My maid is cleaning the bathroom, so I can’t take a shower When I do, the water starts getting cold after an hour I couldn’t order off the breakfast menu, cause I slept in till two Then I filled up on bread, didn’t leave any room for tiramisu Oh no, there’s a pixel out in the corner of my laptop screen I don’t have any bills in my wallet small enough for the vending machine Some idiot just called me up on the phone, what!? Don’t they know how to text? OMG! I got
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems
I bought too many groceries for my refrigerator Forgot my gardener’s name, I’ll have to ask him later Tried to fast forward commercials, can’t, I’m watching live T.V I’m pretty sure the cookies in this airport lounge ain’t gluten free My barista didn’t even bother to make a design in the foam on the top of my vanilla latte
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems
Can’t remember which car I drove to the mall My Sonicare won’t recharge, now I gotta brush my teeth like a neanderathal The thread count on these cotton sheets has got me itching My house is so big, I can’t get WiFi in the kitchen Uh, I had to buy something I didn’t even need just So I could qualify for free shipping on Amazon
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems)
First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems (First world problems) First world, first world problems
Style: Originally intended as a pastiche of The Presidents of the United States
Topic: The excitement of a new Hardware Store opening
Hardware Store is one of Weird Al’s originals that everyone is incredibly impressed by because it features one of the fastest rap sections imaginable. It was something that, when recorded, nearly caused Al to go unconscious. He has never performed this live because of the near impossibility of the riff.
Lyrics
Nothin’ ever (ever) happens in this town Feelin’ low down (down), not a lot to do around here I thought that I would go right out of my mind Until a friend told me the news He said, “Hey, you know that vacant lot Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it And on that spot they’re gonna build a shop Where we can go buy bolts and screws”
Since then I’ve been walking on air (air) I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair ‘Cause I’m so excited and I really don’t care I’ve been waiting since last June For this day to finally arrive I’m so happy (happy) now just to be alive ‘Cause any minute now I’m gonna be inside Well, I hope they open soon
I can’t wait, no, I can’t wait (oh, when) When are they gonna open up that door? I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out I pressed my nose right up against the glass You know, I had to be first in line Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house See those hacksaws? Very, very soon One of them will be all mine
Guys with nametags walking down the aisles Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles All arranged alphabetically And they’re doing a promotional stunt There’s a great big purple sign out front That says every 27th customer Will get a ball peen hammer free
I can’t wait, no, I can’t wait (oh, when) When are they gonna open up that door? I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
They’ve got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods, and water meters Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats, and bug deflectors Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
I can’t wait, no, I can’t wait (oh, when) When are they gonna open the door? I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store I’m goin’ (yes, I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the Goin’ to the (hard) ware, I’m goin’, really goin’ to the Goin’ (hard), I’m goin’ to the (hard), oh, yes, I’m goin’ to the Hardware store
Written: David Eric Grohl / Kurt D. Cobain / Krist Anthony Novoselic/Al Yankovic
Genre: Grunge
Topic: No one can understand Nirvana’s lyrics
This song helped bring Weird Al back after a bit of a career slump. He called Kurt Cobain at SNL to get permission. Cobain asked if the song would be about food.
Lyrics
What is this song all about? Can’t figure any lyrics out How do the words to it go I wish you’d tell me, I don’t know
Now I’m mumblin’, and I’m screamin’ And I don’t know what I’m singin’ Crank the volume, ears are bleedin’ I still don’t know what I’m singin’ We’re so loud and incoherent Boy, this oughta bug your parents
Yeah Blergh Haai
It’s unintelligible I just can’t get it through my skull It’s hard to bargle nawdle zouss With all these marbles in my mouth
Well, we don’t sound like Madonna Here we are now, we’re Nirvana Sing distinctly, we don’t wanna Buy our album, we’re Nirvana A garage band from Seattle Well, it sure beats raisin’ cattle Yeah
And I forgot the next verse Oh, well, I guess it pays to rehearse The lyric sheet’s so hard to find What are the words? Oh, never mind
Well, I’m yellin’, and we’re playin’ But I don’t know what I’m sayin’ What’s the message I’m conveyin’? Can you tell me what I’m sayin’? So, have you got some idea? Didn’t think so, well, I’ll see ya
Topic: Santa snaps and goes on a North Pole murder spree
I love this song. The idea of a disgruntled Santa flipping out is great. There is a really funny “Extra Gory Version” that I heard for the first time on Dr. Demento Show.
Lyrics
Down in the workshop all the elves were makin’ toys For the good gentile girls and the good gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared ’em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye “Merry Christmas to all, now you’re all gonna die”
The night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he’d been gettin’ a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it Everywhere you’ll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen And he took a big bite and said, “It tastes just like chicken”
The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now you can’t hardly walk around the North Pole Without steppin’ in reindeer guts
There’s the National Guard and the FBI There’s a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circlin’ ’round in the sky And the bullets are flyin’, the body count’s risin’ And everyone’s dyin’ to know, oh Santa, why? My my my my my my You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa’s doing time In a Federal prison for his infamous crime Hey little friend now, don’t you cry no more tears He’ll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years But now Vixen’s in therapy and Donner’s still nervous And the elves all got jobs working for the Postal Service And they say Mrs. Clause, she’s on the phone every night With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They’re talkin’ bout, the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin’ gypped
Whoa oh, the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he’d gettin’ a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain Whoa oh, something finally must have snapped in his brain Tell ya, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Yes Virginia, Now Santa is dead Some guy From the swat team blew a hole through his head Yes little friend now, that’s his brains on the floor, I guess they wont have the fat guy kicking around anymore But now there’s no more presents for children’s enjoyment And the Elves have to wait in the line and file for unemployment And they say Mrs. Clause, she’s on the phone every night With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
Written: Adele Laurie Blue Adkins / Al Yankovic / Ariana Grande / Attticus Matthew Ross / Austin J. Owens / Belcalis Almanzar / Billie Eilish O’Connell / Charles K. Wilson / Charles Michael Anderson / Daniel Nigro / Devon Christopher Gallaspy / Edward Christopher Sheeran / Er
Songs: “Bad Guy,” “Hello,” “Flowers,” “We Don’t Talk About Bruno,” “Vampire,” “Old Town Road,” “Despacito,” “Shape of You,” “Uptown Funk,” “WAP,” “Thank U, Next,” “Shake It Off”
They may be some recency bias involved in this one, as Polkamania is the most recent song Weird Al has put out. However, it is an epic polka that has spanned the years after the release of Mandatory Fun with some of the best songs of that period. It also shows how starved I was for new Weird Al song content.
Lyrics
So you’re a tough guy Like it really rough guy Just can’t get enough guy Chest always so puffed guy I’m that bad type Make your mama sad type Make your girlfriend mad type Might seduce your dad type I’m the bad guy Duh
(Adele / Hello) So hello from the other side I must’ve called a thousand times To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart Anymore
(Miley Cyrus / Flowers) I can buy myself flowers Write my name in the sand Talk to myself for hours Say things you don’t understand I can take myself dancing And I can hold my own hand Yeah, I can love me better than you can
(Cast of Encanto / Lin-Manuel Miranda / We Don’t Talk About Bruno We don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no We don’t talk about Bruno
(Olivia Rodrigo / Vampire) I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naïve The way you sold me for parts You sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, dream crusher Bleedin’ me dry, like a gosh darn vampire
(Lil Nas X / Old Town Road) Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more Can’t nobody tell me nothing (You can’t tell me nothing) No! Can’t nobody tell me nothing
Despacito Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito Deja que te diga cosas al oído Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo (Sube, sube, sube)
Mmm I’m in love with the shape of you We push and pull like a magnet do Every day discovering something brand new I’m in love with your body Oh I oh I oh I oh I I’m in love with your body Oh I oh I oh I oh I Yoda-loda lady hoo!
‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you ‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you Saturday night and we in the spot Don’t believe me just watch (hey!) (Doo doo doo, doo doo doo)
(Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion / WAP) I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage Yeah, you messing with some Bring a bucket and a mop for this Give me everything you got for this I’m talking WAP, WAP, WAP, that’s some
(Ariana Grande / Thank U, Next) Thank you, next Thank you, next Thank you, next I’m so super grateful for my ex Thank you, next Thank you, next Thank you, next Super-duper grateful for my ex
(Taylor Swift / Shake It Off) Wait! I just killed my ex Not the best idea Killed his girlfriend next, how’d I get here? I just killed my ex I still love him, though Rather be in hell than all alone
I stay out too late Got nothing in my brain That’s what people say, mm-mm That’s what people say, mm-mm ‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off (hoo-hoo-hoo) Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off That’s right, I’m gonna Shake it Off (Gonna shake it off) (Shake, shake, shake it off) (Now watch me shake it off) Hey!”
Album: Released as a single; appeared on Weird Al’s box set Permanent Record: Al in the Box
Written: Weird Al Yankovic / Brad Roberts
Parody: “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” by The Crash Test Dummies
Genre: Alternative Rock
Topic: Song about Michael Fay’s caning in Singapore, the Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan figure skating scandal, and the Lorena and John Bobbitt incident.
Lyrics
Once, there was this kid who Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint And when he finally came back He had cane marks all over his bottom He said that it was from when the warden whacked it so hard
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm, hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm
Once there was this girl who Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion And when she finally made it She saw some other girl who was better And so she hired some guy to Club her in the knee cap
They got paid for their sound bytes And sold their TV-Movie rights And then, there was this guy who Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner And when he finally came to He found little Mr. Happy was missing He couldn’t quite explain it It’d always just been there
Title: “The North Korea Polka (Please Don’t Nuke Us)”
Album: None
Appeared: HBO’s Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Date: August 2017
Written: Al Yankovic
Genre: Polka
Topic: “John Oliver noted that North Korea has a surprising cultural affinity for the accordion. To take advantage of this, he brought in Yankovic and his signature accordion to ”communicate’ with the nation” –Entertainment Tonight
What an awesome surprise this was. Weird Al, who usually does medley polkas, provided an actual original song about North Korea. “The song was created as a satirical de-escalation plea during a time of heightened nuclear tensions between the U.S. and North Korea.” -www.weirdal.com.
Lyrics
Would you annihilate us if you had the chance? That’s such an antisocial thing to do You’ve got us crapping our collective pants May I suggest you take it down a notch or two
We’re not exactly sure why you’re upset Did that Seth Rogen movie make you super mad? You’d like us if you got to know us i bet We’re mostly harmless decent people, hey we’re really not so bad
My point is! Please don’t nuke us North Korea Right now we’re all a little tense Believe me! We don’t hate you Frankly we don’t even think that much about you, no offense
Now you might call us “bloodthirsty dogs” But that metaphor’s not very apt Were just a bunch of simple fidget-spinning goofy dorks Who probably couldn’t find your country on a map
No we’re not savages or cannibals Well maybe just a really really really small percent So I think it would be best if you’d knock off those missile tests Don’t turn us into cinder while we’re swiping right on Tinder Don’t jump start Armageddon or our beds will soon be wetter Won’t you think this through for a moment please Now why would you bomb our nice celebrities? Oh why in the world would you kill Tom Hanks? Cause nobody doesn’t like Tom Hanks!
So! Please don’t nuke us North Korea That would seriously ruin our day Remember! We’re not evil psychotic monsters No matter what the news may say We’re just those goofballs from the U.S.A! (Please don’t nuke us) (Please don’t nuke us) (Please don’t nuke us) Hey!
Topic: Wishing happy birthday while discussing all the worst things on the earth.
I love this song. I play it every year for my birthday and I have sent it to several people over Facebook or other social media platform.
“And a pinch to grow an inch!”
Lyrics
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
Well, it’s time to celebrate your birthday, it happens every year We’ll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer You should be good and happy that there’s something you can eat A million people every day are starving in the street
Your daddy’s in the gutter with the wretched and the poor Your mama’s in the kitchen with a can of Cycle Four There’s garbage in the water There’s poison in the sky I guess it won’t be long before we’re all gonna die
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
Well, what’s the matter little friend? You think this party is the pits? Enjoy it while you can, we’ll soon be blown to bits The monkeys in the Pentagon are gonna cook our goose Their finger’s on the button, all they need is an excuse
It doesn’t take a military genius to see We’ll all be crispy critters after World War III There’s nowhere you can run to, nowhere you can hide When they drop the big one, we all get fried Come on, boys and girls, sing along, okay?
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you (wow!)
Well, there’s a punk in the alley and he’s looking for a fight There’s an Arab on the corner buying everything in sight There’s a mother in the ghetto with another mouth to feed Seems that everywhere you look today there’s misery and greed
I guess you know the earth is gonna crash into the sun But that’s no reason why we shouldn’t have a little fun So if you think it’s scary, if it’s more than you can take Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you (wow!)
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
“Eat It” is one of the first huge hits for Weird Al. It is what truly put him on the map. Al talked about people referring to him as the “Eat It” Guy. The video is a direct parody of Michael Jackson’s video for “Beat It,” using several of the same dancers and choreography. This song won Weird Al his first Grammy for Best Comedy Recording.
Lyrics
How come you’re always such a fussy young man? Don’t want no Captain Crunch, don’t want no Raisin Bran Well, don’t you know that other kids are starving in Japan? So, eat it, just eat it
Don’t wanna argue, I don’t wanna debate Don’t wanna hear about what kind of food you hate You won’t get no dessert ’til you clean off your plate So eat it, don’t you tell me you’re full
Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it) Get yourself an egg and beat it Have some more chicken, have some more pie It doesn’t matter if it’s boiled or fried
Just eat it (eat it), just eat it (eat it) Just eat it (eat it), just eat it (eat it), ooh
Your table manners are a cryin’ shame You’re playin’ with your food, this ain’t some kind of game Now if you starve to death, you’ll just have yourself to blame So eat it, just eat it
You better listen, better do what you’re told (ooh) You haven’t even touched your tuna casserole (ooh!) You better chow down or it’s gonna get cold So eat it, I don’t care if you’re full
Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it) Open up your mouth and feed it Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam It doesn’t matter if it’s fresh or canned
Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it) Don’t you make me repeat it Have a banana, have a whole bunch It doesn’t matter what you had for lunch Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it) If it’s gettin’ cold, reheat it Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don’t like it, you can’t send it back Just eat it (eat it, hee-hee), eat it (eat it) Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh, Lord!) Have some more chicken (hee-hee), have some more pie (hee-hee) It doesn’t matter if it’s broiled or fried
Just eat it (eat it), eat it (eat it) Don’t you make me repeat it (oh, no) Have a banana (hee-hee), have a whole bunch It doesn’t matter what you had for lunch
Parody: “It’s All About the Benjamins” by Puff Daddy
Written: Sean Combs / Kimberly Jones / David Styles / Sean Jacobs / Jason Phillips / Christopher Wallace / Terry M. Etlinger / Linda Laurie / Deric Angelettie / Al Yankovic
Genre: Rap/Comedy
Topic: Computers
We enter the Top 20 of the Top 100 with one of Weird Al’s first examples of his skill in rapping.
Lyrics
It’s all about the Pentiums, baby Uhh, uh-huh, yeah Uhh, uh-huh, yeah It’s all about the Pentiums, baby It’s all about the Pentiums, baby It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) Yeah
What y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nine to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard? Workin’ at a desk with a dumb little placard? Yeah, payin’ the bills with my mad programming skills Defraggin’ my hard drive for thrills I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam Installed a T1 line in my house Always at my PC, double-clickin’ on my mizouse Upgrade my system at least twice a day I’m strictly plug-and-play, I ain’t afraid of Y2K I’m down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support It’s all about the Pentiums, what? You’ve gotta be the dumbest newbie I’ve ever seen You’ve got white-out all over your screen You think your Commodore 64 is really neato What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? You’re usin’ a 286? Don’t make me laugh Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half? You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette You’re the biggest joke on the Internet Your database is a disaster You’re waxin’ your modem, tryin’ to make it go faster Hey fella, I bet you’re still livin’ in your parents’ cellar Downloadin’ pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar And postin’ “Me too!” like some brain-dead AOL-er I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller You’re just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller
It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nine to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard?
Uh, uh, loggin’ in now Wanna run wit my crew, hah? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? They call me the king of the spreadsheets Got ’em all printed out on my bedsheets My new computer’s got the clocks, it rocks But it was obsolete before I opened the box You say you’ve had your desktop for over a week? Throw that junk away, man, it’s an antique Your laptop is a month old? Well that’s great If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight My digital media is write-protected Every file inspected, no viruses detected I beta tested every operating system Gave props to some, and others? I dissed ’em While your computer’s crashin’, mine’s multitaskin’ It does all my work without me even askin’ Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide I believe that your says “Etch-A-Sketch” on the side In a 32-bit world, you’re a 2-bit user You’ve got your own newsgroup, alt.total-loser Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax Where’d you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? Play me online? Well, you know that I’ll beat you If I ever meet you I’ll control-alt-delete you What? What? What? What? What?
It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin’ time with all the chatroom yakkers? Nive to five, chillin’ at Hewlett Packard? What?
Written: Al Yankovic / Charlie Midnight / Dan Hartman
Genre: Funk
Topic: The pain, embarrassment and physical limitations of having a hernia.
Lyrics
Ow
Help me out, dig
All I do is grunt and groan Hurts me to walk anywhere Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones He took my trousers off, told me to cough Doctor says there ain’t nothin’ to discuss He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss
Living with a hernia, ow All the time, such aggravation Living with a hernia Gonna be my ruination Living with a hernia Got to have an operation Feel so old, heh Ow Huh
Too much bad pain Good God, drives me insane Can’t run, barely crawl Got a bulge in my intestinal wall Walk real funny, bless my soul Can’t play tennis and it’s hard to bowl, woo You can’t even do the splits now (say it) Better call it quits now I’m sick of all this dancin’ anyhow
Living with a hernia, huh Hurts me bad in a tender location Living with a hernia Had enough humiliation Living with a hernia, yeah Got to have an operation
Ow I live with a hernia Can’t get up, can’t bend over Now I live with a hernia Wait a minute You may not be familiar with the common types Of hernias that you could get So just settle down, let me clue you in There’s incomplete (incomplete) Epigastric (epigastric) Bladder (bladder) Strangulated (strangulated) Lumbar hernia (lumbar hernia) Richter’s hernia (richter’s hernia) Obstructed (obstructed) Inguinal and Direct
Living with a hernia, rupture I said it’s causin’ me such irritation Living with a hernia, whoa Have to have my medication Living with a hernia I feel bad
Fact: Weird Al put a backwards secret message at the 3:40 mark that said “Satan loves Cheese Whiz”
One of my earliest favorite originals from Weird Al, Nature Trail to Hell had everything for young me. This was a hilarious song with some of the best lyrics you would find.
Lyrics
Coming this Christmas to a theater near you The most horrifying film to hit the screen There’s a homicidal maniac who finds a cub scout troop And he hacks up two or three in every scene
Please don’t reveal the secret ending to your friends Don’t spoil the big surprise You won’t believe your eyes when you see
Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap See that bloody hatchet coming right at you No, you’ll never see hideous effects like these again ‘Till we bring you “nature trail to hell part 2”
So bring the kids along, it’s good clean family fun What have you got to lose If you like the six o’clock news then you’ll love Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-nature trail to hell Take it away from the nature trail to hell There’s no escape from the nature trail to hell In 3-d 3-d
Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell Nature trail to hell In 3-d
Nature trail to hell In 3-d Nature trail to hell In 3-d Nature trail to hell In 3-d
Written: Alfred Matthew Yankovic / Jerry Allan Horton / Tobin Esperance / Dave Buckner / Jacoby Dakota Shaddix
Songs included: “Last Resort,” “Chop Suey,” “Get Free,” “Hate To Say I Told You So,” “Fell In Love With A Girl,” “Last Nite,” “Down With The Sickness,” “Renegades Of Funk,” “My Way,” “Outside,” “Bawitdaba,” “Youth Of The Nation,” and “The Real Slim Shady.”
I am not sure that I had ever heard any of these songs prior to the polka, so it is always fun when I happen to hear a lyric from a song and i think, “Hey, that’s Weird Al’s song!”
Lyrics
Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don’t give a- if I cut my arm bleeding This is my last resort
‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine Nothing’s all right, nothing is fine I’m running and a-crying
Wake up (Wake up) Grab a brush and put a little make-up Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup Why’d you leave the keys upon the table? Here you go create another fable You wanted to Grab a brush and put a little makeup You wanted to Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup You wanted to Why’d you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to I don’t think you trust In my self-righteous suicide I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die D-d-die die die die die
Hey I’m gonna get free I’m gonna get free I’m gonna get free Ride into the sun She never loved me She never loved me She never loved me Why should anyone? Come here, come here, come here I’ll take your photo for ya Come here, come here, come here Drive you around the corner Come here, come here, come here You know you really oughta Come here, come here, come here Move out to California
Do what I want ’cause I can If I don’t because I wanna Be ignored by the stiff and the bored Because I’m gonna Hate to say I told you so (all right) Do believe I told you so Now it’s all out and you knew ‘Cause I wanted to
Fell in love with a girl I fell in love at once and almost completely She’s in love with the world But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading Can’t think of anything to do Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting She’s just looking for something new Yeah, I said it once before but it bears repeating, now
Last night, she said “Oh baby, don’t you feel so down” (feel so down) “When you turn me off “When I feel left out” So I (what’d you do?) Well, I turned around (right around) “Oh, baby, gonna be alright” (gonna be alright) It was a great big lie (big old lie) ‘Cause I left that night Yeah
Ooh ah ah ah ah Ooh ah ah ah ah Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate and let it flow into me Get up Come on get down with the sickness You mother get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness Madness is the gift that has been given to me
We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk We’re the renegades of funk This time I’m’a let it all come out This time I’m’a stand up and shout I’m a do things my way It’s my way My way or the highway This time I’m’a let it all come out This time I’m’a stand up and shout I’m a do things my way It’s my way Or the highway
But I’m on the outside I’m looking in I can see through you See your true colors ‘Cause inside you’re ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you
Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are, we are The youth of the nation
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are the youth of the nation Hey
I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up
I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won’t the real Slim Shady please Please, please stand up
Slim Shady won’t you please stand up? (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) Shady, won’t you please stand up? Hey
Written: Martin Karl Sandberg / Andreas Michael Carlsson / Al Yankovic
Style: Pop/Comedy
Topic: an obsessive shopper and the online website, eBay.
The song ends with several “EEEEE”s after the ending of the official lyrics. It is a very funny bit and the parody hits too close to home as I do love me some eBay.
Lyrics
Yeah
A used pink bathrobe A rare mint snow globe A Smurf TV tray I bought on eBay
My house is filled with this crap Shows up in bubble wrap Most every day What I bought on eBay
Tell me why I need another pet rock Tell me why I got that elf alarm clock Tell me why I bid on Shatner’s old toupee They had it on eBay
I’ll buy your knick-knack Just check my feedback A plus-plus, they all say They love me on eBay
Gonna buy a slightly damaged golf bag Gonna buy some beanie babies, new with tag From some guy I’ve never met in Norway Found him on Ebay
I am the type who is liable to snipe you With two seconds left to go, whoa Got PayPal or Visa, whatever’ll please ya As long as I’ve got the dough
I’ll buy your Tchotchkes Sell me your watch, please I’ll buy (I’ll buy, I’ll buy, I’ll buy) I’m highest bidder
Junk keeps arriving in the mail (now, yeah) From that worldwide garage sale (Dukes of Hazard ashtray) Hey, a Dukes of Hazard ashtray (oh, yeah) I bought it on eBay
Wanna buy a Pac-Man Fever lunchbox Wanna buy a case of Vintage tube socks Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre (used by Dr. Dre) Found it on eBay
Wanna buy that Farrah Fawcet poster Pez dispensers and a toaster Don’t know why The kind of stuff you’d throw away (away I throw) I’ll buy on eBay
This turned out to be Weird Al’s video directing debut.
Lyrics
It’s Christmas at ground zero There’s music in the air The sleigh bells are ringing, and the carolers are singing While the air-raid sirens blare
It’s Christmas at ground zero The button has been pressed The radio just let us know That this is not a test
Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping It’s the end of all humanity No more time for last-minute shopping It’s time to face your final destiny
It’s Christmas at ground zero There’s panic in the crowd We can dodge debris while we trim the tree Underneath the mushroom cloud
You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop Or Jack Frost on your windowsill But if someone’s climbing down your chimney You better load your gun and shoot to kill
Oh, it’s Christmas at ground zero And if the radiation level’s okay I’ll go out with you and see all the new Mutations on New Year’s Day
It’s Christmas at ground zero Just seconds left to go I’ll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover Underneath the mistletoe
It’s Christmas at ground zero Now the missiles are on their way What a crazy fluke, we’re gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday What a crazy fluke, we’re gonna get nuked On this jolly holiday
