Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #51

#51

Germs

Title: “Germs”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: Nine Inch Nails

Genre: Industrial Rock

Lyrics

Sometimes I really want to be alone
But that’s one state I’m never in
Because I know that I’ve got millions upon millions
Of tiny, one-celled organisms living on my skin

I rub and scrub until my flesh is raw and bleeding
(Germs) But they just come right back again
(Germs) I can’t even see’em,
but I know they’re up to something
Hey, don’t touch that – you don’t know where it’s been!

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me

I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

Now if I ever dare to go to sleep
That’s when they start their sneak attack
In the morning I wake up in utter horror
To find my teeth are covered with bacterial plaque

Can’t get those parasitic creatures off my face
(Germs) And there’s more comin’ every day
(Germs) I never said that they could camp out on my body
I wish they’d pack their tiny little bags and move away

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re creepin’ around my shorts
They’re under the bathroom sink
They’re ridin’ inside my car
They’re swimmin’ in every drink
They’re hidin’ between my toes
They’re lurkin’ in every kiss
I got’em way up my nose
In every orifice
I’m gonna show them who’s boss
I’m gonna get even yet
Just gimme some Lysol spray
Just hand me a moist towelette
Don’t tell me I’m paranoid
I know that they’re after me
Look under the microscope
See??

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re all over me
I can feel’em all over me
Over every part of me
Microscopic bacteria
I know they’re watching me
They’re always watching me
They’re coming after me
Microscopic bacteria
Won’t somebody help
Please somebody help me
You’ve got to believe me
They’re out to get me
They want to control me
They want to destroy me
They’re tryin’ to kill me
It kind of upsets me

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #52

#52

Jerry Springer

Title: “Jerry Springer”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Parody: “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies

Written: Ed Robertson/Al Yankovic

Lyrics

It’s been one week since we got to see
Cheatin’ lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer

Holy cow, did you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all?
And Jerry’s in the middle tryin’ to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes Jerry’s next guest
And it’s a slugfest
‘Cause it’s her trailer trash brother

Nymphomaniac is back on crack, it’s like When Animals Attack
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit ’em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that’s how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver

They’re always swearin’, cursin’, kickin’ butt and pointin’ blame
On the air? They don’t care, they’ve got no shame
There was one guy who I’m sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

It’s been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven’t got the blood off the wall
It’s been three days since the bitter feud
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, it finally dawned on me
I’m spendin’ way too much time on that Jerry Springer

Baby, I’ve been sleepin’ with your sister
Oh, which one? All of ’em
Ah, well, I’ve been sleepin’ with your best friend Jake
Yeah? Well, me too, and, I’ve been sleepin’ with your dog Woofie
Woofie, you bi-, well I’m also sleepin’ with your pet goat
That goat doesn’t love you

Once you start watchin’, there’s just no stoppin’
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ’s droppin’
Jerry’s the king of confrontation
He’s a sensation, he puts the sin in syndication
It’s totally worthless, like a bad check
It’s like a train wreck
Don’t want to stare, but you can’t look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin’ higher every day

If you’ve seen the show, well then you know
It’s just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they’re lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon comes in the room and then it’s boom
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen

Well, it’s the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin’ hair, throwin’ chairs at their hubbies
Jerry, Jerry, now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can’t
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

It’s been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some losers wife said that she’s still dating twenty guys
Three days since he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer

Tired of wastin’ my time on that Jerry Springer
I’ve got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger

Source: LyricFind

Something Very Bad is Going to Happen E1

Spoilers

“Never Get on One Knee”

That was really creepy.

I have had this limited series, Something Very Bad is Going to Happen, on my Netflix queue for several weeks now. I had heard positives about the series that I wanted to watch it, but with the load of other TV and movies, not to mention comics and school, I was not sure when I could squeeze it into. However, I have gotten to a point where The Pitt, Invincible, Paradise, Shrinking were all done and Monarch is on its last episode. I only currently have Daredevil: Born Again and The Boys as active TV shows that I was watching, so I thought this was a good opportunity to start this show.

Man, what a creepy first episode.

It grabs you right away with a somewhat disturbing wedding and the reaction of the bride was unexpected. We then flash back five days prior to the wedding and things get even creepier.

The podcast they listened to in the car was unnerving too as it gave the story of Larry Poole, a man who sold custard and was a serial killer.

As this podcast was telling the story, we were suddenly at a rest stop and the story switched gears. Rachel and Nicky, who were the couple getting married, were driving to Nicky’s family cabin. Stopping at the rest stop, they find a baby inside a car, apparently deserted.

There were some real disturbing images at this rest stop including a dead fox in the women’s restroom. Rachel chose to go back and find a phone to call for help and Nicky would stay with the baby. This felt like a poor choice, but it is what happened.

Rachel found a bar that was mostly deserted, but the woman working there “Benjamin” was creepy and there was another man there who was apparently stalking Rachel. She ran off to her car after stabbing the man in the hand with her keys.

When she returned, the baby was gone and Nicky had been punched by the baby’s father, who thought Nicky was trying to steal the baby. The whole encounter with the parents happened off screen and something about it felt odd. There was a scream that Rachel had heard in the woods before Nicky came back.

They headed to the cabin, which is humongous. Rachel meets part of Nicky’s family when she was looking for ice for his head. Nicky’s sister, Portia, tells Rachel a story about when their brother Jules wound up lost in the woods as a child and supposedly saw the Sorry Man.

According to Jules, the Sorry Man came from Hell and murdered women by slitting them open and turning them inside out, trying to find his lost wife inside them. Rachel also mentioned a scream from the woods, which made me think about that rest stop and how the parents of that deserted baby had taken a stroll in the woods.

Things only got creepier as Rachel woke up with a bloody nose and wandered off to find Nicky’s mother who said that they would not be seeing each other very much. Rachel found a returned wedding invitation on the floor with the words “Don’t marry him” scribbled on the back.

There are so many weird and bizarre things happening that it truly did a great job of making me anxious as I watched it. The music was excellent in that manner too. I was full of suspense and I was feeling scared. Most of the time, scary things do not bother me that much, but I have to say that this really kept me on edge. I am excited to continue this limited series later in the week.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #74

#74

Gotta Boogie

Title: “Gotta Boogie”

Written: Al Yankovic

Album: “Weird Al” Yankovic

Release: 1983

Style: Dance/disco

Lots of funny puns involving boogers. What more can you ask? This was a wonderful surprise the first time hearing Weird Al’s debut album, as I do not remember hearing it on the Dr. Demento show. I did see Al perform this live in concert at one of the times I saw him play.

Lyrics

Gotta boogie
Gotta boogie
Gotta boogie
Gotta boogie
I gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
I gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie on my finger and I can’t shake it off

Well, I went out to a party just the other night
I was jammin’ to the music, I was feelin’ alright
I was burning up the floor like a disco maniac
When my woman said, “Baby, why’s your hand behind you back?”

Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
I said boogie (gotta boogie)
I gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie on my finger and I can’t shake it off

I can’t pick it off (uh uh)
I can’t flick it off (uh uh)
I sure ain’t gonna lick it off (oh no)
So I guess I’m gonna have to learn to live with it

I gotta boogie (gotta boogie, uh huh, he’s gotta boogie)
I gotta boogie (gotta boogie, uh huh, he’s gotta boogie)
I gotta boogie (gotta boogie, uh huh, he’s gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie on my finger and I can’t shake it off

Gotta boogie
(Boogie)
Hey, you wanna boogie? (No man, I don’t wanna boogie)
Wanna boogie? (Get that boogie out of my face)
Do any of you wanna boogie? (No!)

Gotta boogie on my finger
Gotta boogie on my finger
Gotta boogie on my finger and I can’t shake it off

Source: Musixmatch

The Boys S5 E1, E2

Spoilers

“Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite”

“Teenage Kix”

The Boys are back on Amazon Prime for their final season, and all the crap is hitting the fan.

Homelander is in charge of everything. He is the top boss, the ultimate ruler. He’s ordering the president around, making him get drinks.

Yet, Homelander is not happy. Everyone is leaving him (in his own, warped mind).

Butcher is every bit as horrible of a person as Homelander. He has been pursuing the virus full scale and has gotten to a point where he had a usable version.

Kimiko (who talks now), Butcher, Starlight entered one of Vaught’s concentration camps to rescue Hughie, Frenchie and Mother’s Milk, despite knowing it was Homelander’s trap. The prison camp break was shocking. MM strangled the living penis man with his own penis. Who would ever guess that I would write that sentence.

The first episode brought a major tragedy. Homelander broke the neck of A-Train. A-Train showed up to help Starlight and the others escape by distracting Homelander. I hated A-Train for the longest time, but just when I really started to like the guy, he gets murdered.

Homelander unfreezes Soldier Boy and talks him into helping. He sent Soldier Boy after Butcher, and the confrontation led to Soldier Boy being exposed to the virus and apparently dying. Of course, at the end of episode two, Soldier Boy, in a body bag, sat up, indicating that the virus did not kill him. It sure looked like it did.

There is so much going on in the first two episodes (Ashley is vice-president and has a second head growing out of her head, giving her psychic powers, among other things). Starlight and Hughie are suffering from depression over the past year. Butcher is just off the deep end. Frenchie and Kimiko are hot and heavy. And Homelander… he is completely crazed… barely dealing with the world around him. He is obviously a metaphor for some of the current world events going on, and it is not even subtle at this point.

I have no idea where this season is heading, but I have to believe that Homelander is finally going to get his. How that is going to happen is anyone’s guess. The Boys is one of the best superhero shows on TV and literally anything could happen.

Shrinking S3 E10

Spoilers

“The Bodyguard of Sadness”

Woof. This one packed a punch.

It was graduation day for Alice and the emotions are all over the place for poor Jimmy, with his father departing for a deep sea fishing trip instead of attending graduation, Paul getting ready to move to Connecticut and the fact that Alice is graduating is really crushing Jimmy’s spirit.

Jason Segal gave one of his best performances of the series in this episode as he confronted Paul about a myriad of issues, some of which were directed toward Paul and others that were directed toward his own father. It was devastating to see Jimmy rip into Paul like he did, especially since a lot of the anger was actually directed to his father and his childhood trauma, the fact that everyone was leaving him, and that he was feeling alone.

Harrison Ford has been brilliant in this series, and this episode was no exception. He was so subtle throughout, but you could tell how much Jimmy’s attack affected him. He sat in his home, waiting for the car to take him to Connecticut, and you can see how much he was suffering from the rejection of Jimmy, who Paul had invited for a goodbye breakfast.

The line: “I get it now. I’m not as important to you as you are to me. I just feel stupid it took me that long to realize it. I’m just not that sensitive, Paul. I’ll survive” dropped by Jimmy was like a dagger and put in words they way that Jimmy was feeling.

This was the penultimate episode of season three, but man did it feel like a finale. Everyone was finding their path over the next several months, and Jimmy was there all on his own.

It makes me worried for Jimmy as his mental health seems to have taken a huge back step from the positive areas that it had reached since the loss of Tia.

One more episode of the season next week. The finale should be fire.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #88

#88

Mr. Popeil

Title: “Mr. Popeil”

Album: Weird Al Yankovic In 3D

Written: Al Yankovic

Released: 1984

Style Pastiche: B-52s

Fact: Background vocals were provided by Lisa Popeil, the daughter of Sam Popeil, who this song was about.

Lyrics

I need a vegematic!
I need a pocket fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That’ll scramble an egg while it’s still inside its shell!
(Operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel?)
Help me.
Mr. Popeil!

I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna Krazy-glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
(Please, no c.o.d.’s.
Don’t miss out on this deal.)
Ah, help me.
Mr. Popeil!

Help me.
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

It slices. it dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But you wouldn’t want to!

Mr. Popeil, I’m in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no! now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new?
Mr. Popeil!
Tell me, what am I s’posed to do?

Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

But wait, there’s more!
It’s not sold in any store!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Don’t answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
(Now how much would you pay?)
If you order today,
You get a ginsu knife and a smokeless ashtray!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Now how much would you pay?
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.

Make me buy a garden weasel!
Make me buy a bamboo steamer!
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing tv offer!
(Call our toll-free number,
We’ll make you such a deal.)
Aw, help me!
Mr. Popeil. I want it!
(Mr. Popeil.) well, I need it!
(Mr. Popeil.) I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Hey!

Source: LyricFind

Shrinking S3 E9

Spoilers

“Daddy Issues”

There was a feeling of finality in this episode of Shrinking.

Paul convinces Gabby to come back to work and then offers her the practice once again. However, he did not call her out on ditching her dream of setting up a trauma center. Something that Liz came to yell at him about.

Paul kept talking about having one more week before his retirement and spoke about moving. That was not something I remember as a chance and I don’t know how I would feel about Shrinking without Harrison Ford. I am assuming that it is just storyline, but I am not sure.

Jeff Daniels returned as Jimmy’s father, bringing up plenty of conflict from Jimmy’s childhood. When Jimmy found out that his dad was not going to go to the actual graduation ceremony in order to go on a fishing trip, Jimmy was even more down than he was before.

Worse yet, when his father told Jimmy that he really liked Sofi, way more than Tia (who apparently always saw him in the same light as Jimmy did), Jimmy broke up with Sofi, and he did it in a very cold manner. I would not blame Sofi if, when he invariably comes begging back, she dismisses it and kicks him to the curb. Jimmy letting his daddy issues interfere with something that was potentially great is more immature than I thought Jimmy could be. You could see that his father’s presence was not bringing out the best side of him.

Sean got the job as a a sous chef. He hesitated to accept it because of his friendship with Jorge, who worked with him in the food truck, and would cost him that job. Jorge did not take the news well, but Sean did not react with animosity or anger as he would have before, showing his own growth with his mental health.

It was nice to see the softer side of Paul in this episode. I hope he is not leaving at the end of this season, which has only two more to go.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #95

#95

Buy Me a Condo

Title: “Gonna Buy Me a Condo”

Written: Al Yankovic

Album: Weird Al Yankovic In 3D

Released: 1984

Style: This is a style parody of Bob Marley and other reggae music

One of the wonderful hidden gems on the In 3D album. Buy Me a Condo satires the American lifestyle.

Lyrics

Gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full ‘o credit cards
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit’ de alligator on

Wo, used to live in Jamaica But I don’t live dere no more
Had to change me lifestyle
Do t’ings I never done before
So now I’m just a lonely Rastaman
Living in dis American town
Gonna sell me Bob Marley records
Gonna get me some Jackson Browne

I gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
And get a wallet full ‘o credit cards, eh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit’ de alligator on

Wo, gonna cut off me dreadlocks
T’row away all me ganja
I’ll have a Tupperware party
Maybe join me a health spa
I’ll get a bowl of plastic fruits
And a microwave oven, too
Then I’ll have the neighbors over for a weenie barbecue

Gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full ‘o credit cards, oh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I get a funny little T-shirt wit’ de alligator on

Ain’t gonna work in de field no more
Gonna be Amway distributor
Ain’t gonna work in de field no more (no, no)
Gonna be Amway distributor

Ja, ja, ja, life is so very hard
I need a (ja) ja, ja, ja jacuzzi in me back yard

Oh, I gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full ‘o credit cards, eh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit’ de alligator on

What’d you say?

I gonna buy me a condo
I gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
Get a wallet full ‘o credit cards, oh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit’ de alligator on

What’d you say?

I gonna buy me a condo
Gonna buy me a Cuisinart
Get a wall-to-wall carpeting
And get a wallet full ‘o credit cards, oh
I gonna buy me a condo, never have to mow de lawn
I gonna get me da T-shirt wit’ de alligator on

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #98

#98

Jackson Park Express

Title: Jackson Park Express

Written: Al Yankovic

Album: Mandatory Fun

Style Pastiche: Cat Stevens; Harry Chapin

Release: 2013

Jackson Park Express is one of the longer songs Weird Al has done. It runs 9 minutes and 4 seconds. It is an epic love story between two people who see each other on a bus for the first time. The romance lasts until the woman gets off the bus, without ever speaking to the man.

Ah, love.

Lyrics

Tuesday morning, 8:15
I was riding to work on the
Jackson Park Express
Seemed like any other day
Then my whole world changed
In a way I never could have guessed
‘Cause she walked in
Took the seat right across the aisle
I knew we had a special connection
The second I saw her smile

She smiled as if to say
“Hello, haven’t seen you on this bus before”
I gave her a look that said
“Huh, life is funny, you never know what’s in store
By the way, your hair is beautiful
I bet it smells like raisins”

She looked at me in a way that asked
“Did you have a nose job or something?
I’m only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better
Than the rest of your face”
I arched my eyebrow, ever so slightly
Which was my way of asking
“Do you want my old Hewlett-Packard printer?
It still works, kinda
And I got a bunch of ink cartridges left”

Then, she let out a long sigh
Which, I took to mean, “Uh”
“Mama, what is that deodorant you’re wearing?
It’s intoxicating
Why don’t we drive out to the country sometime?
And collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie”, oh yeah

I gave her a penetrating stare
Which could only mean
“You are my answer, my answer to everything
Which is why, I’ll probably do very poorly
On the written part of my driver’s test”

Yes, it all happened
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express

I knew she was starting to fall for me
‘Cause she crinkled her nose, which unmistakably meant
“Baby, lets wear each other’s clothes
And speak in a thick German accent
And, maybe someday we can own and operate
Our own mobile pet-grooming service”
I couldn’t hold back my feelings
I gave her a look, that said
“I would make any sacrifice for your love
Goat, chicken, whatever
I could never hold you close enough
Let’s have our bodies surgically grafted together
Oh, surgically grafted together”

She picked up a newspaper, and started reading to herself
Which I’m sure, was a way of telling me
“When you’re cold, I will warm you
When you’re shivering, I will hold you
When your nauseous, I will give you Pepto-Bismol every hour
For as long as the symptoms persist”
Oh, I, I never, ever want to see you cry
So, please let me cauterize your tear ducts with an arc welder
Then, I glanced down, at her shirt, for a second
In a way that clearly implied
“I like your boobs”

Yes, it all happened
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express

I cleared my throat quietly, and then, I looked away
And I’m sure it was obvious to her, just what I was trying to say
I was trying to say, “Hey
I’d like to make a wall-sized mural out of all the dead skin cells
That you slough off while you sleep at night”
Whoa-o-Oh, “I’d like to rip you wide open
And french-kiss every single one of your internal organs
Oh, I’d like to remove all your skin, and wear your skin, over my own skin
But not in a creepy way”

Then, I’m pretty sure, she looked at me, out of the corner of her good eye
And, though, she never spoke a word, this is exactly what I heard
She was saying, “Oh!
I wanna make out with you, in an abandoned toll-booth, in the middle of a monsoon
I wanna ride dolphins with you, in the moonlight
Until the staff at Sea World kicks us out
I want you inside me, oh, like a tapeworm”

I pointed to the side of my mouth, as a way of indicating
“Hey, I think you got something on the side of your mouth”
She licked the corner of her lips, as if to say
“Here?”, I nodded, implying, “Yeah, you got it”

And, then the bus stopped, at 53rd Street, and she got up suddenly
“Where are you going?”, pleaded my eyes, “Baby, don’t you do this to me
Think of the beautiful children we could have someday
We could school them at home, raise them up the right way
And protect them from the evils of the world
Like Trigonometry and Prime Numbers, oh no
Baby, please don’t go”

She brushed my leg, as she left the bus
I’m sure that was her way of saying
“I’m sorry this just isn’t working out
You’re suffocating me
I need some space to find out what life’s all about
So, goodbye forever, my love”

And deep inside, I knew she was right
It was time for us both to move on
And no, I never got her number, oh no no
She never bothered to leave her address, oh
But, as long as I live, I’ll never forget
Those precious moments we shared together

On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #100

#100

“That Boy Could Dance”

Title: “That Boy Could Dance”

Album: Weird Al Yankovic In 3D

Written: Al Yankovic

Release Date: 1984

Genre: Pop Rock or Power Pop

Style Parody: This is debated by the fans. Some believed that this was a pastiche of the Doobie Brothers while others do not agree.

A fun and energetic song that was an early original for Weird Al. It was not listed on some versions of the In 3D album because of space.

Lyrics

We all used to call him Jimmy the geek
He was a dumb looking, scrawny little four-eyed freak
He never used to hang around with the guys
He’d just sit in the corner
Attracting the flies

He wasn’t much to look at
He never was very bright
But at least there was one thing that he could do alright

That boy could dance
That boy could dance, yeah

He was kind of a jerk
He was kind of a bore
But the women would scream when he walked in the door
There’s one thing I can tell you for sure
That boy could dance

Pickin’ teams, he would always be last
He couldn’t run very far
He couldn’t think very fast
If he was on your side, you’d always lose
That guy had a problem
Even tying his shoes

He never passed his drivers test
He was always afraid of cars
And he had a complexion
That resembled the surface of Mars

But that boy could dance
That boy could dance, yeah

Well, his hair was a mess
And his clothes didn’t fit
He smelled pretty bad
And he drooled just a bit
But you gotta admit
Boy, that boy could dance

Now that boy is much older
He got his own dance studio
He got a teeny bopper fan club
Yeah, he got his own TV show

Now he owns half of Montanna
They all call him “Diamond Jim”
And you know I’d do anything if I could be just like him

‘Cause that boy could dance
That boy could dance
That boy could dance
(Now that boy could dance)
That boy could dance, dance
(Now that boy could dance)

That boy could dance
(Now that boy could dance)
That boy could dance, yeah
(Now that boy could dance)
I said that boy could dance
(Now that boy could dance)

That boy could dance, yeah
(Now that boy could dance)
That boy could dance

Source: Musixmatch

“don’t read the last message”

      “dont read the last message.”

           Horror story

That message wasn’t meant for her,

 That’s what made it worse.

 At 1:42 AM, Mara’s phone buzzed. She was half asleep, Face buried into her pillow, When the vibration dragged her back to consciousness. She groaned, Fumbling blindly across her night stand until her fingers found the screen. One notification.Unknown number.No name, No picture.Just a message…

Unknown:Don’t read the last message.

Mara blinked at the screen 

“What?….”

Her brain felt slow, foggy with sleep. She checked the time again. 1:42 AM. Wrong number she whispered. She was about to put her phone down, Then paused. There wasn’t a last message..There’s only one. Mara’s thumb hovered over the screen. A weird, Prickly feeling creeped down her arms. Like when you’re being watched. She looked around her room. Dark, Quiet, Normal.

“ Yeah, ok,” Mara whispered. “ Great prank.”

She locked her phone and went back to bed.Buzz. She froze. Slowly… She picked the phone back up.

Unknown: I said don’t.

Mara’s chest tightened 

“Ok not funny.”

She sat up, her heart beating a little faster.

Mara: Who is this??

The typing bubble appeared instantly. 

Unknown: You weren’t supposed to see that.

Mara’s stomach twisted.

Mara: See what?

A pause. Longer this time..Then

Unknown: The last message.

Her grip tightened.

Mara: THERE IS NO LAST MESSAGE.

Three dots. Typing. Stopping. Typing again.

Unknown: There is.

A cold feeling slid down her spine

Mara: Then send it.

The typing bubbles stayed longer now. Like whoever or whatever was on the other side thinking. Then

Unknown: If you read it, It will know.

“It will know?”

A nervous laugh slipped out. “Ok…Creepy.” 

Mara: Know what

The response came slower this time.

Unknown: It knows you’re here.

Her room suddenly felt smaller 

Mara: I am here

The typing bubbles blinked on and off.

Unknown: Not like that..

Mara swallowed.

Mara: Then what do you mean

A long pause. So long she thought maybe they’d stopped responding. Then

Unknown: It thinks you’re still asleep.

Her heart skipped. Without meaning to, Mara started at her bedroom door. Still closed.Still normal. Right?

Mara: This isn’t funny.

Unknown: I’m not joking. Her fingers hovered across the screen.

Mara: What is “It”.

The typing bubbles appeared.Then it disappeared. Then it appeared again. Finally

Unknown: Don’t ask that.

Mara’s breath came slower this time. More careful. 

Mara: Why not.

A longer pause.

Unknown: Because it might answer.

Something shifted in the room. A sound, Soft. Barely there. From the hallway. Mara turned her head slightly. Silence. Her phone buzzed again.

Unknown: Did you hear that?

Her stomach dropped.

Mara: Hear what

Unknown: Don’t lie

Her chest tightened.

Mara: how do you know where i am

The reply came instantly.

Unknown: Because I’m not where you think I am.

A chill ran through her.

 “Ok, no.” She whispered. “Nope.”

The Unknown person called her and she put on headphones.

She swung her legs off of the bed, standing up.

“Im turning on the lights.”

Unknown: Don’t 

She froze

Mara: Why

The response took even longer.

Unknown: Because it will see you.

Her hand hovered over the light switch. Slowly…She pulled back.

Her heart was pounding now..

“ok.. ok…”  

She backed away from the door…She sat back on the edge of her bed

Mara: What do i do

The typing bubbles flickered 

Unknown: Stay where you are.

Unknown:Don’t make a sound.

Unknown: And whatever happens—

Unknown: Don’t read the last message..

Mara started at the screen. Her body shook with fear.

Mara: You keep saying that there is one but there ISN”T ONE.

Three dots appeared, then her phone screen changed.The chat scrolled up by itself. Mara’s breath caught, because now. There was another message. Above all the rest of the messages. A message she hadn’t seen before.. Sent hours ago

Unknown: It’s behind you

Mara stopped breathing

Her entire body tensed up. Her eyes slowly lifted. The room felt wrong… Way too wrong. Too quiet. Too still. Her phone buzzed again.

Unknown: Don’t turn around.

Her throat tightened

Mara: You said don’t read it.

Unknown: I know

Her hands shook

Mara: Then why is it here

A pause, Then 

Unknown: Because you weren’t

Supposed to wake up. The air in the room felt colder.

Heaver

Like something was pressing down on her

Mara: What happens if I turn around?

The typing bubbles flickered, Stopped, came back

 Unknown: It stops pretending.

Her heart slammed against her ribs. Behind her. Something moved. Not loud. Not fast. Just enough. A shift. Like a weight adjusting, on her bed. Right behind her Tears filled her eyes

“No…” She whispered 

Unknown: Stay still

She nodded, even though no one could see her.

Mara: What is it?

The reply came slower

Unknown: It learned you

Her stomach twisted 

Mara: What does that mean?

The answer took longer 

Long enough for Mara to feel something else. Breathing. Not hers but someone else behind her. Close

Unknown: It knows how you sound

Unknown: How you move

Unknown: How you think

A tear slid down her cheek

Mara: What does it want

Unknown: You

Her chest tightened

“Please…” She whispered

The bed dipping slightly 

 Something leaning closer 

Unknown: Don’t talk

She clenched her mouth closed. Her whole body trembled with fear, Her phone buzzed again 

Unknown: It likes when you talk

  She stopped breathing

Mara: How do i make it go away

A Long Pause then

Unknown: You cant

Her heart sank

Mara: Then what should i do

The response came slowly

Unknown: Pretend you are still asleep

Mara stuttered

Mara: What

Unknown: Lay down

Unknown: Close your eyes

Unknown: Don’t react 

Her hands shook as she laid down. She turned her head slightly.Facing away. Her eyes squeezed shut. Her phone rested on her chest. The screen still glowing

Unknown: Good

Her breathing slowed. Forced, Careful, Behind her, Something shifted again. Then a whisper. Right next to her ear

“ Mara…”

Sounded just like her voice..Her own voice, Closer

“Your awake”

Her fingers curled slightly

“ I can feel you breathing”

Her heart pounded 

“ I know you read it”

Tears slipped quietly down from her face

“ You shouldn’t have read it”.

The bed creaked. Weight shifting

Right above her now, Hovering

“ I liked it better when you didn’t know”

Her chest tightened

Unknown: It’s trying to get you to react

The whisper grew softer

“ Just turn your head”

Her eye twitched

“ Just a little”

She almost stopped breathing

“ I want to see your face”

Unknown: Don’t 

Silence. Long. Heavy.Then, A soft laugh. From right behind her ear

“ Your not as fun as the others

Her stomach dropped, Others?

Unknown: Don’t ask

Her heart was racing faster

“ I wonder how long you can pretend”
The weight shifted again

Then 

Gone

The bed lifted.

The air felt lighter

But she didn’t move

Didn’t open her eyes 

Didn’t breathe any differently 

Minutes passed 

Or hours

She didn’t know

Her phone buzzed

Unknown: It left

Mara stayed still

Unknown: You can move now

Slowly

She opened her eyes

The room was empty

Normal

Like nothing happened

her chest rose slightly 

She sat up

Her whole body shaking

Mara: Is it gone

A long pause

Then

Unknown: No

Her heart stopped

Mara: What do you mean

The typing bubbles appeared one last time

Unknown: It is where i am 

Her stomach dropped 

Mara: Where are you?

The reply came almost instantly 

Unknown: Look at the last message

Her breath caught

Her thumb shook as she scrolled upThe very first message. The

one she thought started at all, But now, It was different 

Unknown: Don’t read the last message

Below it, A new message

One she didn’t see before 

Sent just second ago

From her own number 

Mara: Its behind you

Her blood ran cold because she didn’t send that

And slowly

Very slowly

She felt it again

Right behind her

Breathing

Waiting

And this time there was no one left to text.

Mara looked around for something, Anything, She needed to get out of there.

She looked around and found a candle

The monster went up into flames, Then somehow transformed into a human and chased mara down the steps.

While mara was running she saw her mother lifeless on the floor as well as her brother and step-father. 

She ran outside but the door was locked but she took out a hair pin and picked the lock. The monster took out a lighter and grabbed mara’s arm, The monster then held the lighter under mara’s arm and watched it burn a little, Mara was screaming in pain hoping someone could hear her, Mara got the chance to run and almost made it, Almost.. Mara ran as blood and pain shot from her arm. The monster started running faster and grabbed her by the collar. The monster then threw her into a fence and Mara went down hard causing her eyes to swell closed. Neighbors then heard screaming from Mara and called 911, Mara could barely keep her eyes open. The monster then hid in the bushes and ran. The monster then found a car at a gas station and fled. Para medics showed up and took mara to the hospital.

“ She needs to go into surgery immediately.” Said the doctor. 

“ But sir! She needs to be on life support.” Said a nurse

“ I don’t care, get the operating table ready right now.” Said the doctor.

“ But Doctor…-.” Said the nurse.

“ Did I Stutter? Go get her on the table.” 

‘ yes sir.” said the doctor.

“The operation went well, but…” Said the doctor.

“ What do you mean but..” Said Mara’s sister. 

“ Well is she ok?” said Amber

“ Yes but she lost half of her memories, Like about her family or friends or etc but she still knows how to do most functions like talking, eating and sleep. The point is she doesn’t remember you.” said the doctor.

“ Oh, well can I see her.” Said amber

“ Yes of course.” Said the doctor

Amber walked in and saw Mara’s body with many fractures and many broken bones. Amber started crying uncontrollably. 

“ Don’t worry mara, I will find out who did this to you and they will pay for this.” Said Amber.

Mara then woke up and got startled by Amber. A few weeks later she was allowed to leave the hospital and Amber took her home.

Amber showed Mara her room and left for work. Mara went to the living room and turned on the T.V news channel. 

“ A new murders happened this morning. The killer ran and left the body with many bruises and cuts. The cuts almost look like axe marks. Goodbye and stay safe.” Said the news anchor.

“ woah.. That’s like a lot of people have been killed this week.” Said mara.

“ Wait, what if it’s amber? Haha no way she’s my sister. What if she isn’t. She didn’t have any ID or verification, and neither did I. I’m overthinking this.” though Mara.
Amber then walked through the door covered in what looked like blood. 

“ Amber, Are you covered in blood?” Said mara.

“Shoot she saw.” Amber whispered so only she could hear. 

Amber then took out a knife and tried stabbing mara but missed. Mara then ran out the door with her phone and called 911. Mara then hid in the bushes and amber passed her. The police then showed up and was amber covered in blood and arrested her.

The police then transferred Mara to child services and then she got introduced to a new home.

                                           Part 2

Years later mara had visions of the monster grabbing her arm, she then lifts up her shirt sleeve and looks at the life lasting scar.

Mara didn’t sleep that night

The phone sat on her desk, Screen dark but it felt like it was watching her

She turned it off three times already. Each time she powered it back on, the same message was still there at the top of the chat. Unknown: You weren’t supposed to read that

At 3:14 a.m, the phone vibrated again. Mara froze under her blanket. Another notification, Slowly she reached out and picked up her phone. 

Unknown: Now it knows you did.

Her chest tightened. Her room was silent except for the ticking of the cheap clock on the wall. 

“ Knows what” She whispered to her self

The typing dots appeared. Three gray dots. They blinked. Then it disappeared. Another message.

Unknown: Look behind you

Maras heart slammed against her ribs

“Nope..” She said immediately, “Forcing a laugh that sounded so fake even to her own ears.”

“Not doing that, I barely made it out last time.”

She tossed the phone onto the desk and rolled over to face the wall. But the silence behind her felt wrong. Heavy. Like something was standing there. Waiting. The phone buzzed again. Again. Again. Finally she grabbed her phone. 

Unknown: You didn’t look.

Unknown: Thats good.

Her stomach twisted

“ Good?” She muttered 

The typing bubbles returned. 

Unknown: Because if you had…It would have seen you.

Mara sat up

“ What would have seen me?” She typed.

  The reply came instantly.

Unknown: The thing in your messages 

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard

“Thats not funny.” She typed back

Three dots appeared, but before the next message arrived, Something else happened. Her phone camera turned on. The screen showed a live video feed of her room but the angle was wrong. The camera wasn’t facing her phone, it was pointing at her. Mara’s blood went cold. The video showed her sitting on her bed holding her phone, staring at the screen, and behind her Something moved. A tall shadow slid across the wall. Mara spun around. 

“ Nothing..? I could have sworn I saw something.” Mara whispered to herself.

 The room was empty. When she turned back to the phone, the shadow was closer now. Standing directly behind her, but she couldn’t see anything in the real room. Her hands shook with fear. she whispered “What is this.”

The reply came instantly. 

Unknown: You read the last message

Unknown: That opened the chat

“ What chat?’’ She typed

Unknown: The one between worlds.

Mara stared at the screen 

“This is a prank.” 

Unknown: I wish it was

Another message appeared 

Unknown: you need to stop responding

The she got goosebumps even though the room was warm.

“ Why?” 

They typing bubbles flickered longer this time. Finally. 

Unknown: Every message you send lets it get closer

Her throat tightened

Mara looked at the live video feed again. The shadow behind her had shape now. Too tall. Its head almost touching the ceiling, its arms were long and crooked, Like branches, And it was leaning toward her, 

“ But if i stop texting, what will happen?” she typed.

A new message appeared, but it wasn’t from him, It was from herself. 

Mara: Don’t read the last message. 

“ There is NO LAST MESSAGE.

Just then her phone scrolled up to this message she didnt see before, But just then she looked back at the video feed and the monster was gone, She look behind her and saw it but it was too late. She was gone

Blackwood

Blackwood

Chapter 1

The Beginning

The royal family of Rosewood longed for children, but for many years they had none. Then at last, they were blessed with twins—a boy and a girl.

The boy was named Adrian Rosewood, and the girl was named Emma Rosewood.

The king and queen were overjoyed. They spoiled their children with love and riches. But as the years passed, Adrian grew rude and selfish, often mistreating the people of Rosewood.

Emma, however, was the complete opposite. She was kind and gentle, always helping the poor and giving from her own allowance. The people of the kingdom adored her.

The king and queen noticed the difference between their children and were proud of Emma.Adrian noticed it too.

And he hated it.Jealousy filled his heart. For years he treated Emma cruelly. Once, he even placed a snake in her bed just to frighten her. But their mother and father did nothing about it they said boys will be boys

When they turned seventeen, everything changed.To strengthen an alliance during a growing threat of war, Emma was arranged to marry Prince Sebastian Blackwood of the Dark Kingdom.

Chapter 2

The Wedding

Emma stood in her chamber, preparing to walk down the aisle to meet her future husband. She wore a beautiful black gown, and her hair was styled neatly in a delicate bun.

Across the palace, Sebastian adjusted his suit and pushed his dark hair back.In only ten minutes, he would be married. Sebastian had loved Emma for years.But Emma did not love him.

Her heart once belonged to Prince James of Silverwood.When they were children, while the other boys practiced sword fighting, James would walk beside her in the gardens and talk with her. He had been her first true friend.

But when Emma confessed her feelings to him, James revealed a painful truth. He had only spent time with her because his father hoped to gain land from Rosewood through her.

When the King of Rosewood refused, James’s father declared war.The war ended with defeat for Silverbrook, and James was imprisoned for years.

Until the day of Emma’s wedding.Just after Emma kissed Sebastian, the grand doors of the hall suddenly burst open.

Standing there was James, covered in dirt, fury burning in his eyes.He rushed forward, gripping what looked like a dagger.Before he could reach Emma, Sebastian struck him hard, knocking him to the ground. Guards quickly grabbed him.The newly married couple hurried into their carriage and left the palace.

Inside the carriage, silence filled the air.Finally, Sebastian spoke quietly.“If you don’t want this… I understand,” he said. “We’ve only just met. This is a lot.”

Chapter 3

The Carriage Ride

The carriage wheels rolled over the stone roads of Rosewood, echoing through the heavy silence.

Emma stared out the window, her wedding veil resting in her lap. The kingdom she had known her entire life slowly disappeared behind her.

Sebastian sat across from her, watching her carefully.“You still love him,” he said quietly.It wasn’t a question.

Emma swallowed.“I don’t know what I feel anymore.”

Sebastian leaned back slightly. “He tried to ruin our wedding.”“He was in prison for years,” Emma whispered. “What do you think that does to someone?”Sebastian’s jaw tightened, though his voice remained calm.“It doesn’t excuse showing up with a blade.”

Silence returned.

After a few minutes, Sebastian spoke more gently.“I never wanted you forced into this marriage. I agreed to the alliance because I thought… maybe one day you might care for me.”

Emma looked at him for the first time since they left the palace.“You’ve loved me for years,” she said softly. “Why?”Sebastian gave a small smile.

“When I visited Rosewood as a child, you were the only one who spoke to me like I was normal. Not like I was the prince of the Dark Kingdom.”

Something in Emma’s heart shifted.Suddenly the carriage jerked to a stop.Voices shouted outside.Sebastian’s calm expression instantly turned alert.

“Stay inside,” he said.Before Emma could answer, the carriage door burst open.

A guard stumbled backward—and behind him stood James.His eyes looked different now.Almost wild.“Emma,” he said quietly. “You’re coming with me.”

Sebastian stepped in front of her.“She’s my wife now.”James glared at him.“Not by choice.”

Emma’s heart pounded.“No!” she shouted. “Go home! You shouldn’t be here!”James looked at her with a strangely gentle expression.

“Come with me, Emma. We can be together like we always wanted.”Emma’s face hardened.“No,” she said firmly. “I love Sebastian. Now go home and leave us alone.”

Sebastian looked surprised. He had never seen her so angry before.They climbed back into the carriage and continued their journey.

Four hours later, they arrived at their new home.The castle stood tall and beautiful in the moonlight, flowers climbing along its stone walls.“It’s beautiful,” Emma whispered.Sebastian looked slightly nervous.

“I had it designed to feel like both of our homes,” he said. “I thought it might help you feel comfortable.”Emma smiled.“It’s perfect,” she said softly.

Chapter 4

Years Together

As the years passed, Emma and Sebastian grew very close.But on December 12, Sebastian seemed strangely angry.Emma tried to talk to him, but he yelled at her to leave.

Emma left the room in tears. She put on her coat and walked outside into the cold night air.She had wanted to tell him something important.She was going to have a baby.

As she walked through the woods, she practiced how she would tell him.Suddenly a branch snapped.Emma turned quickly, but she saw nothing.Another branch cracked.

Fear rushed through her chest.She ran back toward the castle. Just as she reached the door, a voice stopped her.“Emma.”Slowly, she turned around.

James stood behind her, covered in dirt—just like the last time she had seen him.“You need to leave,” Emma said nervously.James smiled slightly.“Don’t you miss me?” he asked. “I was your first love.” Emma shook her head.“Not anymore.”Then James said something that made her blood run cold.“The baby,” he said quietly. “How do you think your husband will react knowing I knew first?”Emma’s eyes widened.“You need to go,” she said. “You can’t be here.”

Chapter 5

Secrets in the Dark

Emma stood frozen as the cold wind moved through the trees.“I told you to leave,” she said.James stepped closer.“Why are you so scared?” he asked softly.Emma’s hand rested on her stomach without thinking.James noticed.“So it’s true,” he said quietly.

Before Emma could respond, the castle doors opened.Sebastian stepped outside.“What’s going on?” he asked.Emma hesitated.Then she told the truth.“It was James.”Sebastian’s face went still.“He came here?”

Emma nodded.“I needed to tell you something,” she whispered.“What is it?”Emma took his hands.“We’re having a baby.”For a moment Sebastian didn’t move.

Then he pulled her into a warm embrace.“We’ll get through everything together,” he said softly. “You, me… and our child.”But far beyond the castle walls, James watched from the forest.“This is only the beginning,” he whispered.

Chapter 6

Shadows Over Blackwood

The next morning snow covered the gardens of Blackwood Castle.Emma stood by the window, her hands resting on her stomach.Behind her, Sebastian entered the room.“You didn’t sleep,” she said.

“Not much.”“I keep thinking about the baby… and James,” he admitted.Emma sighed.“He won’t stop, will he?”

Sebastian shook his head.“I’ve doubled the guards.”Just then a guard arrived with a letter from the border.Sebastian read it slowly.“What is it?” Emma asked.“Three guards were attacked last night.”

Emma’s heart raced.

Were they killed?No. Sebastian looked up.“But they said the man fought like someone who had nothing left to lose.”

They both knew the answer.James was back.

Chapter 7

A Promise in the Snow

Emma stood in Sebastian’s arms as the winter wind howled outside.“I’m scared,” she whispered.

Sebastian gently brushed her hair away.“He won’t take anything from us.”“Promise me something,” Emma said.

“What?”

“Please don’t hurt him.”Sebastian looked surprised.“He attacked our guards.”“I know… but he used to be my friend.”

Sebastian sighed.

“You really are too kind.”He lifted her chin gently.“I will protect you and our child. That comes first.”Emma nodded.

“I promise I won’t kill him,” Sebastian said quietly, “unless he gives me no other choice.”Later that night, in the war council room, Sebastian studied a map with his advisors.

A silver pendant lay on the table.The symbol of Silverbrook was engraved on it.A message was carved into the back.Sebastian read it silently.

“What does it say?” one advisor asked.Sebastian’s eyes darkened.

“It’s a message for me.”“What kind of message?”Sebastian spoke coldly.

“It says…”

He paused.

“Tell Emma I’m coming for what was always mine.”Far away in the frozen forest, James sat beside a small fire.In his hand he held an old ribbon.

Emma’s ribbon.

“She belongs with me,” he muttered.He stood and looked toward the distant lights of Blackwood Castle.

A dangerous smile crossed his face.“They think those walls can protect her.”

He stepped into the darkness.“Let’s see how long that lasts.” I will get her back she is MY love 

Chapter 8

The Baby

Winter had slowly begun to fade from the lands surrounding Blackwood Castle. The snow that once covered the gardens had melted into small shining streams that ran along the stone pathways. Early flowers had begun to push through the earth again, their colors bright against the dark soil.Inside the castle, the halls were peaceful.Emma walked slowly through the castle library, her hand resting gently on her stomach. The tall windows beside her let warm sunlight pour across the polished wooden floor. Dust floated lazily through the golden light.

She had spent most of the morning reading, though she hadn’t truly been paying attention to the pages in front of her. Her mind had been somewhere else entirely.The baby was due very soon.Sebastian had become more protective with each passing week. Guards now stood at nearly every entrance of the castle, and patrols had doubled along the outer walls.James had not appeared again since the night Emma had seen him in the forest.

But none of them believed he was gone.Emma slowly walked between the shelves of books, trying to calm the nervous feeling in her chest. She had never been more excited in her life—but she had also never been more afraid.Suddenly she felt something strange.A sharp pain moved through her stomach.Emma froze.Then another pain followed, stronger than the first.She inhaled sharply and gripped the edge of a nearby table.For a moment she thought it might pass.

But then she felt warm liquid run down her legs.Her eyes widened.“My water…”The pain came again, stronger this time, and Emma gasped.“Help!” she cried out.Her voice echoed through the tall library walls.Footsteps came running down the hallway almost instantly.

The door burst open and Sebastian rushed inside.The moment he saw her, his face went pale.“Emma!”He hurried across the room and caught her just as another contraction made her knees buckle.“My water broke,” Emma whispered breathlessly.

Sebastian didn’t hesitate.Without another word, he carefully lifted her into his arms.“We’re having this baby now,” he said.Emma clutched the front of his shirt as he hurried through the castle corridors.Servants and guards jumped out of the way as the king rushed past them.“Send for the midwife!” Sebastian shouted.“Now!”

The castle erupted into motion.Doors opened.Servants ran down the halls.Someone rang the small bell that called the castle healers.

Sebastian carried Emma into their chamber and gently placed her on the large bed.Emma tried to breathe slowly, but another contraction made her cry out.Sebastian took her hand.“I’m here,” he said softly. “You’re going to be alright.”Emma squeezed his hand tightly.“You better not leave this room,” she warned weakly.Sebastian almost laughed despite the fear racing through him.“I wouldn’t dare.”Moments later the midwife arrived, followed by two castle healers and several attendants carrying warm water and clean cloths.The room quickly filled with quiet but urgent activity.

Candles were lit.Curtains were drawn closed.The midwife gently helped Emma sit up against several pillows.“It’s time,” she said calmly.Emma nodded, though sweat already covered her forehead.Sebastian stayed beside her the entire time.

Hours passed slowly.The sun set outside the windows, and night settled across the castle.Emma cried out again as another wave of pain moved through her body.Sebastian held her hand through every moment.You’re doing amazing,” he told her.Emma glared at him.“If you ever say that again,” she said between breaths, “I might throw something at you.”One of the healers tried to hide a smile.Sebastian squeezed her hand.“Fair enough.”Seven long hours passed before the midwife suddenly spoke.“I can see the baby,” she said.Emma gathered the last of her strength and pushed.The room filled with tense silence.

Then—

A cry.A small, strong cry filled the chamber.The midwife carefully lifted the newborn child and wrapped her in a soft blanket.Sebastian felt his chest tighten as he watched.“A healthy baby girl,” the midwife announced.

Emma let out a long breath of relief.The baby was placed gently into her arms.Emma stared down at the tiny face looking back at her.The child had soft dark hair and bright curious eyes.Emma felt tears fill her own.“She’s beautiful,” she whispered.Sebastian sat beside her, completely speechless.Emma looked up at him.“Do you want to hold her?”Sebastian hesitated for a moment.He had faced battles.He had commanded armies.

But this tiny child somehow made him more nervous than anything else.Carefully, he took the baby into his arms.She looked impossibly small.Sebastian stared down at her, completely amazed.“What’s her name?” the midwife asked.Emma looked at Sebastian.They had discussed names many times before.Sebastian smiled softly.“Stella,” he said.

Emma nodded.“Stella Neal Blackwood.”The room grew quiet as everyone looked at the tiny princess.The first daughter born in generations to unite the Dark Kingdom and the Flower Kingdom.

Years passed quickly.
The castle gardens that Stella once crawled through soon became the place where she ran freely, with laughter echoing through the walls.She grew into a bright and curious child.
Like her mother, Stella was kind and compassionate. She spent hours speaking with the castle servants, listening to their stories and helping in small ways whenever she could.But like her father, she had a fierce temper.
If someone treated others unfairly, Stella never stayed quiet.Once, when a young noble boy mocked a servant girl, Stella had shoved him straight into the fountain. Sebastian had tried to appear stern when he heard about it. But Emma had caught him smiling afterward.

Stella had inherited both of their spirits by the time she reached sixteen, she had grown into a confident young woman. Her dark hair flowed past her shoulders, and her eyes held the same warmth Emma had always carried. But there was also something else in them—strength.the kind that came from being raised by two powerful rulers.On a bright spring afternoon, Stella walked through the castle gardens with someone she trusted more than anyone else—Sindey of Blackwood.Sindey was the daughter of James. Though few people in the kingdom knew it, James had eventually disappeared from the conflict years ago. Rumors said he had wandered far into the northern lands.

But somehow, long after the wars had faded, his daughter had arrived at the kingdom’s borders.Emma had chosen to take her in, despite Sebastian’s hesitation.Sidney of Blackwood had grown up inside Blackwood Castle. She and Stella had been inseparable since childhood.They studied together.
Trained together.
Explored the forests surrounding the castle together.Now they sat beneath a large flowering tree, sunlight shining through the branches above them.Sindey leaned back against the trunk while Stella rested beside her.“You’re quiet today,” Sindey said.Stella looked down at her hands.
“I’ve been thinking.”That sounds dangerous.”Stella laughed slightly, then grew serious again.

“Sindey… can I tell you something?”Sindey turned toward her.
“You can tell me anything.”Stella hesitated. Her heart pounded in her chest.“I think…”
She paused.“I think I’m in love with you.”The words hung in the air between them.For a moment, Sindey said nothing.Then she smiled softly.“I was wondering how long it would take you to figure that out.”Stella blinked.
“You knew?”

Sindey laughed.“You’ve been staring at me like that for three years.”Stella felt her face turn red.“Well… when you say it like that…”Sindey gently took her hand. I like you too,” she said quietly

Clean Room #2

Spoilers

Written by Gail Simone

Art by Jon Davis-Hunt

Cover art by Jenny Frison

“Spring Cleaning Part Two”

Clean Room #2 is the next book in the Daily Read and it added to the wonders of the first issue dramatically. Gail Simone’s imagination is truly expansive and provided some dark moments of terror. I wonder how much books like this helped us into the current time of comics where we get a ton of horror books from Ice Cream Man to Hello Darkness.

The second issue started off with another cold open that I did not expect. It was a rough one with a man bent into a pretzel. I did not tie it together until I started looking at this post, but the man who had been killed in the first couple of pages of issue #2 was the same man, Mikey, that Chloe found in the alleyway and who tried to convince her to not pursue the Clean Room. He was afraid of Astrid Mueller and he desperately tried to talk Chloe into just leaving it be. Chloe couldn’t do it and went ahead to meet Mueller.

Did this lead directly to the death of this man? When did that happen? Mikey said that he had been in the Clean Room and he described it, in no uncertain ways, as being horrific. He compared Mueller to Satan and prayed for Chloe as she left him to move forward.

The meeting between Chloe and Astrid Mueller was odd. Mueller seemed to be trying to push it aside and leave. However, when Chloe tossed out some questions about the Clean Room, everything took a turn.

Makes one think that this was what Mueller wanted in the first place.

The whole Dwight stuff was weird and somewhat disturbing. It confused me for a bit since it seemed as if he wound up getting his comeuppance, but was that meant to be what Mueller wanted?

After two issues, I am extremely intrigued with what happens next.

These Jenny Frison covers remind me of the variant covers for Hello Darkness.

The Pitt S2 E6

Spoilers

“12:00 PM”

I have been dreading this episode since the beginning of the season. All the hints and foreshadowing was there, but I tried my best to ignore them.

Then, last week, the show ended with Louie nonresponsive and Robby and Langdon trying to revive him.

Of course, that is where the show picked up this week and we watched as this secondary character died of a pulmonary hemorrhage due t liver failure. Louie had been a drinker, we knew. We just never knew what had led to the drinking.

During the debrief and the chance to say goodbye, Robby told the whole group assembled that Louie had been married and that his wife and unborn child had died in a car wreck and that Louie had never been the same after.

Ernest Harden Jr. played the role of Louie and you can tell how great of an actor he was when he was a side character that only had a bit of screen time and yet his character’s death impacted me dramatically.

This episode featured the nurses of the Pitt more than we had gotten prior, which was a long overdue look. There were other arcs to the episode, my absolutely most hated one was the hot dog competitor. I hate vomit scenes and this had two of them. I really hated that and I am glad he seemed to be a one and done arc.

However, the episode belonged to Louie and the grief that the staff showed. It was poignant when we discovered that the ER was Louie’s emergency contact.

Then, there was Ogilvie, whom I have not liked much this new season, but now I hate him for his callousness tied to Louie’s death. The way he broke the news to Whitaker so carelessly and his comment about “an alcohol abuser” was heartless. I am cheering for this guy to flame out in the program.

Emotional episode and we are still only six episodes in.