Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #29

#29

The Alternative Polka

Title: “The Alternative Polka”

Album: Bad Hair Day

Released: 1996

Genre: Polka/Comedy

Written:  Ivonil Machado Da Silva / Paula Stefanovich/Al Yankovic

Songs in Medley: “Loser,” “Sex Type Thing,” “All I Want to Do,” “Closer,” “Bang & Blame,” “You Oughta Know,” “Bullet with Butterfly Wings,” “Buddy Holly,” “My Friends,” “I’ll Stick Around,” “Black Hole Sun,” “Basket Case.”

Lyrics

Soy un perdedor! I’m a loser, baby!
So why don’t you kill me? Everybody!
Soy un perdedor! I’m a loser, baby!
So why don’t you kill me? HEY!

I am, I am, I am
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I’m gonna get close to you
You wouldn’t want me have to hurt you too
Hurt you too
I know you want what’s on my mind
I know you like what’s on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know, you know, you know, you know
Here I come, I come, I come, I come
Here I come, I come, I come, I come

‘Cause all I wanna do is have some fun
I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up
Over Santa Monica Boulevard

HELP ME! I broke apart my insides
HELP ME! I got no soul to sell
HELP ME! The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself
I wanna (BOING) you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna (BOING) you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god hey! Hey! Hey!

You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
Blame, blame, blame
You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
It’s not my thing so let it go!

‘Cause that love that you gave that we made
Wasn’t able to make it enough
For you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you’d hold me
Until you die, ’til you die
But you’re still alive
And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair to deny me of the cross
I bare that you gave to me you oughta know
HEY!

Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
And someone will say what is
Lost can never be saved despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage

I love all of you hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don’t know yourself

I don’t owe you anything!
I don’t owe you anything!
I don’t owe you anything!
I don’t owe you anything!

Black hole sun won’t you come
And wash away the rain black hole sun
Won’t you come, won’t you come
Black hole sun, black hole sun
Won’t you come
Black hole sun, black hole sun
Won’t you come
Black hole sun, black hole sun

Do you have the time to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once?
I am one of those melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps all adding up
I think I’m cracking up
And am I just Paranoid am I just stoned?
Or am I just stoned?

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #32

#32

UHF

Title: “UHF”

Album: UHF

Released: 1989

Written: Al Yankovic

Genre: Rock

Style Parody: The Jackson’s “State of Shock” (featuring Mick Jagger)

Title track to Weird Al’s first motion picture, UHF, which flopped at the box office, but reached cult classic level over the years since.

Lyrics

Put down your remote control, throw out your TV Guide
Put away your jacket, there’s no need to go outside
Don’t you know that we control the horizontal
We control the vertical too
We gonna make a couch potato out of you
That’s what we going to do now

Don’t change the channel, don’t touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF (on UHF)
Don’t worry ’bout your laundry, forget about your job (ah)
Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob (ah)
We got it all (we got it all), we got it all on UHF

Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink
You better put away your homework, prime time ain’t no time to think
All you do is make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen

We gonna show you things you ain’t ever seen
If you know what I mean, now

Don’t change the channel, don’t touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF (on UHF)
Don’t worry ’bout your laundry, forget about your job (ah)
Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob (ah)
We got it all (we got it all), we got it all on UHF

You can watch us all day, you can watch us all night (ooh)
You can watch us any time that you please (ooh)
You can sit around and stare at the picture tube
‘Til your brain turns into cottage cheese, well, now

Don’t change the channel, don’t touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while
We got it all on UHF (on UHF)
Don’t worry ’bout your laundry, forget about your job (ah)
You gotta crank up the volume and yank off the knob (ah)
We got it all (we got it all), we got it all on UHF

We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)

We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all, we got it)

We got it all on UHF (we got it, we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all)
We got it all on UHF (ooh, on UHF)
We got it all on UHF

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown Weird Al Songs #33

#33

I Love Rocky Road

Title: “I Love Rocky Road”

Album: “Weird Al” Yankovic

Release: 1983

Parody: I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

Written: Jake Hooker / Alan Merrill / Alfred Yankovic

Genre: Rock ‘n’ Roll/Comedy

Topic: The love of ice cream, especially Rocky Road.

Special Appearance: “Musical” Mike Kieffer

Lyrics

I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool
Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school
Yeah, but chocolate’s gettin’ old
Vanilla just leaves me cold

There’s just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me
Don’t gimme no crummy taste spoon
I know what I need

Baby, I love rocky road
So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby?
I love rocky road
So, have another triple scoop with me, ow

They tell me ice cream junkies are all the same
All the soda jerkers know my name
When their supply is gone then I’ll be movin’ on
But I’ll be back on Monday afternoon, you’ll see
Another truck load’s comin’ in for me, all for me
I’m singin’

I love rocky road
So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby?
I love rocky road
So, have another triple scoop with me, ow

Oh, make it talk

When I’m all alone, I just grab myself a cone
And if I get fat and lose my teeth that’s fine with me
Just lock me in the freezer and throw away the key
Singing

I love rocky road
So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby?
I love rocky road
So, have another triple scoop with me

I love rocky road
So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby?
I love rocky road
So, have another triple scoop with

I love rocky road
So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby?
I love rocky road
So, have another triple scoop with

I love rocky road
So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby?
I love rocky road
So, have another triple scoop with me

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #34

#34

Polka Face

Title: “Polka Face”

Album: Alpocalypse

Released: 2010

Genre: Polka/Comedy

Written:  Adam Young / Alecia Beth Moore / Allan Peter Grigg / Benjamin Levin / Brandon Roy Melancon / Breyon Prescott / Cathy Dennis / Charles Burgess Kelley / Christopher A Stewart / Christopher Brian Bridges / Christopher M Henderson / Cristina Flores / David Wesley Haywood / Dwayne Carter / Edmund Koestscher / Faheem Najm / Fraser Lance Thorneycroft Smith / Gaetano Lama / Hillary Dawn Scott / Jacob Milan Taio Cruz / James Thomas Brown / Jamie Foxx / Jared Lincoln Cotter / Jason Joel Desrouleaux / Jay Sean / Jeremy David Skaller / Johan/Al Yankovic

Songs included: “Liechtensteiner Polka,” “Poker Face,” “Womanizer,” “Right Round,” “Day ‘n’ Nite,” “Need You Now,” “Baby,” “So What,” “I Kissed a Girl,” “Fireflies,” “Blame It,” “Replay,” “Down,” “Break Your Heart,” “Tick Tock Polka,” and “TikTok.”

Lyrics

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum muh
Oh whoa oh oh oh

Can’t read my, can’t read my
No, he can’t read-a my polka face
(She’s got to love nobody)
Can’t read my, can’t read my
No he can’t read-a my polka face
(She’s got to love nobody)
P-p-p-polka face p-p-polka face (Mum mum mum muh)
P-p-p-polka face p-p-polka face, hey

Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you’re a womanizer
Oh, womanizer, oh, you’re a womanizer baby
You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer
(Womanizer)

Boy don’t try to front
I, I know just what you are (are are)
Boy don’t try to front
I, I know just what you are (are are)

You say I’m crazy
I got your crazy
You’re nothing but a
Womanizer

You spin my head right round, right round
When you go down, when you go down down
You spin my head right round, right round
When you go down, when you go down

Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night
At, at, at night

It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now

And I was like baby baby baby
Baby baby baby
Baby baby baby
I thought you’d always be mine

So, so what, I’m still a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don’t need you
And guess what, I’m havin’ more fun
And now that we’re done, I’m gonna show you tonight
I’m alright, I’m just fine and you’re a tool
So, so what, I am a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don’t want you tonight

I kissed a girl and I liked it,
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it,
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong, it felt so right,
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it, I liked it

And I’d like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems

Blame it on the goose, gotcha feeling loose
Blame it on the ‘tron, gotchya me in the zone
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol
Blame it on the vodka, blame it on the Henny
Blame it on the blue tap, got you feeling dizzy
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol

Shawty’s like a melody in my head
That I can’t keep out
Got me singin’ like
Na na na na everyday
It’s like my iPod stuck on replay
Stuck on replay
Stuck on replay
Replay
Replay-ay-ay-ay

Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down?
Baby are you down?

I’m only gonna break break your break break your heart
I’m only gonna break break your break break your heart
I’m only gonna break break your break break your heart
I’m only gonna break your heart

Don’t stop, making pop
DJ blow my speakers up
Tonight, I’mma fight
Till we see the sun light
Tick tock, on the clock
But the polka don’t stop (no)
Yodel-yodel-lady-hoo
Yodel-yodel-lady-hoo

P-p-p-polka face p-p-polka face (mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-polka face p-p-polka face
Oh no you can’t read my p-p-polka face
Talk about my polka face
P-p-p-polka face

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #36

#36

Don’t Download This Song

Title: “Don’t Download This Song”

Album: Straight Outta Lynwood

Released: 2006

Written: Al Yankovic

Genre: Comedy pop/Gospel

Style Pastiche: “We Are the World”, “Voices That Care”, “Hands Across America”, “Heal the World” and other similar charity songs

Topic: The illegal downloading of music from the internet

One of the more out of date Weird Al songs, Don’t Download This Song is still a personal favorite. Even with the song involving things that are not things anymore, this is funny and a great musical song.

Lyrics

Once in a while maybe you will feel the urge
To break international copyright law
By downloading MP3’s from file sharing sites
Like Morpheus or Grokster or LimeWire or KaZaA
But deep in your heart you know the guilt would drive you mad
And the shame would leave a permanent scar
‘Cause you start out stealing songs, and then you’re robbing liquor stores
And selling crack and running over school kids with your car

So don’t download this song
The record store’s where you belong
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh don’t download this song

Oh you don’t want to mess with the RIAA
They’ll sue you if you burn that CDR
It doesn’t matter if you’re a grandma or a seven year old girl
They’ll treat you like the evil, hard bitten criminal scum you are

So don’t download this song
Don’t go pirating music all day long
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh, don’t download this song

Don’t take away money from artists just like me
How else can I afford another solid gold Humvee?
And diamond studded swimming pools, these things don’t grow on trees
So all I ask is everybody, please

Don’t download this song (don’t do it, no, no)
Even Lars Ulrich knows it’s wrong (you can just ask him)
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should (you really should)
Oh, don’t download this song

Don’t download this song (Oh please don’t you do it)
Or you might wind up in jail like Tommy Chong (remember Tommy)
Go and buy the CD (right now) like you know that you should (go out and buy it)
Oh don’t download this song

Don’t download this song (no no no no no no)
Or you’ll burn in hell before too long (and you’d deserve it)
Go and buy the CD (just buy it) like you know that you should (ya cheap bastard)
Oh, don’t download this song

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #37

#37

Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me

Title: “Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me”

Album: Alpocalyse

Release: 2011

Written: Al Yankovic

Genre: Dramatic, Theatrical Rock

Style Parody: Jim Steinman

Topic: Sending stupid things across the internet/email

Lyrics

Oh, the sand keeps fallin’ through the hourglass
And there’s no way you’re gonna slow it down
You say, “We gotta treasure each moment
Who knows how long we’re gonna be around?”
Yeah, you keep on telling me life is short
And it’s hard to disagree with what you say
But if time is so precious, why you wastin’ mine?
‘Cause I’m always reading, always deleting
Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way

Every stupid hoax (ooh), all those corny jokes
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well, I don’t need tons of cringe-inducing puns (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
No, it isn’t okay if you brighten my day (ah)
With some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
And I didn’t request a personality test (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
(Ah-ah-ah)

You’re sending virus-laden, bandwidth-hogging attachments
To every single person you know (ah)
You’re passin’ ’round a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
That everybody else already saw three years ago (ah)
And wacky, badly photoshopped billboards
Were never that amusing to me (ah)
And I just can’t believe you believe those urban legends
But I have high hopes someone’ll point you towards Snopes
And debunk that crazy junk you’re spewing constantly

No, I don’t want a bowl of Chicken Soup For the Soul (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Send more top ten lists and I’ll slash my wrists (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well, I’m sorry I can’t accept your paranoid rant (ah, ah)
And I don’t want the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe
Won’t you kindly refrain? ‘Cause it’s hurting my brain
Stop forwarding that crap to me

Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody’s cat
Now tell me
In what alternate reality would I care about something like that?
And by the way
Your quotes from George Carlin aren’t really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet-Cong
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing (ah)
And I highly doubt some dead girl’s gonna kill me
If I don’t pass your letter along

Well, now I know you’re wishin’ I’ll sign your petition
But stop forwarding that crap to me
And I don’t wanna read your series of conspiracy theories
Just stop forwarding that crap to me
And your two million loser friends all have my address now (ah)
‘Cause you never figured out the way to BCC
Now I gotta insist (ooh)
Take me off of your list (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (ah)

just stop it now
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) oh, no
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) whoa

I can’t take it
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) oh, please
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

At the risk of being slightly repetitious (ah)
Gonna ask you now to stop (stop)
Sending me that (crap)
I don’t want it (ah)
Don’t send it to me, no, don’t send it to me

Stop forwarding that crap to me, to me
(Ah-ah-ah)

Source: Musixmatch

Until Tomorrow

Until Tomorrow

By K.P.

Have you ever had deja vu, well this I used to, too. That was until the day I met the old man. The day started the same as before, me and Tim, my best friend since forever, would go to the farm and lift hay and take care of the sheep and other odd jobs around the farm. We live in the village of Orgon, a village that until a few years ago was nothing, then someone found a cave filled with gold, silver, and other minerals. 

“Roger, stop daydreaming and get back to lifting hay.” Tim yells. I often just stop what I am doing and start staring off into the mountain.  I don’t know why, but sometimes I swear that I can see something on the mountain.

“Alright, I’m coming.” I called back. 

“You better I’m not doing all the work.” he retorts and we both get back to our job.

Hours pass on the farm and we finally are done. It’s around noon when we get back to the village. Most days it’s empty with everyone deep in the mines in search of riches but, today two strangers on horseback and masks were in front of my house.

“Roger Temporalin, come with us.” they say in complete unison, but I could tell they hadn’t rehearsed that line.

“Why should I, I don’t feel like going anywhere with the Pony Pals.” I say, which probably wasn’t the smartest idea, since the one to the right looked pretty jacked and the other had a sword.

“Hold your tongue boy.” the one to the left said, “before you lose it.”

“Back off Red, he ain’t a problem.” the other told him, “just come with us, and no one here gets hurt.” he says to me.

“Why do you want him?” Tim squeaks. He was always nervous around people he didn’t know. I was surprised he would talk at all after seeing them. 

“That is of no concern to you.” Red says. I got a bad feeling from the way he said this so I turned to Tim and said.

“Run.” and I sprinted towards the woods and hoped that Tim would follow though I knew they wouldn’t catch him, he was always the fastest when we raced.

“Hey, stop.” They both yell surprised, as we run into the woods.

After what seemed like hours, we finally came to a stop by a large oak tree. 

“Do you think we lost them?” Tim huffed “I hope we can stay here and not get caught.” 

“You should be safe here for a while, Roger,” said a gruff voice. Startled Tim and I jumped back. “Sorry for the scare, but I thought you should know that they’re  nowhere near here.”

“Who are you?” I asked. The voice belonged to an old guy that looked pretty beat up. He had a long scar from the bridge of his nose to the edge of his jaw on the left side. His skin was tan and leathery like he worked in the sun for years, so he must not have lived near here because it never was very sunny, only overcast. 

“My name doesn’t matter.” He said with a dark expression. “You can call me whatever you want.” 

“What do you want, Old Man.” I asked defensively . , “How do you know my name?” 

“I have been sent to help and protect you from the Kronos Crusade,” He stated flatly. “The two people in town who were on the horses, the two with the masks. They want to take you to their leader, who wishes to use you in a ritual.” 

“Why would they want me?” I ask angrily. Who was this guy and why would anyone want me, and what kind of maniac would believe in magic.

“I don’t know.” the old man said solemnly. I could tell he was lying. 

“How do we know that we can trust you?” Tim asked sheepishly.

“You can, I’m getting paid.” He boasted.

“Well that sure helps.” I said sarcastically. I had a bad feeling about the old man, I trusted him the same I trusted a wolf in a sheep pen. 

“Well if you’re done asking questions, we better get a move on.” the old man said. 

“Where would we go?” Tim asked nervously.

“My house in the mountains.” The old man said solemnly and started off toward the mountain. “Aren’t you coming?” he said, turning back. 

After hours of walking through the woods, we came to a small hut that looked like it’s been here forever. It was probably 14 feet tall at the top of the roof and about 20 feet across. 

“We’re here.” the old man said. 

  “So what do we do now?” I said aggressively.

“With a little luck, stay here and wait until tomorrow,” The old man said matter of factly,”  then you can go back to your life and you can forget all about this.”

“Why would they stop trying to find me after today?” I said confused.

“Theres a time limit, I guess. For the ritual, I mean” The old man said. “I think it can only happen today or something.” 

“So, what are we going to do here until tomorrow?” Tim asks, changing the subject. 

“You two should stay inside while I keep watch.” the old man answers, and with that me and Tim went inside and took a nap.

After I woke up from my nap, I went to check on the old man. It was dusk, and the old man was chopping wood out front. He looked angry and hurt, I wondered why.

“What are you doing out of the hut?” the old man grunted, not looking up. “I thought I told you to stay inside until tomorrow.” 

“Jeez, someone’s a cranky pants.” I retorted, “I was just checking if it was the morning, I was sleeping in there.”

“It’s only been 3 hours since we got here, get back inside.” He said in his gruff old voice.

“Yeah, get back inside, there’s some bad people in these woods.” A Young voice said in a sing-song voice. The old man and I turned to see Red, the masked horseman that was at my house.

“How did you find me?” I blurted out.

“I have some experience in finding people.” He said happily. 

“Red, why don’t you take a break this time.” the old man said hopefully. “Maybe this time we come to an agreement to stop this madness.” 

“What are you talking about, old man?” I asked, confused. What did he mean this time? Did they know each other, were they working together? 

“Hopefully, you’ll never need to know, kid.” the old man said, dropping the axe and extending his right hand. “Now stand back, I need to deal with this clown.” 

“How quaint, the old man thinks he can save anyone.” Red said angrily. He took his sword and swung at the air leaving a gaping void where he swung. 

“This again, I haven’t learned anything new.” the old man said smugly. A giant vine came out of the old man’s right and struck Red in the head knocking off his mask. Revealing Red looked exactly like a younger version of the old man.

“Enough of this.” Red said angrily, jumping into the void. The next second the world went black. Then I found myself in the middle of a gem-filled cave, where hundreds of masked people stood staring at me. I was on some sort of altar, and behind me stood Red and an old guy with long, black hair and an old fashioned robe

“I see you have finally woken up.” the robed man said. “You sure have been hard to capture, harder than most.”

“What do you want from me?” I yelled desperately.

“Didn’t that traitor tell you?” The robed man responded. “Well no matter, I am Dyon, the leader of the Kronos Crusade, and you are here to help me, you see, I didn’t really want to die, so I gathered some men a performed a ritual that gave me eternal life, the only downside is that I am now in a loop, and to stay immortal I must repeat the ritual, so you and me are in an endless chase so to speak.” He concluded dramatically. 

“What do you mean ‘you and me’?” I questioned. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you.” Dyon laughed. “The ritual only works if we use you or someone else like, someone born during a rift in time like you.” 

“Let’s just get this over with.” Red growls. “The day is almost over.” 

“Ah, you are right, well we mustn’t be late.” Dyon said, almost sad. “Let’s begin the ritual.” I was desperate for a way out, so I jumped up and tried to grab Dyon, get a hostage, but the second I did something hit me in the face. Red had struck me with his sword leaving a small cut from the bridge of my nose going left to my jaw, and realization hit me. All these people were me from the countless times the ritual was performed.

“Ah, so you see how you could not win.” Red said softly. “If something has happened this many times it must be destiny.”  After all I went through I would fail. The room filled with chanting, the sound was like drumming. After a second I started to float on the altar, I started to glow and then the world went bright white, then black.

I woke up on the mountain, it was morning. I thought the whole ritual thing had to have been a dream and I had just sleepwalked out here. Running, I went to the farm and my heart dropped, there I was staring back at the morning of the ritual lifting hay.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #39

#39

Foil

Title: “Foil”

Release: 2014

Album: Mandatory Fun

Parody: “Royals” by Lorde

Written: Joel Little / Alfred Matthew Yankovic / Ella Marija Lani Yelich O’connor

Genre: Pop

Weird Al’s Foil goes from talking about wrapping food in aluminum foil so it will not spoil to talking about the Illuminati and New World Order. Quite the flip of script. The video is hilarious, featuring the one and only Patton Oswalt, as well as comedians Thomas Lennon, and Robert Ben Garant.

Lyrics

I never seem to finish all my food
I always get a doggie bag from the waiter
So I just keep what’s still unchewed
And I take it home, save it for later

But then I deal with fungal rot, bacterial formation
Microbes, enzymes, mould and oxidation
I don’t care, I’ve got a secret trick up my sleeve

I never bother with baggies, glass jars, tupperware containers
Plastic cling wrap, really a no-brainer
I just like to keep all my flavours sealed in tight

With aluminum foil (Foil)
Never settle for less
That kind of wrap is just the best
To keep your sandwich nice and fresh

Stick it in your cooler (Cooler)
Eat it when you’re ready
Then maybe you’ll choose (You’ll choose, you’ll choose, you’ll choose)
A refreshing herbal tea
Mmm, lovely!

Oh, by the way, I’ve cracked the code
I’ve figured out these shadow organizations
And the Illuminati know
That they’re finally primed for world domination

And soon you’ve got black helicopters comin’ cross the border
Puppet masters for the New World Order
Be aware: There’s always someone that’s watching you
And still the government won’t admit they faked the whole moon landing
Thought control rays, psychotronic scanning
Don’t mind that, I’m protected cause I made this hat

From aluminum foil (Foil)
Wear a hat that’s foil lined
In case an alien’s inclined
To probe your butt or read your mind

Looks a bit peculiar (‘culiar)
Seems a little crazy
But someday I’ll prove (I’ll prove, I’ll prove, I’ll prove)
There’s a big conspiracy

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #44

#44

A Complicated Song

Title: “A Complicated Song”

Written: Graham Edwards / Lauren Christy / Avril Ramona Lavigne / David Scott Alspach/Al Yankovic

Album: Poodle Hat

Release: 2003

Parody: “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne

Genre: Pop/Punk

Poodle Hat finally breaks through as the final Weird Al album represented in the Top 100 with A Complicated song, which breaks into three separate stories. Some of the stories are silly, but a lot of fun.

Lyrics

Uh huh… extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh… save a piece for me

Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
19 extra larges
What a shame
No one came

Just us eatin’ all alone
You said, “Take the pizza home”
“No sense lettin’ all this go to waste”
So then I faced

Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese ’round the clock
Is gettin’ me blocked
And I sure don’t care
For irregularity

Tell me
Why’d you have to go and make me so constipated?
‘Cause right now I’d do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom… I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated?
No no no

I was feelin’ pretty down
‘Till my girlfriend came around
We’re just so alike in every way
I gotta say

In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me

Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I’d suddely spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It’s just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with 11 toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I’d unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride
And the guide

Said not to stand
But that’s a demand
That I couldn’t meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see

Tell me
Why’d I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now… can’t eat, I can’t breathe, I can’t snore
I can’t belch or yodel anymore
Can’t spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh no
Why’d I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can’t blink, I can’t cough, I can’t sneeeze
But my neck is enjoyin’ a pleasant breeze now
Haven’t been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #45

#45

Bedrock Anthem

Title: “Bedrock Anthem”

Album: Alapalooza

Release: 1993

Parody: “Under the Bridge” and “Give It Away” by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Written: Chad Smith / John Frusciante / Anthony Kiedis / Michael Balzary / Alfred Yankovic

Genre: Funk rock

This is another TV show that Al honors in song as this time it is the Flintstones. There are voice clips from the Flintstones on the song.

Lyrics

Sometimes, I feel like I need a vacation
Sometimes, I feel like I wanna go to the city of cavemen, the city of Bedrock
I’d be a Flintstone, now, I’ll tell you why

Oh
Oh
Oh!

Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a woman named, Wilma
Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a baby named Pebbles
Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a doggy named Dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino

Well, I’ve got a little buddy, Barney Rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of Barney Rubble
He’s a midget but, he makes a lot of trouble
Doesn’t like to shave, he got caveman stubble

Me and Barney, loyal order water buffalo
Lodge brothers, loyal order water buffalo
There’s a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand Poo-Bah always gotta run the whole show?

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric know-how

Betty and Barney got a baby, named, Bamm-Bamm
Little Pebbles is his number one fan
He’s the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off, if he’s shaking your hand

Got a car, gonna push it with my feet now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in can’t be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow

Wanna chill with a saber tooth tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first rolling stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Don’t know what it means, but I say it anyhow

Wilma, I’m home! Start serving dinner
And don’t spare the-
Oh, no, no, no! Don’t Dino, don’t!
Now take it easy, boy!

Lucky me, workin’ down in the gravel pit
Movin’ rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. Slate gets mad, and he throws a fit
Pull the birdie’s tail, everybody knows it’s time to quit

I realize I’m living in the Stone Age
No fax, no cellular phone-age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age
Liftin’ heavy boulders every day for my wage

Barney Rubble, laughin’ like a hyena
Barney Rubble, what a little wiener!
Where’s Wilma? Anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
(E-yabba-dabba-do)
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
(E-yabba-dabba-do)
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Now, that’s alright
Oh, boy!

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #46

#46

Livin’ in the Fridge

Title: “Livin’ in the Fridge”

Album: Alapalooza

Released: 1993

Parody: “Livin’ on the Edge” by Aerosmith

Written: Joe Perry / Mark Hudson / Steven Tyler/Al Yankovic

Genre: Hard rock

Weird Al has been well known in his appreciation of food. He has said many tiomes that he loves food because it has kept him alive. This is the opposite of that as he describes that food that has spent too many days (weeks?) in the refrigerator and has become something akin to a science experiment. In the same vein as George Carlin’s “Icebox Man,” “Livin’ in the Fridge” had a special appearance on The Weird Al Show.

Lyrics

There’s somethin’ weird in the fridge today
I don’t know what it is
Food I can’t recognize
My roommate won’t throw a thing away
I guess it’s probably his
It looks like it’s alive

And livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge

There’s somethin’ gross in the fridge today
It’s green and growin’ hair
It’s been there since July
If you can name the object
In that baggie over there
Then mister, you’re a better man than I

It’s livin’ in the fridge
You can’t stop the mold from growin’
Livin’ in the fridge
Can’t tell what it is at all
Livin’ in the fridge
You can’t stop the mold from growin’
Livin’ in the fridge

Tell me, do you think it should be carbon-dated
Fumigated or cremated and buried at sea?
You try to save a little bit of your home cookin’
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin’ specimen
It always happens, my friend
Again & again & again & again

Somethin’ stinks in the fridge today
And it’s been rottin’ there all week
It could be liver cake or woolly mammoth steak
Well, maybe I should another peek

Livin’ in the fridge
(You can’t stop the mold from growin’)
Livin’ in the fridge
(Can’t tell what it is at all)
Livin’ in the fridge
(You can’t stop the mold from growin’)
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
(Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is)
Livin’ in the fridge
(Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is)
Livin’ in the fridge
Don’t know what it is at all
Livin’ in the fridge, yeah

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #50

#50

Handy

Title: “Handy”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Released: 2014

Written: Amethyst Amelia Kelly / Charlotte Emma Aitchison / George Astasio / Jason Andrew Pebworth / John Turner / Jonathan Christopher Shave / Kurtis Isaac Mckenzie /Al Yankovic

Parody: Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” (feat. Charli XCX)

We enter the top 50 of our countdown with this parody of “Fancy.” The video was one of the eight released daily for Mandatory Fun.

Lyrics

First things first, I’m a craftsman (craftsman)
Remodelling is my only passion (it’s my passion)
And I’m the greatest in the business
Want referrals, yo
My clientèle will bear you witness (right, right)
I can help when your door jamb sticks (heh?)
There is nothing in the world I can’t fix (yeah)
I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks
Call me, I’ll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks)
Where you go when your disposal is rusted (rusted)
Termite problem making you disgusted (yuck)
When your front window is busted (hey, hey, hey)
Just one name that’s always trusted

I’m so handy, you already know
I’ll fix your plumbing when your toilets overflow
I’m so handy, I’ll bring you up to code
When your dishwasher’s about to explode

Now you see that your furnace is needing some service
I’m fully bonded, no need to be nervous
Perhaps you would like a new counter Formica
Maybe I’ll hook up your dish washer combo dryer
But all your pipes are antique
Your water pressure’s too weak
You got an attic full of dry rot
Because your roof sprung a leak
Your fridge is starting to reek
Your hardwood floors really squeak
But don’t you worry I’ll just show you my amazing technique
Now let me glue that, glue that and screw that, screw that
Any random chore you got, well I can do that, do that
Or maybe I’ll just rewire your house for fun
I got 99 problems but a switch ain’t one

I’m so handy, everyone says so
I’ll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio
I’m so handy, I’m the guy to know
When your leaf blower doesn’t blow-oh-oh-oh

Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn
Make that phone call, I’ll install anything you want
Yeah, check my big staple gun, my socket wrenches are second to none
I won’t quit ’til I’m done, don’t even care if I hammer my thumb (ow)

Still rocking my screwdriver
Got the whole world thinking I’m MacGyver
Your heating bills are shocking
I can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking
Your house is a disaster, huh?
Need a guy whose a master with the plaster, huh?
Let me be your stripper
Taking off lacquer, no one does it quicker

I’m so handy, you already know
I’ll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low
I’m so handy, you should call this pro
I’m in the phone book and se habla español

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #51

#51

Germs

Title: “Germs”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: Nine Inch Nails

Genre: Industrial Rock

Lyrics

Sometimes I really want to be alone
But that’s one state I’m never in
Because I know that I’ve got millions upon millions
Of tiny, one-celled organisms living on my skin

I rub and scrub until my flesh is raw and bleeding
(Germs) But they just come right back again
(Germs) I can’t even see’em,
but I know they’re up to something
Hey, don’t touch that – you don’t know where it’s been!

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me

I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

Now if I ever dare to go to sleep
That’s when they start their sneak attack
In the morning I wake up in utter horror
To find my teeth are covered with bacterial plaque

Can’t get those parasitic creatures off my face
(Germs) And there’s more comin’ every day
(Germs) I never said that they could camp out on my body
I wish they’d pack their tiny little bags and move away

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re creepin’ around my shorts
They’re under the bathroom sink
They’re ridin’ inside my car
They’re swimmin’ in every drink
They’re hidin’ between my toes
They’re lurkin’ in every kiss
I got’em way up my nose
In every orifice
I’m gonna show them who’s boss
I’m gonna get even yet
Just gimme some Lysol spray
Just hand me a moist towelette
Don’t tell me I’m paranoid
I know that they’re after me
Look under the microscope
See??

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re all over me
I can feel’em all over me
Over every part of me
Microscopic bacteria
I know they’re watching me
They’re always watching me
They’re coming after me
Microscopic bacteria
Won’t somebody help
Please somebody help me
You’ve got to believe me
They’re out to get me
They want to control me
They want to destroy me
They’re tryin’ to kill me
It kind of upsets me

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #53

#53

Tacky

Title: “Tacky”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Release: 2014

Written: Pharrell L. Williams/Al Yankovic

Parody: “Happy” by Pharrell Williams

Genre: Pop

Video featured: Aisha Tyler, Margaret Cho, Eric Stonestreet, Jack Black, and Kristen Schaal

Lyrics

It might seem crazy, wearing stripes and plaid
I Instagram every meal I’ve had
All my used liquor bottles are on display
We can go to see a show but I’ll make you pay

Wear my belt with suspenders and sandals with my socks
(Because I’m tacky)
Got some new glitter Uggs and lovely pink sequined Crocs
(Because I’m tacky)
Never let you forget some favor I did for you
(Because I’m tacky)
If you’re okay with that, then, you might just be tacky, too

I meet some chick, ask her this and that
Like ‘Are you pregnant girl, or just really fat?’ (what?)
Well, now I’m dropping names almost constantly
That’s what Kanye West keeps telling me, here’s why

Wear my Ed Hardy shirt with fluorescent orange pants
(Because I’m tacky)
Got my new resume it’s printed in Comic Sans
(Because I’m tacky)
Think it’s fun threatening waiters with a bad Yelp review
(Because I’m tacky)
If you think that’s just fine, then, you’re probably tacky, too

Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, I never know why
Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, I said
Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, it’s pointless to try
Bring me shame, can’t nothing
Bring me shame, I said

43 Bumper Stickers and a YOLO license plate
(Because I’m tacky)
Bring along my coupon book whenever I’m on a date
(Because I’m tacky)
Practice my twerking moves in line at the DMV
(Because I’m tacky)
Took the whole bowl of restaurant mints. Hey, it said they’re free
(Because I’m tacky)
I get drunk at the bank
And take off my shirt, at least
(Because I’m tacky)
I would live-tweet a funeral, take selfies with the deceased
(Because I’m tacky)
If I’m bit by a zombie, I’m probably not telling you
(Because I’m tacky)
If you don’t think that’s bad, guess what, then you’re tacky, too

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #56

#56

What is Life

Title: “What is Life”

Written: George Harrison

Album: George Fest: A Night to Celebrate the Music of George Harrison

Style: pop/rock/uptempo soul

Performed: George Fest tribute concert on September 28, 2014

The first song on this list that was not written (at least in part) by Weird Al. Weird Al performed this at the George Fest tribute concert at the Fonda Theater in Los Angeles. Al was one of several other performers covering tracks from the former Beatle. Al also sang on the version of The Traveling Wilburys’ song, “Handle With Care.” “What is Life” was one of my favorite Georege Harrison songs and seeing the live performance by Weird Al was a great addition to it for me.

It is a straight cover of the song, without any comedic undertones.

Lyrics

What I feel, I can’t say
But my love is there for you anytime of day
But if it’s not love that you need
Then I’ll try my best to make everything succeed

Tell me, what is my life without your love
Tell me, who am I without you, by my side

What I know, I can do
If I give my love now to everyone like you
But if it’s not love that you need
Then I’ll try my best to make ev’rything succeed

Tell me, what is my life without your love
Tell me, who am I without you, by my side
Tell me, what is my life without your love
Tell me, who am I without you, by my side

What I feel, I can’t say
But my love is there for you any time of day
But if it’s not love that you need
Then I’ll try my best to make everything succeed

Tell me, what is my life without your love
Tell me, who am I without you, by my side
Oh tell me, what is my life without your love
Tell me, who am I without you, by my side

What is my life without your love
Tell me, who am I without you, by my side

[fade:]
Oh tell me, what is my life without your love
Tell me who am I without you by my side