Author Archives: Doc

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #8

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#8

Albuquerque

Title: “Albuquerque”

Album: Running With Scissors

Release: 1999

Style Pastiche: The Rugburns’ track “Dick’s Automotive.”

Genre: Hard-driving rock narrative

Length: 11 minutes and 23 sec.- longest song Weird Al ever officially released.

Topic: Albuquerque is the best place… and Weird Al hates sauerkraut.

This epic song is one of my absolute favorite songs. It is an absurdist piece of music with so much insanity squeezed into it. I saw Weird Al perform this life once and, during it, he came across the line where he said he “…lost his train of thought.” He then proceeded to restart the song to try and remember what he wanted to say. Absolutely hilarious. Of course, what he wanted to say was that “I HATE SAUERKRAUT!”

Lyrics

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry’s Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol’ bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said “Hey, mom, what’s up with all the sauerkraut?”
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said “It’s good for you”
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old

That’s when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy’s butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That’s right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, I’d never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin’ up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

‘Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin’ wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin’ along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It’s OK, they’re clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I’m just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say “Who is it?”
No answer
“Who is it?”
There’s no answer
“Who is it?”
They’re not sayin’ anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It’s some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I’m right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I’m like “Hey, you can’t have that”
“That snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me”
And he’s like “Tough”
And I’m like “Give it”
And he’s like “Make me”
And I’m like “‘Kay”
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I’ll tell you what it said

It said
“If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again”
“If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”
“If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again”
“If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says “Yeah, what do ya want?”
I said “You got any glazed donuts?”
He said “No, we’re outta glazed donuts”
I said “Well, you got any jelly donuts?”
He said “No, we’re outta jelly donuts”
I said “You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?”
He said “No, we’re outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts”
I said “You got any cinnamon rolls?”
He said “No, we’re outta cinnamon rolls”
I said “You got any apple fritters?”
He said “No, we’re outta apple fritters”
I said “You got any bear claws?”
He said “Wait a minute, I’ll go check”

“No, we’re outta bear claws”
I said “Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?”
He says “All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels”
I said “OK, I’ll take that”

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin’ me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin’ me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin’ through my head
I believe it went a little something like this

Doh
Get ’em off me
Get ’em off me
Oh
No, get ’em off, get ’em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get ’em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin’ my arms all around and just runnin’, runnin’, runnin’
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That’s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I’ll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said “Hey, you’ve got weasels on your face”

That’s when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said “Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?”
I said “Whoa, hold on now, baby”
“I’m just not ready for that kind of a commitment”
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that’s just the way things go

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin’ up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That’s right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin’ a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say “Hey, you want me to help you with that?”
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
“No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw”

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He’s like “Hey man, I was just being sarcastic”
Well, that’s just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud
Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what’s he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn’t had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over
And I’m like “Hey, come on, don’t you get it?”
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it’s kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I’m tryin’ to make here is

I hate sauerkraut

That’s all I’m really tryin’ to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol’ mixed-up universe of ours
There’s still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said “A” (A)
“L” (L)
“B” (B)
“U” (U)
“Querque” (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Source: LyricFind

Weird Al had lyrics on the inside of his albums, but for “Albuquerque” he said that there wasn’t enough room left for the lyrics.

EYG Comic Cavalcade #208

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June 20

New banner this week, getting rid of all those butterflies on the old one. Still very much fun making these, trying to hit upon important books from all of the publishers.

eBay sent me several Amazing Spider-Man books this week as I continue to try to complete my Vol. 2 collection. I have several more in the mail on its way, leaving me with three issues. With those three exceptions, I’ll have issue #195-today of Amazing Spider-Man soon. Too cool.

Comic of the Week

Rom #1 (Skybound)

I may be cheating this week as the Comic of the Week actually came out inside the MASK blind bags from a couple of weeks ago, but I just received my copy from eBay today and I loved it.

I was an old fan of Rom during the Marvel years and I was really excited to hear that Rom was joining the Energon Universe at Skybound. I wasn’t sure if this was just a Rom cover of the MASK#1 or if it were its own book, but when I scanned through the book after opening the packaging, I could tell that this was its own story. I loved that too. Rom has some adjustments from Robert Kirkman which work well and the new character “Carpet” is a fascinating addition. I can’t wait to see the mystery of Rom unfold moving forward in Void Rivals starting in issue #32.

Books This Week:

Land of Never #1. Written by Steve Orlando with art and cover A art by Miguel Mora. Variant cover B art was done by Sebastian Piriz. Jim Hoke’s daughter Wendy has been missing for years. Hoke believed that he saw a hulking figure take Wendy out of the window, but no one would believe him. In fact, Hoke is a suspect in her kidnapping. We’ve got some Peter Pan stuff going on here and I am here for it.

Something is Killing the Children #48. “All Her Monsters” Part Eight. Written by James Tynion IV with art and cover art by Werther Dell’Edera. We continue into the past with young Erica Slaughter trying to understand the hardest part of the House of Slaughter, killing off the witnesses, even if they happen to be children. Is the tragedy stoppable?

Amazing Spider-Man #31. Written by Joe Kelly with art by Patrick Gleason. Cover art was done by Patrick Gleason & Dean White. We get the TALK here. How can it be possible that Aunt May has an actual child with Ben Parker? This story goes back and forth between the story of May and her unknown birth and Spidey battling Vulture and Tombstone. This is one of the biggest, most major retcons to Spider-Man in the last few years. He has an actual cousin. How will this affect Peter Parker?

Uncanny X-Men #30. “Mars Needs Mutants” Written by Gail Simone with art by Rogê Antonio. Cover art was done by Luciano Vecchio & Matthew Wilson. More wild mutant action from the pen of Gail Simone. This has been one of the most consistent X-Men books of all and I have a huge respect for Gail.

Nightwing #139. “The Waterfront” Written by Dan Watters with pencils by Denys Cowan. Cover art was done by Jorge Fornes. Nightwing is still struggling to overcome his guilt over the highway incident from a few issues ago. With the new highway going through Bludhaven, a bunch of bodies show up in the water. Nightwing found a way to investigate these deaths which leads him to a church. This was a great issue and Nightwing is struggling with himself.

Of The Earth #2. “Chapter 2: Red Zone.” Written by Andrew Ehrich & Chris Condon with art and cover art by Charlie Adlard (Gold Medalist). The oil company sent a representative to investigate the strange things at the Winters’ Ranch. Chris Condon has become one of my favorite writers in comics today. He knows how to tell a story and build that mysteriousness and tension.

X-Men United #4. “Ancient Orc Oaken Arclight” Written by Eve L. Ewing with art by Tiago Palma. Cover art was done by Stefano Caselli & Federico Blee. I also picked up Cover C with art by Kris Anka (Bronze Medalist). The X-Men are doing a mysterious campaign… much like D & D, only in the X-Men style, they are actually doing it. Deathdream is in the group in the campaign and I do love that character.

Dog Tag #2. Written by Mark Russell with pencils by PJ Holden. Cover art was done by PJ Holden & JP Jordan. We follow Tom into his new assignment… leading a troop of survivors of D-Day into Europe on missions. The mission, go into the town St. Lo to see if the Germans have deserted it. Once they, they have to face their own moral thoughts. Dog Tag has been great the first two issue and another awesome Mad Cave book.

If Destruction Be Our Lot #2. Written by Matthew & Mark Elijah with art by Andy McDonald. Cover art was done by Andy McDonald & Francesco Segala. The Lincoln robot is out in trouble. After seeing a “human” at the end of last issue, the belief is that he is malfunctioning and requires a reboot. Maintenance is a horror show and ABE is on the run. The creativity is off the charts with this Image book.

The Trillion Dollar Kid #1. “Who are the Unbelievables? Part 1 of 4” Written by Geoff Johns & Peter J. Tomasi with art by Stefano Simeone. I grabbed cover B and its art was done by Ivan Reis, Danny Miki & Brad Anderson. The new book from Ghost Machine debuted this week, tying together the other books from this title including Hornsby & Halo and The Rocketfellers. Tommy Townsend is on quest to find thee other “Unbelievable” and it starts in this issue. Crossover alert!

Absolute Green Arrow #2. “The Longbow Killer” Part 2. Written by Pornsak Pichetshote with art by Rafael Albuquerque. Cover art was done by Rafael Albuquerque & Marcelo Maiolo. The wildness of the Absolute Green Arrow is huge. I loved this series, with how dark and mysterious it is. I am clearly not sure what is going on or who is doing this, and I love that.

Absolute Flash #16. “Gorilla City Part 1 of 2” Written by Jeff Lemire and art by Haining. Variant cover B art was done by Taurin Clarke. Wally and Grodd are reunited. Not sure that is a good thing. This Absolute Flash is excellent every issue. It is one of my favorite Absolute books every week. Good characters and fun story.

Absolute Batman #21. “The Straw Man Part 3” Written by Scott Snyder and art by Nick Dragotta. Cover art was done by Nick Dragotta & Frank Martin. We get the Absolute version of Two-Face this issue. Two Face is seen with shadowy figures from Bruce’s friends, who all seem to be villains. Oh, and there is the Joker (I think it was Joker..)

G.I. Joe #23. Written by Joshua Williamson with art by Andrea Milana. Variant cover G (B&W) was done by Tom Reilly. The Baroness and Destro have to team up and we get the secret origin of Risk.

Redcoat #18. Creators are Geoff Johns & Bryan Hitch. Variant Cover B art is done by Leonardo Colapietro. The truth comes out for Simon Pure. He tells his wife his own personal history and it might have cost him his family. Meanwhile, men of George Washington have captured Benedict Arnold. This is a dark moment for Simon and feels like the “Empire Strikes Back” part of the story. Redcoat is an outstanding book.

Wonder Man #4. “The-Four-Oh-Five” Written by Gerry Duggan and art by Laura Braga. Cover art was done by Luciano Vecchio. So…umm… Simon Williams and Patsy Walker take their relationship to new heights. Yes, they get naked and have sex… while flying in the air among the clouds. It was not what I expected to see in this book.

Imperial Guardians #4. Written by Dan Abnett with pencils by Eduardo Pansica. Cover art was done by Sean Izaakse & Nolan Woodard. The gimmick of having the members of the team addressing the world via camera, much like a reality show (like Big Brother). This is a great way to inject humor into the story as well as allowing the readers to know info that the rest of the cast does not. It is a clever addition to this comic.

The Punisher #5. “Under his Skin” Written by Benjamin Percy with art by Jose Luis Soares & Sergio Davila. Big battle issue as Frank squares off with Jigsaw. The brutality of their fight is what carries this issue through as much of the art is just panels of the two of them engaging in violence. The new Punisher book has been solid since its return to Marvel.

Drawing Blood #11. Written, drawn and cover art by Kevin Eastman. I loved this issue. Of course, I barely remember Drawing Blood, a 12-issue series, that debuted in April 2024. Issue #10 came out in January of 2026 while this issue came out in June. The length between these issues are really making it tough to maintain any real momentum for the book. It takes most of the first half of the story to refresh what everything that has happened. Only one more issue to go. I wonder what month it is scheduled to be released in?

Excommunicated #2. Written by Jeremy Robinson with art by Tiago Palma. Cover art was done by Flaviano. I also picked up the Unholy Body Bag (polybag) variant cover which was done by Tyler Crook. Former nun Josephine has to team up with the demon Edimmu to avoid an attack. That decision does not make things better for Josephine, as Vatican officials are on the case. Excommunicated, from Vault Comics, has been a welcomed addition to the horror comics that are all across the landscape of comics these days.

War Wolf #6. Written by Steve Orlando and art by Marco Perugini. Cover art was done by David Talaski. This issue gives us the true story of Bruin and how he stopped the original invasion of the Oorts. Apparently, the Bear is nowhere near as much of a hero as he had presented himself as. Can The Bear step up for earth for real this time? Who knows, but War Wolf has been a solid book from Mad Cave.

Kill Switch #2. Written by Sophia Bank & Don Handfield with illustration by Gabriel Ibarra. Cover art was done by Erwin Arroza & Gabriel Ibarra. It sure seems that everybody can figure out that Atlas is not Detective Kate Sloan. That included Agent Perez who apparently the real Kate Sloan. Mind f*cks galore in this Massive Comics series.

Other books this week: Deadly hands of K’un-Lun #5, Star Trek: The Last Starship #8, Justice League: Dream Girls: A DC Pride Event #1, The Beauty #6, Inglorious X-Force #6, Sorcerer Supreme #7, Absolute Green Lantern #15, and Supergirl: Survive #1

Quick Hits: I am a sucker for blind bags. I picked up the Marvel 616 blind bag this week, which included a black and white version of Doomquest #1 and a facsimile of Iron Man #149. There was also a Doom paper mask inside, which was fun to wear and yell “KNEEL BEFORE DOOM!” Not that I actually did that…. um… moving on. Hello Darkness #22 featured a new ongoing story from Ryan North of FF and Flash writing. I also grabbed a variant virgin cover that was the Silver medalist this week. Odin #2 came out this week and is just as wild and confusing as last time. You really have to give it James Tynion IV with forcing people to really check in with his writing. Big anniversary issue came out this week with Mad #600 with a great cover from EYG Hall of Famer Sergio Aragones. More deaths happening in Dead Teenagers #4 from Oni Press. And even more deaths in Smile: For the Camera #4. Tough time to be a model in that book. Two other Spider-Man books, besides Amazing, came out this week with Spider-Man: Long Way Home #1 where he faces off with Hulk and the Punisher for the Cosmic Cube, and Spider-Man: Brand New Day #2 where Spidey has to work alongside the Punisher. Paul Chadwick’s Concrete: Stars Over Sand #1 came out from Dark Horse this week, bringing Concrete back from Chadwick’s original series from the 1980s. We get the next What If book with What If…? The Mighty Thor #1 where Thor got the Venom symbiote in Secret Wars instead of Spidey. I like the fact that these What If books recently have Uatu back watching things. He was missed in the What If books like the Disney ones where the Watcher was not involved. What If is synonymous with the Watcher. Megalith: The Olympus Saga #2 gives us more giant megalith action from Bad Idea. When does a kidnapping become too much of a problem? When it is a kid? End of Life #5 sees h0w that plays out. A new one shot The Phantom vs. The Red Dragons #1 dropped this week and actually has a continuing story into an0ther one shot next month. I guess they were allergic to issue #2. The final issue of Magik & Colossus #5 came out and wrapped up this story for the Rasputin siblings. Then Bloodland #4 from Ignition Press has some head chopping goodness.

The Death of Robin Hood

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Hugh Jackman played Old Man Robin Hood, much like when he was Old Man Logan in the movie Logan. Except this time, he is playing the big time asshole Robin Hood, who, despite the mythology behind Robin Hood, the man who “robbed from the rich and gave to the poor,” we learned that he was anything but that person.

The film certainly wanted to deconstruct the story behind Robin Hood, and this film does a good job of doing that very thing. There was no sign of Kevin Costner anywhere around.

The movie had some very violent and brutal scenes so we could accept Hugh Jackman as this horrendous character. Hugh Jackman does a fabulous job in this role. You could see the conflict at times when Old Man Robin Hood was thinking back upon the violence that he perpetrated.

However, The Death of Robin Hood turned out to be very slow throughout the whole film, and, dare I say, more boring than not. The whole essence of the film was down and dark, bordering on depressing, and there was little to cheer for.

Faith Delaney, who played little Margaret, was a nice highlight and the few scenes we got between her and Jackman were good. I think they were supposed to help lead toward Robin Hood’s redemption, but I do not think that is what they did. However, they were pretty solid together.

The ending was meant to be more emotional than what it turned out to be, and the whole (SPOILER) death scene (SPOILER… although it is in the title of the movie) was not an awesome moment.

Overall, The Death of Robin Hood was an interesting idea, but I do not think the execution of this movie matched the potential premise. Hugh Jackman was great as always (so was Bill Skarsgård as Little John/Edward), but that upside just did not manage to maintain throughout the film.

2.7 stars

Sovereign (2025)

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June 20

Movie 20

I’m not sure how to feel about this one.

Sovereign was a film starring Nick Offerman and Jacob Tremblay that I found after an exhaustive search for a film this morning for the June Swoon 5. Nothing was tripping my trigger until I came across this movie on Hulu. I like both of the actors of this film (which also included Dennis Quaid) and it had a high Rotten Tomatoes score so I decided to put it on.

It was a film that I had a problem with becoming engaged with as the character played by Offerman, Jerry Kane, was such a brusque, unwavering individual with thoughts and opinions that were revolutionary or conspiratorial. It was clear that Jerry had been indoctrinating his son Joe (Tremblay) into his way of thinking, even though Joe did not always seem to be okay with the ideas.

Watching these two interact with the world and the eventual results of the choices was heartbreaking and very difficult to watch. The film certainly did not leave me with a positive feeling.

Both Nick Offerman and Jacob Tremblay played their roles brilliantly. There was a raw, visceral feel around the characters. Jerry stuck in his ways and lost in himself and Joe who could see a way out, but was tied to his father.

This film is based on a true crime drama and, as I said, I am split on it. I did not find the experience of watching Sovereign an enjoyable one, but the two main performances were so excellent that I am glad that I watched it. It did not leave me in a positive mindset, but there are a lot of strengths to the creation of the film including some wonder cinematography and direction that make the film special.

It is one of those movies that I am glad to have seen but never want to watch again.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #9

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#9

Skipper Dan

Title: “Skipper Dan”

Album: Alpocalypse

Released: 2009

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: Weezer

Genre: Pop/Rock

Topic: classically trained, aspiring actor who finds himself stuck working as a Jungle Cruise tour guide at Disneyland, reciting the ride’s notoriously corny, dated jokes -Wikipedia

This song’s path to the top 10 is a strange one. When I first heard this song, I thought it was kind of boring and I was not a fan. Somehow, it started growing on me. I’m not sure what it was that brought me to the point of having it in the Top 10 Weird A songs of all time, but I love it now. The story of the song is probably the key, and it is one of the least “humorous” songs of Al’s oeuvre. It is more of a tragic song than a funny one and, because of that, Skipper Dan stands out among Al’s originals.

Lyrics

I starred in every high school play
Blew every drama teacher away
I graduated first in my class at Juilliard
Took every acting workshop I could
And I dreamed of Hollywood
While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard

Hit the boards and paid my dues
And got phenomenal rave reviews
I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
I was sure that Tarantino would be callin’ me on the phone
Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
But the years have come and gone
And I’m sorry to say that’s not the way that it’s all worked out

I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin’ their ears
Just like they’ve done for the last 50 years
Now I’m laughin’ at my own jokes but I’m cryin’ inside
Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride

Oh, the critics, they used to say
I was the new Olivier
Thought I’d be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes
Aw, but don’t bother tryin’ to IMDB me
The only place you might possibly see me
Is ridin’ my little boat around Adventureland
It ain’t exactly what I planned

But I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I’m doin 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
I would’ve killed if I’d been in “Speed The Plow”
But what’s the difference, that’s all behind me now
Cause I’m payin’ the rent and I’m swallowin my pride
And I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride

I should be there on Broadway
Knockin’ ’em dead in “12 Angry Men”
But instead I’m here tellin’ these lame jokes
Again and again and again and again and again and again and again

Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!
That’s an African bull elephant
And there it is, the backside of water!
What have I done with my life?!

I should a listened when my grandfather said
“Why don’t you major in business instead?”
Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
And I’ll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin their ears
Somebody shoot me cause I’m bored to tears
Always said I’d be famous… I guess that I lied
Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride
I’m still workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride

Source: Musixmatch

Sarah’s Oil (2025)

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June 19

Movie 19

Today is Juneteenth and, in honor of the holiday, I watched a movie called Sarah’s Oil, which was a film that had been on my Amazon Prime watchlist for awhile now. It was on there for so long because it sounded as if it was not going to be a movie that I was not going to like.

However, it was such a great film. I was fully engaged and entertained by the story, the characters, and the relationship between Sarah and Bert. I was in on the show immediately, and the time of the film just flew by.

According to IMDB, “The remarkable true story of eleven year old Sarah Rector, an African American girl born in Oklahoma Indian Territory in the early 1900s, who believes there is oil beneath the barren land she’s allotted and whose faith is proven right.”

Naya Desir-Johnson does a tremendous job as the titular character. I loved how this character was well-spoken and intelligent and not serving any fools. She has great chemistry with Zachary Levi, who played Bert Smith, a Texas wildcatter and con man. This center relationship is important to the movie and, while it is a basic story, they fit very well together.

The prevalent racism of the time (Early 1900s in Oklahoma) is dealt with in this movie and, while it is not out front, the reach of it is felt throughout the story. It is under practically every scene, especially those with people in the town. It just felt as if that was the way it was.

The film was exciting and tense, even though it does feel kind of predictable. The biopic does a really great job of presenting this story in an entertaining way.

Naya Desir-Johnson would have made the list for the “I See Kid Actors” Award last December had I seen this. She doesn’t win the award, but she absolutely deserved to be recognized.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #10

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#10

The Saga Begins

Title: “The Saga Begins”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Parody: “American Pie” by Don McLean

Written: Don McLean/Al Yankovic

Topic: Star Wars: Episode 1-The Phantom Menace

Genre: Pop/Rock

And into the Top 10 we go…

Weird Al wrote this song before seeing any official script of the Phantom Menace because he was not allowed to see it. So he pieced it together with rumors and web sites. When he was able to attend a pre-screening, he was shocked to see that the song was mostly accurate, requiring only small rewriting.

Lyrics

A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack

But their response, it didn’t thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar-Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That’s where we found this boy

Oh my, my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later, now he’s just a small fry
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’, “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn’t even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force, they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he’s just nine and she’s 14
Yeah, he’s probably gonna marry her someday

Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I’ve heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it’s true
So we made a wager or two
He was a pre-pubescent flyin’ ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin’
My, my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later, now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’, “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midichlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy

Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance, to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
All training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said, “Now listen here”
Just stick it in your pointy ear
I still will teach this boy

He was singin’
My, my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later, now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’, “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi

We caught a ride back to Naboo
‘Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would’ve liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn’t long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day

And in the end some Gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin’
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he’s toast
Well, I’m still here, and he’s a ghost
I guess I’ll train this boy

And I was singin’
My, my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later, now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’, “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”
Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi

We were singin’
My, my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later, now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’, “Soon I’m gonna be a Jedi”

Source: Musixmatch

Toy Story 5

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Toy Story has to be considered one of the greatest franchises in the history of cinema. Five movies and they all are critically beloved. I was excited to see Toy Story 5 today.

Toy Story 5 is Jessie’s story. One of the questions I had was how they were going to Woody back to the group considering how Toy Story 4 ended, and I think they had a great way to get him there.

The balance of Bonnie’s room is thrown out when she gets a tablet called Lilypad. Suddenly Bonnie becomes focused on the screen and not on her toys.

The tech vs. toys story is interesting in this film, and definitely a worthy idea that needs to be investigated. I’m not sure it did much with that premise.

I had heard how emotional Toy Story 5 was and that I would require tissues. I was looking forward to having a good cry. However, I did not cry. I had a decent response to the emotional moments in the film, and maybe had a gulp once or twice, but there were no tears or even any tears forming in my eyes to brush away.

Now, I do not want to sound like I hated this movie, because I did not. There were plenty of things to really enjoy in the movie including the animation, which is as wonderful as always, the new characters, especially Conan O’Brien’s Smarty-Pants character, and the overall writing and humor involved.

Woody is my favorite Toy Story character, but sadly, he feels unnecessary for this movie. He was absolutely crammed in because Toy Story has to have Woody in it. It is always fun to hear Tom Hanks’s voice work, but Woody was dispensable to this story.

Toy Story 5 is going to end up being my lowest Toy Story movie on a ranking scale, but it is still a really great film with a lot of things going for it. I can see this being scored lower because it is a Toy Story movie. This would be better than most animated films of the year. Still, I came out of it liking the film, but not being in love with it.

4.1 stars

Descendent (2025)

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June 18

Movie 18

I found this movie while searching through Amazon Prime (technically it was on AMC +) for 2025 films that I missed. I had never heard of this movie, but the premise sounded intriguing so I put it on the June Swoon 5 playlist.

Descendent (which is a poor title in my opinion) was written and directed by Peter Cileila, starring Ross Marquand (Aaron from the Walking Dead, as well as a voice actor for the MCU) and Sarah Bolger.

According to IMDB, “A troubled LA school guard, haunted by family tragedy, experiences strange visions after a mysterious light appears in the sky. As his wife’s due date approaches, he races to face his demons before his growing obsession consumes him.“

I must warn you that this movie, though listed as sci-fi thriller, is really more of a character study and it does drag at times because of that. If you read that summary and thought the “mysterious lights” was going to accompany a lot of sci-fi moments, you would be incorrect. There are several sci-fi scenes, but it is not the core of the story.

That core is the psychological problems being dealt with by Sean (Ross Marquand) as his wife Andrea (Sarah Bolger) was having a baby. For me, these characters, especially Sean, were very intriguing and felt as if I wanted to know about them. Seeing how the sci-fi elements fit in the story was an extra treat.

Ross Marquand did a great job with the multiple issues facing Sean. He was confused and lost one moment and angry and off-balance the next. You wondered exactly what he might do during the whole film because of the traumas of his past.

I am not sure how I feel about the ending. The final shot made me wonder what was happening and disappointed that I would not find out.

This is a good film that makes a solid watch if you need something to do. I’m not sure it is worth searching out to see, but if you have AMC+ or can access it on Prime, it is worth it.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #11

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#11

First World Problems

Title: “First World Problems”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Released: 2014

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: The Pixies

Topic: The privilege of current world items

Lyrics

My maid is cleaning the bathroom, so I can’t take a shower
When I do, the water starts getting cold after an hour
I couldn’t order off the breakfast menu, cause I slept in till two
Then I filled up on bread, didn’t leave any room for tiramisu
Oh no, there’s a pixel out in the corner of my laptop screen
I don’t have any bills in my wallet small enough for the vending machine
Some idiot just called me up on the phone, what!? Don’t they know how to text? OMG!
I got

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems

I bought too many groceries for my refrigerator
Forgot my gardener’s name, I’ll have to ask him later
Tried to fast forward commercials, can’t, I’m watching live T.V
I’m pretty sure the cookies in this airport lounge ain’t gluten free
My barista didn’t even bother to make a design in the foam on the top of my vanilla latte

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems

Can’t remember which car I drove to the mall
My Sonicare won’t recharge, now I gotta brush my teeth like a neanderathal
The thread count on these cotton sheets has got me itching
My house is so big, I can’t get WiFi in the kitchen
Uh, I had to buy something I didn’t even need just
So I could qualify for free shipping on Amazon

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems

Source: LyricFind

Widow’s Bay S1 E10

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Spoilers

“We Hope You Enjoyed Your Time”

Widow’s Bay has been one of the best shows on TV recently. The Apple TV show was a real surprise with how wonderful it was. A wonderful blend of comedy and horror, Widow’s Bay ended their first season with a big twist.

All season long, I was making references to LOST with this show, and this episode drove those references wildly. We get a shot of what looked exactly like the moment when the hatch was opened and they were looking down the shaft. This was with Evan and his friends looked down the shaft. I recognized that shot right away.. it was just missing Jack and John looking down.

Another LOST allusion was the discovery of the film cannister explaining how to sacrifice people to the island. I said out loud after that scene ended that “We need to watch that again” which was a famous line said by both John Locke and Mr. Eko in LOST. This film in this episode was right out of the Dharma Initiative training.

There is also major issues about births on the two shows. On LOST, women could not successfully give birth on the Island and on Widow’s Bay, children born on the island can not leave or they would die. Just the idea that both shows refer to the Island as if it were a real person is a connection that is here.

There are times when I see things that remind me of LOST that are probably not there, or are just my own over-analysis. These are not the case. I refuse to believe that this is anything but an homage to LOST.

The whole Ruth is the final descendent of Richard Warren storyline brought us the big twist. The whole time Tom was in her house, preparing to do her in, I was holding my breath, hoping beyond all hope that he would not kill her. When Bechir left the bunker, I knew what he was going to do. The show tried to make you think that he was going to try and prevent Tom from killing Ruth, but I could see his motivation coming. I was shocked though when he shot her in the back of the head (apparently only glancing, though).

Making Ruth the “secret-mother” of Tom’s wife Lauren was a stroke of genius, which means, of course, that Evan is the last surviving descent of Warren, which immediately switches Tom’s motivation. It is probably a major storyline moving into season 2.

Ruth seemed to be able to survive all of these murder attempts, not falling victim to Tom’s tea poison and not dying after the sheriff shot her in the head. I sure hope she did survive the night, because she was awesome and who else is going to help Deidre up and down her steps?

Does that bell ringing at the end of the episode mean that the island wants 8 more sacrifices? That is sure what I took from it. I assume that Kenny was the first sacrifice, which is why the storm subdued in such a rapid fire moment.

Matthew Rhys was astonishing in this role all season, but his performance here was Emmy worthy.

I hope we do not have to wait too long for season two. The show has been renewed for a second season and no show on TV deserves one more than Widow’s Bay.

EYG Favorite Comic Covers of the Week

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June 17

This week, I decided to make sure that we only had three medal winners this week instead of having ties for each medal like last week. That was just excessive.

Also-Rans: Odin #2, Absolute Batman #21, GI Joe #23 (B&W variant), Something is Killing the Children #48 (variant cover B), The Trillion Dollar Kid #1 (B Cover), Land of Never #1, Dog Tag #2, Nightwing #139, Smile: For the Camera #4.

Bronze Medalist

X-Men United #4

Variant Cover C

Cover art by Kris Anka

Woof.

This is an absolutely stunning cover featuring Emma Frost. I have always enjoyed the white background and … I mean… look.

Silver Medalist

Hello Darkness #22

Variant Virgin Cover

Cover art by Anwita Citriya

So very creep and a beautifully demented cover with the red tint makes the decapitation so much fun.

Gold Medalist

Of The Earth #2

Cover art by Charlie Adlard

Another beautifully creepy cover. I loved the look of the bird flying across the sun. The creepy hand coming out of the ground is great.

Hallow Road (2025)

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June 17

Day 17

This morning, I watched a psychological thriller/horror film called Hallow Road, and it disturbed me. It was tense and taught, but I am not sure how I feel about the ending.

According to IMDB, “Two parents enter a race against time when they receive a distressing late-night phone call from their daughter after she caused a tragic car accident.”

The film featured two outstanding performances at the center of the story from Rosamund Pike and Matthew Rhys. When I saw Matthew Rhys attached to this film, I was excited as I am truly enjoying his work on Apple TV’s Widow’s Bay. I did not realize that Rosamund Pike was involved until the movie was underway.

Both Rhys and Pike were amazing as panicked parents responding to their daughter’s desperate phone call in the middle of the night. They each showed the entire gamut of emotions as the situation grew worse. Most of the movie took place with the parents inside their car, speaking to their daughter on the phone. The helplessness they felt came through with every new revelation and every unexpected twist.

When it became clear that this movie was taking a shift from compelling family drama into something more mysterious, I was not sure how to feel. While, the unnatural story beats worked as a surprise, I am not sure that it was the route I wanted to see the movie take. It was a sudden shift that, while teased, felt like it came out of nowhere.

However, the film was full of suspense the entire time and the result at the end was powerful. I wonder how powerful it could been if it did not have the twist of story.

The fantastic acting of Pike and Rhys carries this movie and they alone are reasons to see it. I found this on Hulu after a friend’s review from earlier this year.