Tag Archives: fiction

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #44

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#44

A Complicated Song

Title: “A Complicated Song”

Written: Graham Edwards / Lauren Christy / Avril Ramona Lavigne / David Scott Alspach/Al Yankovic

Album: Poodle Hat

Release: 2003

Parody: “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne

Genre: Pop/Punk

Poodle Hat finally breaks through as the final Weird Al album represented in the Top 100 with A Complicated song, which breaks into three separate stories. Some of the stories are silly, but a lot of fun.

Lyrics

Uh huh… extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh… save a piece for me

Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
19 extra larges
What a shame
No one came

Just us eatin’ all alone
You said, “Take the pizza home”
“No sense lettin’ all this go to waste”
So then I faced

Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese ’round the clock
Is gettin’ me blocked
And I sure don’t care
For irregularity

Tell me
Why’d you have to go and make me so constipated?
‘Cause right now I’d do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom… I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated?
No no no

I was feelin’ pretty down
‘Till my girlfriend came around
We’re just so alike in every way
I gotta say

In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me

Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I’d suddely spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It’s just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with 11 toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I’d unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride
And the guide

Said not to stand
But that’s a demand
That I couldn’t meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see

Tell me
Why’d I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now… can’t eat, I can’t breathe, I can’t snore
I can’t belch or yodel anymore
Can’t spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh no
Why’d I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can’t blink, I can’t cough, I can’t sneeeze
But my neck is enjoyin’ a pleasant breeze now
Haven’t been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no

Source: Musixmatch

Widow’s Bay S1 E4

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Spoilers

“Beach Reads”

At the end of the last episode, we got a distress call over the police radio that was hectic and sounded like all hell was breaking loose. It came out of nowhere, but it really put a button on last week’s wild episode.

This week, we learn what was going on.

The episode was a Patricia-centric episode, which flashbacked four days and showed her getting ready for a party. The show does a great job of creating suspense through the struggles of Patricia and her anxieties of the party. It also snuck in a surprise… a special book that seemingly was a self-help book, but instead turned out to be a witches’ spellbook.

The scene where Sheriff Bechir comes into the restaurant to find Patricia, and the audience, for the first time, sees Patricia in the true light… with a crown of antlers and rodents’ hair, mixing punch that included blood from dead animals.

I actually gasped when they revealed this sight, as I just did not expect it to be as shocking as it was. We discovered that the punch sent the party guests to the water, looking to drown themselves. It took Patricia burning the book to break the spell.

This was quite the departure from what this series had been building up with the Mayor and his own problems dealing with acceptance of supernatural truths on the island. We barely saw him at all this episode. And yet it worked completely well. On LOST, they would have episodes focused on different characters, and this was just like that.

Then, the episode ended with Mayor Tom, Patricia and Wyck finding the dead body of Reverend Bryce hanging on the door.

Widow’s Bay has been excellent with the cliffhanger/final scene shock so far. This one keeps me wondering what exactly is next among this wild show.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #45

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#45

Bedrock Anthem

Title: “Bedrock Anthem”

Album: Alapalooza

Release: 1993

Parody: “Under the Bridge” and “Give It Away” by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Written: Chad Smith / John Frusciante / Anthony Kiedis / Michael Balzary / Alfred Yankovic

Genre: Funk rock

This is another TV show that Al honors in song as this time it is the Flintstones. There are voice clips from the Flintstones on the song.

Lyrics

Sometimes, I feel like I need a vacation
Sometimes, I feel like I wanna go to the city of cavemen, the city of Bedrock
I’d be a Flintstone, now, I’ll tell you why

Oh
Oh
Oh!

Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a woman named, Wilma
Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a baby named Pebbles
Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a doggy named Dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino

Well, I’ve got a little buddy, Barney Rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of Barney Rubble
He’s a midget but, he makes a lot of trouble
Doesn’t like to shave, he got caveman stubble

Me and Barney, loyal order water buffalo
Lodge brothers, loyal order water buffalo
There’s a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand Poo-Bah always gotta run the whole show?

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric know-how

Betty and Barney got a baby, named, Bamm-Bamm
Little Pebbles is his number one fan
He’s the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off, if he’s shaking your hand

Got a car, gonna push it with my feet now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in can’t be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow

Wanna chill with a saber tooth tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first rolling stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Don’t know what it means, but I say it anyhow

Wilma, I’m home! Start serving dinner
And don’t spare the-
Oh, no, no, no! Don’t Dino, don’t!
Now take it easy, boy!

Lucky me, workin’ down in the gravel pit
Movin’ rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. Slate gets mad, and he throws a fit
Pull the birdie’s tail, everybody knows it’s time to quit

I realize I’m living in the Stone Age
No fax, no cellular phone-age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age
Liftin’ heavy boulders every day for my wage

Barney Rubble, laughin’ like a hyena
Barney Rubble, what a little wiener!
Where’s Wilma? Anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner

Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
(E-yabba-dabba-do)
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
(E-yabba-dabba-do)
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now
Yabba-dabba-dabba do now

Now, that’s alright
Oh, boy!

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #46

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#46

Livin’ in the Fridge

Title: “Livin’ in the Fridge”

Album: Alapalooza

Released: 1993

Parody: “Livin’ on the Edge” by Aerosmith

Written: Joe Perry / Mark Hudson / Steven Tyler/Al Yankovic

Genre: Hard rock

Weird Al has been well known in his appreciation of food. He has said many tiomes that he loves food because it has kept him alive. This is the opposite of that as he describes that food that has spent too many days (weeks?) in the refrigerator and has become something akin to a science experiment. In the same vein as George Carlin’s “Icebox Man,” “Livin’ in the Fridge” had a special appearance on The Weird Al Show.

Lyrics

There’s somethin’ weird in the fridge today
I don’t know what it is
Food I can’t recognize
My roommate won’t throw a thing away
I guess it’s probably his
It looks like it’s alive

And livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge

There’s somethin’ gross in the fridge today
It’s green and growin’ hair
It’s been there since July
If you can name the object
In that baggie over there
Then mister, you’re a better man than I

It’s livin’ in the fridge
You can’t stop the mold from growin’
Livin’ in the fridge
Can’t tell what it is at all
Livin’ in the fridge
You can’t stop the mold from growin’
Livin’ in the fridge

Tell me, do you think it should be carbon-dated
Fumigated or cremated and buried at sea?
You try to save a little bit of your home cookin’
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin’ specimen
It always happens, my friend
Again & again & again & again

Somethin’ stinks in the fridge today
And it’s been rottin’ there all week
It could be liver cake or woolly mammoth steak
Well, maybe I should another peek

Livin’ in the fridge
(You can’t stop the mold from growin’)
Livin’ in the fridge
(Can’t tell what it is at all)
Livin’ in the fridge
(You can’t stop the mold from growin’)
Livin’ in the fridge
Livin’ in the fridge
(Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is)
Livin’ in the fridge
(Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is)
Livin’ in the fridge
Don’t know what it is at all
Livin’ in the fridge, yeah

Source: Musixmatch

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #47

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#47

Pretty Fly for a Rabbi

Title: “Pretty Fly for a Rabbi”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Written: Dexter Holland/Al Yankovic

Extra voices: Tress MacNeille (“How ya doin’ Bernie?”) and Mary Kay Bergman (“For a rabbi!”)

Parody: “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” by the Offspring

Genre: Pop Punk/Comedy

Oy Vey! Lots of Yiddish phrases used in this song, which may not have aged as well as some of Al’s other songs. Still, this is a well done parody and is very funny.

Lyrics

Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
And all the goyim say I’m pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple’s had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of’em were nudniks and none of’em would last
But our new guy’s real kosher, I think he’ll do the trick
I tell ya, he’s to die for, he really knows his shtick

So how’s by you? Have you seen this Jew?
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Working’ like a dog at the synagogue
He’s there all day, he’s there all day

Just say “Vay is mir!” and he’ll kick into gear
He’ll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer
Just grab your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
And all the goyim say I’m pretty fly (for a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will suffice
He has to find a bargain ’cause he won’t pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he’s hardly a schlemiel
But if you want to haggle, oy, he’ll make you such a deal!

People used to scoff, now they say “Mazel tov!”
He’s such a macher ’cause he works his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What’s not to like? What’s not to like?

Oh high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise
Put on your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

When he’s doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn’t miss
He’ll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say he’s got a lot of chutzpah, he’s really quite hip
The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip!

Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin’, Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey!

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He’s doin’ well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he’s swell
Show up at his home, he says, “Shalom!”
And “Have some cake, you want some cake?”

Yeah he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I’m so ferklempt that I could plotz!
So grab your yarmulka
The one you got for Hanukah

Let’s put on our yarmulkas and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

Source: LyricFind

Something Very Bad is Going to Happen E7, E8

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Spoilers

“Something Living, Something Dead, Something Stolen, Something Red”

“I Do”

I love the synopsis on Netflix for episode eight. It simply says “Something very bad happens.”

These last two episodes of this Netflix limited series were simply batshit crazy.

Holy cow. This went in a manner that I never thought it would. I mean, I never saw Nicky backing out of the wedding at the altar, basically dooming his entire bloodline.

Nicky never believed in the curse that Rachel was so desperately trying to avoid. She went to the extreme by having Jules cut off Rachel’s pinky toe. She had to put all this stuff into a drink. Part of it was the bone of the bride. She needed the seed of the groom.

Honestly, the creation of this cocktail mixture was making me want to puke. It was so gross.

Rachel does not end up drinking it, as she has convinced herself that Nicky is, in fact, her soulmate.

So when Nicky stops the wedding, the sun goes down and the whole group of their bloodline started bleeding from their eyes and mouth.

The Witness arrived at the wedding too. I had forgotten about him. I also forgot that if Rachel called off the wedding, she would replace him as witness. All this because she accepted a proposal that she did not really want to in the first place.

It is difficult to go over these two episodes because of all the craziness that went down. I thought after episode six that Victoria had died. Seems that I overexaggerated that as she was only suffering a certain attack. Victoria was played by Jennifer Jason Leigh and she was amazing. Ted Levine, from Silence of the Lambs and Captain Leland Stottlemeyer from Monk, was the father of Nicky, which I had not realized until episode six. These two are great actors and really solidified the cast.

I hadn’t considered why Jules did not die when the curse switched to the family, but it was because he was married to his true soulmate in Nell. That makes total sense. It was also why Nicky and his father did not die. Of course, when Victoria died, that said that she did not truly believe that Boris was her soulmate, which would be a tragic thing to live with.

This was a great eight episodes with tons of tension and exciting family shenanigans. The supernatural was used heavily, but it the perfect amount and the ending was so shocking that I never would ghave thought it would have been filmed. A lot of bloody fun.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #49

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#49

CNR

Title: “CNR”

Written: Al Yankovic

Album: Alpocalypse

Released: 2011

Style Parody: The White Stripes

Genre: Punk Blues/Alternative Rock

I was always a fan of Charles Nelson Reilly, specifically from the Match Game. I remember niot knowing what the reference of CNR was when I first got Alpocalypse. This was one of my favorite videos released for these songs.

Lyrics

Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you’d never disrespect
He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses
And he had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal, and excreted diamonds everyday
He could throw you down a flight of stairs
But you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you’d love him anyway, oh

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France
With two flat tires and a missing chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry
I’m telling you the man was insane
He could rip out your beating heart
And show it to you right before you died
Everyday he’d make the host of Match Game
Give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene

The ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya

Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings
As a potent aphrodisiac
He ran a four minute mile blindfolded
With an engine block strapped to his back
He could eat more frozen waffles
Then any other man I know
Once he fell off the Chrysler building
And he barely even stubbed his toe
Had a tiny little scratch on his toe
Didn’t even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion
But he never ever told a soul
I’ve seen the man unhinge his jaw
And swallow a Volkswagen whole
He’d bash your face in with a shovel
If you didn’t treat him like a star
You could spit at the wind, or tug at Superman’s cape
But Lord knows you don’t mess around with CNR

No, no, no
Talkin’ about CNR

Source: Musixmatch

Sunday Morning Sidewalk #68

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Spoilers

A Knight of the Seven Nine Kingdoms

I finished the HBO Max show A Knight of the Seven Kingdom, which ended with Egg telling Duncan that there are actually nine kingdoms and not seven. It was a funny little bit at the end of the series.

This final episode was mostly wrap up after last week’s major Trial of Seven. You could how many people were blaming Ser Duncan for the death of Prince Baelor, which is completely unfair considering the circumstances.

Prince Maekar Targaryen was very resentful toward Duncan, but he did request that Duncan take Egg on as a squire while Duncan’s own training continued. Duncan refused stating that he was done with princes.

However, Duncan changed his mind under the condition that they were free to roam. Maekar rejected this idea as he said Egg was a prince and would not live a life of poverty.

At the very end of the show, Egg approached Duncan telling him that his father had changed his mind and accepted the condition.

I knew immediately that Egg was lying. I did not expect to have that confirmed in a mid credit scene where Maekar was searching for Egg. I feel for Duncan and worry that this is going to lead to another problem for him down the road.

However, with this series concluding, perhaps we will not see either of these characters again. As someone who never watched Game of Thrones, A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms was a lot of fun and an enjoyable story. Episodes were short and easy to digest and I did not feel as if I needed the Game of Thrones to enjoy this show (although I might have missed some Easter eggs I wouldn’t have if I had more knowledge).

Next week, the Sunday Morning Sidewalk continues starting with the four episode documentary on Netflix based on the life of Hulk Hogan, entitled Hulk Hogan: Real American.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #50

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#50

Handy

Title: “Handy”

Album: Mandatory Fun

Released: 2014

Written: Amethyst Amelia Kelly / Charlotte Emma Aitchison / George Astasio / Jason Andrew Pebworth / John Turner / Jonathan Christopher Shave / Kurtis Isaac Mckenzie /Al Yankovic

Parody: Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” (feat. Charli XCX)

We enter the top 50 of our countdown with this parody of “Fancy.” The video was one of the eight released daily for Mandatory Fun.

Lyrics

First things first, I’m a craftsman (craftsman)
Remodelling is my only passion (it’s my passion)
And I’m the greatest in the business
Want referrals, yo
My clientèle will bear you witness (right, right)
I can help when your door jamb sticks (heh?)
There is nothing in the world I can’t fix (yeah)
I do tiles, I do stone, I do bricks
Call me, I’ll come rushing over with my bag of tricks (bag of tricks)
Where you go when your disposal is rusted (rusted)
Termite problem making you disgusted (yuck)
When your front window is busted (hey, hey, hey)
Just one name that’s always trusted

I’m so handy, you already know
I’ll fix your plumbing when your toilets overflow
I’m so handy, I’ll bring you up to code
When your dishwasher’s about to explode

Now you see that your furnace is needing some service
I’m fully bonded, no need to be nervous
Perhaps you would like a new counter Formica
Maybe I’ll hook up your dish washer combo dryer
But all your pipes are antique
Your water pressure’s too weak
You got an attic full of dry rot
Because your roof sprung a leak
Your fridge is starting to reek
Your hardwood floors really squeak
But don’t you worry I’ll just show you my amazing technique
Now let me glue that, glue that and screw that, screw that
Any random chore you got, well I can do that, do that
Or maybe I’ll just rewire your house for fun
I got 99 problems but a switch ain’t one

I’m so handy, everyone says so
I’ll grout your bathroom, resurface your patio
I’m so handy, I’m the guy to know
When your leaf blower doesn’t blow-oh-oh-oh

Patch the drywall, clean your gutters and mow the lawn
Make that phone call, I’ll install anything you want
Yeah, check my big staple gun, my socket wrenches are second to none
I won’t quit ’til I’m done, don’t even care if I hammer my thumb (ow)

Still rocking my screwdriver
Got the whole world thinking I’m MacGyver
Your heating bills are shocking
I can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking
Your house is a disaster, huh?
Need a guy whose a master with the plaster, huh?
Let me be your stripper
Taking off lacquer, no one does it quicker

I’m so handy, you already know
I’ll beat all price quotes, my hourly rates are low
I’m so handy, you should call this pro
I’m in the phone book and se habla español

Source: LyricFind

The Sheep Detectives

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This has to be a leading candidate for surprise of the year. I had seen the trailers for The Sheep Detectives and it made it look like a cute family film that had a definite chance to be really dumb. However, The Sheep Detectives is one of my favorite movies of the year. I know that sound bizarre, but it is 100% true.

According to IMDB, “Every night a shepherd reads aloud a murder mystery, pretending his sheep can understand. When he is found dead, the sheep realize at once that it was a murder and think they know everything about how to go about solving it.“

Hugh Jackman played the shepherd named George and kicked off this murder mystery with a lot of heart. Jackman was so charming and outstanding that you feel for this character even though you knew coming in that he was going to be the victim of this murder mystery.

The voice cast of the sheep was sensational including Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Brett Goldstein, Patrick Stewart, Chris O’Dowd, Bryan Cranston, Rhys Darby, Regina Hall, and Bella Ramsey.

The story was way more emotional than I ever expected it to be. There were moments of the film where I had tears in my eyes and even a few that rolled down my cheek. It was not only emotional, but it was very funny, clever, charming and had a murder mystery that was actually well designed.

I was not expecting this movie to be as deep as it was. I expected a silly family movie with some dumb talking animals. Instead, this film took the tropes of a murder mystery and broke them down, turning the genre on its ear. All that with talking sheep characters.

I should specify that the sheep are not talking to humans like a Disney film. To the humans, they sound like sheep, but they speak to each other.

The film also has a storyline weaved into the story about prejudice/bigotry within the sheep community. Again, it was a story beat that I just did not expect, and it was not just a throwaway beat. It became a major part of the overall plot.

Brett Goldstein was hilarious doing the voices of Ronnie and Reggie, two rams always looking to butt heads.

This was based on a book Three Bags Full by Leonie Swann.

There is no way this movie should be as fabulous as it turned out to be. I am currently placing it right around the same place as Project Hail Mary and that just does not make sense. However, if you see this movie, you will understand why. I had such a great viewing experience with this movie that I came out of it feeling so great.

5 stars (…no really)

Edit: I forgot to mention about the live action actor here. They all do a remarkable job in this film including a small but vital performance by the awesome Emma Thompson. Nicholas Braun, Molly Gordon, Nicholas Galtizine, Conleth Hill, Hong Chau, Tosin Cole, and Kobna Holdbrook-Smith all bring a great energy to the film and help create the fabulous story.

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #51

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#51

Germs

Title: “Germs”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Written: Al Yankovic

Style Pastiche: Nine Inch Nails

Genre: Industrial Rock

Lyrics

Sometimes I really want to be alone
But that’s one state I’m never in
Because I know that I’ve got millions upon millions
Of tiny, one-celled organisms living on my skin

I rub and scrub until my flesh is raw and bleeding
(Germs) But they just come right back again
(Germs) I can’t even see’em,
but I know they’re up to something
Hey, don’t touch that – you don’t know where it’s been!

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me

I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

Now if I ever dare to go to sleep
That’s when they start their sneak attack
In the morning I wake up in utter horror
To find my teeth are covered with bacterial plaque

Can’t get those parasitic creatures off my face
(Germs) And there’s more comin’ every day
(Germs) I never said that they could camp out on my body
I wish they’d pack their tiny little bags and move away

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with… microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re creepin’ around my shorts
They’re under the bathroom sink
They’re ridin’ inside my car
They’re swimmin’ in every drink
They’re hidin’ between my toes
They’re lurkin’ in every kiss
I got’em way up my nose
In every orifice
I’m gonna show them who’s boss
I’m gonna get even yet
Just gimme some Lysol spray
Just hand me a moist towelette
Don’t tell me I’m paranoid
I know that they’re after me
Look under the microscope
See??

They’re all over me
They’re inside of me
Can’t get’em off a me
I’m covered with microscopic bacteria
What do they want from me
What’ll they do to me?
There’s no escape for me
I’m crawling with microscopic bacteria

They’re all over me
I can feel’em all over me
Over every part of me
Microscopic bacteria
I know they’re watching me
They’re always watching me
They’re coming after me
Microscopic bacteria
Won’t somebody help
Please somebody help me
You’ve got to believe me
They’re out to get me
They want to control me
They want to destroy me
They’re tryin’ to kill me
It kind of upsets me

Source: LyricFind

Daily Countdown: Weird Al Songs #52

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#52

Jerry Springer

Title: “Jerry Springer”

Album: Running With Scissors

Released: 1999

Parody: “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies

Written: Ed Robertson/Al Yankovic

Lyrics

It’s been one week since we got to see
Cheatin’ lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer

Holy cow, did you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all?
And Jerry’s in the middle tryin’ to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes Jerry’s next guest
And it’s a slugfest
‘Cause it’s her trailer trash brother

Nymphomaniac is back on crack, it’s like When Animals Attack
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit ’em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that’s how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver

They’re always swearin’, cursin’, kickin’ butt and pointin’ blame
On the air? They don’t care, they’ve got no shame
There was one guy who I’m sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

It’s been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven’t got the blood off the wall
It’s been three days since the bitter feud
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, it finally dawned on me
I’m spendin’ way too much time on that Jerry Springer

Baby, I’ve been sleepin’ with your sister
Oh, which one? All of ’em
Ah, well, I’ve been sleepin’ with your best friend Jake
Yeah? Well, me too, and, I’ve been sleepin’ with your dog Woofie
Woofie, you bi-, well I’m also sleepin’ with your pet goat
That goat doesn’t love you

Once you start watchin’, there’s just no stoppin’
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ’s droppin’
Jerry’s the king of confrontation
He’s a sensation, he puts the sin in syndication
It’s totally worthless, like a bad check
It’s like a train wreck
Don’t want to stare, but you can’t look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin’ higher every day

If you’ve seen the show, well then you know
It’s just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they’re lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon comes in the room and then it’s boom
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen

Well, it’s the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin’ hair, throwin’ chairs at their hubbies
Jerry, Jerry, now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can’t
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

It’s been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some losers wife said that she’s still dating twenty guys
Three days since he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer

Tired of wastin’ my time on that Jerry Springer
I’ve got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger

Source: LyricFind

Lord of the Flies E3, E4

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Spoilers

“Simon”

“Ralph”

These two episodes were remarkably dark and heartbreaking as the community on the island took a turn into one of savagery and chaos.

Jack started out that third episode coming to Ralph’s camp and offering everyone meat. They had killed a pig and invited all to come share it at their camp.

It was a terrible mistake to go.

Simon had told them that it was a trap, and it absolutely turned out to be a mistake to attend.

Simon was the focus of episode three, and that really made me nervous for him. When he wound up being stabbed to death by Jack’s camp when they mistook him for “The Beast,” I remembered that scene from previous variations of the story. It really was a tough thing to watch and seeing Simon’s body drift away into the sea was heartbreaking.

The death of Piggy was even worse. In this version, Piggy is hit on the head with a rock thrown by Roger, but he is not killed immediately. In other versions, including the novel and the movie, this blow to the head lead directly to Piggy’s death. Here, Ralph is able to get Piggy out of the camp and into the jungle. Piggy survived for awhile, but it was clear that his time was nearing an end. The extra time between Piggy and Ralph made this moment even more painful to watch. Seeing Ralph dig a grave for his friend was another tragic moment.

I was not overly clear on the “Beast” in this version, but it did turn out to be a parachuter who had died, entangled with his parachute. The kids’ imagination and own fears made this to be even worse.

I do not love the ending of the show, which feels fairly faithful to other versions I have seen. The arrival of the British naval officer, attracted to the island from the smoke of the fire that was set to flush Ralph out of his hiding place by the Hunters. I want to know more… what happened to the boys? To Jack? To Roger? These are murderers, as Piggy said at the beginning of episode four. We saw the break down of civilized from the boys and I wish to know consequences for their actions. I did not feel for Jack, whose shocked stare was the last imagery we saw of him. He had plenty of opportunity to do the right thing, but he consistently chose the path of cruelty.

Piggy had wanted to give Jack a chance to do the right thing, after a raiding party arrived in episode three and stole his glasses in the middle of the night. He was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, but it only led to tragedy.

Once again, young boys are among the worst out there and without a strong hand, they will become savages. That’s the take away here, right?

This was an emotional adaptation of a dark and brutal novel. The performances were really strong, and the adaptation was excellent. The episodes are each about an hour long and can be viewed on Netflix.

Lord of the Flies E1

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Spoilers

“Piggy”

The brand new Netflix four episode limited series that proves young boys are the worst people ever dropped on Netflix today with a new variation of The Lord of the Flies.

The Lord of the Flies is a classic tale that has been retold several times over the years in movie format. This time, the BBC redid the story into a limited series.

The group of boys, after surviving a plane crash on an isolated island, form a society of their own in an attempt to bring some order to the chaos. As I mentioned earlier, young boys are the worst anything and their grouping only leads to trouble.

The first episode focuses on Piggy (David McKenna) and his tragically doomed character. We are introduced to Piggy (real name Nicholas) doing his best Jack Shepard in the jungle on LOST imitation. Piggy comes across Ralph (Winston Sawyers). Ralph, who is supposed to be the good one, immediately screwed Piggy over by telling everyone that his name was Piggy, even though he was told that he hated that name.

Of course, Ralph is nowhere near as much of a jerk as Jack (Lox Pratt). The blonde bully is already scheming how to grab more power. Lox Pratt is going from this and into the role of Draco Malfoy on the new Harry Potter series. I wonder if he worries about being typecast as a villain.

There were some more LOST connections as the boys find the pilot in the jungle, dead. They basically shove him off the mountain because they could not carry him. Piggy seemed to be the only one who had any problem with this.

No one was listening to Piggy either when they nearly burned down the whole island with their too large fire (which they started with Piggy’s glasses in one of the more uncomfortable moments). The episode ended with the implication that one of the kids, the one with the birthmark on his face, was lost in the fire.

The first episode of the new Lord of the Flies was solid. I have been a fan of the book and other versions of the story for years and I thought this was well done, well acted, and full of a darkness that you would expect from this IP.

Maquoketa Art Experience- James & MJ Tenney

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I went downtown today to see an art exhibit opening at the Maquoketa Art Experience. This would not typically be something that would attract my attention. However, one of the main topics of the exhibit really appealed to my geeky side.

I also knew the artists of the works. James Tenney is the school resource officer for the school district where I work and we have a connection with our love of geek culture. Tenney was a big fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so I wore my TMNT shirt in his honor. The first he said to me today, after thanking me for coming, was “great shirt!” He then proudly showed me his TMNT socks, his Spider-Man tie and his Star Trek tie pin.

Officer Tenney has worked at the Maquoketa school for several years now. My friend Darin directed him towards me when he first started because of the similarity of our fandom. Darin had told me that Tenney was an artist, but I had no idea at what level he was.

Just the other day, we were both outside with a group of kids at the middle school and Officer Tenney called me over. There was a student of mine there with him. He asked me if she had been behaving herself lately, and when I said that she had been much better lately, Tenney pulled out a small box where he kept the small sketch pad and he sketched her a quick drawing of Batman. She was excited over the drawing, the doodle took about a minute or so to finish. I know he has done this for many other students, quickly sketching characters such as Wolverine, Spider-Man or such. He uses it as a great way to build that rapport with kids who are excited about the small treasure he provided them with.

It was that day that Officer Tenney told me about his opening on Sunday at the Maquoketa Art Experience from 2-4 and invited me to come on down and see his art.

What is cool is that he was sharing the exhibit with his youngest daughter, MJ. They told a sweet story about how their art studios at their home were right next to each other. MJ’s work was less superhero-like and more of the dragon/anime work.

Water color was the answer James gave me as his favorite medium to work in, but he had several other examples of other styles including oils, ballpoint pen and computer graphic.

James told me a story at a comic con where he had his work being displayed of an older gentleman who came over to him and, in referencing his work, pointed out the strong jawlines he had on display and then the man told James that his work was like “Jack Kirby’s work.” Even today, you could see how that comment lit James up. There is not much more of a compliment you can give to a comic art fan than to compare him to the “King.”

There was a wide variety of subjects on the walls and tables of the Maquoketa Art Experience. There were pictures of Spider-Man, Venom, Hobgoblin, Loki, Godzilla, Thor (as a baby), Ghost Rider, Transformers, Turtles, Daffy Duck, Gambit, Slimer from Ghostbusters, Joe Fixit, as well as many others.

The exhibit will be up for the months of May and June at the Maquoketa Art Exhibit. It is an impressive display featuring some of the great characters of the 20th/21st Century. Superheroes are the present day mythology and it is awesome that there are people who love them enough to keep the energy going.

You should stop down and see the full collection if you have some time over the next couple of months.

Some images from the show:

One of his favorite pieces, James told me he spent many
MCU movies creating this artwork.