A fabulous episode of Ted Lasso with a return to form for Ted and the others.
And some Ted Lasso quotes to add to it…
My favorite… “There’s a reason the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield.” That was a classic Ted Lasso-ism.
I do hate what the show is doing with Keeley and Roy. Having Roy find another woman after Keeley insisted he go on a series of dates is just too cruel. I don’t know if this is leading to a Keeley-Rebecca pairing, but I still want Roy-Keeley to be together. I hope that is the endgame of this relationship section.
Ted and Beard realized that they have a “coach problem,” as Alice’s negativity is isolating her and making her an outcast among the team. There is a definite story here that is unresolved and I am here for it. I was shocked when Ted told Alice that he was suspending her for a game so she could figure out what was going on with her. He made a reference to Nate without mentioning his name.
Ted Lasso’s positivity is just off the charts and he does a whole halftime speech on embarrassment that is just so great that it carried the entire episode.
However, drunk Rebecca is right up there too.
The match against Chelsea was well done and Richmond’s defeat felt right. They fought back to tie after being down 2-0 at half when Ted’s inspirational message on embarrassment brought them out of the tizzy. However, the sudden defeat did feel like it was right for the overall narrative of the show.
This was an episode that reminded me of how much I wish I was like Ted Lasso. He is such an awesome model to inspire to.
Oh, and Beard is hilarious. What was up with that play?
Following up my favorite episode of this show this week, we got a strange one with a tribe of people who share everything, all the time, and a completely peaceful.
With an injection of Kripke into the society, that does not last long.
Kripke immediately started warping things by showing the kind hearted people the idea of “mine.” It does not take long for the natural selfishness to come out, especially when Kripke made a Communist comment.
Meanwhile, Bert met a woman who asked him to share sex that night, but it turned out that they sleep with someone different every night. Bert introduced her to the concept of monogamy, and asked her to marry him, even though she does not understand the term.
Stuart realized that the machine was broken and he went in search of a message from the mysterious overlord that had been sending them messages. He found it at the bottom of a pile of bear poop.
Red quartz is what they needed to fix the machine, and there was only one bit around… on a necklace around the neck of the man who was jealous of Bert’s new relationship.
This episode continued what I think one of the biggest problems of this show is… it felt rushed. There is so much that can be discovered in these universes but are just brushed across most of the time. These episodes should be 45 minutes at least, but they are sticking with the half-hour focus, and there are just too many big ideas.
In the end, it all turned out to be just there and this episode did not blow my socks off. I am not a big fan of Kripke and I think they could have left that character off and still not have issues filling the time. There was no Big Bang Theory cameo this week and that was definitely missing.
The injury bug strikes the strikers for Ted Lasso’s new Richmond Women’s team. Well, one is an injury and one is a pregnancy, so I shouldn’t qualify it as an injury. But the strikers are out, so this leads to an open tryout.
The open tryout did not bring the football version of Susan Boyle. There is an option though and it was one that Coach Alice mentioned. She once coached a striker that was one of the best she’d seen, but who had quit to go to law school. Her name was Gemma and she had had enough of Alice’s demeanor toward her back then and did not want to hear anything from her now.
Gemma couldn’t deny the Lasso charm though, and it seemed as if Ted had reignited the passion for the sport inside her, and she came to join the team. Of course, she came on the day of the historic first game. She also wound up scoring a late goal after being inserted into the game near the end.
This was not only Gemma’s story though as Keeley was having a hard time getting the kit delivered for the first game, a young mother Lizzie was one who stood out at the open tryouts and was able to make the team, and Rebecca kept standing up her boyfriend at a restaurant.
I do like the new cast of the football team that we are starting to get. There are some intriguing characters that are more than just the one note that it appeared they were previously.
It was nice to see the much more presentable Coach Beard this week, no longer looking like a caveman in a Richmond outift.
This has been a decent season so far, even if I do not think it has matched the original three seasons in overall quality as of yet.
I am now caught up on the Rick and Morty series, finishing up with the episode 10 that debuted on HBO Max today, but had been shown on Comedy Central earlier in the summer.
The new episode started off as an enjoyable story of Morty going through the multiverse and attending other Morty’s funeral. Morty is discovered as he was watching the funeral by a family that was grieving “Mort,” the kid who was so much more successful and loved by his family.
Morty started spending time with this family, thinking that they were better than the family he had. Morty found out that this Smith family was extremely crazed and chasing after him to replace their Mort.
Morty went to this universe’s Rick, who had stopped drinking, had gotten married, and was living a happy life as a college professor. This was when the episode took a darker turn that I was not a real fan of.
As Rick was trying to help find a way to get Morty home, I knew what was going to happen. I knew that Rick was going to need to go back to drinking to get the work done. Watching Rick throw away his life, his sobriety, his wife to the bottle was so sad and too predictable. I wanted this Rick to not transform into yet another drunken Rick.
Of course the ending was anything but predictable as the whole family is butchered in their final confrontation. This allowed Morty to get back to his regular universe with a happier feeling toward these people.
The whole motorcycle scene at the end of the episode was odd.
Overall, this was an up and down episode for me, and with different shades of dark, it did not do well for me.
There is a season 10 in works right now with a rumored release during the summer of 2027.
Written: Hakeem T. Seriki / Anthony Henderson / Oscar Edward Salinas / Juan Carlos Jr. Salinas/Al Yankovic
Style: Rap/Hip Hop
Topic: Nerd culture
Fact: This was Yankovic’s first-ever top 10 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 and his first single to be certified platinum.
We are down to two. I loved this song so much. I had never heard the original, and the parody is one of the greatest of all time.
Lyrics
They see me mowin’ My front lawn I know they’re all thinking I’m so white ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Can’t you see I’m white ‘n’ nerdy? Look at me, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!
I wanna roll with The gangsters But so far they all think I’m too white ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Really, really white ‘n’ nerdy
First in my class here at M.I.T Got skills, I’m a champion at D&D MC Escher, that’s my favorite MC Keep your 40, I’ll just have an Earl Grey tea My rims never spin to the contrary You’ll find that they’re quite stationary All of my action figures are cherry Stephen Hawking’s in my library
My-MySpace page is all totally pimped out I got people begging for my topic spaces Yo, I know Pi out to a thousand places Ain’t got no grills but I still wear braces I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise I’m a whiz at Minesweeper, I can play for days Once you see my sweet moves you’re gonna stay amazed My fingers movin’ so fast I’ll set the place ablaze
There’s no killer app I haven’t run At Pascal well I’m number one Do vector calculus just for fun I ain’t got a gat but I gotta soldering gun Happy Days is my favorite theme song I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong I’ll ace any trivia quiz you bring on I’m fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon
They see me roll on my Segway I know in my heart they think I’m White ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Can’t you see I’m white ‘n’ nerdy? Look at me, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!
I’d like to roll with The gangsters Although it’s apparent I’m too White n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy How’d I get so white ‘n’ nerdy?
I’ve been browsing, inspectin’ X-Men comics you know I collect ’em The pens in my pocket, I must protect ’em My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored Shopping online for deals on some writable media I edit Wikipedia I memorized the Holy Grail really well I can recite it right now and have you “ROTFLOL”
I got a business doing websites When my friends need some code who do they call? I do HTML for them all Even made a homepage for my dog Yo, I got myself a fanny pack They were having a sale down at the GAP Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap Pop pop! Hope no one sees me get freaky!
I’m nerdy in the extreme And whiter than sour cream I was in AV club and Glee club And even the chess team! Only question I ever thought was hard Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard? I spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire I got my name on my underwear!
They see me strollin’ They laughin’ And rollin’ their eyes ’cause I’m so white ‘n’ nerdy Just because I’m white ‘n’ nerdy Just because I’m white ‘n’ nerdy All because I’m white ‘n’ nerdy Holy cow, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!
I wanna bowl with The gangsters But oh well it’s obvious I’m White ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy Look at me, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!
Style parody: A doo-wop parody of artists like Elvis Presley and The Platters.
Style: Doo-Wop
This is the highest rated original song on this list. One More Minute is one of the greatest break up songs of all time.
Lyrics
Well I heard that you’re leavin’ Gonna leave me far behind ‘Cause you found a brand new lover You decided that I’m not your kind
So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex And I tore all your pictures in two And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go Just because it reminds me of you
That’s right, you ain’t gonna see me cryin’ I’m glad that you found somebody new ‘Cause I’d rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass Than spend one more minute with you
I guess I might seem kinda bitter You got me feelin’ down in the dumps ‘Cause I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love And I have to use the self service pumps
Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase You ain’t gonna break my heart in two ‘Cause I’d rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face Than spend one more minute with you
I’d rather rip out my intestines with a fork Than watch you going out with other men I’d rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again Oh, can’t you see what I’m tryin’ to say, darlin’
I’d rather have my blood sucked out by leeches Shove an icepick under a toenail or two I’d rather clean all the bathrooms In Grand Central Station with my tongue Than spend one more minute with you
Yes, I’d rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue I’d rather dive into a swimming pool filled With double edged razor blades Than spend one more minute with you
I’d rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor And stomp on it ’till I die
Written: Clifford Harris / Jr. / Pharrell Williams / Robin Thicke/Al Yankovic
Genre: Rap/Disco/R&B
Topic: Your bad grammar (NOT YOU’RE BAD GRAMMAR!)
I have shown this to my 7th grade literacy class since the release in 2014. It has all kinds of my personal gripes over grammar and the people who just do not know how important grammar is.
If you can’t write in the proper way If you don’t know how to conjugate Maybe you flunked that class And maybe now you find That people mock you online
Okay, now here’s the deal I’ll try to educate ya Gonna familiarize You with the nomenclature You’ll learn the definitions Of nouns and prepositions Literacy’s your mission And that’s why I think it’s a
Good time To learn some grammar Now, did I stammer Work on that grammar You should know when It’s “less” or it’s “fewer” Like people who were Never raised in a sewer
I hate these word crimes Like I could care less That means you do care At least a little Don’t be a moron You’d better slow down And use the right pronoun Show the world you’re no clown Everybody wise up!
Say you got an “I”, “T” Followed by apostrophe, “s” Now what does that mean? You would not use “it’s” in this case As a possessive It’s a contraction What’s a contraction? Well, it’s the shortening of a word, or a group of words By the omission of a sound or letter
Okay, now here’s some notes Syntax you’re always mangling No “x” in “espresso” Your participle’s danglin’ But I don’t want your drama If you really wanna Leave out that Oxford comma Just keep in mind
That “be”, “see”, “are”, “you” Are words, not letters Get it together Use your spellchecker You should never Write words using numbers Unless you’re seven Or your name is Prince
I hate these word crimes You really need a Full time proofreader You dumb mouth-breather Well, you should hire Some cunning linguist To help you distinguish What is proper English
One thing I ask of you Time to learn your homophones is past due Learn to diagram a sentence too Always say “to whom” Don’t ever say “to who” And listen up when I tell you this I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis You finished second grade I hope you can tell If you’re doing good or doing well About better figure out the difference Irony is not coincidence And I thought that you’d gotten it through your skull What’s figurative and what’s literal Oh but, just now, you said You literally couldn’t get out of bed That really makes me want to literally Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head
I read your e-mail It’s quite apparent Your grammar’s errant You’re incoherent Saw your blog post It’s really fantastic That was sarcastic (Oh, psych!) ‘Cause you write like a spastic
I hate these Word Crimes Your prose is dopey Think you should only Write in emoji Oh, you’re a lost cause Go back to pre-school Get out of the gene pool Try your best to not drool
Never mind I give up Really now I give up Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Go away!
Topic: encourage listeners to embrace absurdity, let go of common idioms, and be playful.
Title track to Weird Al’s third studio album, Dare to Be Stupid is one of the greatest original songs Weird Al has ever written. The silliness involved is epic and his Devo style pastiche is brilliant.
Lyrics
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me It’s time for us to join in the fight It’s time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys It’s time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket You better count your chickens before they hatch You better sell some wine before it’s time You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can While Mr. Wipple’s not around Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full Bite the hand that feeds you Bite off more than you chew What can you do? Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickels Look for Mr. Goodbar Get your mojo working now I’ll show you how You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek You can just give up the ship You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid Come on and dare to be stupid It’s so easy to do Dare to be stupid We’re all waiting for you Let’s go
It’s time to make a mountain out of a molehill So can I have a volunteer? There’s no more time for crying over spilled milk Now it’s time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet And party ’til you’re broke and they drive you away It’s okay, you can dare to be stupid
It’s like spitting on a fish It’s like barking up a tree It’s like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid (Yes) Why don’t you dare to be stupid? It’s so easy to do
Dare to be stupid We’re all waiting for you Dare to be stupid
Burn your candle at both ends Look a gift horse in the mouth Mashed potatoes can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever You can sit around the house and watch “Leave It To Beaver” The future’s up to you So what you gonna do?
Dare to be stupid, dare to be stupid What did I say? Dare to be stupid
Tell me, what did I say? Dare to be stupid It’s alright Dare to be stupid We can be stupid all night
Dare to be stupid Come on, join the crowd Dare to be stupid Shout it out loud
Dare to be stupid I can’t hear you Dare to be stupid Okay, I can hear you now
Dare to be stupid Let’s go, dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid
Style Pastiche: The Rugburns’ track “Dick’s Automotive.”
Genre: Hard-driving rock narrative
Length: 11 minutes and 23 sec.- longest song Weird Al ever officially released.
Topic: Albuquerque is the best place… and Weird Al hates sauerkraut.
This epic song is one of my absolute favorite songs. It is an absurdist piece of music with so much insanity squeezed into it. I saw Weird Al perform this life once and, during it, he came across the line where he said he “…lost his train of thought.” He then proceeded to restart the song to try and remember what he wanted to say. Absolutely hilarious. Of course, what he wanted to say was that “I HATE SAUERKRAUT!”
Lyrics
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy Living in a box under the stairs In the corner of the basement of the house Half a block down the street from Jerry’s Bait shop You know the place Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning My mother would make me a big ol’ bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut Every single morning It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom I said “Hey, mom, what’s up with all the sauerkraut?” And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train And she leaned right down next to me And she said “It’s good for you” And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut Until I was twenty six and a half years old
That’s when I swore that someday Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer And the towels are oh so fluffy Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy’s butt I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize That’s right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque Albuquerque
Oh yeah You know, I’d never been on a real airplane before And I gotta tell ya, it was really great Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women With excruciatingly severe body odor And the little kid in back of me kept throwin’ up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why?
‘Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ah
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin’ wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days Draggin’ along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn Where the towels are oh so fluffy And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna It’s OK, they’re clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C And I turned on the SpectraVision And I’m just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be? I say “Who is it?” No answer “Who is it?” There’s no answer “Who is it?” They’re not sayin’ anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected It’s some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril Oh man, I hate it when I’m right So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel And I’m like “Hey, you can’t have that” “That snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me” And he’s like “Tough” And I’m like “Give it” And he’s like “Make me” And I’m like “‘Kay” So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation Yes indeed, you better believe it And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice And you know what it said? I’ll tell you what it said
It said “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again” “If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator” “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again” “If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter And he says “Yeah, what do ya want?” I said “You got any glazed donuts?” He said “No, we’re outta glazed donuts” I said “Well, you got any jelly donuts?” He said “No, we’re outta jelly donuts” I said “You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?” He said “No, we’re outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts” I said “You got any cinnamon rolls?” He said “No, we’re outta cinnamon rolls” I said “You got any apple fritters?” He said “No, we’re outta apple fritters” I said “You got any bear claws?” He said “Wait a minute, I’ll go check”
“No, we’re outta bear claws” I said “Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?” He says “All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels” I said “OK, I’ll take that”
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin’ me all over Oh man, they were just going nuts They were tearin’ me apart You know, I think it was just about that time That a little ditty started goin’ through my head I believe it went a little something like this
Doh Get ’em off me Get ’em off me Oh No, get ’em off, get ’em off Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get ’em off me Oh, oh God Ah, aah, aah
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face Wavin’ my arms all around and just runnin’, runnin’, runnin’ Like a constipated wiener dog And as luck would have it That’s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams Her name was Zelda She was a calligraphy enthusiast With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches I’ll never forget the very first thing she said to me She said “Hey, you’ve got weasels on your face”
That’s when I knew it was true love We were inseparable after that Aw, we ate together, we bathed together We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss The world was our burrito So we got married and we bought us a house And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me She said “Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?” I said “Whoa, hold on now, baby” “I’m just not ready for that kind of a commitment” So we broke up and I never saw her again But that’s just the way things go
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin’ up for me Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream That’s right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that I was gettin’ a lot of attitude
Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil When I see this guy Marty Tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself So I, I say to him, I say “Hey, you want me to help you with that?” And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes “No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw”
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me He’s like “Hey man, I was just being sarcastic” Well, that’s just great How was I supposed to know that? I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy So what’s he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote This guy comes up to me on the street And he tells he hasn’t had a bite in three days Well, I knew what he meant But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over And I’m like “Hey, come on, don’t you get it?” But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK Anyway I, I know it’s kinda been a roundabout way of saying it But I guess the whole point I’m tryin’ to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That’s all I’m really tryin’ to say And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up And find yourself in an existential quandary Full of loathing and self-doubt And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that Somewhere out there in this crazy ol’ mixed-up universe of ours There’s still a little place called
Topic: classically trained, aspiring actor who finds himself stuck working as a Jungle Cruise tour guide at Disneyland, reciting the ride’s notoriously corny, dated jokes -Wikipedia
This song’s path to the top 10 is a strange one. When I first heard this song, I thought it was kind of boring and I was not a fan. Somehow, it started growing on me. I’m not sure what it was that brought me to the point of having it in the Top 10 Weird A songs of all time, but I love it now. The story of the song is probably the key, and it is one of the least “humorous” songs of Al’s oeuvre. It is more of a tragic song than a funny one and, because of that, Skipper Dan stands out among Al’s originals.
Lyrics
I starred in every high school play Blew every drama teacher away I graduated first in my class at Juilliard Took every acting workshop I could And I dreamed of Hollywood While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard
Hit the boards and paid my dues And got phenomenal rave reviews I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt I was sure that Tarantino would be callin’ me on the phone Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone But the years have come and gone And I’m sorry to say that’s not the way that it’s all worked out
I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day And every time it’s the same Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin’ their ears Just like they’ve done for the last 50 years Now I’m laughin’ at my own jokes but I’m cryin’ inside Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride
Oh, the critics, they used to say I was the new Olivier Thought I’d be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes Aw, but don’t bother tryin’ to IMDB me The only place you might possibly see me Is ridin’ my little boat around Adventureland It ain’t exactly what I planned
But I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I’m doin 34 shows every day And every time it’s the same I would’ve killed if I’d been in “Speed The Plow” But what’s the difference, that’s all behind me now Cause I’m payin’ the rent and I’m swallowin my pride And I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride
I should be there on Broadway Knockin’ ’em dead in “12 Angry Men” But instead I’m here tellin’ these lame jokes Again and again and again and again and again and again and again
Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet! That’s an African bull elephant And there it is, the backside of water! What have I done with my life?!
I should a listened when my grandfather said “Why don’t you major in business instead?” Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died And I’ll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride Skipper Dan is the name And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day And every time it’s the same Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin their ears Somebody shoot me cause I’m bored to tears Always said I’d be famous… I guess that I lied Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride I’m still workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride
My maid is cleaning the bathroom, so I can’t take a shower When I do, the water starts getting cold after an hour I couldn’t order off the breakfast menu, cause I slept in till two Then I filled up on bread, didn’t leave any room for tiramisu Oh no, there’s a pixel out in the corner of my laptop screen I don’t have any bills in my wallet small enough for the vending machine Some idiot just called me up on the phone, what!? Don’t they know how to text? OMG! I got
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems
I bought too many groceries for my refrigerator Forgot my gardener’s name, I’ll have to ask him later Tried to fast forward commercials, can’t, I’m watching live T.V I’m pretty sure the cookies in this airport lounge ain’t gluten free My barista didn’t even bother to make a design in the foam on the top of my vanilla latte
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems
Can’t remember which car I drove to the mall My Sonicare won’t recharge, now I gotta brush my teeth like a neanderathal The thread count on these cotton sheets has got me itching My house is so big, I can’t get WiFi in the kitchen Uh, I had to buy something I didn’t even need just So I could qualify for free shipping on Amazon
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems)
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems
Written: Adele Laurie Blue Adkins / Al Yankovic / Ariana Grande / Attticus Matthew Ross / Austin J. Owens / Belcalis Almanzar / Billie Eilish O’Connell / Charles K. Wilson / Charles Michael Anderson / Daniel Nigro / Devon Christopher Gallaspy / Edward Christopher Sheeran / Er
Songs: “Bad Guy,” “Hello,” “Flowers,” “We Don’t Talk About Bruno,” “Vampire,” “Old Town Road,” “Despacito,” “Shape of You,” “Uptown Funk,” “WAP,” “Thank U, Next,” “Shake It Off”
They may be some recency bias involved in this one, as Polkamania is the most recent song Weird Al has put out. However, it is an epic polka that has spanned the years after the release of Mandatory Fun with some of the best songs of that period. It also shows how starved I was for new Weird Al song content.
Lyrics
So you’re a tough guy Like it really rough guy Just can’t get enough guy Chest always so puffed guy I’m that bad type Make your mama sad type Make your girlfriend mad type Might seduce your dad type I’m the bad guy Duh
(Adele / Hello) So hello from the other side I must’ve called a thousand times To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart Anymore
(Miley Cyrus / Flowers) I can buy myself flowers Write my name in the sand Talk to myself for hours Say things you don’t understand I can take myself dancing And I can hold my own hand Yeah, I can love me better than you can
(Cast of Encanto / Lin-Manuel Miranda / We Don’t Talk About Bruno We don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no We don’t talk about Bruno
(Olivia Rodrigo / Vampire) I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naïve The way you sold me for parts You sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, dream crusher Bleedin’ me dry, like a gosh darn vampire
(Lil Nas X / Old Town Road) Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more Can’t nobody tell me nothing (You can’t tell me nothing) No! Can’t nobody tell me nothing
Despacito Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito Deja que te diga cosas al oído Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo (Sube, sube, sube)
Mmm I’m in love with the shape of you We push and pull like a magnet do Every day discovering something brand new I’m in love with your body Oh I oh I oh I oh I I’m in love with your body Oh I oh I oh I oh I Yoda-loda lady hoo!
‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you ‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you Saturday night and we in the spot Don’t believe me just watch (hey!) (Doo doo doo, doo doo doo)
(Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion / WAP) I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage Yeah, you messing with some Bring a bucket and a mop for this Give me everything you got for this I’m talking WAP, WAP, WAP, that’s some
(Ariana Grande / Thank U, Next) Thank you, next Thank you, next Thank you, next I’m so super grateful for my ex Thank you, next Thank you, next Thank you, next Super-duper grateful for my ex
(Taylor Swift / Shake It Off) Wait! I just killed my ex Not the best idea Killed his girlfriend next, how’d I get here? I just killed my ex I still love him, though Rather be in hell than all alone
I stay out too late Got nothing in my brain That’s what people say, mm-mm That’s what people say, mm-mm ‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off (hoo-hoo-hoo) Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off That’s right, I’m gonna Shake it Off (Gonna shake it off) (Shake, shake, shake it off) (Now watch me shake it off) Hey!”
Topic: Wishing happy birthday while discussing all the worst things on the earth.
I love this song. I play it every year for my birthday and I have sent it to several people over Facebook or other social media platform.
“And a pinch to grow an inch!”
Lyrics
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
Well, it’s time to celebrate your birthday, it happens every year We’ll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer You should be good and happy that there’s something you can eat A million people every day are starving in the street
Your daddy’s in the gutter with the wretched and the poor Your mama’s in the kitchen with a can of Cycle Four There’s garbage in the water There’s poison in the sky I guess it won’t be long before we’re all gonna die
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
Well, what’s the matter little friend? You think this party is the pits? Enjoy it while you can, we’ll soon be blown to bits The monkeys in the Pentagon are gonna cook our goose Their finger’s on the button, all they need is an excuse
It doesn’t take a military genius to see We’ll all be crispy critters after World War III There’s nowhere you can run to, nowhere you can hide When they drop the big one, we all get fried Come on, boys and girls, sing along, okay?
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you (wow!)
Well, there’s a punk in the alley and he’s looking for a fight There’s an Arab on the corner buying everything in sight There’s a mother in the ghetto with another mouth to feed Seems that everywhere you look today there’s misery and greed
I guess you know the earth is gonna crash into the sun But that’s no reason why we shouldn’t have a little fun So if you think it’s scary, if it’s more than you can take Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you (wow!)
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
Parody: “It’s All About the Benjamins” by Puff Daddy
Written: Sean Combs / Kimberly Jones / David Styles / Sean Jacobs / Jason Phillips / Christopher Wallace / Terry M. Etlinger / Linda Laurie / Deric Angelettie / Al Yankovic
Genre: Rap/Comedy
Topic: Computers
We enter the Top 20 of the Top 100 with one of Weird Al’s first examples of his skill in rapping.
Lyrics
It’s all about the Pentiums, baby Uhh, uh-huh, yeah Uhh, uh-huh, yeah It’s all about the Pentiums, baby It’s all about the Pentiums, baby It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) Yeah
What y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nine to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard? Workin’ at a desk with a dumb little placard? Yeah, payin’ the bills with my mad programming skills Defraggin’ my hard drive for thrills I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam Installed a T1 line in my house Always at my PC, double-clickin’ on my mizouse Upgrade my system at least twice a day I’m strictly plug-and-play, I ain’t afraid of Y2K I’m down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support It’s all about the Pentiums, what? You’ve gotta be the dumbest newbie I’ve ever seen You’ve got white-out all over your screen You think your Commodore 64 is really neato What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? You’re usin’ a 286? Don’t make me laugh Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half? You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette You’re the biggest joke on the Internet Your database is a disaster You’re waxin’ your modem, tryin’ to make it go faster Hey fella, I bet you’re still livin’ in your parents’ cellar Downloadin’ pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar And postin’ “Me too!” like some brain-dead AOL-er I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller You’re just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller
It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nine to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard?
Uh, uh, loggin’ in now Wanna run wit my crew, hah? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? They call me the king of the spreadsheets Got ’em all printed out on my bedsheets My new computer’s got the clocks, it rocks But it was obsolete before I opened the box You say you’ve had your desktop for over a week? Throw that junk away, man, it’s an antique Your laptop is a month old? Well that’s great If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight My digital media is write-protected Every file inspected, no viruses detected I beta tested every operating system Gave props to some, and others? I dissed ’em While your computer’s crashin’, mine’s multitaskin’ It does all my work without me even askin’ Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide I believe that your says “Etch-A-Sketch” on the side In a 32-bit world, you’re a 2-bit user You’ve got your own newsgroup, alt.total-loser Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax Where’d you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? Play me online? Well, you know that I’ll beat you If I ever meet you I’ll control-alt-delete you What? What? What? What? What?
It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nive to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard? What?
Written: Alfred Matthew Yankovic / Jerry Allan Horton / Tobin Esperance / Dave Buckner / Jacoby Dakota Shaddix
Songs included: “Last Resort,” “Chop Suey,” “Get Free,” “Hate To Say I Told You So,” “Fell In Love With A Girl,” “Last Nite,” “Down With The Sickness,” “Renegades Of Funk,” “My Way,” “Outside,” “Bawitdaba,” “Youth Of The Nation,” and “The Real Slim Shady.”
I am not sure that I had ever heard any of these songs prior to the polka, so it is always fun when I happen to hear a lyric from a song and i think, “Hey, that’s Weird Al’s song!”
Lyrics
Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don’t give a- if I cut my arm bleeding This is my last resort
‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine Nothing’s all right, nothing is fine I’m running and a-crying
Wake up (Wake up) Grab a brush and put a little make-up Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup Why’d you leave the keys upon the table? Here you go create another fable You wanted to Grab a brush and put a little makeup You wanted to Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup You wanted to Why’d you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to I don’t think you trust In my self-righteous suicide I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die D-d-die die die die die
Hey I’m gonna get free I’m gonna get free I’m gonna get free Ride into the sun She never loved me She never loved me She never loved me Why should anyone? Come here, come here, come here I’ll take your photo for ya Come here, come here, come here Drive you around the corner Come here, come here, come here You know you really oughta Come here, come here, come here Move out to California
Do what I want ’cause I can If I don’t because I wanna Be ignored by the stiff and the bored Because I’m gonna Hate to say I told you so (all right) Do believe I told you so Now it’s all out and you knew ‘Cause I wanted to
Fell in love with a girl I fell in love at once and almost completely She’s in love with the world But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading Can’t think of anything to do Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting She’s just looking for something new Yeah, I said it once before but it bears repeating, now
Last night, she said “Oh baby, don’t you feel so down” (feel so down) “When you turn me off “When I feel left out” So I (what’d you do?) Well, I turned around (right around) “Oh, baby, gonna be alright” (gonna be alright) It was a great big lie (big old lie) ‘Cause I left that night Yeah
Ooh ah ah ah ah Ooh ah ah ah ah Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate and let it flow into me Get up Come on get down with the sickness You mother get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Madness is the gift that has been given to me
We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk This time I’m’a let it all come out This time I’m’a stand up and shout I’m a do things my way It’s my way My way or the highway This time I’m’a let it all come out This time I’m’a stand up and shout I’m a do things my way It’s my way Or the highway
But I’m on the outside I’m looking in I can see through you See your true colors ‘Cause inside you’re ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you
Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are, we are The youth of the nation
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are the youth of the nation Hey
I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up
I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won’t the real Slim Shady please Please, please stand up
Slim Shady won’t you please stand up? (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) Shady, won’t you please stand up? Hey
EYG- Embrace Your Geekness 