The Crash

Next up came a documentary on Netflix that looked at the story of a crash that cost the life of two boys and the trial of the driver, a teenage girl suspected of crashing her car intentionally in an attempt to murder her boyfriend.

The Netflix doc focused on Mackenzie Shirilla, an Ohio teenager who was behind the wheel of the car crashed into a brick house, killing her boyfriend Dominic Russo and friend, Davion Flanagan.

We got to hear from all of the family members of the three kids, including Shirilla’s father, who was wearing a tee-shirt with the word “BOOM” on it, in what had to be one of the dumbest wardrobe choices in the history of TV.

The doc laid out the case against Mackenzie Shirilla, giving info from both sides of the case, however it did feel as if the prosecution side was given more compelling moments.

There are several questions that were brushed aside that may have been significant. Mackenzie was not a very likable girl, at least from what we saw. Her persona may have been why she chose to forego a jury trial, which I think was a big mistake. The defense attorney did not seem to be remarkably competent in his defense as there were things that could have/should have been brought up that were not. Of course, we did not see the full defense and only see what the documentarians chose t include.

It is a fascinating story and I am not sure what side I fall on. I can absolutely say that, as the driver, Mackenzie Shirilla was responsible, but was she attempting to kill Dominic in the process? I am not sure.

3.75 stars

Exit 8

Exit 8 was another film that I could have seen in the theater, but could not make it fit the schedule. So I rented it today on Fandango at Home. The Japanese sci-fi/thriller is one of the best movies that I have seen in 2026.

According to IMDB, “A man trapped in a endless sterile subway passageway sets out to find Exit 8. The rules of his quest are simple: do not overlook anything out of the ordinary. If you discover an anomaly, turn back immediately. If you don’t, carry on. Then leave from Exit 8. But even a single oversight will send him back to the beginning. Will he ever reach his goal and escape this infinite corridor?

This movie engaged me so much, I was literally yelling at my computer screen, wanting the characters to follow my instructions. It was a simple set up with a complex morality tale. I absolutely loved this film and the experience of watching it.

The film was in Japanese, but the dialogue was limited, which made it a breeze to follow along with the subtitles.

Kazunari Ninomiya was our main protagonist whose point of view we start with in the very beginning of the movie. His eyes were literally the camera to the scenes we were watching. However, that does not last long as the POV switched once he was inside the subway corridor.

There was also the “Walking Man,” played by Yamato Kochi and the Boy, played by Naru Asanuma. The young actor does a sensational job with nearly zero dialogue. To be honest, I am not sure I understood the Walking Man’s role in this narrative, but that did not stop me from being invested in the characer.

Based on a video game, Exit 8 had me looking for every little detail and found me frustrated when the characters did not see the same.

The ending of the film had me screaming out loud, first in desperation and then in joyousness. It was beautifully shot and made me extremely happy.

I loved this movie. I did not expect that this was going to be one of the best movies I would see in 2026, but I am so pleased that I took the chance with a Japanese film.

5 stars

They Will Kill You

Happy Memorial Day. With the day off school, I am using today to catch up on a bunch of films, now on streaming, that I have not yet seen in 2026. The first film up today is a horror/action/comedy movie called They Will Kill You starring Zazie Beetz.

I had seen the trailer for this film in the theaters, but it only lasted like a week or so in the theaters and I did not get to see it. Honestly, I did not think I would miss it much. It did not seem to be my cup of tea. However, after watching the film this morning, I have to say that I was wrong. This was a heck of a good time.

According to IMDB, “A woman takes a job as a housekeeper in a NYC high-rise, unaware of the building’s history of disappearances. She soon realizes the community is shrouded in mystery.”

That synopsis does not do justice to this story, which, admittedly, is rather thin and coincidental. Still, this is not one of those films where you go in expecting a deep and fully developed story. There was just enough background in the film to make the action and brutality to come understandable.

Zazie Beetz is sensational in her violent, bad ass way. After her first scene in her room inside the building, the shocking reveal of what was going on was out of nowhere and I was here for it.

The rest of the cast was fun, featuring some reasonably big names including Patricia Arquette, Tom Felton, Heather Graham, Myha’la, James Remar, and Paterson Joseph.

I found much of the film very funny. Again, this movie does an admirable job of blending tones through the film. It has comedic beats that feel like they work well with the gory horror moments and the action/adventure moments. It is not easy to blend tones and more movies that try to do it fail than succeed. They Will Kill You is one that makes it look easy.

I wish I had seen this on the big screen. I think the violence would have popped all the more. Still, I enjoyed renting this on Fandango at Home and it kicked off today’s binge in a exciting and dramatic manner.

3.8 stars

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #35

#35

Party in the CIA

Title: “Party in the CIA”

Album: Alpocalypse

Released: 2011

Parody: “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus

Written: Lukasz Gottwald / Claude Kelly / Jessica Cornish/Al Yankovic

Genre: Pop/Comedy

Topic: The dark, cloak-and-dagger operations of the Central Intelligence Agency

The dark comedic song is in direct opposition to the happy, upbeat music. This is a ton of fun and the animated video that was released with the song was hilarious.

Lyrics

I moved out to Langley recently
With a plain and simple dream
Wanna infiltrate some third-world place
And topple their regime

Those men in black with their matching suitcases
Where everything’s on a need-to-know basis
Agents got that swagger
And everyone so cloak and dagger

I’m feeling nervous but I’m really kinda wishing
For another undercover mission
That’s when the red alert came on the radio
And I put my earpiece on
Got my dark sunglasses on
And I had my weapon drawn

So I get my handcuffs, my cyanide pills
My classified dossier
Tapping the phones like, yeah
Shredding the files like, yeah

I memorized all the enemy spies
I’ve got to neutralize today
Yeah, it’s a party in the CIA
Yeah, it’s a party in the CIA

I’ve done a couple of crazy things
That have almost gotten me dismissed
Like terminate some head of state
Who wasn’t even on my list

Burn that microfilm, buddy, will you?
I’d tell you why but then I’d have to kill you
You need a quickie confession?
Well, start a water boarding session

No hurry on this South American dictator
I’ll assassinate him later
That’s when he walked right in my laser sights
And my silencer was on
And my silencer was on
And another target’s gone

Yeah, we’ve got black ops all over the world
From Kazakhstan to Bombay
Paying the bribes like, yeah
Plugging the leaks like, yeah

Interrogating the scum of the earth
We’ll break them by the break of day
Yeah, it’s a party in the CIA
Yeah, it’s a party in the CIA

Need a country destabilized?
Look no further, we’re your guys
We’ve got snazzy suits and ties
And a better dental plan than the FBI’s

Better put your hands up and get in the van
Or else you’ll get blown away
Staging a coup like, yeah
Brainwashing moles like, yeah

We only torture the folks we don’t like
You’re probably gonna okay
Yeah, it’s a party in the CIA
Yeah, it’s a party in the CIA

Source: Musixmatch

Toy Story (1995)

I was watching a YouTube watch along with Toy Story, the original from 1995 and I realized that I had never reviewed Toy Story (or Toy Story 2 or Toy Story 3) at EYG. With Toy Story 5 coming up later this summer, I thought this would be a great idea to watch and review these absolute classic films.

Spoilers: Toy Story is epic!

The arrival of Buzz Lightyear, a special action figure, in Andy’s room throws off the balance of power among the other toys, who are able to come to life when Andy is not watching. Cowboy Woody, who was always Andy’s favorite toy, felt the pressure of the new toy and reacted with a lot of jealousy, which put both of the toys in jeopardy.

This movie is so great. It is brilliantly constructed in the writing, so clever and funny. The movie is able to put these toys into situations that everyone could relate with and built some of the best animated characters of all time. The relationship between Buzz and Woody developed naturally and believably, and the remainder of the toys in Andy’s room added so much to the comedy and the overall storyline.

Tom Hanks is absolutely perfect as Woody, and I can’t think of another voice over actor that could be better as Buzz Lightyear than Tim Allen. The rest of the voice cast included classic actors such as Don Rickles, Annie Potts, Jim Varney, Wallace Shawn, John Ratzenberger, Laurie Metcalf, and John Morris.

The animation is spectacular. Everything looked so amazing that you believed that these toys were coming to life.

The showdown with the misfit toys, Woody and Sid was just tremendous. The writing on this was so wonderful and it showed Woody finally as the leader that he was and not the jealous toy wishing he was better than Buzz.

The Randy Neuman music is amazing too and the theme “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” could not be more perfect.

I am so happy that I was able to watch this on Disney + and I am looking forward to seeing Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 3 (which is one of my favorite movies of all time) again.

EYG Comic Cavalcade #204

May 24

Happy Memorial Day to everyone. Take the time to remember those who you have lost and those who have meant something to you.

There was a rush of great new #1 issues this week across all of the companies. They were all cool stories and original concepts.

Comic of the Week

Absolute Green Arrow #1

I admit that this may not have been my favorite new book of the week, but I do think taking into consideration that this is the hottest book out there right now should be part of the decision. And this is the hottest book out this week, by far.

Of course, it is also an excellent new addition to the Absolute line of books in DC Comics. The re-imagining of Green Arrow is creative and original, showing a great deal of imagination. This is currently a six issue mini series, but I could see it expanding, especially if it remains as successful as it has been.

Books this week:

Of The Earth #1. “Road/Kill” Written by Chris Condon & Andrew Ehrich with art and cover art by Charlie Adlard. Tabitha ‘Tabby’ Black returned to her quiet hometown of Solitude, Texas and the comfort of her gramma’s home. There is something going on with the oil fields, something horrifying. This was probably my personal favorite book for the week. It is another winner from Image Comics.

Zorro #1. “Dark Age Part One” Written by Howard Chaykin with art and cover art by Jorge Fornes. I also picked up the variant cover C by Juan Ferreyra. The legendary warrior Zorro returns to the action, taking on the forces of Napoleon. Published by Alien Books, the new Zorro book is off to a great start.

Seven Wives #1. Written by Zoe Tunnell with art by V Gagnon. Cover art was done by Mirka Andolfo. The new IDW Crime mini series arrived this week with a murder mystery of a cult leader, with his seven wives as the main suspects. This was a cool first issue and I am excited to see where it goes.

Odin #1. Written by Marguerite Bennett & James Tynion IV with art by Letizia Cadonici. Cover art was done by Alex Eckman-Lawn. Any time you see the name James Tynion IV attached to a project, the chances of it being awesome would be high. Odin certain falls into that category. It is a creepy horror story with some truly disturbing moments. This one looks great.

Babylon Cove #1. Written by Rafer Roberts and art and cover A art by Joe Eisma. Another horror based book, this time from Mad Cave. Heather has to return to her home town to attend the funeral of her father, but, as so many small towns are, this one is filled with shocks and supernatural problems.

Reborn Ultimate Impact #1. Written by Chris Condon with art by Stefano Caselli. Cover art was done by Ben Harvey. Miles Morales returned from the Ultimates universe with a bunch of “origin boxes.” These are boxes that can give someone super powers. Unfortunately, the Spot has other ideas for these boxes. The boxes are released and the superpowers find a series of new people.

Kill Switch #1. Written by Sophia Banks & Don Handfield with illustrations by Gabo Ibarra. Cover art was done by Erwin Arroza & Gabo Ibarra. It is Los Angeles 2067 and someone is jumping into the bodies of a series of individuals, finding code words, and then jumping out. The problem is the only way to jump out of the body is to do it at the moment of death. This is a great sci-fi start to an intriguing concept that I want to see play out. This is from Thunder Comics which is published by Amp.

Narco #3. Written by Doug Wagner and art by Daniel Hillyard. Cover art was done by Daniel Hillyard & Dave Stewart. I also picked up cover B by Daniel Hillyard & Dave Stewart (Gold Medalist). Marcus continues to be in trouble as he tries to figure out what happened to his girlfriend Jess. He decided to prove that he did not murder her, but things just do not want to go his way. This book has been one of my favorites of the month so far.

Amazing Spider-Man #29. Written by Joe Kelly with art by guest artist Pete Woods. Cover art was done by Mark Bagley & Marte Gracia. Peter is out on an apology tour, as well as trying to find the proof that he actually does have a mystery cousin. Meanwhile a new danger starts to spread across the city. This featured the birth of Spore.

Jessica Jones: Alias-Red Band #3. Written by Sam Humphries with art by Geraldo Borges. Cover art was done by David Mack. Jessica Jones and Typhoid Mary continue their on-again-off-again partnership, but you should probably wonder if teaming up with someone named Typhoid Mary is a wise choice. This was the weakest of this series so far, so I hope the rest picks it back up.

X-Men: United #3. “The Loneliest Ghost” Written by Eve L. Ewing with art by Tiago Palma. Cover art was done by Stefano Caselli & Federico Blee. The X-Men and Captain America are in search for Maurice Canfield, a previous super soldier test subject, but they found someone else instead.

Fantastic Four #11. “Future’s Foundation” Written by Ryan North with pencils by Pat Boutin. Cover art was done by Humberto Ramos & Edgar Delgado. Ben Grimm has been feeling dumb, especially in comparison to the others in the FF. Ben’s troubles leads to him coming up with the concept for the new Future Foundation. I enjoyed this Thing-centric issue as we get another side besides the “It’s Clobberin’ Time” side to Ben Grimm.

Nectar #3. Written by Jeremy Robinson with art by Annapaola Martello & Francesco Francini. Cover art was done by Chris Shehan. The plague continues to spread and Amos and Lillian are trying to prevent it from spreading off the island. Unfortunately, Pastor Grant has a more religious manner of looking at it… send the infected to God… with a shotgun to the head. Nectar picked up the pace even more this issue.

Nightwing #138. “The Forest” Written by Dan Watters with pencils by Denys Cowan. Cover art was done by Jorge Fornes. Nightwing is having a crisis of faith after the highway crash and the witch of Bludhaven escaped him. With Barbara Gordon in prison, he called Starfire for support.

Venom #238. Written by Al Ewing with art by Carlos Gomez. Cover art was done by Carlos Gomez & Frank Martin. Peter and Mary Jane start to clear the air after Paul’s funeral. It apparently is what MJ needed as she and the symbiote bonded in a new way. Now Venom has long red hair. I am not sure how I feel about this either. I was never a fan of Jackpot, but this is taking it another step. I probably am done picking up Venom, which I only started buying because of the Death Spiral storyline.

Rocketfellers #0. Written by Peter J. Tomasi with art and cover art by Francis Manapul. This #0 issue for Rocketfellers is part of the prelude for the crossover story “The Unbelievables” that is coming up from Ghost Machine. It will be including Halo and Hornsby as well as some new characters. This takes us back when the family first arrived in the past.

Imperial Guardians #3. Written by Dan Abnett with pencils by Marcelo Ferreira. Cover art was done by Sean Izaakse & Nolan Woodard. The Imperial Guardians are trying to “rescue” a scientist/inventor who came up with an algorithm that is in real demand. They have to face off with the Shi’ar for him. I have to say that I really have enjoyed this comic so far. Some of the characters have not been my favorites over the years, but they all seem to work well together.

Neighborhood Watch #2. Written by Sarah Gailey and illustrated and cover art by Haining. Is she Jill? Is she Cassie? Why is this woman living a dual life? This mystery continues to be fire as Bianca and Val try to deduce the reasoning behind their friend’s big lie… and who tried to kill her.

Absolute Flash #15. “…Of Things to Come” Written by Jeff Lemire with art and cover art by Nick Robles. Future Wally comes back in using the speed force (or something like it) to warn himself as a young hero that he must give up the search for his father… or a terrible future is bound to happen. Young Wally does not listen. The Absolute Flash has been a consistently good read, mainly because the writing from Jeff Lemire has been spot on.

Rafael Garcia: Henchman #3. Written by Peter Murrieta & D.E. Schrader with art by Ben Herrera. Cover art was done by Gustaffo Vargas. This has been a hoot of a series so far, and this issue included a centerfold of Rafael in speedos. Rafael’s crew had to run into the super heroes of the time, the Justice Battalion. Very funny.

Other Books this Week: Wolverine: Weapons of Armageddon #4, Inglorious X-Force #5, American Caper #7 (Bronze Medalist), Sai Dimensional Rivals #5, Moonstar #3, Deadly Hands of K’un-Lun #4, and Escape from Skull Island #4.

Quick Hits: Everyone Loves a Jewel Thief #2 came out this week with a cover B that earned a silver medal. Rogue #5 came to an end, though I am not sure it was a satisfying ending for a series that I had been enjoying. Wanda, Wiccan and Somnus have to battle Nightmare inside Billy’s head in Sorcerer Supreme #6. How do they beat him? How about waking everybody up at once? Novel idea. I wonder if they are ever changing the name to Sorceress Supreme? The Punisher #4 is showing Frank Castle as a serious psycho in my opinion. He has very little empathy for anyone right now. Course, when going after Jigsaw, maybe empathy gets in the way. G.I. Joe #22 introduces a man named Crystal Ball, who has his own plans for Energon. Dead Teenagers #3 sees some more death and our crew hoping to avoid it this time. Murder Podcast #7 from Ignition Press keeps building the suspense for the finale next issue. Smile: For the Camera #3 was very solid this week as we focus in on these sad models and their horrible boss. Meanwhile, they keep dying from the smile curse. I am really rooting for Ivy. End of Life #4 from the Vertigo imprint has a hero that I think is anything but. Barbarians Behind Bars #4 sees our main barbarian finally able to communicate with his lawyer. And then, Racer X #7 sees Racer X win a race. I know, shocking right?

Sunday Morning Sidewalk #70

Spoilers

Hulk Hogan: Real American

Episode 2: Hulkamania

The second episode of the Netflix documentary Hulk Hogan: Real American featured the time frame from when Hogan returned to the, at the time, WWF through his winning of the championship all the way to reclaiming the title from Sgt. Slaughter at Wrestlemania 7.

There was so much covered during this hour episode. In his career, it looked at Wrestlemania I, Wrestlemania III, Wrestlemania VI and VII. In his family, it looked at his marriage to Linda and the birth of his two children Brooke and Nick. All with Hogan doing voice overs and narration.

We got an interview from President Donald Trump speaking about what a great guy Hulk Hogan was.

Much like last week, the negative things about Hogan during these years (Richard Beltzer, Road Schedule, drug use) were addressed but just surface. There was interesting part about Hogan’s brother showing up, asking for money, only to wind up overdosing. There were some real emotions coming from Hogan in this section of the doc, but he did not want to go into depth on it either. It clearly still affected him even after this many years.

The doc seemed to go back to the time when everyone would bash the Ultimate Warrior. There was a time when the Warrior was back in the good graces of the WWE but the section on the Warrior and Wrestlemania VI felt more like the Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior, a WWE produced doc that bad mouthed Warrior the whole time.

Next week’s Sunday Morning Sidewalk sounded as if it was progressing into the negative time of the steroid trial. I am interested to see how this doc, which has been very heavily positive toward Hogan (even long time critics such as Jess Ventura and Bret Hart were recorded saying positive things about him), deals with this time of Hogan’s life.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #36

#36

Don’t Download This Song

Title: “Don’t Download This Song”

Album: Straight Outta Lynwood

Released: 2006

Written: Al Yankovic

Genre: Comedy pop/Gospel

Style Pastiche: “We Are the World”, “Voices That Care”, “Hands Across America”, “Heal the World” and other similar charity songs

Topic: The illegal downloading of music from the internet

One of the more out of date Weird Al songs, Don’t Download This Song is still a personal favorite. Even with the song involving things that are not things anymore, this is funny and a great musical song.

Lyrics

Once in a while maybe you will feel the urge
To break international copyright law
By downloading MP3’s from file sharing sites
Like Morpheus or Grokster or LimeWire or KaZaA
But deep in your heart you know the guilt would drive you mad
And the shame would leave a permanent scar
‘Cause you start out stealing songs, and then you’re robbing liquor stores
And selling crack and running over school kids with your car

So don’t download this song
The record store’s where you belong
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh don’t download this song

Oh you don’t want to mess with the RIAA
They’ll sue you if you burn that CDR
It doesn’t matter if you’re a grandma or a seven year old girl
They’ll treat you like the evil, hard bitten criminal scum you are

So don’t download this song
Don’t go pirating music all day long
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should
Oh, don’t download this song

Don’t take away money from artists just like me
How else can I afford another solid gold Humvee?
And diamond studded swimming pools, these things don’t grow on trees
So all I ask is everybody, please

Don’t download this song (don’t do it, no, no)
Even Lars Ulrich knows it’s wrong (you can just ask him)
Go and buy the CD like you know that you should (you really should)
Oh, don’t download this song

Don’t download this song (Oh please don’t you do it)
Or you might wind up in jail like Tommy Chong (remember Tommy)
Go and buy the CD (right now) like you know that you should (go out and buy it)
Oh don’t download this song

Don’t download this song (no no no no no no)
Or you’ll burn in hell before too long (and you’d deserve it)
Go and buy the CD (just buy it) like you know that you should (ya cheap bastard)
Oh, don’t download this song

Source: LyricFind

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu

It has been seven years since we got a new Star Wars film on the big screen. That last film was the much maligned Rise of Skywalker, which most of the fanbase either disliked it or outright hated.

However, the Disney + show, The Mandalorian, has been popular over the first three seasons, and the announcement of the next movie being a continuation of the show received mixed responses. The character of Grogu, who was known first as Baby Yoda, was a phenomenon in pop culture and was suddenly everywhere.

With the new film, starring Pedro Pascal as The Mandalorian, we get a mixed bag of a movie with some positives and some negatives that does not feel like a return to the big screen for Star Wars. It really does feel like a TV season crammed into two hours of a film.

Start with the positives. I love these two titular characters and I love the idea of spending more time with them. However, if I had not already watched three seasons of TV, I might not understand what was going on. The film does not spend much time setting up the relationship between Mando and Grogu. It just feels as if they are expected to know it.

The action sequences are mostly excellent. The beginning sequence, in particular, was exceptional. I did enjoy much of the action of the film.

The CGI had its moments, but there were also moments of CGI that were not well done. Some of the green screen (or is it The Volume?) was painfully apparent and below what one would expect from this franchise.

The story feels stitched together among the different moments of the script. There are things that happen in the film that show up out of nowhere and does not play much of a part in the film. There was a scene with a creature in the woods that helps out Grogu that feels like the character was going to be more significant than it turned out to be. It is possible that this character is known in the Star Wars universe and I am not recognizing the Easter egg.

The middle of this film was pretty boring and repetitive. There is only so many times that I need to see Grogu steal some food to eat.

Interestingly enough, they never once call the Mandalorian by his name Din Djarin, referring to him as Mando instead.

Sigourney Weaver is in the film, doing little. Jeremy Allen White voiced Rotta the Hutt, a character that debuted in the animated programs. Much of the dialogue of this film was not great and fairly surface level at best.

The best part of the film was the score by Ludwig Göransson, who has won an Academy Award. The score was very engaging.

The Mandalorian and Grogu is an okay movie. I liked much of the film, but I do not think that it elevated my enjoyment of any of the characters or the franchise. It was okay. I did not come out of this hating it, but there just is not anything that I feel needed to be on the big screen.

3 stars

Widow’s Bay S1 E5

Spoilers

“What to Expect on Your Trip”

After finding the body of Reverend Bryce hanging in his office, Tom, Wyck and Patricia find a mysterious phone number in Bryce’s phone that he called multiple times. It turned out that this was one of Patricia’s old classmates who supplied drugs to people.

Specifically, there was a drug called the “True sight” drug that Todd, Patricia’s old classmate who, when Tom calls him a drug dealer, responded with “I’m a shaman.” And yes… that’s cocaine.

This was a drug trip episode for Mayor Tom and it was hilarious. Matthew Rhys does a wonderful job as playing this incredibly stoned individual, bouncing around to different places in the city, trying to mitigate the chaos of the town being mad about the curfew ruining the night of the fireworks.

We also get Evan sneaking out with his friends yet again and heading to the serial killer’s house, nearly heading inside.

We get flashbacks to when Tom’s wife died in childbirth… after they had attempted to leave the island for the first time.

Another excellent episode of the Apple TV + show. I laughed multiple times while the show is still able to create tension and anxiety about the mysterious island and the curse that it has succumbed to.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #37

#37

Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me

Title: “Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me”

Album: Alpocalyse

Release: 2011

Written: Al Yankovic

Genre: Dramatic, Theatrical Rock

Style Parody: Jim Steinman

Topic: Sending stupid things across the internet/email

Lyrics

Oh, the sand keeps fallin’ through the hourglass
And there’s no way you’re gonna slow it down
You say, “We gotta treasure each moment
Who knows how long we’re gonna be around?”
Yeah, you keep on telling me life is short
And it’s hard to disagree with what you say
But if time is so precious, why you wastin’ mine?
‘Cause I’m always reading, always deleting
Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way

Every stupid hoax (ooh), all those corny jokes
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well, I don’t need tons of cringe-inducing puns (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
No, it isn’t okay if you brighten my day (ah)
With some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
And I didn’t request a personality test (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
(Ah-ah-ah)

You’re sending virus-laden, bandwidth-hogging attachments
To every single person you know (ah)
You’re passin’ ’round a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
That everybody else already saw three years ago (ah)
And wacky, badly photoshopped billboards
Were never that amusing to me (ah)
And I just can’t believe you believe those urban legends
But I have high hopes someone’ll point you towards Snopes
And debunk that crazy junk you’re spewing constantly

No, I don’t want a bowl of Chicken Soup For the Soul (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Send more top ten lists and I’ll slash my wrists (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well, I’m sorry I can’t accept your paranoid rant (ah, ah)
And I don’t want the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe
Won’t you kindly refrain? ‘Cause it’s hurting my brain
Stop forwarding that crap to me

Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody’s cat
Now tell me
In what alternate reality would I care about something like that?
And by the way
Your quotes from George Carlin aren’t really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet-Cong
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing (ah)
And I highly doubt some dead girl’s gonna kill me
If I don’t pass your letter along

Well, now I know you’re wishin’ I’ll sign your petition
But stop forwarding that crap to me
And I don’t wanna read your series of conspiracy theories
Just stop forwarding that crap to me
And your two million loser friends all have my address now (ah)
‘Cause you never figured out the way to BCC
Now I gotta insist (ooh)
Take me off of your list (ooh)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (ah)

just stop it now
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) oh, no
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) whoa

I can’t take it
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) oh, please
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

At the risk of being slightly repetitious (ah)
Gonna ask you now to stop (stop)
Sending me that (crap)
I don’t want it (ah)
Don’t send it to me, no, don’t send it to me

Stop forwarding that crap to me, to me
(Ah-ah-ah)

Source: Musixmatch

EYG Favorite Comic Covers of the Week

May 22

Interesting week of books.

Also-Rans: Nectar #3, Seven Wives #1, Zorro #1, Odin #1, Of the Earth #1, Absolute Green Arrow #1, Deadly hands of Kun-Lun #4, Smile: For the Camera #3 and Everyone Loves a Jewel Thief #2 (A Cover)

Bronze Medalist

American Caper #7

Cover art by Tyler Boss

This is an excellent cover for this series. The outline of the guy with the gun and the prison and wolf showing inside that silhouette is a great use of the imagery for this issue. I am a sucker for the white background too (even with the splatter of what looked like blood).

Silver Medalist

Everyone Loves a Jewel Thief #2

Variant Cover B

Cover art by Jacob Phillips

I love this variant cover. I had the A cover in my pull list already, but I felt the draw to pick up this cover too. The color is a real standout, with that odd greenish hue.

Gold Medalist

Narco #3

Variant Cover B

Cover art by Daniel Hillyard

This is another fun variant cover that I could not resist on the stand. It reminded me of the Feral horror homage covers. This movie poster-like cover is great and the colors work very well together as well.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #38

#38

Canadian Idiot

Title: “Canadian Idiot”

Album: Straight Outta Lynwood

Released: 2006

Parody: “American Idiot” by Green Day

Written:  Billie Joe Armstrong / Frank Edwin III Wright / Mike Ryan Pritchard /Al Yancovic

Genre: Rock/Comedy

Topic: Poking fun at stereotyes of Canadians.

Lyrics

Don’t want to be a Canadian idiot

Don’t want to be some beer swillin’ hockey nut
And do I look like some frost bitten hosehead
I never learned my alphabet from A to zed

They all live on donuts and moose meat
And they leave the house without packin’ heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall
And you know what else is too funny
Their stupid monopoly money
Can’t take ’em seriously at all

Well maple syrup and snow’s what they export
They treat curling just like it’s a real sport
They think their silly accent is so cute
Can’t understand a thing they’re talking aboot

Sure they got their national health care
Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air
Then again well they got Celine Dion
Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni
And dream of driving a Zamboni
All over Saskatchewan

Don’t want to be a Canadian idiot
We’ll figure out their temperature in Celsius
See the map they’re hovering right over us
Tell you the truth it makes me kinda nervous

Always hear the same kind of story
Break your nose and they’ll just say sorry
Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite
It’s gotta mean they’re all up to something
So quick before they see it coming
Time for a pre-emptive strike

Source: LyricFind

Until Tomorrow

Until Tomorrow

By K.P.

Have you ever had deja vu, well this I used to, too. That was until the day I met the old man. The day started the same as before, me and Tim, my best friend since forever, would go to the farm and lift hay and take care of the sheep and other odd jobs around the farm. We live in the village of Orgon, a village that until a few years ago was nothing, then someone found a cave filled with gold, silver, and other minerals. 

“Roger, stop daydreaming and get back to lifting hay.” Tim yells. I often just stop what I am doing and start staring off into the mountain.  I don’t know why, but sometimes I swear that I can see something on the mountain.

“Alright, I’m coming.” I called back. 

“You better I’m not doing all the work.” he retorts and we both get back to our job.

Hours pass on the farm and we finally are done. It’s around noon when we get back to the village. Most days it’s empty with everyone deep in the mines in search of riches but, today two strangers on horseback and masks were in front of my house.

“Roger Temporalin, come with us.” they say in complete unison, but I could tell they hadn’t rehearsed that line.

“Why should I, I don’t feel like going anywhere with the Pony Pals.” I say, which probably wasn’t the smartest idea, since the one to the right looked pretty jacked and the other had a sword.

“Hold your tongue boy.” the one to the left said, “before you lose it.”

“Back off Red, he ain’t a problem.” the other told him, “just come with us, and no one here gets hurt.” he says to me.

“Why do you want him?” Tim squeaks. He was always nervous around people he didn’t know. I was surprised he would talk at all after seeing them. 

“That is of no concern to you.” Red says. I got a bad feeling from the way he said this so I turned to Tim and said.

“Run.” and I sprinted towards the woods and hoped that Tim would follow though I knew they wouldn’t catch him, he was always the fastest when we raced.

“Hey, stop.” They both yell surprised, as we run into the woods.

After what seemed like hours, we finally came to a stop by a large oak tree. 

“Do you think we lost them?” Tim huffed “I hope we can stay here and not get caught.” 

“You should be safe here for a while, Roger,” said a gruff voice. Startled Tim and I jumped back. “Sorry for the scare, but I thought you should know that they’re  nowhere near here.”

“Who are you?” I asked. The voice belonged to an old guy that looked pretty beat up. He had a long scar from the bridge of his nose to the edge of his jaw on the left side. His skin was tan and leathery like he worked in the sun for years, so he must not have lived near here because it never was very sunny, only overcast. 

“My name doesn’t matter.” He said with a dark expression. “You can call me whatever you want.” 

“What do you want, Old Man.” I asked defensively . , “How do you know my name?” 

“I have been sent to help and protect you from the Kronos Crusade,” He stated flatly. “The two people in town who were on the horses, the two with the masks. They want to take you to their leader, who wishes to use you in a ritual.” 

“Why would they want me?” I ask angrily. Who was this guy and why would anyone want me, and what kind of maniac would believe in magic.

“I don’t know.” the old man said solemnly. I could tell he was lying. 

“How do we know that we can trust you?” Tim asked sheepishly.

“You can, I’m getting paid.” He boasted.

“Well that sure helps.” I said sarcastically. I had a bad feeling about the old man, I trusted him the same I trusted a wolf in a sheep pen. 

“Well if you’re done asking questions, we better get a move on.” the old man said. 

“Where would we go?” Tim asked nervously.

“My house in the mountains.” The old man said solemnly and started off toward the mountain. “Aren’t you coming?” he said, turning back. 

After hours of walking through the woods, we came to a small hut that looked like it’s been here forever. It was probably 14 feet tall at the top of the roof and about 20 feet across. 

“We’re here.” the old man said. 

  “So what do we do now?” I said aggressively.

“With a little luck, stay here and wait until tomorrow,” The old man said matter of factly,”  then you can go back to your life and you can forget all about this.”

“Why would they stop trying to find me after today?” I said confused.

“Theres a time limit, I guess. For the ritual, I mean” The old man said. “I think it can only happen today or something.” 

“So, what are we going to do here until tomorrow?” Tim asks, changing the subject. 

“You two should stay inside while I keep watch.” the old man answers, and with that me and Tim went inside and took a nap.

After I woke up from my nap, I went to check on the old man. It was dusk, and the old man was chopping wood out front. He looked angry and hurt, I wondered why.

“What are you doing out of the hut?” the old man grunted, not looking up. “I thought I told you to stay inside until tomorrow.” 

“Jeez, someone’s a cranky pants.” I retorted, “I was just checking if it was the morning, I was sleeping in there.”

“It’s only been 3 hours since we got here, get back inside.” He said in his gruff old voice.

“Yeah, get back inside, there’s some bad people in these woods.” A Young voice said in a sing-song voice. The old man and I turned to see Red, the masked horseman that was at my house.

“How did you find me?” I blurted out.

“I have some experience in finding people.” He said happily. 

“Red, why don’t you take a break this time.” the old man said hopefully. “Maybe this time we come to an agreement to stop this madness.” 

“What are you talking about, old man?” I asked, confused. What did he mean this time? Did they know each other, were they working together? 

“Hopefully, you’ll never need to know, kid.” the old man said, dropping the axe and extending his right hand. “Now stand back, I need to deal with this clown.” 

“How quaint, the old man thinks he can save anyone.” Red said angrily. He took his sword and swung at the air leaving a gaping void where he swung. 

“This again, I haven’t learned anything new.” the old man said smugly. A giant vine came out of the old man’s right and struck Red in the head knocking off his mask. Revealing Red looked exactly like a younger version of the old man.

“Enough of this.” Red said angrily, jumping into the void. The next second the world went black. Then I found myself in the middle of a gem-filled cave, where hundreds of masked people stood staring at me. I was on some sort of altar, and behind me stood Red and an old guy with long, black hair and an old fashioned robe

“I see you have finally woken up.” the robed man said. “You sure have been hard to capture, harder than most.”

“What do you want from me?” I yelled desperately.

“Didn’t that traitor tell you?” The robed man responded. “Well no matter, I am Dyon, the leader of the Kronos Crusade, and you are here to help me, you see, I didn’t really want to die, so I gathered some men a performed a ritual that gave me eternal life, the only downside is that I am now in a loop, and to stay immortal I must repeat the ritual, so you and me are in an endless chase so to speak.” He concluded dramatically. 

“What do you mean ‘you and me’?” I questioned. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you.” Dyon laughed. “The ritual only works if we use you or someone else like, someone born during a rift in time like you.” 

“Let’s just get this over with.” Red growls. “The day is almost over.” 

“Ah, you are right, well we mustn’t be late.” Dyon said, almost sad. “Let’s begin the ritual.” I was desperate for a way out, so I jumped up and tried to grab Dyon, get a hostage, but the second I did something hit me in the face. Red had struck me with his sword leaving a small cut from the bridge of my nose going left to my jaw, and realization hit me. All these people were me from the countless times the ritual was performed.

“Ah, so you see how you could not win.” Red said softly. “If something has happened this many times it must be destiny.”  After all I went through I would fail. The room filled with chanting, the sound was like drumming. After a second I started to float on the altar, I started to glow and then the world went bright white, then black.

I woke up on the mountain, it was morning. I thought the whole ritual thing had to have been a dream and I had just sleepwalked out here. Running, I went to the farm and my heart dropped, there I was staring back at the morning of the ritual lifting hay.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #39

#39

Foil

Title: “Foil”

Release: 2014

Album: Mandatory Fun

Parody: “Royals” by Lorde

Written: Joel Little / Alfred Matthew Yankovic / Ella Marija Lani Yelich O’connor

Genre: Pop

Weird Al’s Foil goes from talking about wrapping food in aluminum foil so it will not spoil to talking about the Illuminati and New World Order. Quite the flip of script. The video is hilarious, featuring the one and only Patton Oswalt, as well as comedians Thomas Lennon, and Robert Ben Garant.

Lyrics

I never seem to finish all my food
I always get a doggie bag from the waiter
So I just keep what’s still unchewed
And I take it home, save it for later

But then I deal with fungal rot, bacterial formation
Microbes, enzymes, mould and oxidation
I don’t care, I’ve got a secret trick up my sleeve

I never bother with baggies, glass jars, tupperware containers
Plastic cling wrap, really a no-brainer
I just like to keep all my flavours sealed in tight

With aluminum foil (Foil)
Never settle for less
That kind of wrap is just the best
To keep your sandwich nice and fresh

Stick it in your cooler (Cooler)
Eat it when you’re ready
Then maybe you’ll choose (You’ll choose, you’ll choose, you’ll choose)
A refreshing herbal tea
Mmm, lovely!

Oh, by the way, I’ve cracked the code
I’ve figured out these shadow organizations
And the Illuminati know
That they’re finally primed for world domination

And soon you’ve got black helicopters comin’ cross the border
Puppet masters for the New World Order
Be aware: There’s always someone that’s watching you
And still the government won’t admit they faked the whole moon landing
Thought control rays, psychotronic scanning
Don’t mind that, I’m protected cause I made this hat

From aluminum foil (Foil)
Wear a hat that’s foil lined
In case an alien’s inclined
To probe your butt or read your mind

Looks a bit peculiar (‘culiar)
Seems a little crazy
But someday I’ll prove (I’ll prove, I’ll prove, I’ll prove)
There’s a big conspiracy

Source: Musixmatch