Tag Archives: writing

EYG Comic Cavalcade #209

Posted on by

June 28

June is nearing the end, and here is the newest EYG Comic Cavalcade!

Thanks to Todd for bringing me a whole bunch of What If Vol. 2 issues. I do love the What If series and I am pleased to have them.

Comic of the Week

Narco #4

I believe this book has really begun to hit its stride as Marcus has realized that he is really being framed for murder, and he has started to figure out what is happening. Marcus is one of the most original and unlikely lead character that you are going to see in a comic.

The B cover is one of the Favorite Comic Covers of the Week, taking the Gold Medal for its Hitchcock homage cover.

Books This Week:

Ultimate Endgame #5. Written by Deniz Camp with art by Terry & Rachel Dotson and Jonas Scharf. Cover art was done by Mark Brooks. The finale issue of this series and the entire Ultimate Universe came through this week. I had some problems with this ending. The Ultimate Endgame started out with such fire and it has petered out so badly. Then, I was surprised how this book ended… it was such a happy ending that it did not feel right.

Ultimate Universe Finale #1. So this is a wrap up for all of the separate characters of the Ultimate Universe, seeing where they were left at the end of Endgame. Again, this just did not feel right. I kind of wish that the end of the Ultimate Universe would have been kept secret and the end would just catch everyone off guard.

Nectar #4. Written by Jeremy Robinson and art by Annapaola Martello and Francesco Francini. Cover art was done by Chris Shehan. Nectar finished up with a fiery end as Pastor Grant rampaged across the island. I loved the series and it sounded as if the butterflies are returning at some point in the future. Until then, this will have to serve for now.

Wolverine #22. “Doctor’s Orders” Written by Saladin Ahmed with art by Julius Ohta. Cover art was done by Dan Panosian. Wolverine’s healing factor is messed up again, but it seems as if someone has stolen it from Logan… and has given it to Taskmaster.

Venom #259. Written by Al Ewing and art by Carlos Gomez. Cover art was done by Carlos Gomez & Frank Martin. I have been picking up the Venom book during the crossover with Spider-Man, but I am not sure how I feel about the new Venom (with Mary Jane) and whether I wanted to keep picking it up. I wasn’t going to buy this, but I broke down. I am still not sure if I care about the Queen in Black which is coming soon.

Captain America #12. “Hell’s Angel” Part 1. Written by Chip Zdarsky and art by Valerio Schiti. Cover art was done by by Valerio Schiti & Romulo Fajardo Jr. Captain America is in Hell and he is teaming up with Doctor Doom to try and stop Mephisto. Then, the last panel saw the return of the Red Skull. Zdarsky’s run on Cap has been excellent so far and the Hell story is very compelling.

Doomquest #2. Written by Ryan North and art by Francesco Mobili. Cover art was done by Alex Ross. Doctor Doom is stuck in a loop on the Titanic. This was a lot of fun and one of the more original ways to use Doom. Ryan North continues to be one of the best writers working Marvel today.

The Twilight Zone #8. “Hollywoodland” Written, illustrated and cover art by Gabriel Hardman. This is a great issue. The Twilight Zone comic has been sensational every issue and each story feels like a story that you would have seen on the original TV show.

Feral #24. “Chapter 24: Breakout” Written by Tony Fleecs and art by Trish Forstner & Tone Rodriguez. Cover art was done by Trish Forstner & Allen Passalaqua (Silver Medalist). The cats and the dogs are running around the pound as the doctors are trying to cure the rabies disease. Feral continues to be one of the best books around.

Universal Monsters: Blood of the Wolfman #1. Written by Joshua Williamson and art by Leomacs. Cover art was done by Leomacs & Pip Martin. The latest Universal Monsters book is Wolfman and I love the first issue as they begin to set up the Wolfman. It seemed as if they are setting up a legacy.

Corpse Knight #3. Written by Michael Chaves with art by Matthew Roberts. Cover art was done by Matthew Roberts & Rico Renzi. Foy is poisoned and her undead father has to save her. Corpse Knight is a solid fantasy book from Image.

White Sky #4. Written by William Harms and art and cover art by JP Mavinga. Violet and Walter have arrived in San Francisco only to see that it is destroyed. There are a lot of scenes with white. This has been a solid book so far, but it does feel like it needs to start progressing soon.

Justice League Unlimited #20. “Escape from Power Planet: Part One” Written by Mark Waid and art was done by Dan Mora & Fico Ossio. Cover art was done by Dan Mora. The title of this was “Escape from Power Planet” but we only spend a few pages on Power Planet with Metamorpho, Guy Gardner and Hawkgirl. Most of the issue is spent battling a Brainiac on the Watchtower with Luthor causing trouble.

A Quiet Place: Storm Warning #4. Written by Phil Hester with Pencils and cover art by Ryan Kelly. This movie based series has been really good. It seems that Lonnie has finally proved to the other citizens of the town that these aliens are really dangerous and that they have to do what they can to protect themselves. This has worked well in the IDW series.

Hornsby & Halo #14. Creators are Peter Tomasi & Peter Snejbjerg. Cover art was done by Peter Snejbjerg. The second part of the Unbelievables crossover sees the Trillion Dollar Kid, aka Tommy Townsend III has come to Warwick in search of other Unbelievables, specifically Zach and Rose. They team up to find out if Tommy’s parents are in Heaven or hell.

Detective Comics #1110. “Flight Part Four” Written by Tom Taylor with pencils and cover art by Mikel Janin. Batman, Green Arrow and Black Canary are out to try and help a young girl, the daughter of a former teammate of theirs, Prion. Oh, and the young girl is a trained assassin.

The Infernal Hulk #8. “Beasts of the Sanguine Tree” Written by Phillip Kennedy Johnson with art by Adam Gorham. Cover art was done by Nic Klein. I also grabbed the Alex Ross variant. Bruce Banner is back with the Avengers, but he has bad news. Their idea to take on the Infernal Hulk with the original Hulk won’t work because Banner says he is now immune to Gamma rays. What is going to happen next? Whatever it is, it is with the help of Brother Voodoo.

Spider-Versity #3. Written by Jordan Morris & Joe Kelly with art by Rafael Perez & Granados. Cover art was done by Giuseppe Camuncoli, Lorenzo Ruggiero & Dean White. Norman runs the Spiders through a practice session based on the Ringmaster, and, lo and behold, someone using the powers of the Ringmaster showed up. Suspicious.

X-Men #32. “Anomaly” Part 2. Written by Jed MacKay with pencils by Tony S. Daniel. Cover art was done by Tony S. Daniel & Fer Sifuentes-Sujo. The X-Men’s science team is forced to deal with gravity anomalies while being targeted by Department H. So they decide to unleash Magneto. Hm… sounds like a recipe for chaos to me.

Flash #34. “The Speed Was Power, the Speed Was Joy- Part IV” Written by Ryan North and illustrated by Gavin Guidry. Cover art was done by Gavin Guidry & Adriano Lucas. Flash goes to Mr. Terrific to try and figure out about his “flashes of insight.” They seem to lead him to Gorilla Grodd.

The Eye Collector #1. Written by Jonathan Ball with art and cover art by G.M.B. Chomichuk. A weird and wild new horror comic from Image, we get a strange ancient being that has their curiosity over earth reignited by wishes made by the Apollo 10 crew. This is a bizarre book. I’m curious about it as well.

Void Rivals #31. Written by Robert Kirkman and art by Conor Hughes. Cover art was done by Lorenzo De Felici. This Void Rivals issue is a stand alone book featuring the character of Skuxxoid. In the letter page, it says that Skuxxoid tied Megatron as the Energon character with the most standalone issues. This book as a feel like Saga. And I am excited about the debut next issue in the Energon Universe of Rom.

Absolute Superman #20. “Up, Up and…” Written by Jason Aaron with art by Rafa Sandoval. Cover art was done by Rafa Sandoval & Ulises Arreola. Superman teams up with Hawkman and Steel in an attempt to defeat the Absolute Black Adam/Shazam. There seemed to be a special amalgam going down in the last panel that looked absolutely awesome.

Absolute Wonder Woman #21. “Friends & Neighbors Part 1 of 2” Written by Kelly Thompson with art by Dillon Snook. The cover art was done by Hayden Sherman & Jordie Bellaire. Diana heads back to the Underworld in search of Circe and her mother. Then, Barbara Minerva has to make a decision about the powers of Cheetah.

Hidden Springs #2. Written by Rob Williams and art and cover by Nil Vendrell. The giant baby Kaiju is being pursued by the military and the group of elderly retirees are forced to try and save the kaiju. Hidden Springs has been a fun book so far and you would not expect some of the things that are going on. Teh protagonists are fun and unlikely heroes.

Escape #8. Written by Rick Remender with art by Daniel Acuna. I got cover B which was done by Cary Nord. Milton finds himself in a real bad place as he has signaled the air raid of the town, but the family that he has been staying with feels betrayed. Escape is a tense comic with fuzzy animals.

Is Ted Ok? #5. Written, drawn and cover art by Dave Chisholm. This issue is full of exposition, but it gives us the background and history behind Ted. There are flashbacks, revelations and truths flying all over the book, setting up next issue’s finale.

Generation X-23 #5. “A Numbers Game” Part 5. Written by Jody Hauser with art by Marco Renna. Cover art was done by Partha Pratim Sarkar & Romulo Fajardo Jr. Laura and Gabby get the X-numbers out of Faculty 23 and they are apparently teaming up. However, there are a couple of wild cards in the mix.

Gotham Academy: First Year #5. “Chapter 5: We’ve Been Here Before.” Written by Brenden Fletcher with art by Marco Ferrari. Variant cover b Annie Wu. Olive gets trapped in a loop while searching for her mother. The whole issue was very dreamlike and I was not sure what exactly was happening. Batman is here so I am sure everything is gonna be ok, right?

Barbarian Behind Bars #5. Written by Elliott Kalan with art and cover art by Andrea Mutti. What a horrible way to end this series. There is an absolutely wicked cliffhanger at the end of the story that left me unhappy about what I just spent five issues reading. I do not know if there is more of this book coming down the line or if the old “THE END?” thing was just a mean trick. It definitely tainted the final issue.

Terrorbytes #7. Written by Joseph Sieracki and art and cover art by Maxi Dall’o. The story of Donald Drummer and his life is very compelling in this issue. I am not sure what happened in the end, but I was engaged throughout this anthology book.

Bludwire #1. Written by Paul Allor and art by Ermitis Blanco. Cover art was done by Victor Ibanez. Ace and Zora are two sex bots who go on the run from their corporate owners. This is an interesting new comic from Mad Cave.

Other Books This Week: Moonstar #4, Honor and Curse: Eternal #4, Red Roots #3, American Caper #8, In Your Skin #3, Planet Atmos: Exordium #3, and Conan the Barbarian #32.

Quick Hits: Kevin Smith’s Bizarro Year None #2 came out this week. I heard Smith promote this book on Fatman Beyond. It is an intriguing issue. The Hab #3 from Bad Idea is the Bronze Medalist this week in the EYG Favorite Comic Covers of the Week. We get even more fun from the wild book from Titan Comics called Rafael Garcia: Henchman #4. Racer X #8 came to a close with this character, who I suspect will still appear in Speed Racer’s book. Punisher is the focus of Reborn Ultimate Impact #2 as he faces off against some of the new villains/heroes??? created by the boxes Miles lost. I’m not sure how I feel about this book right now. We go into the past once again as the X-Men: Outback #1 came out. I must say that I liked this roster of X-Men, especially with Longshot and Dazzler involved. Mind MGMT: New & Improved #1 by matt Kindt came out this week. I picked up a blind bag for this issue as well… I am a sucker for blind bags… and I got a 3D variant of the book. 51 #4 from Mad Cave released this week as we have some alien tech that gives people super powers. Exploit #4 finished up as they were able to reveal all the details behind Kincade’s crooked schemes, and then sent him to Estonia. The video game-like comic Final Boss #7 came back with a new issue this week after a short break. Pretty Hate Machine #3 was extremely intense this week as there are some brutality going down. Speaking of brutal, The Peril of the Brutal Dark: An Ezra Cain Mystery#5 saw Ezra in a blimp, trying to avoid Nazis. It gave me Last Crusade vibes. Alice Forever After #4 from Boom! Studios asks the question about Alice’s mental health.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #1

Posted on by

#1

Yoda

Title: “Yoda”

Album: Dare to Be Stupid

Released: 1985

Originally Recorded: 1980

Written: Raymond Davies/Al Yankovic

Parody: “Lola” by the Kinks

Genre: Folky-rock

And so, we have reached #1 on the Top 100 Weird Al Songs, and it is Yoda. Yoda was played on the Doctor Demento Show for years prior to being released on Dare to Be Stupid because of the troubles Al had in securing the permission he always looked for from the label of the Kinks. According to Wikipedia, Al had a chance meeting with “Lola” writer, Ray Davies, and he asked him why he refused to approve the parody. Davies said that no one had asked him, which finally led to Yoda being released on Al’s third album.

I loved this song so much as a youngster. In my Speech class in high school, we were assigned to do a lip synch, and I chose to do Yoda. I received a perfect score from Mrs. Tilton (RIP).

Lyrics

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said “Yoda”
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I’ve been around, but I ain’t never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he’s wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I’m not dumb, but I can’t understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before
And I’ve never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, “Go to Yoda and he’ll show you the Force”

Well I’m not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I’m gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
Well, I won’t forget what Yoda said

He said, “Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide”
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

“I know Darth Vader’s really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you’ll be unemployed”
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I’m gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I’ll be coming back some day
I’ll be playing this part ’till I’m old and gray

The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I’ll be making these movies till the end of time
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdalyankovic/yoda.html

In concert, Weird Al has done something special in the middle of the song. Dubbed the “Yoda Chant”, Al and his band slow down the music and begin a rhymical, a cappella chant that included a series of both mnemonic devices and bits from songs. Some of the pieces included in the Yoda Chant was “Frère Jacques,” “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” “Surfin’ Bird,” the “Hawaiian War Chant,” the “Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi,” and “Grim Grinning Ghosts” among others.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #2

Posted on by

#2

White & Nerdy

Title: “White & Nerdy”

Album: Straight Outta Lynwood

Released: 2006

Parody: “Ridin'” by Chamillionaire

Written: Hakeem T. Seriki / Anthony Henderson / Oscar Edward Salinas / Juan Carlos Jr. Salinas/Al Yankovic

Style: Rap/Hip Hop

Topic: Nerd culture

Fact: This was Yankovic’s first-ever top 10 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 and his first single to be certified platinum.

We are down to two. I loved this song so much. I had never heard the original, and the parody is one of the greatest of all time.

Lyrics

They see me mowin’
My front lawn
I know they’re all thinking
I’m so white ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Can’t you see I’m white ‘n’ nerdy?
Look at me, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!

I wanna roll with
The gangsters
But so far they all think
I’m too white ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Really, really white ‘n’ nerdy

First in my class here at M.I.T
Got skills, I’m a champion at D&D
MC Escher, that’s my favorite MC
Keep your 40, I’ll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin to the contrary
You’ll find that they’re quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking’s in my library

My-MySpace page is all totally pimped out
I got people begging for my topic spaces
Yo, I know Pi out to a thousand places
Ain’t got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I’m a whiz at Minesweeper, I can play for days
Once you see my sweet moves you’re gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin’ so fast I’ll set the place ablaze

There’s no killer app I haven’t run
At Pascal well I’m number one
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain’t got a gat but I gotta soldering gun
Happy Days is my favorite theme song
I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I’ll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I’m fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon

They see me roll on my Segway
I know in my heart they think I’m
White ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Can’t you see I’m white ‘n’ nerdy?
Look at me, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!

I’d like to roll with
The gangsters
Although it’s apparent I’m too
White n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
How’d I get so white ‘n’ nerdy?

I’ve been browsing, inspectin’
X-Men comics you know I collect ’em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect ’em
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized the Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you “ROTFLOL”

I got a business doing websites
When my friends need some code who do they call?
I do HTML for them all
Even made a homepage for my dog
Yo, I got myself a fanny pack
They were having a sale down at the GAP
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
Pop pop! Hope no one sees me get freaky!

I’m nerdy in the extreme
And whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and Glee club
And even the chess team!
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?
I spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire
I got my name on my underwear!

They see me strollin’
They laughin’
And rollin’ their eyes ’cause
I’m so white ‘n’ nerdy
Just because I’m white ‘n’ nerdy
Just because I’m white ‘n’ nerdy
All because I’m white ‘n’ nerdy
Holy cow, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!

I wanna bowl with
The gangsters
But oh well it’s obvious I’m
White ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
Look at me, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy!

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #3

Posted on by

#3

Dare to Be Stupid

Title: “One More Minute”

Album: Dare to Be Stupid

Released: 1985

Written: Al Yankovic

Style parody: A doo-wop parody of artists like Elvis Presley and The Platters.

Style: Doo-Wop

This is the highest rated original song on this list. One More Minute is one of the greatest break up songs of all time.

Lyrics

Well I heard that you’re leavin’
Gonna leave me far behind
‘Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I’m not your kind

So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you

That’s right, you ain’t gonna see me cryin’
I’m glad that you found somebody new
‘Cause I’d rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feelin’ down in the dumps
‘Cause I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self service pumps

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain’t gonna break my heart in two
‘Cause I’d rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you

I’d rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I’d rather slam my fingers in a door

Again and again and again and again and again
Oh, can’t you see what I’m tryin’ to say, darlin’

I’d rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I’d rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you

Yes, I’d rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I’d rather dive into a swimming pool filled
With double edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you

I’d rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage
With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor
And stomp on it ’till I die

Than spend one more minute with you

Source: Musixmatch

The Muppet Show S1 E4, E5, E6

Posted on by

Spoilers

Guest: Ruth Buzzi

Guest: Rita Moreno

Guest: Jim Nabors

Tonight, we came back to The Muppet Show for some more first season fun. Three celebrities on these shows included Ruth Buzzi, Rita Moreno and Jim Nabors. All three had songs including “Too Good to be True” (that Buzzi sung with Sweetums), “Fever” from Moreno and “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” (Nabors).

There are some weird things during these three episodes. One was Miss Piggy’s voice. I know they were not set on who was voicing her but it was weird during this first season to hear Piggy talk in her actual voice and then, the next scene, she spoke differently. Frank Oz was the long time Piggy voice performer, but there were sometimes that she was voiced by Richard Hunt.

Gopher showed up for the first time in episode 5, with an introduction. It was strange because he was in the first four episodes too. He kept using the joke about his uncle owning the theater, and using it to manipulate Kermit. Obviously, the original writing of these shows were not in the correct order.

Wayne and Wanda made their way into all three of these episodes. None of those numbers reached their conclusion.

Episode five featured a classic running joke with the backstage phone and Fozzie. The Muppet Show was notorious for their running jokes and this one was solid. Kermit even called it out so the audience understood the idea of a running joke (which they even had some people ran past).

There were a couple of acts that we see for the first time like Veterinarian’s Hospital and Marvin Suggs and his Muppetphones.

We got At the Dance in all of the episodes with the silly jokes. They deliver these lines with such a straight delivery that even some of the bad jokes turn out funny.

These Muppet Shows are great to revisit. The most iconic moment of these three episodes was the “Apache dance” routine that Rita Moreno did with her Muppet partner where she beat him up badly.

All seasons of the Muppet Show can be seen on Disney +.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #4

Posted on by

#4

Amish Paradise

Title: “Amish Paradise”

Album: Bad Hair Day

Release: 1996

Parody: “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio

Written: Douglas B. Rasheed / Stevie Wonder / Larry James Sanders / Artis L. Jr. Ivey/Al Yankovic

Style: Rap/Hip-Hop

Top: Amish life

Lyrics

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain
But that’s just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning, I’m milkin’ cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool

And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I’m a man of the land, I’m into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight, we’re gonna party like it’s 1699

We been spending most our lives
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
I churned butter once or twice
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
It’s hard work and sacrifice
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Livin’ in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well
‘Cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s burning in Hell
But I ain’t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a ‘tude?
You know that’s unheard of

I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you’ll be bored to tears
We haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain’t really quaint, so please don’t point and stare
We’re just technologically impaired

There’s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It’s as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
We’re just plain and simple guys
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
There’s no time for sin and vice
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
We don’t fight, we all play nice
Livin’ in an Amish paradise

Hitchin’ up the buggy, churnin’ lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I’ll raise another
Think you’re really righteous?
Think you’re pure in heart?
Well, I know I’m a million times as humble as thou art
I’m the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night, scorin’ points for the afterlife
So don’t be vain and don’t be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your Heine

We been spending most our lives
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
We’re all crazy Mennonites
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
There’s no cops or traffic lights
Livin’ in an Amish paradise
But you’d probably think it bites
Livin’ in an Amish paradise

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #5

Posted on by

#5

Word Crimes

Title: “Word Crimes”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Released: 2014

Parody: “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke

Written: Clifford Harris / Jr. / Pharrell Williams / Robin Thicke/Al Yankovic

Genre: Rap/Disco/R&B

Topic: Your bad grammar (NOT YOU’RE BAD GRAMMAR!)

I have shown this to my 7th grade literacy class since the release in 2014. It has all kinds of my personal gripes over grammar and the people who just do not know how important grammar is.

Lyrics

Everybody shut up, woo!
Everyone listen up!
Hey, hey, hey, uh
Hey, hey, hey

If you can’t write in the proper way
If you don’t know how to conjugate
Maybe you flunked that class
And maybe now you find
That people mock you online

Okay, now here’s the deal
I’ll try to educate ya
Gonna familiarize
You with the nomenclature
You’ll learn the definitions
Of nouns and prepositions
Literacy’s your mission
And that’s why I think it’s a

Good time
To learn some grammar
Now, did I stammer
Work on that grammar
You should know when
It’s “less” or it’s “fewer”
Like people who were
Never raised in a sewer

I hate these word crimes
Like I could care less
That means you do care
At least a little
Don’t be a moron
You’d better slow down
And use the right pronoun
Show the world you’re no clown
Everybody wise up!

Say you got an “I”, “T”
Followed by apostrophe, “s”
Now what does that mean?
You would not use “it’s” in this case
As a possessive
It’s a contraction
What’s a contraction?
Well, it’s the shortening of a word, or a group of words
By the omission of a sound or letter

Okay, now here’s some notes
Syntax you’re always mangling
No “x” in “espresso”
Your participle’s danglin’
But I don’t want your drama
If you really wanna
Leave out that Oxford comma
Just keep in mind

That “be”, “see”, “are”, “you”
Are words, not letters
Get it together
Use your spellchecker
You should never
Write words using numbers
Unless you’re seven
Or your name is Prince

I hate these word crimes
You really need a
Full time proofreader
You dumb mouth-breather
Well, you should hire
Some cunning linguist
To help you distinguish
What is proper English

One thing I ask of you
Time to learn your homophones is past due
Learn to diagram a sentence too
Always say “to whom”
Don’t ever say “to who”
And listen up when I tell you this
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis
You finished second grade
I hope you can tell
If you’re doing good or doing well
About better figure out the difference
Irony is not coincidence
And I thought that you’d gotten it through your skull
What’s figurative and what’s literal
Oh but, just now, you said
You literally couldn’t get out of bed
That really makes me want to literally
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head

I read your e-mail
It’s quite apparent
Your grammar’s errant
You’re incoherent
Saw your blog post
It’s really fantastic
That was sarcastic (Oh, psych!)
‘Cause you write like a spastic

I hate these Word Crimes
Your prose is dopey
Think you should only
Write in emoji
Oh, you’re a lost cause
Go back to pre-school
Get out of the gene pool
Try your best to not drool

Never mind I give up
Really now I give up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Go away!

Source: LyricFind

The Muppet Show S1 E2, E3

Posted on by

Spoilers

Guest: Connie Stevens

Disney + gives me an option to skip the intro, but it will never be done. The opening theme is one of the best and most entertaining themes of all time. It is just like X-Men ’97, I will always watch the theme song.

The second episode the series has another classic song that I loved, which was “Lydia, the Tattooed Lady” sung by Kermit. That was the opening act in the show.

There was a running gag with Fozzie kept overhearing Gonzo asking people about his “Teddy Bear,” which is old and ratty, and Fozzie believed that they were all referring to him.

Ernie and Bert made a guest appearance from Sesame Street so Bert could sing a song with guest Connie Stevens (“Some Enchanted Evening”). Connie had sung Teenager in Love earlier in the episode with the back-up group, The Mutations, (Not the Temptations).

There was a cool version of “Ain’t Misbehavin'” sung by Floyd. I have a feeling this was one of those acts included in the British show replacing commericals.

Guest: Joel Grey

Episode three would have been the first place I saw Joel Grey, Broadway legend and EYG Hall of Famer. Grey did two songs, a version of Willkommen from Cabaret and Razzle Dazzle from Chicago. Both were great performances.

Fozzie was involved in the running backstage story again, which was that Fozzie was working on his act of telling a joke over any topic mentioned. He was becoming annoying backstage, but he wound up nailing it onstage after Statler and Waldorf tossed out the topic “anemia.”

Rowlf portrayed Sherlock Holmes in a skit about a murder. It was a cute bit.

Wayne and Wanda made their debut as a singing group, doing Stormy Weather. Wayne and Wanda would start their regular act where something horrible that wrecked their act here. Wayne and Wanda made a cameo appearance in the Connie Stevens episode but did not sing.

Love the Muppet Show and I am excited about continuing this rewatch.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #6

Posted on by

#6

The Hamilton Polka

Title: “The Hamilton Polka”

Released: 2018

Genre: Polka

Included in: Lin-Manuel Miranda’s monthly “#Hamildrops” project

Written by Albert Johnson / Osten Harvey / Christopher Wallace / Roger Troutman / Kejuan Muchita / Lin-Manuel Miranda/Al Yankovic

Songs: “Alexander Hamilton,” “Wait For It,” “The Schuyler Sisters,” “Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down),” “Dear Theodosia,” “You’ll Be Back,” “The Room Where It Happens,” “Right Hand Man,” “Guns and Ships,” “Washington on Your Side,” “Helpless,” “Non-Stop,” “History Has Its Eyes on You,” and “My Shot.”

This is Weird Al’s Polka Opus, taking the Broadway sensation Hamilton and turning it into a polka. There was a video of Lin-Manuel Miranda listening to The Hamilton Polka for the first time, and he had tears of joy running down his face. Miranda is a huge fan of Weird Al and you could tell how honored he was with Al using his work as a polka.

Lyrics

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a
Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten
Spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor
Grow up to be a hero and a scholar?

The ten-dollar Founding Father without a father
Got a lot farther by working a lot harder
By being a lot smarter
By being a self-starter

By fourteen, they placed him in charge of the trading charter
Alexander Hamilton
My name is Alexander Hamilton
And there’s a million things I haven’t done

But just you wait, just you wait
Wait for it
Wait for it
Wait for it
Wait for it

I am the one thing in life I can control
Wait for it
Wait for it
Wait for it
Wait for it

I am inimitable
I am an original
And if there’s a reason I’m still alive
When so many have died
Then I’m willin’ to—

I’m willing to
Work, work!
Angelica!
Work, work!

Eliza!
And Peggy—

Look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now!
History is happening in Manhattan and we just happen to be
In the greatest city
In the greatest city in the world!
The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down

Yeah you’ll blow us all away
Oceans rise, empires fall
We have seen each other through it all
And when push comes to shove

I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love!
Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat dat da da ya da!

No one else was in
The room where it happened
The room where it happened
The room where it happened
No one else was in

The room where it happened
The room where it happened
The room where it happened
No one really knows how the game is played

The art of the trade
How the sausage gets made
We just assume that it happens
But no one else is in the room where it happens

We are outgunned (What?)
Outmanned (What?)
Outnumbered
Outplanned

We gotta make an all out stand
Ayo, I’m gonna need a right-hand man
Hamilton!
Sir, he knows what to do in a trench
Ingenuitive and fluent in French, I mean—

Hamilton!
Sir, you’re gonna have to use him eventually
What’s he gonna do on the bench? I mean—
Hamilton!
No one has more resilience
Or matches my practical tactical brilliance—

Hamilton!
You wanna fight for your land back?
Hamilton!
I need my right hand man back!
Uh, get ya right hand man back

You know you gotta get ya right hand man back
I mean you gotta put some thought
Into the letter but the sooner the better
To get your right hand man back!

It must be nice, it must be nice
To have Washington on your side
It must be nice, it must be nice
To have Washington on your side
Look back at the Bill of Rights (Which I wrote!)

The ink hasn’t dried
It must be nice, it must be nice
To have Washington on your side—
Somebody has to stand up for the South!
Somebody has to stand up to his mouth!

If there’s a fire you’re trying to douse
You can’t put it out from inside the house
I’m in the cabinet, I am complicit in
Watching him grabbin’ at power and kiss it
If Washington isn’t gon’ listen
To disciplined dissidents, this is the difference:
This kid is out

In New York you can be a new man
How do you write like you’re running out of time?
Write day and night like you’re running out of time?
Ev’ry day you fight like you’re running out of time
Like you’re running out of time

Are you running out of time?
Let me tell you what I wish I’d known
When I was young and dreamed of glory
You have no control
Who lives, who dies, who tells your story
I know that we can win
I know that greatness lies in you
But remember from here on in
History has its eyes on you (Whoa…)

And I am not throwing away my shot
I am not throwing away my shot
Hey yo, I’m just like my country
I’m young, scrappy and hungry
And I’m not throwing away my shot
We gonna rise up, time to take a shot (Not throwing away my shot)
We gonna rise up, time to take a shot (Not throwing away my shot)
We’re gonna rise up, rise up! (It’s time to take a shot!)
Rise up, rise up!
And I am not throwing away my
Not throwing away my shot
There’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait (Just wait)
What’s your name, man?
Alexander (Hamilton)
Alexander (Hamilton)
Alexander (Hamilton)
Alexander

Source: Musixmatch

The AI Doc or How I Became an Apocaloptimist

Posted on by

I have been wanting to see this doc for awhile now, actually since it was in the theater, but I haven’t gotten around to it. The AI Doc or How I Became an Apocaloptimist documentary did not make me feel better about the concept of AI.

As a teacher, I hate AI. Many of my colleagues use AI such as ChatGPT to help them with lesson plans or ideas to help present material. I do not have issues with others doing that to make their lives easier. My biggest problem is how AI can be used by students to simply write a paper without any of their own writing skills.

So I immediately came into this movie with a negative mindset about AI. After watching this, my concerns were not removed.

The premise of the film, according to Wikipedia, was “old through the perspective of filmmaker Daniel Roher as he prepares to become a father, the film investigates the existential threats and potential promises of artificial intelligence. Roher conducts interviews with leading experts in the field to understand the world his child will inherit, balancing anxiety with ‘apocaloptimism‘.” (Focus Features).

Roher presented a series of talking heads to speak to the idea of AI and what it could mean to the future of the world. To his credit, Roher does provide a fairly comprehensive opinions on both sides of the subject, providing thoughts from the pro and anti AI experts. There are those who believe AI will lead to an new utopia or that could lead to an apocalyptic end of the planet.

He brought in the CEOs of some of the major AI companies (except Mark Zuckerberg, who refused, and Elon Musk, who agreed to come and then got too busy). These CEOs sounded reasonable in the doc, but one wonders what that means.

The doc was a difficult watch. I am not sure how to feel about the info that it was presenting, though I did like the way Roher framed this, with his concerns over the upcoming birth of his first child and the idea of bringing a child into this current world. I do think this is a valuable doc to watch to make sure you have, at least, a surface level knowledge of where the world is heading.

It did not help me figure what to do about those AI generated research papers, though.

3.6 stars

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #7

Posted on by

#7

Dare to Be Stupid

Title: “Dare to Be Stupid”

Album: Dare to Be Stupid

Release: 1985

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: Devo

Genre: New Wave/Comedy

Topic: encourage listeners to embrace absurdity, let go of common idioms, and be playful.

Title track to Weird Al’s third studio album, Dare to Be Stupid is one of the greatest original songs Weird Al has ever written. The silliness involved is epic and his Devo style pastiche is brilliant.

Lyrics

Put down that chainsaw and listen to me
It’s time for us to join in the fight
It’s time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It’s time to let the bedbugs bite

You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it’s time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can
While Mr. Wipple’s not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan

Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you chew
What can you do?
Dare to be stupid

Take some wooden nickels
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I’ll show you how
You can dare to be stupid

You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip

Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It’s so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We’re all waiting for you
Let’s go

It’s time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer?
There’s no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it’s time for crying in your beer

Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party ’til you’re broke and they drive you away
It’s okay, you can dare to be stupid

It’s like spitting on a fish
It’s like barking up a tree
It’s like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free

Dare to be stupid
(Yes)
Why don’t you dare to be stupid?
It’s so easy to do

Dare to be stupid
We’re all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid

Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friends

You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch “Leave It To Beaver”
The future’s up to you
So what you gonna do?

Dare to be stupid, dare to be stupid
What did I say?
Dare to be stupid

Tell me, what did I say?
Dare to be stupid
It’s alright
Dare to be stupid
We can be stupid all night

Dare to be stupid
Come on, join the crowd
Dare to be stupid
Shout it out loud

Dare to be stupid
I can’t hear you
Dare to be stupid
Okay, I can hear you now

Dare to be stupid
Let’s go, dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid

Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid

Source: Musixmatch

Sunday Morning Sidewalk #74

Posted on by

Spoilers

The Boroughs

“The Mourning After”

Last week, in episode one of The Boroughs, I commented that I had hoped that Jack survived the attack of whatever that thing was. Sadly, as this week started, we learned that jack did not.

RIP Jack.

Sam, who discovered the creature “feeding” on Jack, became obsession (as one would) with trying to figure out what was going on. A trip to see Edward at the care facility gave Sam a clue… “The key is in the lights and the owls are in the wall.”

So Sam started tearing out the light fixtures in his house.

Jack’s death affected more than just Sam as we learned that Judy had been having an affair with Jack, and his death was causing her serious grief. Judy’s partner Art apparently knew about the affair but never confronted her in fear that she would leave him.

It led Art to a bizarre occurrence with a murder of crows. A huge murder of crows that circled the sky above him and like kamikazed themselves into the ground. Weird scene.

Renee pushed for an investigation when more quartz items turned up missing. Hank came back with a fake report from Albuquerque PD saying that they caught a guy with the missing items.

F- Hank.

Clearly, Hank has some kind of inside knowledge of what is going on in the Boroughs, and he is going out of his way to cover it up. He is easily the biggest piece of crap on this show.

Only Blaine Shaw comes close. Shaw showed up at Jack’s memorial and dropped some lies about how much Jack meant to him. It was sadly obvious how insincere he was being, but Shaw knows more than he is letting on too.

Wally got more bad news about his cancer, which has made its way into Wally’s liver. It left Wally searching for a miracle. Maybe Sam has found it.

The Boroughs has had two exceptional episodes filled with great actors and a captivating supernatural mystery. I know that there will be only one season as Netflix has cancelled season two of the show. I sure how the show did not leave off on a massive cliffhanger at the end of season one, because this is a show that I am fully engrossed in.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #8

Posted on by

#8

Albuquerque

Title: “Albuquerque”

Album: Running With Scissors

Release: 1999

Style Pastiche: The Rugburns’ track “Dick’s Automotive.”

Genre: Hard-driving rock narrative

Length: 11 minutes and 23 sec.- longest song Weird Al ever officially released.

Topic: Albuquerque is the best place… and Weird Al hates sauerkraut.

This epic song is one of my absolute favorite songs. It is an absurdist piece of music with so much insanity squeezed into it. I saw Weird Al perform this life once and, during it, he came across the line where he said he “…lost his train of thought.” He then proceeded to restart the song to try and remember what he wanted to say. Absolutely hilarious. Of course, what he wanted to say was that “I HATE SAUERKRAUT!”

Lyrics

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry’s Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol’ bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said “Hey, mom, what’s up with all the sauerkraut?”
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said “It’s good for you”
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old

That’s when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy’s butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That’s right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, I’d never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin’ up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

‘Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin’ wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin’ along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It’s OK, they’re clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I’m just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say “Who is it?”
No answer
“Who is it?”
There’s no answer
“Who is it?”
They’re not sayin’ anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It’s some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I’m right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I’m like “Hey, you can’t have that”
“That snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me”
And he’s like “Tough”
And I’m like “Give it”
And he’s like “Make me”
And I’m like “‘Kay”
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I’ll tell you what it said

It said
“If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again”
“If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”
“If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again”
“If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says “Yeah, what do ya want?”
I said “You got any glazed donuts?”
He said “No, we’re outta glazed donuts”
I said “Well, you got any jelly donuts?”
He said “No, we’re outta jelly donuts”
I said “You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?”
He said “No, we’re outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts”
I said “You got any cinnamon rolls?”
He said “No, we’re outta cinnamon rolls”
I said “You got any apple fritters?”
He said “No, we’re outta apple fritters”
I said “You got any bear claws?”
He said “Wait a minute, I’ll go check”

“No, we’re outta bear claws”
I said “Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?”
He says “All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels”
I said “OK, I’ll take that”

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin’ me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin’ me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin’ through my head
I believe it went a little something like this

Doh
Get ’em off me
Get ’em off me
Oh
No, get ’em off, get ’em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get ’em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin’ my arms all around and just runnin’, runnin’, runnin’
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That’s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I’ll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said “Hey, you’ve got weasels on your face”

That’s when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said “Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?”
I said “Whoa, hold on now, baby”
“I’m just not ready for that kind of a commitment”
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that’s just the way things go

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin’ up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That’s right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin’ a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say “Hey, you want me to help you with that?”
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
“No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw”

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He’s like “Hey man, I was just being sarcastic”
Well, that’s just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud
Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what’s he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn’t had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over
And I’m like “Hey, come on, don’t you get it?”
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it’s kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I’m tryin’ to make here is

I hate sauerkraut

That’s all I’m really tryin’ to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol’ mixed-up universe of ours
There’s still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said “A” (A)
“L” (L)
“B” (B)
“U” (U)
“Querque” (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Source: LyricFind

Weird Al had lyrics on the inside of his albums, but for “Albuquerque” he said that there wasn’t enough room left for the lyrics.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #9

Posted on by

#9

Skipper Dan

Title: “Skipper Dan”

Album: Alpocalypse

Released: 2009

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: Weezer

Genre: Pop/Rock

Topic: classically trained, aspiring actor who finds himself stuck working as a Jungle Cruise tour guide at Disneyland, reciting the ride’s notoriously corny, dated jokes -Wikipedia

This song’s path to the top 10 is a strange one. When I first heard this song, I thought it was kind of boring and I was not a fan. Somehow, it started growing on me. I’m not sure what it was that brought me to the point of having it in the Top 10 Weird A songs of all time, but I love it now. The story of the song is probably the key, and it is one of the least “humorous” songs of Al’s oeuvre. It is more of a tragic song than a funny one and, because of that, Skipper Dan stands out among Al’s originals.

Lyrics

I starred in every high school play
Blew every drama teacher away
I graduated first in my class at Juilliard
Took every acting workshop I could
And I dreamed of Hollywood
While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard

Hit the boards and paid my dues
And got phenomenal rave reviews
I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
I was sure that Tarantino would be callin’ me on the phone
Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
But the years have come and gone
And I’m sorry to say that’s not the way that it’s all worked out

I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin’ their ears
Just like they’ve done for the last 50 years
Now I’m laughin’ at my own jokes but I’m cryin’ inside
Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride

Oh, the critics, they used to say
I was the new Olivier
Thought I’d be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes
Aw, but don’t bother tryin’ to IMDB me
The only place you might possibly see me
Is ridin’ my little boat around Adventureland
It ain’t exactly what I planned

But I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I’m doin 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
I would’ve killed if I’d been in “Speed The Plow”
But what’s the difference, that’s all behind me now
Cause I’m payin’ the rent and I’m swallowin my pride
And I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride

I should be there on Broadway
Knockin’ ’em dead in “12 Angry Men”
But instead I’m here tellin’ these lame jokes
Again and again and again and again and again and again and again

Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!
That’s an African bull elephant
And there it is, the backside of water!
What have I done with my life?!

I should a listened when my grandfather said
“Why don’t you major in business instead?”
Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
And I’ll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin their ears
Somebody shoot me cause I’m bored to tears
Always said I’d be famous… I guess that I lied
Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride
I’m still workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #11

Posted on by

#11

First World Problems

Title: “First World Problems”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Released: 2014

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: The Pixies

Topic: The privilege of current world items

Lyrics

My maid is cleaning the bathroom, so I can’t take a shower
When I do, the water starts getting cold after an hour
I couldn’t order off the breakfast menu, cause I slept in till two
Then I filled up on bread, didn’t leave any room for tiramisu
Oh no, there’s a pixel out in the corner of my laptop screen
I don’t have any bills in my wallet small enough for the vending machine
Some idiot just called me up on the phone, what!? Don’t they know how to text? OMG!
I got

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems

I bought too many groceries for my refrigerator
Forgot my gardener’s name, I’ll have to ask him later
Tried to fast forward commercials, can’t, I’m watching live T.V
I’m pretty sure the cookies in this airport lounge ain’t gluten free
My barista didn’t even bother to make a design in the foam on the top of my vanilla latte

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems

Can’t remember which car I drove to the mall
My Sonicare won’t recharge, now I gotta brush my teeth like a neanderathal
The thread count on these cotton sheets has got me itching
My house is so big, I can’t get WiFi in the kitchen
Uh, I had to buy something I didn’t even need just
So I could qualify for free shipping on Amazon

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)

First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems

Source: LyricFind