet Just gimme some Lysol spray Just hand me a moist towelette Don’t tell me I’m paranoid I know that they’re after me Look under the microscope See??
They’re all over me They’re inside of me Can’t get’em off a me I’m covered with microscopic bacteria What do they want from me What’ll they do to me? There’s no escape for me I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria
They’re all over me I can feel’em all over me Over every part of me Microscopic bacteria I know they’re watching me They’re always watching me They’re coming after me Microscopic bacteria Won’t somebody help Please somebody help me You’ve got to believe me They’re out to get me They want to control me They want to destroy me They’re tryin’ to kill me It kind of upsets me
It’s been one week since we got to see Cheatin’ lovers and cousins that marry Five days since they had the show With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho Three days since we heard the tale About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male Yesterday it occurred to me That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer
Holy cow, did you see it last week? Well, they had this one freak Who sucker-punched his whole family Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all? And Jerry’s in the middle tryin’ to be the referee Hey, see the stripper with the implants? She likes to lap dance And date the boyfriend of her mother Now here comes Jerry’s next guest And it’s a slugfest ‘Cause it’s her trailer trash brother
Nymphomaniac is back on crack, it’s like When Animals Attack They all exhibit reprehensible behavior Hit ’em in the nose, tear off their clothes Step on their toes, that’s how it goes They get so violent they have to sign a waiver
They’re always swearin’, cursin’, kickin’ butt and pointin’ blame On the air? They don’t care, they’ve got no shame There was one guy who I’m sure felt a little strange When he found out that his wife had a sex change They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly They have a history of ripping off their shirts
It’s been one week since they had the fight With the Siamese twins and the transvestite Five days since that awful brawl They still haven’t got the blood off the wall It’s been three days since the bitter feud Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude Yesterday, it finally dawned on me I’m spendin’ way too much time on that Jerry Springer
Baby, I’ve been sleepin’ with your sister Oh, which one? All of ’em Ah, well, I’ve been sleepin’ with your best friend Jake Yeah? Well, me too, and, I’ve been sleepin’ with your dog Woofie Woofie, you bi-, well I’m also sleepin’ with your pet goat That goat doesn’t love you
Once you start watchin’, there’s just no stoppin’ Your brain shuts down, then your IQ’s droppin’ Jerry’s the king of confrontation He’s a sensation, he puts the sin in syndication It’s totally worthless, like a bad check It’s like a train wreck Don’t want to stare, but you can’t look away Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows But with more weirdos The ratings jumpin’ higher every day
If you’ve seen the show, well then you know It’s just as low as you can go The guests are tacky and they’re lacking in their hygiene And pretty soon some ugly goon comes in the room and then it’s boom In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen
Well, it’s the kind of show where people scream obscenities Yankin’ hair, throwin’ chairs at their hubbies Jerry, Jerry, now the crowd starts their favorite chant Should I turn off my TV? I just can’t I have a tendency to watch it religiously I have a history of taping each one
It’s been one week since the show about Psycho killers with problems they should work out Five days since the big surprise When some losers wife said that she’s still dating twenty guys Three days since he interviewed A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude Yesterday, it occurred to me That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer
Tired of wastin’ my time on that Jerry Springer I’ve got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer Come over here and pull on my finger
Video featured: Aisha Tyler, Margaret Cho, Eric Stonestreet, Jack Black, and Kristen Schaal
Lyrics
It might seem crazy, wearing stripes and plaid I Instagram every meal I’ve had All my used liquor bottles are on display We can go to see a show but I’ll make you pay
Wear my belt with suspenders and sandals with my socks (Because I’m tacky) Got some new glitter Uggs and lovely pink sequined Crocs (Because I’m tacky) Never let you forget some favor I did for you (Because I’m tacky) If you’re okay with that, then, you might just be tacky, too
I meet some chick, ask her this and that Like ‘Are you pregnant girl, or just really fat?’ (what?) Well, now I’m dropping names almost constantly That’s what Kanye West keeps telling me, here’s why
Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants (Because I’m tacky) Got my new resume it’s printed in Comic Sans (Because I’m tacky) Think it’s fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review (Because I’m tacky) If you think that’s just fine, then, you’re probably tacky, too
Bring me shame, can’t nothing Bring me shame, I never know why Bring me shame, can’t nothing Bring me shame, I said Bring me shame, can’t nothing Bring me shame, it’s pointless to try Bring me shame, can’t nothing Bring me shame, I said
43 Bumper Stickers and a YOLO license plate (Because I’m tacky) Bring along my coupon book whenever I’m on a date (Because I’m tacky) Practice my twerking moves in line at the DMV (Because I’m tacky) Took the whole bowl of restaurant mints. Hey, it said they’re free (Because I’m tacky) I get drunk at the bank And take off my shirt, at least (Because I’m tacky) I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased (Because I’m tacky) If I’m bit by a zombie, I’m probably not telling you (Because I’m tacky) If you don’t think that’s bad, guess what, then you’re tacky, too
Appeared: As the theme song for Leslie Nielson’s movie Spy Hard.
Album: Medium Rarities disc on Squeeze Box. Originally released as a B side single with “Gump”
The video of this song parodied the opening themes for James Bond movies.
Lyrics
A man of intrigue He lives for the thrill Always has places to go And people to kill
Danger is the game he plays And he holds every card 'Cause if you wanna win You gotta spy hard
A man of the world So suave and discreet He trips over the women Piled up at his feet
But evil's lurking So he's always on his guard Cause if your gonna spy You better spy hard
He's always there When the chips are beginning to fall He wouldn't care if they kicked him and grabbed him And shot him and stabbed him And nailed both his ears to the wall
Facing death everyday Is a tough job for any man But his hours are flexible And he's got a great dental plan
By the way if you walked in late Allow me to reiterate The name of this movie is Spy Hard
They call it Spy Hard You're watching Spy Hard It's the theme from Spy Hard!!!
Writer: Scott Storch / Ray Charles / Carl Allen Sturken / Curtis James Jackson / Chad Hugo / Pharrell Williams / Brandon Flowers / Brian Burton / Robert Hardy / Kanye West / Jaime Gomez / David Jolicoeur / Trevor Smith / Damon Albarn / Scott Weiland / Saul Hudson / Renald J. Richard / Rivers Cuomo / Ray Anthony / Eric Judy / Michael Fratantuno / Thomas Calloway / Terence Yoshiaki Graves / Vada J. Nobles / Dann Michael Gallucci / Christopher Anthony Martin / Nicholas Mccarthy / Ronnie Vannucci / Mark Stoermer / Paul Robert Thomson / Berryman Guy Rupert / Buckland Jonathan Mark / Alisha Quiona Brooks / Champion William / George Pajon Jr. / David G Kushner / Isaac K Brock / Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr. / Terry Rendal / Al Yankovic / Thomas Werner / Matthew William Sorum / Alexander Paul Kaprano Huntley / Alla Pineda / Christopher Jamie Hewlett / Dave Brent Flowers / Duff Rose Mckagen / Evan A. Rodgers
Album: Straight Outta Lynwood
Released: 2006
Style: Polka/Comedy
Songs: “The Chicken Dance,” “Let’s Get it Started,” “Take Me Out,” “Beverly Hills,” “Speed of Sound,” “Float On,” “Feel Good Inc.,” “Don’t Cha,” “Somebody Told Me,” “Slither,” “Candy Shop,” “Drop It Like It’s Hot,” “Pon de Replay,” “Gold Digger,” and “The Nina Bobina Polka.”
Lyrics
Let’s get it started! (Ha!) Let’s get it started! (In here!) Let’s get it started! (Ha!) Let’s get it started! (In here!) Let’s get it started! (Ha!) Let’s get it started! (In here!) And the bass keeps runnin’, runnin’ And runnin’, runnin’ And runnin’, runnin’, And runnin’, runnin’, I say, don’t you know You say, you don’t know I say… Take me out! I say, you don’t show Don’t move, time is slow I say… (gunshot) Take me out! Beverly Hills, that’s where I wanna be! (Gimme! Gimme!) Living in Beverly Hills Beverly Hills, rollin’ like a celebrity (Gimme! Gimme!) Living in Beverly Hills And birds go flying at the speed of sound To show you how it all began Birds came flying from the underground If you could see it, then you’d understand And we’ll all float on, okay And we’ll all float on All right already, we’ll all float on Now don’t you worry, we’ll all float on All right! Feel good! Feel good! Feel good! Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don’t cha? Don’t cha? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Don’t cha? Don’t cha? Don’t cha, don’t cha, don’t cha? Somebody told me You had a boyfriend Who looked like a girlfriend That I had in February of last year It’s not confidential Well, I got potential A rushin’ and rushin’ around Hey! Hey! Hey! I’ll take you to the candy shop I’ll let you lick a lollipop Go ‘head, girl, don’t you stop Keep goin’ ’til you hit the spot Whoa! (We’ll take you to the candy shop) Yeah! (For one taste o’ what we got) Uh-huh! (We’ll have you spending all you got) Come on! (Keep goin’ ’til you hit the spot) Whoa! When the pimp’s in the crib, ma Drop it like it’s hot Drop it like it’s hot Drop it like it’s hot When the pimp’s gonna get at you Drop it like it’s hot Drop it like it’s hot Come, Mr. DJ, song pon de replay (Come, Mr. DJ, won’t you turn the music up?) All the gal pon the dance floor, wantin’ some more, what (Come, Mr. DJ, won’t you turn the music up?) Hey, mister Please, Mr. DJ Tell me if you hear me Turn the music up! She take my money (She take my money) When I’m in need (When I’m in need) Yes, she’s a triflin’ friend indeed (friend indeed) Well, she’s a gold digger Way over town (way over town) That digs on me Hey! Hey! Now, I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger But she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke Now, I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger But she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke Get down, girl, go ‘head, get down (I gotta leave) Get down, girl, go ‘head, get down (I gotta leave) Get down, girl, go ‘head, get down (I gotta leave) Get down, girl, go ‘head! But I ain’t sayin’ she’s a Gold, gold digger Gold, gold digger Gold, gold digger Hey!
Album: George Fest: A Night to Celebrate the Music of George Harrison
Style: pop/rock/uptempo soul
Performed: George Fest tribute concert on September 28, 2014
The first song on this list that was not written (at least in part) by Weird Al. Weird Al performed this at the George Fest tribute concert at the Fonda Theater in Los Angeles. Al was one of several other performers covering tracks from the former Beatle. Al also sang on the version of The Traveling Wilburys’ song, “Handle With Care.” “What is Life” was one of my favorite Georege Harrison songs and seeing the live performance by Weird Al was a great addition to it for me.
It is a straight cover of the song, without any comedic undertones.
Lyrics
What I feel, I can’t say But my love is there for you anytime of day But if it’s not love that you need Then I’ll try my best to make everything succeed
Tell me, what is my life without your love Tell me, who am I without you, by my side
What I know, I can do If I give my love now to everyone like you But if it’s not love that you need Then I’ll try my best to make ev’rything succeed
Tell me, what is my life without your love Tell me, who am I without you, by my side Tell me, what is my life without your love Tell me, who am I without you, by my side
What I feel, I can’t say But my love is there for you any time of day But if it’s not love that you need Then I’ll try my best to make everything succeed
Tell me, what is my life without your love Tell me, who am I without you, by my side Oh tell me, what is my life without your love Tell me, who am I without you, by my side
What is my life without your love Tell me, who am I without you, by my side
[fade:] Oh tell me, what is my life without your love Tell me who am I without you by my side
As I was going through the list of songs on the Top 100, I discovered a mistake in the list. Instead of cutting a song that absolutely deserves its spot on the list, I decided to make this special exception for Weird Al and make it a Top 100 with 101 songs in it. Thus, Polka Power becomes the first ever 1/2 entry on our Daily Countdown lists and the only Daily Countdown Two-a-day.
Title: “Polka Power”
Album: Running With Scissors
Released: 1989
Genre: Polka/Comedy
Songs: “The Twelfth Street Rag,” “Wannabe,” “Flagpole Sitta,” “Ghetto Supastar (That Is What You Are),” “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back),” “Walkin’ On the Sun,” “Intergalactic,” “Tubthumping,” “Ray of Light,” “Push,” “Semi-Charmed Life,” “The Dope Show,” “MMMBop,” “Sex and Candy,” “Closing Time,” and “W.A.Y. Moby Polka.”
Lyrics
Yeah, well, I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really really want (So tell us what ya want, what ya really really want) I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really really want (So tell us what ya want, what ya really really want) I want to ha, I want to ha, I want to ha, I want to ha I want to really, really, really, want to zigga zigga, ah! If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends Make it last forever, friendship never ends If you want to be my lover, you have got to give Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is. Hey!
I’m not sick, but I’m not well. And I’m so hot, ’cause I’m in hell. I’m not sick, but I’m not well. And it’s a sin to live so well.
Ghetto superstar, that is what you are, Coming from afar, reaching for the stars. Run away with me, to another place We can rely on each other, uh huh From one corner to another, uh huh
Everybody (yeah) Rock your body (yeah) Everybody Rock your body right. Backstreet’s back, all right! All right!
So don’t delay, act now, supplies are running out But now, if you’re still alive, six to eight years to arrive And if you follow, there may be a tomorrow But if the offer’s shun, you might as well be walking on the sun Might as well be walking on the sun!
I get knocked down, but I get up again, You’re never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You’re never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You’re never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You’re never gonna keep me down
Quicker than a ray of light Quicker than a ray of light Quicker than a ray of light
I want to push you around, well I will, well I will I want to push you down, well I will, well I will I want to take you for granted I want to take you for granted Yeah, yeah, well I will
I want something else To get me through this semi-charmed kinda life, baby baby I want something else I’m not listening when you say good-bye.
There’s lots of pretty, pretty ones That want to get you high But all the pretty, pretty ones Will leave you low and blow your mind We’re all stars now in the dope show We’re all stars now in the dope show
Mmmbop, do floppa do wop Do be dop ah Do wap, do zap ah, do Yeah-ee yeah Mmmbop, do be ‘zap ah, do wop Do be dop ah Do wop, doom zap ah, do
I smell sex and candy here Who’s that lounging in my chair? Who’s that casting devious stares in my direction? Mama, this surely is a dream Yeah, yeah mama, this surely is a dream Dig it, yeah mama, this surely is
Closing time One last call for alcohol So finish your whiskey or beer Closing time You don’t have to go home But you can’t stay here I know who I want to take me home I know who I want to take me home I know who I want to take me home Take us home.
Released: As a theme song for his 1997 Saturday morning children’s TV show.
Album: Running With Scissors
Genre: pop/rock
This fell into the top 20 of the previous list, Top 100 TV Show Themes. When I first was creating that list, I almost didn’t think about it as a theme because it was more of a song than theme. Al has used this as an intro to his concerts since.
Lyrics
Oh, this is a story ’bout a guy named Al And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal But the sanitation workers really didn’t approve So he packed up his accordion and had to move
To a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory And he played on the company bowling team And every single night he had a strange, recurring dream
Where he was wearing leiderhosen in a vat of sour cream But that’s really not important to the story
Well, the very next year he met a dental hygenist With a spatula tattoed on her arm (on her arm) But he didn’t keep in touch, then he lost her number Then he got himself a job on a tater tot farm
And he spent his life savings on a split-level cave 20 miles below the surface of the Earth (of the Earth) And he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich For what it’s worth
Then one day Al was in the forest, trying to get a tan When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man He was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free And the guy that he rescued was as grateful as can be
And it turns out he’s a big-shot producer on TV So he gave Al a contract and what do you know? Now he’s got his own very Weird Al Show!
Performed: “Weird Al” Yankovic and Tress MacNeille
One of my earliest introductions to Weird Al. I remember this song from not only the Dr. Demento Show, but also the morning radio station I would listen to, KIIK 104 with Spike at the Mike.
Lyrics
Hey Lucy, I’m home
Oh Ricky, you’re so fine You’re so fine, you blow my mind Hey Ricky, hey Ricky
Oh Lucy, you’re so fine You’re so fine, you blow my mind Hey Lucy, hey Lucy
Oh Ricky, you’re so fine You play your bongos all the time Hey Ricky, hey Ricky
Oh Lucy, you’re so fine How I love to hear you whine Hey Lucy
Hey Ricky You always play your conga drums, you think you got the right You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night Stop shakin’ your maraccas now and just turn out the light, Ricky
I’m sick of Fred and Ethel always coming over here ‘Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks, and then he spills his beer Why don’t you serve your casserole and make them disappear, Lucy?
Oh, Ricky, what’s a girl like me supposed to do? You really drive me wild when you sing your babalu
Oh Lucy, you’re so dizzy, don’t you have a clue Well, here’s to you, Lucy I love you too, Lucy, too Lucy, let’s babalu, Lucy
Hey, Ricky You’re always playing at the Club, you never let me go I’m begging, and I’m pleading, but you always tell me no Oh, please, honey, please let me be in your show, Ricky
You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too You iron my new shirt, and you burn a hole right through You’re such a crazy redhead, I just don’t know what to do, Lucy
Oh, Ricky What a pity, don’t you understand That every day’s a rerun and the laughter’s always canned
Oh, Lucy I’m the Latin leader of the band So here’s to you, Lucy Let’s babalu, Lucy, too Lucy Everybody rumba!
Contains one of my favorite lines in any Al song- “Before it emails your grandma all your porn.” We can all relate, right….. no? Just me, huh?
Lyrics
Hey everyone, listen up, your attention if you please Really wanna give you a warning ’cause I found out this morning ‘Bout a dangerous, insidious computer virus If you should get an e-mail with the subject “Stinky Cheese” Better not go taking your chances Under no circumstances should you open it or else it will Translate your documents into Swahili Make your TV record Gigli Neuter your pets and give your laundry static cling
Look out, it’s gonna make your computer screen freeze Look out, erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs Look out, erase your hard drive and your backups too And the hard drive of anyone related to you
Virus alert, delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody
Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls It’ll make your keyboard all sticky, give your poodle a hickey And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney Then, it will tie up your phone, making prank long-distance calls It’ll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower So just trash it now, or else it will Decide to give you a permanent wedgie Legally change your name to Reggie Even mess up the pH balance in your pool
Look out, it’s gonna melt your face right off your skull Look out, and make your iPod only play Jethro Tull Look out, and tell you knock-knock jokes while you’re trying to sleep Look out, and make you physically attracted to sheep Look out, steal your identity and your credit card Look out, buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards Look out, then cause a major rift in time and space And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place That’s right, it’s a
Virus alert, delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Virus alert, delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Warn all your friends, send this to everybody Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
If you get infected, you’ll wish you had never been born So before it emails your grandmother all of your porn Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down Drop it in a 43-foot hole in the ground Bury it completely, rocks and boulders should be fine Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online
Virus alert, delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Virus alert, delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Virus alert, delete immediately before someone gets hurt Forward this message on to everybody Warn all your friends, send this to everybody Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
What are you waiting for? Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know Hit “Send” right now
Writers: Al Yankovic / Lee Oskar / Wayne Anthony Hector / Armando Christian Perez / Nile Rodgers / Lukasz Gottwald / Guy Manuel Homem Christo / Thomas Bangalter / Pharrell L. Williams / Jean Baptiste Kouame / Sacha Skarbek / Luiz Floriano Bonfa / William Adams / Julian C. Bunetta / Greg Errico / Jai Sang Park / Breyan Stanley Isaac / Stephan Moccio / Priscilla Renea Hamilton / Mark Foster / Kenny Oliver / Jef Martens / Edward James Drewett / Stefan Kendal Gordy / David Jamahl Listenbee / John Henry Ryan / Skyler Husten Gordy / Carly Rae Jepsen / Arthur Richardson / Ross Mac Lean / Ben Haggerty / Ryan S. Lewis / Jamie Michael Robert Sanderson / Joshua Keeler Ramsay / Maureen Anne Mcdonald / Henry Russell Walter / Erin Beck / Tavish Joseph Crowe / Walter Andre E. De Backer / Keon Yoo / George Matthew Robertson / Kesha Serbert / Keri Oscar
Album: Mandatory Fun
Released: 2014
Genre: Polka/Comedy
Medley Songs: “Wrecking Ball,” “Pumped Up Kicks,” “Best Song Ever,” “Gangham Style,” “Call Me Maybe,” “Scream & Shout,” “Somebody That I Used to Know,” “Timber,” “Sexy and I Know It,” “Thrift Shop,” “Get Lucky,” and “W.A.Y. Moby Polka.”
This polka’s title is a parody of the album series NOW That’s What I Call Music, a compilation of popular music of the past year.
Lyrics
We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain We jumped never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell A love no one could deny
Don’t you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can’t live a life, running for my life I will always want you
I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you wreck me
All the other kids with the pumped up picture You better run, better run, outrun my gun All the other kids with the pumped up picture You better run, better run faster than my bullet
And we danced all night to the best song ever We knew every line, now I can’t remember I think it went ooh eh ooh I think it went oohla eh ooh I think it goes eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, sexy lady Po, po, po, po Polka Gangnam Style Eh, sexy lady Po, po, po, po Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Hey, I just met you And this is crazy But here’s my number So call me, maybe And all the other boys Try to chase me But here’s my number So call me, maybe
I wanna scream and shout (hey!) And let it all out And scream and shout (hey!) And let it out We sayin’, “Ohh, wee ohh, wee oh wee oh” We sayin’, “Ohh, wee ohh, wee oh wee oh wee ohh, wee oh wee oh”
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
It’s going down (hey!), I’m yelling timber You better move, you better dance Let’s make a night you won’t remember I’ll be the one you won’t forget (Timber! Timber!)
I’m sexy and I know it Girl look at that body (He’s sexy and he knows it)
I wear your grandad’s clothes I look incredible I’m in this big old coat From that thrift shop down the road (Hey!)
That’s right! (He looks incredible) I do! (He’s in that big old coat) It’s large! (From that thrift shop down the road) Hey, let’s go!
I’m gonna pop some tags Only got twenty dollars in my pocket I’m hunting, looking for a come-up This is super awesome
She’s up all night ’til the sun I’m up all night to get some She’s up all night for good fun I’m up all night to get lucky
We’re up all night ’til the sun We’re up all night to get some We’re up all night for good fun We’re up all night to get lucky
We’re up all night to get lucky We’re up all night to get lucky We’re up all night to get lucky We’re up all night to get lucky We’re up all night to get lucky We’re up all night to get lucky We’re up all night to get lucky Up all night to get lucky
Yes, we’re up all night to get Lucky (we’re gonna get lucky) Lucky (we’re gonna get lucky) Lucky (Let’s all get lucky) We’re up all night to get lucky! (Hey!)
The epic song shows that Al can be a storyteller like Chapin’s 30,000 Pounds of Bananas or Gordon Lightfoot’s Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald.
I was unaware when the song came out that the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota was a legitimate location. Places listed in the song such as Elvis-A-Rama, the Tupperware Museum, the Boll Weevil Monument, Cranberry World, the Shuffleboard Hall of Fame, and Poodle Dog Rock are all actual attractions.
My friend and co-EYG brother Darin used the phrase “albino squirrels” from this song as his fantasy baseball team name for years.
Lyrics
Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming After workin’ all year down at Big Roy’s Heating and Plumbing So one night, when my family and I were gathered ’round the dinner table I said, “Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world now Wwhere’d you like to go to?” They said, “Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota” They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
So the very next day we loaded up the car With potato skins and pickled weiners Crossword puzzles, Spiderman comics And mama’s homemade rhubarb pie Pulled out of the driveway And the neighbors, they all waved goodbye And so began our three-day journey We picked up a guy holdin’ a sign That said “Twine Ball or Bust” He smelled real bad, and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape My wife put on a brand new hair net The kids were in the back seat jumpin’ up and down Yellin’, “Are we there yet?” And all of us were joined together in one common thought As we rolled down the long and winding Interstate in our ’53 DeSota We’re gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota We’re headin’ for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, we couldn’t wait to get there So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights Of course, we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then The scenery was just so pretty Boy, I wish the kids could’ve seen it But you can’t see out of the side of the car Because the windows are completely covered With the decals from all the places where we’ve already been
Like Elvis-a-Rama, the Tupperware Museum The Boll Weevil Monument, and Cranberry World The Shuffleboard Hall of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock And the Mecca of Albino Squirrels We’ve been to ghost towns, steam parks, wax museums And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree Seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches But there’s still one thing we’ve gotta see
Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39 And we saw the sign that said “Twine Ball exit, 50 miles” Oh, the kids were so happy, they started singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” for the 27th time that day
So we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station Got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota We’re gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Finally at 7:37 early Wednesday evening As the sun was setting in the Minnesota sky Out in the distance, on the horizon It appeared to me like a vision before my unbelieving eyes We parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence Toward that glorious, huge, majestic sphere I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds Open ten to eight on weekdays In a little shrine under a makeshift pagoda There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota I tell you, it’s the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, what on Earth would make a man Decide to do that kind of thing? Oh, windin’ up 21, 140 pounds of string What was he tryin’ to prove? Who was he tryin’ to impress? Why did he build it? How did he do it? It’s anybody’s guess Where did he get the twine? What was goin’ through his mind? Did it just seem like a good idea at the time?
Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids “Now you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason” I said, “Maybe if you’re good, I’ll tie it to the back of our car And we can take it home, ” but I was only teasin’
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line Bought a souvenir miniature ball of twine Some window decals, and anything else they’d sell us And I bought a couple postcards “Greetings from the Twine Ball, wish you were here” Won’t the folks back home be jealous?
I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball And we all gathered around and said, “Cheese!” Then Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic But at least we’ve got our memories
So we all just stared at the ball for a while And my eyes got moist, but I said with a smile “Kids, this here’s what America’s all about” Then I started feelin’ kinda gooey inside And I fell on my knees and I cried and cried And that’s when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unraveled that sucker It’d roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota ‘Cause it’s the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota I’m talkin’ ’bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn In the morning we were on our way home again But we didn’t really wanna leave, that was perfectly clear I said, “Folks, I can tell you’re all sad to go” Then I winked my eye and I said, “You know I got a funny kinda feeling we’ll be coming back again next year”
‘Cause I’ve been all around this great big world And I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather go to Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Style pastiche: Beach Boys (Specifically Pet Sounds and Smile albums)
I got a question right while watching Jeopardy once because of this song. I had never heard of the Islets of Langerhans until this song came along. Weird Al educating us one style pastiche at a time!
I’m always thinkin’ ’bout it I don’t know what I’d do without it I love, I really love My pancreas
My spleen just doesn’t matter Don’t really care about my bladder But I don’t leave home without My pancreas
My pancreas is always There for me Ahh-oooh
Secreting those enzymes (bap bap bap) Secreting those hormones too Metabolizing carbohydrates Just for me
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba My pancreas Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba My pancreas Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba My pancreas Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba My pancreas
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba My pancreas Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba My pancreas Ooooooh
My pancreas attracts every other Pancreas in the universe With a force proportional To the product of their masses And inversely proportional To the distance between them
Woo woo woo woo
Don’tcha you know you gotta Flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice Flow, flow, into the deuodenum
Won’tcha Flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice Flow, flow, into the deuodenum
Insulin, glucagon (Won’tcha flow, flow, flow, pancreatic juice) Comin’ from the islets of Langerhans… (Flow flow, into the deuodenum)
Insulin, glucagon (Won’tcha flow flow flow, pancreatic juice) Comin’ from the islets of Langerhans… (Flow flow, into the deuodenum)
Lipase, amylase, and tripsin
They gonna help with our digestion
Lipase, amylase, and tripsin
They gonna help with our digestion
Can’t you see I love my pancreas (Lipase, amylase, and tripsin)
Golly-gee I love my pancreas (They gonna help with our digestion)
Can’t you see I love my pancreas (Lipase, amylase, and tripsin)
Golly-gee I love my pancreas {They gonna help with our digestion}
Can’t you see I love my pancreas (Lipase, amylase, and tripsin)
Golly-gee I love my pancreas (They gonna help with our digestion})
Weasel Stomping Day parodied the bizarre, oftentimes cruel, traditions associated with some holiday/special occassions. The animated video was done by the Robot Chicken crew.
Lyrics
Faces filled with joy and cheer What a magical time of year Howdy Ho! It’s Weasel Stomping Day
Put your Viking helmet on Spread that mayonnaise on the lawn Don’t you know it’s Weasel Stomping Day?
All the little girls and boys Love that wonderful crunching noise You’ll know what this day’s about When you stomp a weasel’s guts right out
So, come along and have a laugh Snap their weasely spines in half Grab your boots and stomp your cares away Hip hip hooray, it’s Weasel Stomping Day
People up and down the street Crushing weasels beneath their feet Why we do it, who can say? But it’s such a festive holiday
So let the stomping fun begin Bash their weasely skulls right in It’s tradition, that makes it okay
Hey everyone, it’s Weasel Stomping We’ll have some fun on Weasel Stomping Put down your gun, it’s Weasel Stomping Day Hip Hip Hooray, it’s Weasel Stomping Day Weasel Stomping Day
EYG- Embrace Your Geekness 