Topic: encourage listeners to embrace absurdity, let go of common idioms, and be playful.
Title track to Weird Al’s third studio album, Dare to Be Stupid is one of the greatest original songs Weird Al has ever written. The silliness involved is epic and his Devo style pastiche is brilliant.
Lyrics
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me It’s time for us to join in the fight It’s time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys It’s time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket You better count your chickens before they hatch You better sell some wine before it’s time You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can While Mr. Wipple’s not around Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full Bite the hand that feeds you Bite off more than you chew What can you do? Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickels Look for Mr. Goodbar Get your mojo working now I’ll show you how You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek You can just give up the ship You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid Come on and dare to be stupid It’s so easy to do Dare to be stupid We’re all waiting for you Let’s go
It’s time to make a mountain out of a molehill So can I have a volunteer? There’s no more time for crying over spilled milk Now it’s time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet And party ’til you’re broke and they drive you away It’s okay, you can dare to be stupid
It’s like spitting on a fish It’s like barking up a tree It’s like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid (Yes) Why don’t you dare to be stupid? It’s so easy to do
Dare to be stupid We’re all waiting for you Dare to be stupid
Burn your candle at both ends Look a gift horse in the mouth Mashed potatoes can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever You can sit around the house and watch “Leave It To Beaver” The future’s up to you So what you gonna do?
Dare to be stupid, dare to be stupid What did I say? Dare to be stupid
Tell me, what did I say? Dare to be stupid It’s alright Dare to be stupid We can be stupid all night
Dare to be stupid Come on, join the crowd Dare to be stupid Shout it out loud
Dare to be stupid I can’t hear you Dare to be stupid Okay, I can hear you now
Dare to be stupid Let’s go, dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid
Last week, in episode one of The Boroughs, I commented that I had hoped that Jack survived the attack of whatever that thing was. Sadly, as this week started, we learned that jack did not.
RIP Jack.
Sam, who discovered the creature “feeding” on Jack, became obsession (as one would) with trying to figure out what was going on. A trip to see Edward at the care facility gave Sam a clue… “The key is in the lights and the owls are in the wall.”
So Sam started tearing out the light fixtures in his house.
Jack’s death affected more than just Sam as we learned that Judy had been having an affair with Jack, and his death was causing her serious grief. Judy’s partner Art apparently knew about the affair but never confronted her in fear that she would leave him.
It led Art to a bizarre occurrence with a murder of crows. A huge murder of crows that circled the sky above him and like kamikazed themselves into the ground. Weird scene.
Renee pushed for an investigation when more quartz items turned up missing. Hank came back with a fake report from Albuquerque PD saying that they caught a guy with the missing items.
F- Hank.
Clearly, Hank has some kind of inside knowledge of what is going on in the Boroughs, and he is going out of his way to cover it up. He is easily the biggest piece of crap on this show.
Only Blaine Shaw comes close. Shaw showed up at Jack’s memorial and dropped some lies about how much Jack meant to him. It was sadly obvious how insincere he was being, but Shaw knows more than he is letting on too.
Wally got more bad news about his cancer, which has made its way into Wally’s liver. It left Wally searching for a miracle. Maybe Sam has found it.
The Boroughs has had two exceptional episodes filled with great actors and a captivating supernatural mystery. I know that there will be only one season as Netflix has cancelled season two of the show. I sure how the show did not leave off on a massive cliffhanger at the end of season one, because this is a show that I am fully engrossed in.
Style Pastiche: The Rugburns’ track “Dick’s Automotive.”
Genre: Hard-driving rock narrative
Length: 11 minutes and 23 sec.- longest song Weird Al ever officially released.
Topic: Albuquerque is the best place… and Weird Al hates sauerkraut.
This epic song is one of my absolute favorite songs. It is an absurdist piece of music with so much insanity squeezed into it. I saw Weird Al perform this life once and, during it, he came across the line where he said he “…lost his train of thought.” He then proceeded to restart the song to try and remember what he wanted to say. Absolutely hilarious. Of course, what he wanted to say was that “I HATE SAUERKRAUT!”
Lyrics
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy Living in a box under the stairs In the corner of the basement of the house Half a block down the street from Jerry’s Bait shop You know the place Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning My mother would make me a big ol’ bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut Every single morning It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom I said “Hey, mom, what’s up with all the sauerkraut?” And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train And she leaned right down next to me And she said “It’s good for you” And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut Until I was twenty six and a half years old
That’s when I swore that someday Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer And the towels are oh so fluffy Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy’s butt I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize That’s right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque Albuquerque
Oh yeah You know, I’d never been on a real airplane before And I gotta tell ya, it was really great Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women With excruciatingly severe body odor And the little kid in back of me kept throwin’ up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why?
‘Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ah
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin’ wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days Draggin’ along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn Where the towels are oh so fluffy And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna It’s OK, they’re clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C And I turned on the SpectraVision And I’m just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be? I say “Who is it?” No answer “Who is it?” There’s no answer “Who is it?” They’re not sayin’ anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected It’s some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril Oh man, I hate it when I’m right So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel And I’m like “Hey, you can’t have that” “That snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me” And he’s like “Tough” And I’m like “Give it” And he’s like “Make me” And I’m like “‘Kay” So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation Yes indeed, you better believe it And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice And you know what it said? I’ll tell you what it said
It said “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again” “If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator” “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again” “If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter And he says “Yeah, what do ya want?” I said “You got any glazed donuts?” He said “No, we’re outta glazed donuts” I said “Well, you got any jelly donuts?” He said “No, we’re outta jelly donuts” I said “You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?” He said “No, we’re outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts” I said “You got any cinnamon rolls?” He said “No, we’re outta cinnamon rolls” I said “You got any apple fritters?” He said “No, we’re outta apple fritters” I said “You got any bear claws?” He said “Wait a minute, I’ll go check”
“No, we’re outta bear claws” I said “Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?” He says “All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels” I said “OK, I’ll take that”
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin’ me all over Oh man, they were just going nuts They were tearin’ me apart You know, I think it was just about that time That a little ditty started goin’ through my head I believe it went a little something like this
Doh Get ’em off me Get ’em off me Oh No, get ’em off, get ’em off Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get ’em off me Oh, oh God Ah, aah, aah
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face Wavin’ my arms all around and just runnin’, runnin’, runnin’ Like a constipated wiener dog And as luck would have it That’s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams Her name was Zelda She was a calligraphy enthusiast With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches I’ll never forget the very first thing she said to me She said “Hey, you’ve got weasels on your face”
That’s when I knew it was true love We were inseparable after that Aw, we ate together, we bathed together We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss The world was our burrito So we got married and we bought us a house And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me She said “Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?” I said “Whoa, hold on now, baby” “I’m just not ready for that kind of a commitment” So we broke up and I never saw her again But that’s just the way things go
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin’ up for me Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream That’s right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that I was gettin’ a lot of attitude
Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil When I see this guy Marty Tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself So I, I say to him, I say “Hey, you want me to help you with that?” And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes “No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw”
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me He’s like “Hey man, I was just being sarcastic” Well, that’s just great How was I supposed to know that? I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy So what’s he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote This guy comes up to me on the street And he tells he hasn’t had a bite in three days Well, I knew what he meant But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over And I’m like “Hey, come on, don’t you get it?” But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK Anyway I, I know it’s kinda been a roundabout way of saying it But I guess the whole point I’m tryin’ to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That’s all I’m really tryin’ to say And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up And find yourself in an existential quandary Full of loathing and self-doubt And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that Somewhere out there in this crazy ol’ mixed-up universe of ours There’s still a little place called
Style: Originally intended as a pastiche of The Presidents of the United States
Topic: The excitement of a new Hardware Store opening
Hardware Store is one of Weird Al’s originals that everyone is incredibly impressed by because it features one of the fastest rap sections imaginable. It was something that, when recorded, nearly caused Al to go unconscious. He has never performed this live because of the near impossibility of the riff.
Lyrics
Nothin’ ever (ever) happens in this town Feelin’ low down (down), not a lot to do around here I thought that I would go right out of my mind Until a friend told me the news He said, “Hey, you know that vacant lot Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it And on that spot they’re gonna build a shop Where we can go buy bolts and screws”
Since then I’ve been walking on air (air) I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair ‘Cause I’m so excited and I really don’t care I’ve been waiting since last June For this day to finally arrive I’m so happy (happy) now just to be alive ‘Cause any minute now I’m gonna be inside Well, I hope they open soon
I can’t wait, no, I can’t wait (oh, when) When are they gonna open up that door? I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out I pressed my nose right up against the glass You know, I had to be first in line Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house See those hacksaws? Very, very soon One of them will be all mine
Guys with nametags walking down the aisles Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles All arranged alphabetically And they’re doing a promotional stunt There’s a great big purple sign out front That says every 27th customer Will get a ball peen hammer free
I can’t wait, no, I can’t wait (oh, when) When are they gonna open up that door? I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
They’ve got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods, and water meters Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats, and bug deflectors Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
I can’t wait, no, I can’t wait (oh, when) When are they gonna open the door? I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
Topic: Santa snaps and goes on a North Pole murder spree
I love this song. The idea of a disgruntled Santa flipping out is great. There is a really funny “Extra Gory Version” that I heard for the first time on Dr. Demento Show.
Lyrics
Down in the workshop all the elves were makin’ toys For the good gentile girls and the good gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared ’em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye “Merry Christmas to all, now you’re all gonna die”
The night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he’d been gettin’ a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it Everywhere you’ll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen And he took a big bite and said, “It tastes just like chicken”
The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now you can’t hardly walk around the North Pole Without steppin’ in reindeer guts
There’s the National Guard and the FBI There’s a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circlin’ ’round in the sky And the bullets are flyin’, the body count’s risin’ And everyone’s dyin’ to know, oh Santa, why? My my my my my my You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa’s doing time In a Federal prison for his infamous crime Hey little friend now, don’t you cry no more tears He’ll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years But now Vixen’s in therapy and Donner’s still nervous And the elves all got jobs working for the Postal Service And they say Mrs. Clause, she’s on the phone every night With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They’re talkin’ bout, the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin’ gypped
Whoa oh, the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he’d gettin’ a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain Whoa oh, something finally must have snapped in his brain Tell ya, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Yes Virginia, Now Santa is dead Some guy From the swat team blew a hole through his head Yes little friend now, that’s his brains on the floor, I guess they wont have the fat guy kicking around anymore But now there’s no more presents for children’s enjoyment And the Elves have to wait in the line and file for unemployment And they say Mrs. Clause, she’s on the phone every night With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
The Agents of Shield finished up their adventure in the future with some major battling, found Robin, the little girl (now older woman) who could see the future, killed the Kree, including Kasius and Sinara and had Flint create a monolith so they could return to their own time.
Very busy.
I was not 100% in love with the future stuff, but it did provide us with some major storyline bits including:
Yo Yo meeting herself (without arms) and she revealed about Coulson’s sickness.
Deke, who seemed to sacrifice himself, arrived back in the present with Shield- and had a surprising familial connection.
The Lighthouse is one awesome HQ.
Once back, things got wild as the team learned of Coulson’s impending death, and they got made that he did not tell them about it. Deke was taking in all of the wonders of the earth he had never seen…including Zema. Fitz and Simmons gets married.
The Fitz and Simmons wedding led to a major reveal… that Deke is their grandchild, though no one is aware.
Deathlok came back for back up to close a dimensional riff in a lower level of the Lighthouse. It was manifesting fears from a “Fear Dimension” that was trying to kill them.
General Hale is a horrendous character. She was a clear antagonist for our team, but it does get a little old to have the generals always being the antagonists. Plus, her daughter is a weird assassin of some sort who cut off Yo Yo’s arms.
The whole earth gets blown up plotline is still active and unsolved as of yet, but I know that the series does deal with that story before the end of season 5.
Written: Adele Laurie Blue Adkins / Al Yankovic / Ariana Grande / Attticus Matthew Ross / Austin J. Owens / Belcalis Almanzar / Billie Eilish O’Connell / Charles K. Wilson / Charles Michael Anderson / Daniel Nigro / Devon Christopher Gallaspy / Edward Christopher Sheeran / Er
Songs: “Bad Guy,” “Hello,” “Flowers,” “We Don’t Talk About Bruno,” “Vampire,” “Old Town Road,” “Despacito,” “Shape of You,” “Uptown Funk,” “WAP,” “Thank U, Next,” “Shake It Off”
They may be some recency bias involved in this one, as Polkamania is the most recent song Weird Al has put out. However, it is an epic polka that has spanned the years after the release of Mandatory Fun with some of the best songs of that period. It also shows how starved I was for new Weird Al song content.
Lyrics
So you’re a tough guy Like it really rough guy Just can’t get enough guy Chest always so puffed guy I’m that bad type Make your mama sad type Make your girlfriend mad type Might seduce your dad type I’m the bad guy Duh
(Adele / Hello) So hello from the other side I must’ve called a thousand times To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart Anymore
(Miley Cyrus / Flowers) I can buy myself flowers Write my name in the sand Talk to myself for hours Say things you don’t understand I can take myself dancing And I can hold my own hand Yeah, I can love me better than you can
(Cast of Encanto / Lin-Manuel Miranda / We Don’t Talk About Bruno We don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no We don’t talk about Bruno
(Olivia Rodrigo / Vampire) I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naïve The way you sold me for parts You sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, dream crusher Bleedin’ me dry, like a gosh darn vampire
(Lil Nas X / Old Town Road) Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more Can’t nobody tell me nothing (You can’t tell me nothing) No! Can’t nobody tell me nothing
Despacito Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito Deja que te diga cosas al oído Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo (Sube, sube, sube)
Mmm I’m in love with the shape of you We push and pull like a magnet do Every day discovering something brand new I’m in love with your body Oh I oh I oh I oh I I’m in love with your body Oh I oh I oh I oh I Yoda-loda lady hoo!
‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you ‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you Saturday night and we in the spot Don’t believe me just watch (hey!) (Doo doo doo, doo doo doo)
(Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion / WAP) I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage Yeah, you messing with some Bring a bucket and a mop for this Give me everything you got for this I’m talking WAP, WAP, WAP, that’s some
(Ariana Grande / Thank U, Next) Thank you, next Thank you, next Thank you, next I’m so super grateful for my ex Thank you, next Thank you, next Thank you, next Super-duper grateful for my ex
(Taylor Swift / Shake It Off) Wait! I just killed my ex Not the best idea Killed his girlfriend next, how’d I get here? I just killed my ex I still love him, though Rather be in hell than all alone
I stay out too late Got nothing in my brain That’s what people say, mm-mm That’s what people say, mm-mm ‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off (hoo-hoo-hoo) Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off That’s right, I’m gonna Shake it Off (Gonna shake it off) (Shake, shake, shake it off) (Now watch me shake it off) Hey!”
Title: “The North Korea Polka (Please Don’t Nuke Us)”
Album: None
Appeared: HBO’s Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Date: August 2017
Written: Al Yankovic
Genre: Polka
Topic: “John Oliver noted that North Korea has a surprising cultural affinity for the accordion. To take advantage of this, he brought in Yankovic and his signature accordion to ”communicate’ with the nation” –Entertainment Tonight
What an awesome surprise this was. Weird Al, who usually does medley polkas, provided an actual original song about North Korea. “The song was created as a satirical de-escalation plea during a time of heightened nuclear tensions between the U.S. and North Korea.” -www.weirdal.com.
Lyrics
Would you annihilate us if you had the chance? That’s such an antisocial thing to do You’ve got us crapping our collective pants May I suggest you take it down a notch or two
We’re not exactly sure why you’re upset Did that Seth Rogen movie make you super mad? You’d like us if you got to know us i bet We’re mostly harmless decent people, hey we’re really not so bad
My point is! Please don’t nuke us North Korea Right now we’re all a little tense Believe me! We don’t hate you Frankly we don’t even think that much about you, no offense
Now you might call us “bloodthirsty dogs” But that metaphor’s not very apt Were just a bunch of simple fidget-spinning goofy dorks Who probably couldn’t find your country on a map
No we’re not savages or cannibals Well maybe just a really really really small percent So I think it would be best if you’d knock off those missile tests Don’t turn us into cinder while we’re swiping right on Tinder Don’t jump start Armageddon or our beds will soon be wetter Won’t you think this through for a moment please Now why would you bomb our nice celebrities? Oh why in the world would you kill Tom Hanks? Cause nobody doesn’t like Tom Hanks!
So! Please don’t nuke us North Korea That would seriously ruin our day Remember! We’re not evil psychotic monsters No matter what the news may say We’re just those goofballs from the U.S.A! (Please don’t nuke us) (Please don’t nuke us) (Please don’t nuke us) Hey!
Parody: “It’s All About the Benjamins” by Puff Daddy
Written: Sean Combs / Kimberly Jones / David Styles / Sean Jacobs / Jason Phillips / Christopher Wallace / Terry M. Etlinger / Linda Laurie / Deric Angelettie / Al Yankovic
Genre: Rap/Comedy
Topic: Computers
We enter the Top 20 of the Top 100 with one of Weird Al’s first examples of his skill in rapping.
Lyrics
It’s all about the Pentiums, baby Uhh, uh-huh, yeah Uhh, uh-huh, yeah It’s all about the Pentiums, baby It’s all about the Pentiums, baby It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) Yeah
What y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nine to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard? Workin’ at a desk with a dumb little placard? Yeah, payin’ the bills with my mad programming skills Defraggin’ my hard drive for thrills I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam Installed a T1 line in my house Always at my PC, double-clickin’ on my mizouse Upgrade my system at least twice a day I’m strictly plug-and-play, I ain’t afraid of Y2K I’m down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support It’s all about the Pentiums, what? You’ve gotta be the dumbest newbie I’ve ever seen You’ve got white-out all over your screen You think your Commodore 64 is really neato What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? You’re usin’ a 286? Don’t make me laugh Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half? You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette You’re the biggest joke on the Internet Your database is a disaster You’re waxin’ your modem, tryin’ to make it go faster Hey fella, I bet you’re still livin’ in your parents’ cellar Downloadin’ pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar And postin’ “Me too!” like some brain-dead AOL-er I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller You’re just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller
It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nine to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard?
Uh, uh, loggin’ in now Wanna run wit my crew, hah? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? They call me the king of the spreadsheets Got ’em all printed out on my bedsheets My new computer’s got the clocks, it rocks But it was obsolete before I opened the box You say you’ve had your desktop for over a week? Throw that junk away, man, it’s an antique Your laptop is a month old? Well that’s great If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight My digital media is write-protected Every file inspected, no viruses detected I beta tested every operating system Gave props to some, and others? I dissed ’em While your computer’s crashin’, mine’s multitaskin’ It does all my work without me even askin’ Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide I believe that your says “Etch-A-Sketch” on the side In a 32-bit world, you’re a 2-bit user You’ve got your own newsgroup, alt.total-loser Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax Where’d you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? Play me online? Well, you know that I’ll beat you If I ever meet you I’ll control-alt-delete you What? What? What? What? What?
It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nive to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard? What?
Written: Alfred Matthew Yankovic / Jerry Allan Horton / Tobin Esperance / Dave Buckner / Jacoby Dakota Shaddix
Songs included: “Last Resort,” “Chop Suey,” “Get Free,” “Hate To Say I Told You So,” “Fell In Love With A Girl,” “Last Nite,” “Down With The Sickness,” “Renegades Of Funk,” “My Way,” “Outside,” “Bawitdaba,” “Youth Of The Nation,” and “The Real Slim Shady.”
I am not sure that I had ever heard any of these songs prior to the polka, so it is always fun when I happen to hear a lyric from a song and i think, “Hey, that’s Weird Al’s song!”
Lyrics
Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don’t give a- if I cut my arm bleeding This is my last resort
‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine Nothing’s all right, nothing is fine I’m running and a-crying
Wake up (Wake up) Grab a brush and put a little make-up Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup Why’d you leave the keys upon the table? Here you go create another fable You wanted to Grab a brush and put a little makeup You wanted to Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup You wanted to Why’d you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to I don’t think you trust In my self-righteous suicide I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die D-d-die die die die die
Hey I’m gonna get free I’m gonna get free I’m gonna get free Ride into the sun She never loved me She never loved me She never loved me Why should anyone? Come here, come here, come here I’ll take your photo for ya Come here, come here, come here Drive you around the corner Come here, come here, come here You know you really oughta Come here, come here, come here Move out to California
Do what I want ’cause I can If I don’t because I wanna Be ignored by the stiff and the bored Because I’m gonna Hate to say I told you so (all right) Do believe I told you so Now it’s all out and you knew ‘Cause I wanted to
Fell in love with a girl I fell in love at once and almost completely She’s in love with the world But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading Can’t think of anything to do Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting She’s just looking for something new Yeah, I said it once before but it bears repeating, now
Last night, she said “Oh baby, don’t you feel so down” (feel so down) “When you turn me off “When I feel left out” So I (what’d you do?) Well, I turned around (right around) “Oh, baby, gonna be alright” (gonna be alright) It was a great big lie (big old lie) ‘Cause I left that night Yeah
Ooh ah ah ah ah Ooh ah ah ah ah Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate and let it flow into me Get up Come on get down with the sickness You mother get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Madness is the gift that has been given to me
We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk This time I’m’a let it all come out This time I’m’a stand up and shout I’m a do things my way It’s my way My way or the highway This time I’m’a let it all come out This time I’m’a stand up and shout I’m a do things my way It’s my way Or the highway
But I’m on the outside I’m looking in I can see through you See your true colors ‘Cause inside you’re ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you
Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are, we are The youth of the nation
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are the youth of the nation Hey
I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up
I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won’t the real Slim Shady please Please, please stand up
Slim Shady won’t you please stand up? (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) Shady, won’t you please stand up? Hey
With the corpse of Richard Warren officially gone, everything in Widow’s Bay is all peaches and flowers, right?
Maybe not.
Tom went to his house to deal with his son, Evan, who had all the pictures of his mom and wanted answers. Tom gave them to him, even though he did not want to do so. The father and son had some moments together when Tom gave Evan Red Sox tickets, signaling that they could leave the island.
We all knew that last week was too good to be true and, when Wyck showed up at Toms door with the message that it was not yet over, Tom’s face revealed how crushed he was, certainly because he was just making plans with his son to go to Boston for the weekend.
While this was going down, Patricia was being chased by the Boogeyman, the serial killer who killed a bunch of high school girls years before, and who tormented Patricia (though no one believed that this happened).
The Boogeyman pursued Patricia across Widow’s Bay in grand Michael Myers fashion. Patricia eventually dowsed him with gasoline and set him on fire. Unfortunately, the gas station attendant put him out with a fire extinguisher, thinking that he was doing the right thing. He learned his error as the Boogeyman grabbed him by the throat and threw him away violently.
Luckily, Patricia was able to shot him twice with a shotgun, but not before the former sheriff Bechir got slashed with a knife by the killer.
It was hilarious as Patricia kept the gun trained on the Boogeyman’s head the whole time, on the ambulance, in the morgue, as he went into the crematorium, and until he was nothing but ashes. That was really funny, but I would have shot him in the head immediately when he was down. Patricia was dedicated in making sure this killer was not coming back.
There are two more episodes in the first season of this awesome series. All eight episodes so far can be streamed on Apple TV +.
I used to like Malcolm in the Middle, though I never would say that I loved it. It was something that I watched when it was originally on ABC. I knew that there was going to be a new series featuring the returning cast on Hulu/Disney + and i was somewhat interested, but I had not gone out of my way to watch it. It came out in April and I saw it on Disney + a few times, but just never got around to watching it.
Finally, tonight I had an open evening and with only four episodes of the show to watch, I decided that I would finally watch it.
Overall, I am glad I did. However, I would not say that I loved it. There were parts that bugged me, and I am not sure I would have continued if it were a longer series. I do think that this was just the right amount of episodes at four.
The show did tell a specific story centered around Lois and Hal’s 40th wedding anniversary. Again, parts of the storyline was great and other parts were cringe. The final episode had a spectacular conclusion that was emotional and heartfelt and made everything else feel better.
I want to say immediately that I really found Leah, the daughter of Malcolm, played by Keeley Karsten, to be remarkably charming and a perfect fit for the role. The show cleverly gave Leah the ability to talk to the screen like Malcolm could do, narrating much of what was going on. It is obviously a trait passed along from father to daughter.
It was very funny, and well in character, that Malcolm had not ever told Hal and Lois that he had had a daughter, and so when they crashed his home because Malcolm had been avoiding the question about attending Lois & Hal’s big party, all of Malcolm’s lies came crashing down.
I am not sure how I felt about the whole Hal story arc of these episodes, but there is no denying that he came out a better person in the end. I was torn about the whole drug trip he went on (reminded me very much of the trip taken by Mayor Tom on Widow’s Bay), but there were some very funny moments within it.
I was sure that the role of Francis had been recast, but, according to IMDB, it was Christopher Masterson playing the role. I was shocked. I thought that the recast was very similar to Francis, but that it was clearly not him. I was in err on that. Turned out the only recast of the kids was Dewey, who was now played by Caleb Ellsworth-Clark instead of Erik Per Sullivan.
Jane Kaczmarek was giving me Candace Bergen feels as she returned to her multiple Emmy nominated role. You’ve got to appreciate how committed Bryan Cranston is to playing Hal, because he is clearly willing to do anything. They really work together as well.
I was very much split on the Malcolm/Lois confrontation in the men’s room. The toilet humor just did not work for me. I have never been a fan of this style of humor. I thought the writing of the scene between the two characters was outstanding though.
Some of the other characters from the show looked rough. I am not sure if that was intended or if the actors had had tough lives. I would hate to speculate on any of them. I am glad that they were here.
The revival of this show was hit and miss for me, but I am glad that I watched it and I might even watch another show, if they did any more.
Written: Ivonil Machado Da Silva / Paula Stefanovich/Al Yankovic
Songs in Medley: “Loser,” “Sex Type Thing,” “All I Want to Do,” “Closer,” “Bang & Blame,” “You Oughta Know,” “Bullet with Butterfly Wings,” “Buddy Holly,” “My Friends,” “I’ll Stick Around,” “Black Hole Sun,” “Basket Case.”
Lyrics
Soy un perdedor! I’m a loser, baby! So why don’t you kill me? Everybody! Soy un perdedor! I’m a loser, baby! So why don’t you kill me? HEY!
I am, I am, I am I said I wanna get next to you I said I’m gonna get close to you You wouldn’t want me have to hurt you too Hurt you too I know you want what’s on my mind I know you like what’s on my mind I know it eats you up inside I know, you know, you know, you know Here I come, I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come, I come
‘Cause all I wanna do is have some fun I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one All I wanna do is have some fun I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one All I wanna do is have some fun Until the sun comes up Over Santa Monica Boulevard
HELP ME! I broke apart my insides HELP ME! I got no soul to sell HELP ME! The only thing that works for me Help me get away from myself I wanna (BOING) you like an animal I wanna feel you from the inside I wanna (BOING) you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to god hey! Hey! Hey!
You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang Blame, blame, blame You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang It’s not my thing so let it go!
‘Cause that love that you gave that we made Wasn’t able to make it enough For you to be open wide, no And every time you speak her name Does she know how you told me you’d hold me Until you die, ’til you die But you’re still alive And I’m here to remind you Of the mess you left when you went away It’s not fair to deny me of the cross I bare that you gave to me you oughta know HEY!
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage And someone will say what is Lost can never be saved despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
I love all of you hurt by the cold So hard and lonely too When you don’t know yourself
I don’t owe you anything! I don’t owe you anything! I don’t owe you anything! I don’t owe you anything!
Black hole sun won’t you come And wash away the rain black hole sun Won’t you come, won’t you come Black hole sun, black hole sun Won’t you come Black hole sun, black hole sun Won’t you come Black hole sun, black hole sun
Do you have the time to listen to me whine About nothing and everything all at once? I am one of those melodramatic fools Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it Sometimes I give myself the creeps Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me It all keeps all adding up I think I’m cracking up And am I just Paranoid am I just stoned? Or am I just stoned?
Style Parody: The Jackson’s “State of Shock” (featuring Mick Jagger)
Title track to Weird Al’s first motion picture, UHF, which flopped at the box office, but reached cult classic level over the years since.
Lyrics
Put down your remote control, throw out your TV Guide Put away your jacket, there’s no need to go outside Don’t you know that we control the horizontal We control the vertical too We gonna make a couch potato out of you That’s what we going to do now
Don’t change the channel, don’t touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while We got it all on UHF (on UHF) Don’t worry ’bout your laundry, forget about your job (ah) Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob (ah) We got it all (we got it all), we got it all on UHF
Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink You better put away your homework, prime time ain’t no time to think All you do is make yourself a TV dinner Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna show you things you ain’t ever seen If you know what I mean, now
Don’t change the channel, don’t touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while We got it all on UHF (on UHF) Don’t worry ’bout your laundry, forget about your job (ah) Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob (ah) We got it all (we got it all), we got it all on UHF
You can watch us all day, you can watch us all night (ooh) You can watch us any time that you please (ooh) You can sit around and stare at the picture tube ‘Til your brain turns into cottage cheese, well, now
Don’t change the channel, don’t touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while We got it all on UHF (on UHF) Don’t worry ’bout your laundry, forget about your job (ah) You gotta crank up the volume and yank off the knob (ah) We got it all (we got it all), we got it all on UHF
We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF)
We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (we got it all, we got it)
We got it all on UHF (we got it, we got it all) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (ooh, on UHF) We got it all on UHF
Parody: I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Written: Jake Hooker / Alan Merrill / Alfred Yankovic
Genre: Rock ‘n’ Roll/Comedy
Topic: The love of ice cream, especially Rocky Road.
Special Appearance: “Musical” Mike Kieffer
Lyrics
I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school Yeah, but chocolate’s gettin’ old Vanilla just leaves me cold
There’s just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me Don’t gimme no crummy taste spoon I know what I need
Baby, I love rocky road So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road So, have another triple scoop with me, ow
They tell me ice cream junkies are all the same All the soda jerkers know my name When their supply is gone then I’ll be movin’ on But I’ll be back on Monday afternoon, you’ll see Another truck load’s comin’ in for me, all for me I’m singin’
I love rocky road So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road So, have another triple scoop with me, ow
Oh, make it talk
When I’m all alone, I just grab myself a cone And if I get fat and lose my teeth that’s fine with me Just lock me in the freezer and throw away the key Singing
I love rocky road So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road So, have another triple scoop with me
I love rocky road So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road So, have another triple scoop with
I love rocky road So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road So, have another triple scoop with
I love rocky road So, weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road So, have another triple scoop with me
EYG- Embrace Your Geekness 